


Blood is Thick than Water

by LadyCourtesy, Paradigm of a Paradox (LadyCourtesy)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dubcon Just in case, Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Family, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Novel, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:16:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 88,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1511894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCourtesy/pseuds/LadyCourtesy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCourtesy/pseuds/Paradigm%20of%20a%20Paradox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I'm in love with my own brother...' Thinking it sent a cold knot to the center of Alphones already tense stomach. '...and I don't know what to do about it.' It wasn't a platonic sort of love, and it was entirely unhealthy to even imagine the types of things Alphonse thought about Edward but he couldn't help it. These sorts of emotions were new to him. </p><p>A story of forbidden lust. A love that should have never come to pass.</p><p>(Actively being edited for grammar and Typos. Please bare with me. Thank you for understanding. )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A/N On The Universe: Okay this is kind of following cannon from the movie verse Conqueror of Shamballa. Where Ed and Alphonse are stuck in OUR world (Parallel world of earth) but instead of them being stuck in 1923, its 2013. AND they are in America, not Germany.

The first rays of the sun were peeking over the tree tops; rich oranges and ambers decedent upon the depths of the fading black nigh time skyline. Deep shades of reds and pinks collided with colors of the coldest blues and blacks, leaving a beautiful display of purples and violets bursting through the heavens above. Lingering stars twinkled dimly and were fading fast with the sun rising brighter in the sky.

It had been one of those warm clear peaceful -chilly- autumn nights with the stars and moon full and round, shimmering beautifully high above.

You could still hear the grasshoppers chirping their sorrowful tune as the night faded into twilight with the morning fog hugging everything it could reach.

Groaning to himself, Alphonse rakes his filthy, grime-ridden hand through his long loose blond hair. With a bored shrug and a sigh, the blond wipes his hand off onto his already filthy black sleep pants.

' _I wish I brought a water bottle up with me…'_ He vaguely thinks with a twinge of disappointment before dragging the back of his hand over his chapped lips, his mouth clicking from lack of moisture.

He's been up here for too long. Letting another sigh out, he wipes his grimy hand over his tired face, ' _and a pair of sun glasses,'_ He muses distracted by the sun. It's becoming brighter by the minute. The sun was almost up over the trees and it was already getting chillier up here on his perch. Al closes his burning eyes and sighs, knowing he needs to sleep, but his mind refuses to shut down -or let go-.

The previous night it had been around 2:30 am before he'd given up on tossing and turning in his twin bed and silently made his way outside to climb onto the roof of the garage. It's only place that often offered solace from the outside world, ' _even though it was a killer on your back for long periods'_. Up on its height Alphonse could truly relax and unwind, the place always manages to calm his chaotic racing thoughts. Looking down at his dirty hands, Al's insides twist with self-contempt. His most inner, personal thoughts stabbing guilt and remorse through his stomach.

' _I_ ' _m in_ ** _love_** _with my own brother...'_

Thinking it sent a cold knot to the center of the young man's already tense stomach. ' _...and I don't know what to do about it.'_

It wasn't a platonic sort of love, and it's entirely unhealthy to even imagine the types of things Alphonse thought about his brother but he couldn't help it. He couldn't wrap his brain at how such innocent touches and remarks from his brother could turn into such dirty things... Feelings, desire, lust, the want of sex... even the urge of needing his brother near him, has soured into sexual depravity.

A deep groan fell from Alphonse chapped lips as he presses the heels of his palms into his eyes sockets. Something simple had now turned into something carnal and disgusting… Al tries, time and time again, not to think of how Edward's perfect body feels pressing up along-side his as they hug occasionally. Or the older males scent, or how the older blonde's lips would feel, a wet pressed to his cheeks when Edward showed him affection of that kind.

It's all suppose to be simple brotherly love, but Alphonse has twisted those emotions into something he could hardly understand.

He was a 21 year old male; yes he understood the fundamentals of feeling lust and desire for another person. That is not what's confusing him. It's the passion for feeling this way towards a family member. The only family the younger man could ever remember having.

Another deep sigh falls from dry lips, Alphonse dirty hands dropping away from his tired face thoughtlessly. He hates the culpable feeling of dread gnawing at the center of his being.

It has been seven years since Alphonse has had his body returned. Seven years, of relearning how to deal with the complex emotions of being a flesh and blood person. Having been trapped for so long within the cold lifeless metal armor, it has all been a continuous strain on the younger blonde. He'd missed a key point in a young man's life, being locked away inside the armor.

-Puberty.-

 _'Something must have had gone wrong in the processes of my human transmutation …'_ A single thought, deliberated a thousand times over but Alphonse has never come to a conclusion. It would mean placing blame on his brother, and how could Al, when all Edward ever wanted to do was find a way to return their bodies back to normal.

"--how could I be  **normal**  when I…." Alphonse spoke aloud, still looking down at his soot covered hands.  _'Hands Edward gave me.'_ The thought caught in Al's throat making it hard for him to breathe without a pain rising in his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut at the feeling of burning along his lashes. Alphonse's hands find his long dirty blonde locks shrouding his shoulders as his head tipped to his chest…

"What's wrong with me?!" Al exclaims loudly his hands falling away from his hair viciously. His voice carries across the quite morning plain of glass, over towards where the trees hugs the parking lot. A couple of birds flew away at the abrupt break of silence.

The blond lays backwards, a sigh falling from chapped lips. His spine groaning on the way down from sitting hunched over for far too long. One arm is tucked under his head, and the other held high above his face as he reaches for the blue sky. Al is close enough to the roofs edge to leisurely let his bare foot hang over the lip. His other leg is propped up on the edge, his tired knee swaying slightly with the gust of winds, every now and then.

 _'It was the dream which stirred this emotion up…'_ Alphonse thinks watching the blue of the sky poking through his fingers held high above in the air. His heart accelerating at the thought of the dream. The imagery makes Al want to curl in on himself. His stomach feeling tight and uncomfortable at his line of thinking... He feels like he could cry at any moment. His pale lashes burning, his throat sticking together every time he swallows. With a depressing sigh, Alphonse drops his hand held in the air down to cup his forehead.

 _'One minute l had been lying in bed, trying to resist the urge to grip my...'_ Al feels his breath catch in his throat.  _'...grip my..._ ' He tightens his hand resting on his forehead into a tight ball of frustration. His eyes squeeze even tighter in embarrassment. Alphonse face gone hot from his thoughts, ' _grip my erection through my sleep pants and jerk myself off to the thoughts of brother...'_

Shivers spiraled down Alphonse body at the memory of the intensely vivid dream. His center cold, despite of the morning heat bearing down upon his body.

The sun was quite high in the sky now as it shines into his hazel eyes. Alphonse holds his hand up to the sun again, but even with a hand shielding his squinting eyes it was too high and bright in the sky now.

' _Who knew what time it was? If I had to guess I would've said around 9:30…'_

Alphonse lays there, the sun beating down upon his wilting frame. He feels his heart shatter into shards, and the jagged fragments lying scattered in his tense stomach causing it to contort, sending bitter bile to lay heavy in his throat.

It's all too much— he couldn't handle the burning he is feeling in his soul.

Alphonse knows Edward is rousing soon. A culpable amount of worry and guilt piles onto the already immense weight sitting on Al's shoulders.

He knows he's about to be forced to encounter his brother again- it was inevitable- they live within together. Alphonse also knows he is going have to continue the facade he has come up with to live a normal life; a mask he hates to wear, especially with his brother.  _'I'm supposed to be able to tell brother anything…'_ but how could he? When the very problem Alphonse has is his romantic feelings towards his sibling?

A deep groan falls from the boy's mouth, "I am so fucked up…" Alphonse drops his arms to either side of his head, as he stares up to the blue, endless sky. "At least I don't believe in heaven…" ' _Because if it was real, I definitely wouldn't be going…'_ Alphonse thinks with a ghost of a smile tugging at his mouth. ' _There's a positive to think about…'_

Wriggling his numb toes, he feels a warm fuzzy tingling in his dangling foot. Alphonse's eyes start to burn with weariness, watery tears escaping over the brim of blond lashes. He rubs at them mindlessly with his right hand, before dropping it back down the dirty roof.

Before he even realizes, Alphonse is drifting off staring at the blue morning sky. His chaotic mind finally resting for the briefest of moments.

That is until two hands –one entirely cold and the other a warm press- grabs Al's numb ankle which still hangs limply over the edge of the garage's lip.

Letting out a startled ' _yelp'_ Al bolts straight up, ready to kick at whoever is grabbing his bare ankle. Well, until a familiar tone drifts up from the ground below and it freezes him mid-action.

"Alphonse, what the hell?" Edward stands below Alphonse with his trademark scowl on his face, his words spoken harshly.

"Oh, Sorry brother… I just thought…" Al says briefly before being rudely interrupted by his perturbed older brother.

"What the hell are you doing up there anyways?"

The older blond hands found purchase on his narrow hips as he speaks upwards. "You better not have been asleep up there again…"

"I didn't…" Al chirps quickly over the edge, before shaking his head, "I mean— I wasn't sleeping..."

Edward's golden eyes stars upwards intensely towards the boy perched on the roof.

"Good…" he said with tightness in his words. "Now, will you get down from up there? Before you break your neck or something…"

Alphonse tentatively watches his brother's arm fall away from his hips as Ed slips his hands into his back pockets.

Al is once again glad he didn't believe in heaven or hell because he is sure if he did, he would be on his way to an eternity of misery with the inappropriate thoughts of his brother racing through his mind.

With Edward's hands in the back pockets of his black jeans, Ed squints up towards Al through the angry glare of the sun bleeding on his handsome face. Alphonse realizes, Ed is freshly showered— the younger man could tell by his brother's still wet blond locks, the dampness turning them a darker mousy shade of blond, not at all like his usual sun bleached hair. His wet hair is bound back in a typical Edward plait braid, his cheeks still a nice rosy pink from the shower.

 Glancing down at his brother, Alphonse is taken back by the sheer magnitude of him.

Edward really was ruggedly beautiful; blond hair fell to mid shoulder blade, a strong masculine face, and sharply defined cheek bones, coupled with a perfectly shaped nose, and full luscious pink kissable lips. His wide broad chest told you he worked out even with his tight black t-shirt on. One arm, made up of debasing cold metal –a sacrifice made to save my life- and the other is perfect warm living flesh.

Alphonse allowed his gaze to travel down to Ed's tight black faded jeans. He finished his look off with a pair of heavy combat boots left unlaced.

Edward is nothing but male. ' _He's really grown up a lot since we were kids.'_ The way Ed talked, the way Ed walked, how he holds himself. Masculinity flows off him in waves.

He is the main reason Alphonse is up here on the uncomfortable roof top. Edward plagues his every waking moments ' _apparently my sleeping ones too'._  It has been impossible for Al to find peace after last night's disturbance, and if the previous night is any indication –and it is- Edward's sinful mouth is all Alphonse could dream about, think about…

A sigh fell from chapped lips, ' _Edward is just too beautiful for his own good…'_ A bitter laugh bubbling over the brim of Al's mouth at that thought, ' _Better yet, for my own good.'_

"…Earth to Al, you in there, little brother?" Ed reaches up again to touch the bottom of Alphonse bare foot, and even though his legs are practically numb from the waist down, the spot where Edward touched the younger blond is still tingling when Ed pulls his hand way, shoving it back into his front pocket.

Dragging his leg back up and bringing them both to his chest, Alphonse casually crosses his arms over the fronts of them before briskly nods his head and turning his face away from his brother's keen eyes.

Al could hear a sigh fall from the man standing below him. "Al, maybe you should come down. It's almost eleven, you should eat something. You're not looking so hot."

 _' Eleven!!'_ Al thinks with an expletive falling from the his mouth before he could think better of it.

Al hears his brother's sharp, "hey, watch your mouth," but he choose to ignore him. ' _My afternoon class is starting soon; I'm going to be late…'_ Al thinks, scooting backwards to stand on numb legs. Which turns out to be a bad idea, his knees almost buckling from underneath him. Al swears under his breath and steady himself before trying to move again.  This time walking at a much slower pace, he makes his way towards the ladder on the other side of the flat roof top.

Looking down, the world dipped slightly on the edges of Alphonse's vision. The lack of sleep finally catching up to the younger man.

Wiping a hand over his face, Al takes a deep, steadying breath before looking down again. Turning around, he started the voyage down the rickety ladder.

And right when the young man thinks he's made it down alive and safe his numb feet decided unexpectedly to stop working. Down Alphonse plunge, backside first, arms flailing like a lunatic, tensing with the thought of hitting the floor.  Al lands on Edward with an 'oomph' sound, his back firmly pressing against Ed's broad chest, his hands gripping Alphonse thinner biceps. Apparently, Ed walked around the side of the garage without his brother noticing— this is when Alphonse realizes he is probably more exhausted than he'd previously thought.

"Whoa, Al. You alright?" Edward questions in a voice dripping with honey to the younger blond's hazy mind— all smooth and rich, he could feel every vibration from Ed's chest as he speaks. Al's whole torso is leaning against Edwards body. His backside tightly pressed against his brother's groin— so close Alphonse could feel the seam of the zipper through the thin material of his tight black sleep pants as it digs into his behind.

Knowing Edward wouldn't care –or think any lesser of him-, Al leans his tired head back against Ed's broad shoulder, turning his nose into the warmth of the skin he finds there, breathing in his brother unique scent. ' _It was purely Brother_.' Nothing in the world could compare to the scent of Edward's skin— it's intoxicating; the scent of sandalwood, sweat, metal and a light twinge of motor oil. His skin so warm to Alphonse's chilled cheek; he pushes himself further into Ed's blissful heat. Only realizing how cold he truly is.

"Alphonse you're fucking freezing!" Ed exclaims roughly next to the boy's ear. His hands tightening on his younger brother's thin biceps, pulling Al off his chest, turning the small male around to look at him. "How long have you been out here?"

A shiver from the cold wind nips Alphonse's thin frame, making him shudder from the lost warmth of Edward's warm -welcoming- body.

"Only a short while…" Al starts before another set of chills quake through his system, making him an obvious liar to his brother's knowing golden gaze. _'Brother knows I've been out here longer than I had said.'_ Alphonse bites his bottom lip nervously.

Edwards's intense eyes looks his younger brother up and down. The coldness of Ed's metal hand on Alphonse bare bicep prickles his skin. Flesh bumps sprouting in its wake. The older of the two realizes and draws Alphonse closer to the warmth of his body. His cold mechanical hand slips over Al's clothed back as if not to make his younger brother any colder.

Ed wouldn't let it go though, "Holy hell, Alphonse, you're going to catch a cold sitting out here in next to nothing…"

Al has stopped listening as his older brother draws him into the circle of heat. The older blond's cheek brushed against the younger's face, ' _he hadn't shaved…'_ Alphonse thinks, sinking into his brother's hug; Edward's scruffy stubble told him this. It left a fiery trail where it scraps against Al's smooth skin, in fact it felt like his whole body was ablaze as he melts into the warmth of his older brother's chest. Not caring –just for this moment- he is supposed to be pretending that they were just brothers. Instead, Al allowed himself to imagine his brother's hug was something much more intimate. A lover's touch…

The fantasy doesn't last long as Edward pulls away from the hug. The warmth of his arms dropping away from Al's trembling body and is replaced with a worried tone.

"Alphonse… you alright?"

Al can feel his whole body go rigid with the question. He would laugh at the irony in his brother query, if he didn't feel like he is about to shatter into a thousand pieces any moment. ' _Of course brother would worry, doesn't he always…'_

"I'm fine," Al tries to say  with a smile on his face, but he knows it falls short of meeting his eyes.

"Alphonse," Ed speaks in his I'm-your-older-brother-voice. Alphonse holds his gaze, and repeats that he is fine. Edward doesn't believe him. The younger blond can see the firm set of his brother's lips, but for some unknown reason, Ed lets it go.

Edward brings his flesh hand to ruffle Alphonse's hair affectionately as he speaks with a subtle smile curling his lips. "I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Alphonse feels his stomach contort at the loving scuffle of his hair, something Edward has always done to him. But only recently has the touch left him craving for more.

"I know that brother." The sadness is making its way back into Al's voice at the word 'brother.' Biting the inside of his cheeks before he could say something stupid. Alphonse turns on the balls of his bare feet, trying to make a clean break for the apartment building. He calls over his shoulder about him being late for class and disappears into the building without a backward glance.

 


	2. A Deadly Sin

As it turns out, Alphonse is only five minutes late for his class. No one – seemingly - notices him slipping in towards the back. The professor is already in the center of the room lecturing the students.

Al is in his third year of his prerequisite at Purdue. Meaning he is moving through the final steps of finishing up the required courses to get into the Clinical Laboratory program with an affiliated hospital.

In general, acceptance is based on your academic performances, biographical information, letters of recommendation, motivation, aptitude, work experience, and your performance during admission interviews.

Honestly, Alphonse needs a perfect attendance and an even better work ethic to attempt at getting into his ideal courses for his best chance at actually getting a job as a Laboratory Scientist.

 _'That is if I can balance exams and the rest of everything else I have to do.'_  Alphonse thought with an idle sigh falling from him.

There is a slight safety net to catch him, though.

When a student wasn't accepted into the hospital courses at the end of their junior year, they may be able to complete a bachelor's degree with a different major, but that wasn't what Alphonse wanted out of his life.

He wanted to be working in the Laboratory helping to create new medication to help the general population.

 _'I have to make sure I don't miss any more of my classes…'_ Alphonse thinks getting his blue note book from his bag at his feet. Soundlessly, he starts to obverse what the Professor is talking about, as well as jotting down notes from the large white board behind him.

The class went on like Alphonse hadn't missed half of the lecture…

* * *

It isn't until later, when Alphonse is lounging on the grass in the middle of the open field where all the other students are talking and socializing around him. That he realizes in his quiet resolve, that it has been almost exactly seven years to the date that he has received his body back from beyond the Gate.

His fingers play idly through the shards of emerald grass. The waxy, itchy feeling of the blades touching his skin never stops to amaze him. Or how the chilly autumn winds nipping along the base of his neck, could revive goose bumps along his exposed flesh. Things most humans would take advantage of Alphonse would never dare.

A smile of a memory traces the blond's mouth. A reminiscence of a home, another world to which he could never return too. Al understood he made the final decision of following his brother through the portal. ' _How could I not have? I love my brother.'_ At that point in Alphonse's life he'd just gotten back **all**  his memory, and he couldn't think of spending another minute apart from Edward. They'd already spent too much apart. ' _So much wasted time searching for Brother.'_

Alphonse feels that dull ache stirring in the pit of his stomach as his thoughts stray towards Edward.

Subconsciously, Al rips a chunk of grass out of the ground. The brown muddy dirt and roots are still attached, a worm wiggles through the clot of unearthed soil. Frowning, the blonde presses the clump back down into the hole.

"You know, that's desecration of school ground…"

The sound of an amused voice startles the blond as he whips his head around to see who's speaking.

A blond man stands behind Alphonse, watching him with bright green eyes.

He has a satchel on, which probably means he attends the school as well. The white shirt he is wearing only makes the mint in his eyes stand out, Al notices without really observing. He is tall, with hair that blows slightly into his sharp eyes. The man was smiling on the verge of a grin, a near invisible dimple clinging to his cheek as he did so.

Alphonse gulps soundlessly, "I-I- didn't mean too." He lamely admitted.

The man's smile grows ever larger, till his other cheek matched the depth of his dimples on both sides. "I was only kidding…

"Reese … Reese Goddard…"

Alphonse stares at the tall blond standing before him, a funny twisty feeling echoing through his stomach.

"Al-Alphonse Elric…" Al manages to say looking upwards with a friendly smile of his own.

There is a pregnant pause where both men keep eyes on each other…

Reese broke the silence first, "I couldn't help but oversee you coming into class late." His hand traces the strap of his satchels with his thumb as he speaks, Al follows the subtle movement before his eyes snap back up towards Reese's open face.

"I-I-uh… you saw that?"

"I think about the whole class did… or at least the side I was sitting on." Reese laughs lightly as he sits down next to Alphonse on the grass without being invited.

The first trails of a blush makes its way onto the apples of Al's cheeks, "Was I really that noticeable?"

The other blond leans backwards making himself comfortable, his long legs stretched out before him with his elbows grazing Alphonse's hip. Alphonse sits up a little straighter, his spine going stiff at Reese's casual touch.

 _'I don't even think he realizes he's doing it…'_ Al thinks leaning more to his left side. He isn't trying to be rude, just trying to distant himself from an unwonted graze of a stranger.

Even after all the years of having his human body back, Alphonse still not comfortable with being touched by someone he didn't know.

"…the professor didn't notice and that's all that really matters." Reese speaks with smiling eyes. "Well anyways, I came over here to ask if you were in need of my notes to copy."

Alphonse's breath catches in his throat, he'd really thought Reese had been about to say something entirely different… He let out a breath of relief, and quickly nods his head dumbly.

"T-that would be great. Thanks." Al actually means the words, he really is grateful. There's just something off about this encounter. ' _It is so terribly random…'_

"Don't mention it," Reese smiles reaching over into his grey satchel to snatch the notes out of his binder.

Alphonse observes him as he does, and with his head tilted down as he dug through his sack with a frown befalling his brow, Alphonse realizes with an insouciant ease,  _Reese sort of looked like Brother.._.

The longer Al watches Reese, the more he began to actually look like Edward. A green queasy feeling over took the sudden volley of heat rushing through Alphonse's system.

"Here it is," Reese exclaims, and Al drops his guilty eyes to the green grass next to his knees.

"I-I-I need to go…" Alphonse abruptly stands and starts walking away. All thoughts of the borrowed notes flying from his mind.

_'How could I be attracted to a person merely because they look like Brother…? I'm sick… sick… sick…'_

A hot hand on his shoulder stops Alphonse from his line of thinking… He nearly jumps out of his skin as he turns around.

"Alphonse…" Reese speaks slightly out of breath. The white paper clutched in his other hand. He takes a deep breath before trying to speak again, "you forgot this, in your hurry to get away from me."

Reese smiles, handing Alphonse the white paper. Al blinks down towards it.

"Oh, I-I—"Al takes the paper, a feeling of embarrassment rushing over his face. "Thank you." He whispers with eyes facing the ground, his cheeks and ears growing redder by the minute. "I-I-I really must go."

Alphonse turns to leave, but a hand on his wrist stops him again.

"I have to say, I should feel offended…" Reese says with a smirk still lingering on his lips. Alphonse shuffles from foot-to-foot under the sharp gaze, his thin wrist still in the grasp of Reese's longer fingers.

"I don't understand…" Al speaks in a timid voice, his yellow-hazel eyes raising from his wrist to Reese's face.

The other boy's smirk grows into a dimple smile, "I was going to ask if you wanted to get a coffee or something, but you ran away before I could."

That hot feeling hurtles back into Al's gut, but burning brighter and stronger this time. The sharp angles of Reese face look so much like Edwards, his hair is shorter, his eyes thinner and the wrong color but in the right perspectives he appears to be Edward. This is something Alphonse couldn't disagree on. It flips his stomach and made hope rise in his heart. "I-I…" Al's tongue trips in his mouth.

A look of understanding flashes in Reese's green eyes before he let go of Alphonse's wrist.

"Tell you what…" A pen appears out of thin air and Reese scribbles a phone number onto the palm of Al's clammy hand. "…call me if you change your mind." And with that, Reese turns and walks back the way he'd come from, leaving Alphonse standing in the quad with a sickening retaliation coursing through his mind as he stares down at his palm.

With a heavy tired sigh, Alphonse turns and starts on his way home. The feeling of guilt rising higher and higher with every step he takes.

It was about mid-afternoon by the time Alphonse steps through the front door. Edward wasn't home from work yet, which was a blessing in itself; Alphonse didn't want to face him just yet. Taking off his blue pull-over and kicking off his sneakers by the front entry way, Alphonse heads into the back of the house.

Dropping his backpack next to his desk, Alphonse makes his way over to his bed. His cheeks still burning from the memories of what has happened at the university. Reese's sharp green eyes flash inside his mind making him flop face first into his mattress with a groan. Groaning again into the scratchy fabric, Alphonse rolls over onto his back starring at the white arches of the ceiling overhead.

 _'Wasn't it good I found someone else attractive?'_ Alphonse asks himself. He is beginning to wonder if something is mentally wrong with him. Having these sorts of feelings for a sibling isn't considered 'normal behavior,' Al knew this… He knew it is considered taboo. He comprehended it to the fullest meaning of the word. Sadly, it didn't stop the fact that he is suffering through all these confusing emotions. And alone at that.

Al couldn't tell you when he'd experienced the first trails of wanting for his brother.

He'd raked his memory, time and time again, trying to remember if he'd ever felt this way for Edward when he'd been locked away inside the suit of armor. Emotion he couldn't decipher back then because he had no body to experience them through.

Looking backwards, he could not find a single memory or fleeting desire for his brother back then.

Something has changed in him. A piece of his soul, tarnished and fragmented in the process of human transmutation. It was the only explanation Alphonse could come up with.

A groan ripples through the air, and Alphonse grinds the hilt of his palms into his eyes. Trying to erase the thoughts making their way through his mind.

"Why couldn't I be normal…?" Al complains out-loud, his hands falling from his eyes to the pillow under his head.

He must have nodded off because he woke on his side with someone quietly saying his name in a dark room.

"Alphonse…"

A warm hand touches his cheek as his name was whispered again a little louder. A hazy fog hangs over Alphonse as he awakes. The hand touching his face moves down over the span of his neck till finger tickle the fine hairs at the base. Al's skin breaks out in goose-bumps at the touch and a sleepy moan slips past his dry lips.

"Al, come on buddy. Time to get up."

The hand cupping his neck, moves back upwards as it glides over stray strand hair escaping the grasp of Al's skewed braid. The warmth of the fingers moves away from his face, and Alphonse peals his heavy eyes open.

Edward sits on the edge of Al's bed with a content lop sided smile on his mouth. The light from the hall bleeds into the room from the open door; making it easier to see.

"Good morning, sunshine." Edward drawls sarcastically.

Alphonse finds himself returning his brother's smile with a lazy crook of his mouth, "morning—" He murmurs as he stretched his arms above his head. "…What time is it?"

Edward's yellow eyes rake over Alphonse's prone body, before he turns his head and stands as he answered. "It's around 6:30… pull your shirt down. You'll catch a cold."

Alphonse sits up with a groan as the fabric falls back into place. "Oh, sorry…"

Edward makes a humming sound in his chest as he moves towards the bedroom door.

"I brought home dinner from the diner." He speaks over his shoulder before going out the door and down the hallway.

Alphonse sits numbly on the side of his bed, watching where Ed has disappeared. With a heavy sigh, Al drops his chin towards his chest.

The bright blue ink on his palm catches his eyes, he turns his hand over and looks right at the phone number scrawled across his skin. A feeling of dread creeps into his stomach. For some unknown reason Alphonse felt like he is betraying his brother. (Which in itself was stupid because he hasn't even told Edward about his feelings, let alone were they in some sort of arrangement or relationship. They were brother, platonic brothers.)

_'So why does it feel like I was cheating on brother?'_

Alphonse wipes his clammy hand across his jeans, hoping the number would rub off. But when his palm came back still marred with the bright blue ink, Al knew he needed to wash it off with soap and water.

Getting up, he makes his way down the hallway where the smell of food was wafting in from. It grips his stomach and a loud rumble ensued shortly after. Al realized how hungry he is. Turning the corner into the dining area, Edward stands by the table sorting the food out of the Styrofoam containers and onto plates for the both of them.

He looked up as the younger blond enters the room.

"I got you a burger and fries, I hope that's alright with you." Ed licks at his flesh thumb as he speaks.

A flap of butterflies brush up against Al's stomach as he watches Edward's tongue dart out and then back in his mouth. A hot-nauseating feeling surges through his chest soon then thereafter, and he wills himself not to start blushing. There is no reason for it.  _Edward is my brother, and that's all…_  Alphonse firmly reminds himself.

"Yes, that's fine. Thank you, brother." Alphonse utters trying to sound like his happy easy self, but Ed is too smart for that. He could tell something is astray. Ed appears as though he wants to say something, but decides against it and looks back down towards the plates before him.

Hyper-aware of Edward's presence by the table, Al moves towards the kitchen, his sock feet muting his steps on the hardwood floor. He flicks the lights on and walks towards the sink with fast quick steps.

"Al, could you grab two cups and a bottle of soda out of the fridge when you come back in here?" Edward question from the other room.

"O-okay." Al answers back shakily pressing the flats of his palms against the edge of the sink, trying to calm himself down. Alphonse felt his heart lurching in his throat, his stomach twisting and turning with the guilt at having to pretend that he was himself around Ed.  _It shouldn't be like this…_  Al thought rapidly spinning the idea while squeezing his eyes shut.  _I should be normal— I want to be normal. 'Sick, sick…sick…'_

He was suddenly not hungry any longer, the sharp sour ripening of nausea saw to it. The idea of food has turn into something unappetizing. Alphonse grips on the sink tightens, the pads of his fingers turning white from the strain.

Al has boarded a metaphorical carousel ride full of guilt, confusion and disgust; it spun him around and around; over and over, to the point of hurling.

"Alphonse…"Edward voice and a hand on his shoulder startles him out of his thoughts.

_'I hadn't even heard him entering into the kitchen.'_

This is when Al knew he needs to get his emotion in check. Otherwise his brother was going to start asking question ' _if he wasn't already going too_.'

Al couldn't have Edward asking questions, Ed wasn't an idiot. He's - fucking - a genius. He'd figure it out sooner than later. The younger blond knows it's only a matter of time before his secret would be out and the hard knot of guilt, remorse and disgust burrows deeper into his chest.

"Al, you aright?"

Alphonse barely smothers the condescending snort rising in his chest.

He quickly let go of the counters edge and flips the water facet on and precedes to wash his hands.

Alphonse says as much, speaking over his shoulder hoping the tension he's feeling isn't bleeding over into his voice.

It must have shown.

The hand on Al's shoulder gives a light comforting squeeze before releasing, and Ed steps away. The tension in the smaller male's spine is building and only let up a little at his brother's withdrawal.

"Well, I'm here… If you need me." Ed reminds gathering two cups out of the cupboard next to the sink.

Somehow, and from somewhere deep inside Alphonse, he manages to fake a halfway believable smile.

"I know that, Brother." And oh, how well he knows. Edward would do anything for his younger brother, even giving up his own life just to bring Al's soul back into the flesh and blood of humanity.

Alphonse pulls his hands out of the water and turns his palm over, the bright blue phone number merely has faded at his scrubbing. He frowns down at it. ' _What sort of pen had Reese used?'_ Alphonse ponders perturbed.

"What you' staring at?"

Alphonse whips around at his brother's voice being so close, so casual in his query. Al's hand slips behind his lower back, like it it's something shameful to conceal.

Effervescent golden eyes stare back, concern and curiosity filled to the brim aimed directly towards him. Al  suddenly found it hard to breathe, his words sticking in his throat.

"I-I-I, it's ahhh… I mean…" The blush already riding the peaks of his cheeks. His fist clenches closed behind his back, like that is going to keep it from Edward's eyes.

In reality it's a stupid mistake hiding it at all. It only peaks Ed's natural inquisitiveness.

"Let me see…"

"No!"

"Alphonse…" Ed bites back in his 'I'm-Your-Older-Brother-Don't-Give-Me-Any-Of-Your-Crap' tone while giving Al his signature scowl.

Alphonse merely shakes his head in the universal motion meaning no, and grips his fist tighter. His blush working its way to the top of his ears.

Edward takes it as a challenge and takes a step into his younger brother's personal space. Reaching around Al, he tries to grasp the other's wrist but his younger brother slips out of reach and escapes out the door.

"This is ridiculous, just show me." Edward yells trailing after Alphonse into the living room.

"I said no."

"Why not?" Edward questions, catching Al by the elbow in the hallway.

The other man quickly yanks his arm out of the hold and turns to stare at his brother. "Let go of me…"

"Then show me, it."

"It's nothing…"

Edward steps back into Alphonse space, "If it's nothing, then show me."

The feeling of dread was creeps up Al's spine, the anxiety of his situation, the proximity of Edward, it was all adding up to being too much.

Realizing abruptly his back is pinned to the wall in the hallway. Alphonse knew this situation is getting out hand. He knows Edward isn't going to stop until he finds out what Al is keeping from him.' _Why am I keeping it from him in the first place,'_  Alphonse question himself.

They stand there locked in a perpetual stare off. It leaves the younger of the two shrinking into himself as his brother's yellow eyes stare him down. Continually Ed stands in Alphonse's path, watching him how a cat watches the mouse.

He is waiting for Al to make the first move.

And Al did, with a sigh of defeat he uncurls his fist behind his back and brings it into the line of sight. The smudge navy-blue letters of a name and phone number stands out against the paleness of his palm.

**Reese, Call me.**

**(209)747-0142.**

"Who the hell is Reese … And why are you supposed to call him?"

Edward's voice has gone from a playful tease, to a harsh bite in a matter of seconds. It leaves Alphonse's head spinning in the opposite direction.

A sharp feeling of betrayal flashes through the younger of the two, he knows his eyes have gone cold as he rips them away from his brother's. Alphonse turns his body sideways, his sock feet turning him easily on the hardwood flooring. Al thinks he made a clean break away, until he feels the cold grasp of a metal hand on his bicep again.

He is pushed not so gently back up against the same wall. Edward's beautiful face staring vividly heated trails. His yellow eyes rips through Al's soul, leaving him naked, broken, and all but laying exposed shivering in front of his older brother.

"What?" Alphonse hisses through clenched teeth uncharacteristically as he falls back into a pseudo corner.

Shaking his arm, Al tries again to escape. Ed's already firm clutch on the younger blond's tightens at his attempts of freedom.

"What do you want from me?" Al's voice grows weary… his eyes closes and he gives up trying to fight his brother's unbreakable hold over him, ' _mentally and physically.'_

"Who's Reese, Alphonse?"

Alphonse feels his heart drop down into his stomach as he takes in Edward's anger shining brightly in his heated gaze. Al's brain looks for a way out of this mess, but he knows there is no going back. So Alphonse take a deep breath and admits the truth…

"He's just a guy I met at the university today…"

There is a hardness to Edward's eyes, his grip tightens marginally before letting go all together. A mask of indifference sliding into place.

Alphonse instincts tells him to rub at his sore arm, but he doesn't. Instead he stands with his back to the wall and holds his chin higher than it should be. His stomach rolls with uncertainty.

' _Why was he so angry?'_ Edward has gone from being playful to be dead serious back to no emotion at all. It's quick, it happens rapidly before the younger blonds eyes. They stand there staring at one another. Alphonse dumbfounded, wondering where Edwards' anger is stemming from. It doesn't make a lick of sense.

"B-brother I don't understand..." he question blinking rapidly through burning eyes.

Edward turns and sighs heavily, before walking back towards the dining room without so much as an answer.

Now Alphonse is really confused.

He could feel his heart beating in his chest, could feel the sensation of his lungs not wanting to take a deep breath in. He is drowning, head underwater, he is drowning from the lack of knowledge… Alphonse knows he is missing something here, something huge, life changing even. He just couldn't lay his finger on it.

"Edward. Wait." The younger blond calls without really thinking of the consequences.

The other male pauses, his back facing Alphonse as his fists curls along his sides.

"A-are you mad?" Alphonse asks while his eyes flicker to his brothers hands. It's a stupid question, Al could tell his brother is pissed off. He just needs Edward to confirm it. Needs to know why a phone number could anger him so much?

Edward sighs again before turning back around to face Alphonse. A soft look had taken over the hard closed-off expression Ed has been wearing before.

"I'm not angry." He says in a much calmer voice.

Alphonse feels relief flood his system. Tears he's been holding at bay, slid down his clammy cheeks. He wipes at them vigorously as they began to fall rapidly.

Edward clears the space between them and gathers the smaller blond into his arms. Al doesn't put up much a fight, wrapping his arms instantly around his brother mid-section and pressing his face into Edwards welcoming chest.

All the anxiety Alphonse had been building up, all the guilt, the hate, self-loathing from the past couple of days trickle over and the dam broken.

Sucking in a ragged breath, another broken sob shook Al's body.

Edward hold him close, drawing him in tighter, crowding him until Al's back rests against the wall. Edward's body acts as a cage. Keeping him safe inside but restricted from movement.

Alphonse doesn't realize he's been moved until the coil of anxiety quails from his chest. Once the sobs stop racking his system, and he takes in the fact Edward is so very near him, a familiar heat rouses in the pit of Al's stomach. He bites back a moan, before the never failing guilt creeps in alongside the flaring desire. They both are becoming one as a whole. Desire for wanting something so painstakingly beautiful, but guilty for the most taboo of pleasure; a sinful yearning of your own flesh of blood.

Alphonse presses his face harder into his brother's toned chest with the feeling and scent of Edward surrounding him. With a blush on his cheek, Al could feel his sex growing from sheer proximity. A sense of mortification coursed through his blood stream and the same mantra of ' _sick…sick…sick…'_ breaking through his head.

The boy tries to push away from the embrace before his brother realizes his - disgusting - problem.

Edward would have no part in it, instead the older blond reposition his hands from Al's shoulders to his slim neck, forcing the younger of the two to look up into his older brother's face.

Al feels weak, in spirit and body. He can't muster up the strength to find resistant any longer. He feels worn to the bone, like an open nerve waiting for the incoming damage. Alphonse knows he is sharing his thoughts and emotion on his face. That Edward is bound to read him like an open book and realize how disgusting and perverted he truly was.

What Alphonse has not been expecting is the amount of heat being directed towards him from Edward's expressive yellow eyes. Nor for his brother's hands to grip his jaw tightly, bending Al's pliant face further back against the wall.

"B-brother?" Alphonse whisper in a broken confused plea. It trails off into a sharp whine as Edward leg shifts between his thighs and grazes his erection.

A hot tingling sensation rips up the young blond's spine at the contact. His hands tighten their hold on Ed's black t-shirt as Alphonse bites back a moan daring to escape his throat.

_'Sick; sick; sick…'_

There is no hiding Al's erection from his brother, it's hard and demanding beneath his trousers.

_'Sick; sick; sick…'_

Edward has frozen, his eyes gone wide as he stares down at Alphonse burning face.

_'Sick; sick; sick…'_

Alphonse tries to squirm away, pushing his body further against the unforgiving wall at his back, but to no prevail. Edward's larger body hold his younger brother in position, trapping him between a rock and a hard place.

Al's face is burning from embarrassment, he can't understand why Ed isn't freaking out and moving away from him. Instead Edward stands there with a wide leg lodged between his brothers.

Alphonse's eyes flutter shut as his swollen sex throbs against the heat of his brother's body.

It's like a deadly sin coursing through Al's blood. Something dark and forbidden in which he has been craving for so long and now, it's acting like a dirty slap to his face. A fresh sting turning his cheeks red in the aftermath.

Uninhibited, the boy's hips rocked forward craving more friction. With his eyes shut Al doesn't have to see the disgust contorting Edward feature as Alphonse shameless rolls his hips. A ripple of heat courses up through his stomach and twists around his spine. Alphonse bites his lip trying to prevent a groan from falling out.

It's the misty-heat of Edward's breath on Al's mouth that makes the younger eye's snap back open.

 _'He's so close…'_  filters through Alphonse's mind and then that is the last logical thought he has. Edward's soft mouth touches his timidly, it isn't a kiss; more like a skim of lips, but it's enough.

Shame, guilt, want and need all hit Alphonse at the same time, like a punch to his stomach. Edward pulls back and their eyes lock on one another. Al couldn't get a breath in, his lips still tingle where Ed has touched them.

"B-brother…" there is more lust in that one word then there should be and Edward hears it clear as a bell. Alphonse watches his brother's eyes darken before he presses back in for another kiss.

It isn't so timid this time, and it leaves Alphonse confused and utterly turned on. There is no hiding his shame any longer, it's there, marred in reality. There's no way to stifle it, to sweep it under the rug; his emotional dam has finally broken, and it lead him to suck on Edward's intrusive tongue.

The world grows dim around the edges and narrows down to their bare emotions. Edward lets go of his brother face and pushes in harder with his tone body. Wedging his other thigh between Alphonse's parting legs. Gripping Al firmly by his legs alone, Edward hoists the younger blond up the wall. This is when Alphonse realizes his brother is turned on just as much as he is, their erections brushing together and they both moan between nips and licks of tongues and lips.

Their teeth clash together in the hurried attempt to crawl inside one another. Wet tongues sliding together in an unhindered display of lust.

Gone is the voice in the back of Alphonse's head telling him how wrong and disgusting this should be. It's replaced by a song of desire and want, the purest emotion known to man.

Alphonse's vision begins to go blurry and his body feels like it was connected to a live wire. One hand fist in Edward's black shirt, the other gripping his brother's cold metal bicep.

Their lips split apart and Al chases after the soft warm retreating mouth. Ed's flesh hand gripping Alphonse jaw clinches harder while pushing Al's head against the wall. The length of the younger male's neck is left exposed, sharp teeth bite at the flesh found there. Alphonse's spine arches at the harsh treatment. A breathy moan falling from his mouth and filters into the air.

The needy sound seems to make Edward grip Alphonse a little tighter.

It's over before it really begins.

Faster than Alphonse can arch into the touch it's being reclined. Edward drops him down onto shaky legs, stepping away with wide chaotic yellow eyes.

"I-I-I…" Ed stutters out taking another step away from Al.

Alphonse is beside himself. Confusion and guilt ramps through his system… He tries calling out to his brother, but it's already too late, Ed is turning his back and hurriedly retreating down the hall into his room.

The sound of the bedroom door slamming shut sends a cold knot of fear through Alphonse's already shaking form.

 _'What just happened…_?' The thinks with heaving breath, ' _What the **fuck**  had just happened.'_


	3. A Castle Made of Glass.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UNDER EDITING FROM THIS POINT ON.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take me down the river bend.  
> Take me down to the fighting end.  
> Wash the poison from off my skin.  
> Show me how to be whole again.
> 
> Fly me up on a silver wing.  
> Past the black where the sirens sing.  
> Warm me up in a nova's glow.  
> And drop me down to the dream below.
> 
> 'Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass.  
> Hardly anything there for you to see.

A week passed, the days bleeding together with a heavy grey fog hanging a constant around Alphonse head. Everything held an edge of haze and nothing could stop the constant loop of guilt circling his mind.

Edward had been ignoring him and it hurt. In the past week Alphonse had seen his brother a total of two times. Both times a deep since of doom filled the air around the brothers. Then the moment would be over and Edward was turning his back on Al and leaving their small apartment. Every time this happened the wound of abandonment in Al's chest sunk a little deeper. A heart left empty and charred from a bitter mistake.

The distance was killing Alphonse. The feeling of confusion was running rampant, he didn't know how to counteract what was happening between them.

 _'What was happening between us?_ ' Al pondered perturbed as a sick greenly feeling touched at his stomach.

When Alphonse thought hard enough, he could imagine the feelings of Edward's hot breath lingering on his lips right before his mouth was stolen in a –disgustingly- sweet kiss.

 _'Was it disgusting, Alphonse? Or are you just saying that to make you feel better?'_ His inner voice sneered at him.

With a heavy sigh Alphonse agreed with the voice. It was right, when it got down to it, Al really  **wasn't**  disgusted by Edwards advances. If anything it should have been a blessed welcoming. A relief from the constant guilt and self-loathing.  _'I wasn't the only one in this twisted game, Brother must be feeling something more for him to have reacted in such a matter…'_

But there in-lied the problem; Alphonse couldn't truly deduce what his older brother had been thinking back in the hallway. He didn't understand why Ed hadn't freaked out – like a normal sibling would - when he felt Alphonse erection brushing his leg. Al couldn't comprehended a logical reason behind any of Edward's reaction in that bizarre situation, just in the fact it had happened. With the aftermath taking its toll day, by day. It was killing him softly.

With another deep sigh, Alphonse pulled the double doors open that lead to his last class of the day. The blonde took the nearest available seat towards the back of the classroom. The professor wasn't there yet and the students were still filing in and talking amongst themselves. Al sat there in the plastic blue chair trying not to let the unsettling guilt from taking over his insides completely. It was a losing fight, his stomach clenched as he tried to push the feeling aside.

"You don't look so good." Came a familiar voice from Alphonse left. He looked up and instantly froze.  _'Reese.'_  The guy from last week, the one who basically stirred the pot with Edward by giving the younger blondes his phone number. A number Alphonse had washed off his hand and said good riddance to.

The queasy feeling from moments before amplified, Alphonse dropped his head completely down onto the wooden desk top with a groan. The cool wood touched his tepid forehead.

"And a hello to you as well, Alphonse." Reese stated back sarcastically.

The sound of a chair scraping along the linoleum floor to Al's left, the noise made the boy roll his head to the side to have a look. Reese had decided to sit down next to Alphonse. Realizing this, Al lift his head from his desk and straighten his spine.

"Oh, I get it. You're ignoring me now?"

Alphonse sighed wearily before actually turning his head to look at Reese. Al had been raised with better manners then the ones he was display, his mother would have been appalled by his behavior.  _'Mother would have been disappointed in a lot more then my recent behavior. You're sick; sick; sick.'_

"I'm not ignoring you… I've just…" Al bit his lip in deliberation of explaining further. His thumb idly fiddled with the corner of his black binder on the desk. "I've just had a terrible week and I'm physically exhausted." The shorter blonde took a deep breath and placed his hands into his lap under the desk, "I-I wasn't trying to be rude. If I have offended you, please forgive me. It wasn't my intention."

Alphonse watched a dimple smile spread along Reese handsome face. The feeling of butterflies took a hold of the Al's stomach unexpectedly. The fluttering of wings only intensified the longer Alphonse stared at Reese's face.  _'He looks so much like brother but almost everything about him was just so… so, so, off kilter…'_ It was that thought which drew the curtains of disparity closed around Al and he turned his face down towards the graffiti desk.

"What's gotten you so down and blue?"

Reese words made Al look back up towards the taller blonde. Alphonse brow furrowed in the middle as he studied the other man with a hint of 'this was none of you business' expressed in his emotions.

"Wait! Never mind! I should've asked…" Reese replied with his hands in the air like he meant no harm. He chuckled nervously, "None of my business…"

A small smile tugged at the corner of Alphonse mouth at the other's dramatic movements.

"Well, I guess I could find a way to forgive you…" The flirty words were out of Al's mouth before he could reel them back in. Even Reese was surprised at Alphonse attempt at flirting. It only showed on his face for a second before a devilish grin was sliding into place.

"Forgive me?" Reese spoke with an attractive cadence to his tone. "Prey tell; what have I done to offend, you?" He leaned a little bit closer from his chair across towards Alphonse.

Alphonse sat up a little straighter as he could feel the heat from Reese's knees against his own as they knocked together.

"A man who does not know of his own crime will never be condone the sins." Alphonse avowed matter-of-factually towards his folded hands. Reese laughed out loud boisterous and lurid. It was the type of laugh to which was contagious. Alphonse soon found himself joining in with a subtle giggle of his own.

People in the room were turning their heads and starting at the pair of blondes laughing unabashed in the back of the class. Alphonse couldn't find a care, it felt good to actually laugh. And as their laughter died down Al realized Reese was starting at him with a keen look in his emerald eyes.

"This is the reason I like you, Alphonse. So straight forward."

Al could feel his head tipping towards the side in a silent question. His blonde brow drew together and smoothed in one fell-swoop. "I-I… y-you don't even know me."

Reese smile stretched and touched his green eyes making them slant in an attractive way. "I would like to get to know you."

Alphonse could feel his cheeks catch fire and it wasn't too much longer that a feeling of guilt was catching up to punch him in the stomach. Al face fell towards the desk again, "I-I." The words were catching in his throat at the mere thought of Edward's anger at finding Reese phone number on his hand. It was an ugly memory, one Alphonse wished he would forget.

There shouldn't have been any reason to feel anxious, he cursed his heavy beating heart endlessly, because it just didn't get the message to calm down already. Blinking blurry eyes Alphonse finally responded. "I can't."

Alphonse could see Reese from his peripherals, he watched the other males shoulders fall slightly in defeat.

"Are you in a relationship or something?" Reese asked in a quiet voice.

The vivid memory of Edward's face flashed in the younger Elric's mind,  _'strong and so very handsome.'_ Then he thought of his brother's forceful kiss in the hallway and how his knees nearly buckled with a simple touch of dominance. Al swallowed loudly before replying with a lie scorning his tongue. "No, there is no one."

The air hung empty and stale between the two males with Alphonse words drifted off into awkwardness.

A sigh blew through Reese, he rolled his shoulder back and a smile appeared on his face. "Okay let's start over, shall we?" He instructed with a hint of a breathy laugh.

Alphonse was confused. "Huh?"

Reese smiled brighter, showing both of his dimples in his cheeks. "If I can't date you, maybe we could be friends?" He clarified. It'd been spoken as an unsure question left open for Al's answer.

Alphonse sat there for a moment running the idea through his head.  _'Friends… I think I can do friends. Brother wouldn't like it… but it wasn't like Ed's was even around… I've been so alone… It would be nice to have a friend. A real friend.'_

Alphonse nodded his head in affirmation, "I don't see why we couldn't be."

Reese smiled was huge now, and Alphonse couldn't help but think the happy lines around the other boys eyes were adorably cute.

 _'What had I just gotten myself into?'_  Al thought quietly counting the flaps of butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

* * *

"Juggernaunt vs The Blob?" Reese questioned admittedly.

Alphonse was smiling like a mad man as he replied to his new friend. "This one's an easy one." He prompted with a laugh, "The earth would simply implode if they fought."

Alphonse stared laughing wildly again at Reese expression to his responds.

"What! No way. Hey stop laughing at me. It's the truth…" Reese bantered characteristically while playfully shoving at Alphonse shoulders. Alphonse merely stumbled and started giggle harder. His sides hurt from laughing so much.

Reese looked back with a wide smile on his lips. "You're going have to explain how you came to that conclusion?"

Class was finally over, Alphonse was free from school. It had also been Reese's last period, they been heading in the same direction.

Alphonse and Edwards apartment was fairly close to the campus, Al normally walked to and from his classes. Reese told Al he typically drove to school because of his part-time job at a local bar after class.

Today though, Reese had walked to his classes, apparently his car was at the mechanics. They were nearing Alphonse's neighborhood. Alphonse realized this suddenly as he saw familiar landmarks surround him. A feeling of dread was slowly creeping in. The short blonde swallowed the lump forming in his throat and turned his attention back to Reese.

"It's simple, "Al smiled, his hand were stuffed into his coat pockets as he spoke. "Juggernaunt is reliably considered an unstoppable force." He stated over his shoulder as they walked side by side. Their shoulder grazed every so offend with the natural sway of their bodies. "And The Blob is an Immovable Object, right?" Alphonse went on to explain.

"Do the math Reese… The world would exploded if they really went at it."

Reese scoffed, "but The Blob has been 'technically' moved by the Juggernaut before. So clearly The Blob's whole 'immovable object' claim is an exaggeration at best.

Alphonse couldn't help but smile a little bit bigger, Reese did have a point. "I guess we can just roll it down into the equivalent of the geek's *Omnipotence Paradox."

They both laughed at this.

Alphonse could see his apartment's front door. Edward black pickup was parked out front. A dark ball of apprehension gathered in the boy's chest at the sight. ' _Brother will just abandon me again once I go inside.'_  Alphonse thought dejectedly. He didn't know what was worse, the fact Edward didn't want to be around him. Or all he really wanted from Edward was acceptance.

A weary sigh passed Alphonse dry lips. "This is me…" He said dolefully pointing his chin towards the grey apartment building.

"Oh, well I guess I'll see you at school next week." Reese uttered not really looking towards Alphonse.

"Y-yeah I guess so…" Alphonse answered back after swallowing around a lump forming in his throat.

They both didn't want to part way just yet, the walk home had been filled with laughter and warmth. Something Alphonse had been missing in his life for quite some time. But Alphonse couldn't invite Reese inside. Not with Edward there, it would end bloody.

Al bounced from foot to foot while unknowingly biting at his bottom lip before turning and heading up the steps inside. A warm hand on his wrist stopped his decent. It was his name that turned Al's attention over his shoulder. Reese's thumb skimmed the soft skin of the shorter blonde's inner wrist.

"Call me," Alphonse could see the angst in the other man's gaze, "If you want, that is…" Reese added in before letting go of Al's wrist and turning his back on him.

Alphonse stood there, gently touching his wrist as he watched Reese walk back the way they'd come. Once he was out of sight Al felt his heart returning to a normal pace. He finally turned and entered the apartment.

He set his back-pack down in the entry way and kicked off his black boots. The whole house was dark and uninviting, it didn't even seem like Edward was home. The only reason Alphonse knew his brother was there, the front door had been unlocked.

Heaving a sigh, Alphonse headed into the darken apartment towards his bedroom.

It was the gruff and angry voice from the living room that stopped Al's feet.

"Who were you talking to, Alphonse?"

A sinking feeling dropped to the bottom of Alphonse's stomach at the haunting voice behind him. Turning his body towards the blacken living room, Al could just make out the taller form of his brother lurking in the shadows. A sense of panic rocketed through Alphonse's system. The cold hands of reality raked over his body.

"B-brother—"Alphonse stuttered to reply.

Edward took a step closer to the hallway, the light from outside the large window caught the yellow of his eyes, and it vaguely reminded Al of a feline gaze in the dark of night. Alphonse could just make out the rage boiling behind Ed's glare. It was both hauntingly beautiful and utterly terrifying to be watched with so much important intensity.

Alphonse had both observed from a far and from close (both back in the suit of armor and now with his human eyes) the same deadly look which took over his brother eyes. A calculating, inquisitive, heated gaze of his brother trying to figure a way out to concur and consume the world whole.

It was a look Alphonse had never had quite aim directly towards him. Not till now.  _'It was alarmingly and terribly arousing.'_  Especially considering Alphonse knew how his brother tasted and felt pressed into his body.  _'It was like being stroked without ever actually being touched.'_

"I won't ask again, Alphonse." Ed demanded taking another step closer to Alphonse trembling form frozen in the hallway.

Alphonse took a steadying breath and let his eyes flutter close for a moment.

"H-He's a friend." He managed to spurt out before opening his eyes again. Edward was closer now, a lot closer, close enough for Alphonse to see Ed needed to shave. His angular jaw was covered in rough blonde scruff.

The older blonde crossed his arms in front of his chest and took a wide stance with his feet. "Didn't seem like just friends to me, from where I was standing."

Edward words cut across Alphonse skin like a sharpen betrayal. "You were spying on me?"

The older Elric rolled his eyes at his younger brother accusative tone. "I wasn't spying. I was reading next to the window when you showed up with that… Dip-shit."

Alphonse narrowed his eyes at Ed. "That guy has a name. And  _Reese_  happens to be my friend."

The muscle in Edward jaw twitch at the mention of Reese name. "That's Reese?" he asked with a decreed to his question.

"Yes." Alphonse bit back. There was a fine anger building in the shorter blonde. Edward reaction was uncalled for, he was the one who'd been ignoring Alphonse. He was the one who crossed the line of brotherhood into something dark and carnal. Al had been dealing with his forbidden desire just fine, when Edward had screwed everything up. Edward had come along and knocked everything sideways into shades of red.

_'Everything is so messed up… and it's all brothers' fault.'_

The older of the two made a humming noise in his chest but never broke his heated gaze from his younger brother. They stood in a perpetual stare off for what seemed like ages before either of them attempt to move. It was Alphonse who stirred first. Ed's glare was making his skin crawl.

"What?" Alphonse exclaimed throwing his hands out to his sides. Still Edward stood there in the dark with his simmering anger boiling just out of view.

The shorter blonde swallowed around the nervousness.  _'He was being so quiet in his resolve.'_  The swell of a stifling fear crept up the backside of Al's throat.  _'Brother has never treated me so…'_  It hurt Alphonse, cut him jagged and deep to the core.

"T-this is lame." The word slipped off Al's tongue as he fought back hurtful tears. He broke away from Edward at that. Turning his back and heading towards his room leaving his brother in the darkness of the living room.

Al body was shaking by the time he reached his bedroom door from holding his tears at bay. His knees didn't feel like they could hold him up a moment longer. Everything was hazed over in guilt, self-loathing and rage. Alphonse couldn't reasoned logically with anything at the moment. There was no calculation or equation to figure out. No book with the answer to tell him how to fix everything happening. He felt broken and he couldn't resolve it. It was maddening being left in the dark without an answer.

Alphonse slammed the door behind him, his anger making him quake in a wounded fury. He hadn't been ready for it to be caught by a metal hand and thrown back open. The brown door bounced off the wall on impact.

Edward was there precipitously crowding Alphonse back towards the desk in the corner. Al was astonished, he'd momentarily forgotten how quiet and stealthy Edward could move when he wanted to.

"Brother!" Alphonse bellowed as he felt his butt make contact with his desk with Edwards decent. The shorter male put his hands up against his older brother's chest trying to put some space between them.

"W-what are you—"was all Alphonse could get out before being interrupted by a cold metal hand cupping the base of his thin neck. Al's attention was instantly drawn to his brother's face. Gone was the anger in Edward's yellow gaze, it was now replace with a sullen sorrow. Alphonse could feel his stomach rolling with uncertainty.

Edward leaned down slightly their foreheads resting against one another. "I don't want you to see him anymore." The taller boy rumbled riding on a whisper.

Al could feel the prickles of Ed's warm breath between them. It laced a shudder up his spine making his hazel eyes flutter shut. He was rapidly losing the ability of thinking rationally.

"I-I…" Alphonse stammered out, turning his head slightly away from his brother's hot intoxicating breath. The cool air pooled into his lungs, it was sweet and sobering.

"Brother, stop." Alphonse said right away, getting his breath under control, trying to get this whole situation under control. He tried to pull away again, but Edward would still not let go of his neck.  _'It was all entirely too erotic, too wrong...'_

_'Sick; sick; sick.'_

And then Edward was pressing into him, his brother soft lips touching the top of his head. Alphonse found his arms automatically wrapping themselves around the hard body despite what his mind was screaming at him.  _'You're sick; sick; sick; sick.'_

"Answer me, Al." A warm kiss was placed to the boy's temple, "Please tell me, you won't see him again."

The words leaving Edward mouth were soaked in pain and longing. Another lingering kiss skimmed the apple of the shorter male's cheek. Alphonse heart was beating chaotically against his rib cage. It almost hurt to breath.

"E-Ed-Edward…" Al trembled as he felt Ed's hand at the nape of his neck, tipping his younger brother face into view.

Edward's breath hung over Alphonse parted lips. "Alphonse…"

The shorter blonde clung to the back of Edwards' black shirt in a death grip. His knuckled ached from the strain, "I-I won't,  _Brother_."

Alphonse watched his reply played over Edward expression. There was a fiery heat backing the yellows of Edward's eyes right before they fell shut.

"Say it again, Al." Ed asked with a quake.

A coil of lust was awakening in Alphonse's stomach. It couldn't be denied. He yearned to reach out and taste his brother again.

"S-say what?"

Edward eyes opened again and Alphonse stared doe-eyed into them. They were bright and shining with intent, Al could feel himself getting lost within.

"Brother. Call me it again." Edward clarified with a demanding edge to his tone.

A blush was rushing across Alphonse fair skin. First his chest felt hot, the warmth gathered quickly along his thin neck, all the way up to his cheeks and to the tips of his ears. If he could die from a blush, this would be the one to take him there.

His mouth felt dry and uncompliant but somehow Alphonse managed to squeak out a shaky, "B-Brother."

That one word, that one simple platonic word was now exposed for what it really was. Their shared dirty-secret rolled into a name.  _'Brother.'_

Edward leaned the rest way in and claimed Al's lips in a searing kiss. Alphonse hummed in his throat at the first taste of Ed's tongue licking into his mouth.  _'A home coming.'_  They kiss with a tender, unhurried passion while their bodies melded. Their tongues caress and dance against one another. Edward place his fleshed palm flat against the wood next to Alphonse hip, while Al clung to Edward like a life line leading into a carnal desire.

It felt surreal, like it shouldn't be happening at all.

 _'It shouldn't be happening…'_  Alphonse quickly pushed that thought to the side as he pressed his tongue inside Edward's slick mouth.

They constructed a castle made of glass an idea that could only live for a forbidden moment of time. Oh, how they strove to life in those frozen seconds.

Edward pulled back and sucked Alphonse bottom lip into his mouth before rolling his body forward and capturing that mouth in another deadly kiss. Alphonse held on and threw everything he had into that one embrace. He tried to forget himself within it all, the eagerness of two bodies coming together. A hot kiss, and rough hands. Trying to forget that the one Al was **kissing**  and being  **touched** by was his older brother. The mantra started again in the back of his mind.  _'Sick; sick; sick.'_  Alphonse broke his mouth away at that, a sound of distress echoing in his throat.

The desk was pressing uncomfortably into Alphonses' lower back. Sensing Al's discomfort Edward placed his –miss matched - hands on his brother's waist and lifted the younger blonde to rest on the edge of the desk as if he weighted nothing at all. A surprised chirp danced off Al's lips.

Wasting no time, Ed stepped in-between the 'V' of Alphonse parted thighs. The older males face was void of all emotion, but his eyes… They shone with an intense lust. Alphonse knew the look, had seen it on his own face mirrored in his reflection. It was the expression of utter confusion of right and wrong tangling with a desire of taboo and all covered in a haphazard mask.

The reality of it all left Alphonse tingling with a desperate urge to press forward and take what he wanted… what he needed from his brother. Al realized he wasn't alone in this strange desire to be closer to his only family. Closer than two brother's should ever be. It made his heart skip a beat or two at the awakening thought.

The moment spans on with Edward staring down towards Alphonse open face. His gaze dropping slowly to rest on his younger brother's tempting lips. His cold metal hand moved back upwards to chase after the backside of Al's dark blonde head. Mechanical fingers slip in between the loose strands of hair leading into a slacken braid running down Alphonse back.

"I'm so s-sorry, Al." Edward whispered brokenly with his breath, hot and slow, mingling on Al's mouth. Edward's words confused the younger male, he didn't understand as to why his brother was apologizing.

For a breath of a second Edward pauses before drawing in closer; his eyes snapped back up just enough for his to meet his younger brother's hazy gaze. Alphonse couldn't read anything from his brother's stoic face, which was a rarity for him. It scared him to know Edward was trying to hide from him now.

Alphonse leaned in, gathering the space between them until their lips touched again. The heat behind the returned kiss was the all-knowing truth barer on how Edward was really feeling. There was no hiding it, it was all there bared and exposed.

Alphonse pleaded with the higher power that it wouldn't end like how it had before, back in the hallway.

Edward suddenly pulled him in tighter making a surprise whine escape the younger boy's throat. The rapid thoughts circling Alphonse mind quickly retreated at his brothers' forceful embrace.

Sweet and fiery, they came together like a cosmic explosion. Leaning closer, Edward lips came off Alphonse as he ducked his blonde head down to taste the column of flesh of the younger man's porcelain throat. Al bared his neck sideways, subconsciously giving his brother more space to explore. Edward was appreciative, sucking harshly before soothing the red skin with a swipe of his tongue.

Alphonse arched into the treatment with a silent cry dying in his throat. The pleasure was shoot downwards as it pooled in his groin. Edward bit into the flesh again with a growl. The sensation coiled in Alphonse's body making him grip his brothers' biceps tighter.

"Ed-Edward." Al moaned at the suction. It was such a new sensation. Something he'd never experienced before. His mind screamed for more as his body provided the sounds of his demand.

Edward 'hummed' at Alphonse breathy mews. The older blonde hands worked at Al's button down shirt, button by button the white shirt opened until it slid off the smaller boy shoulders. A shiver racked down Alphonse spine as the chill air of his bedroom caressed his perfectly tone chest. There was nothing hiding the bulge in front of Alphonse denim pants. Edward looked down Alphonse body, his eye catching the tenting fabric. Al watched his brother with a blush riding on his cheeks as Ed lick at his lips and reached out with his flesh hand to grip the harden sex hidden beneath Al's blue jeans.

The reaction was almost instantaneously, Alphonses arched dangerously close to the edge of the desk, trying to get closer to the sensual touch with an enticing moan befalling his tongue. Edward cupped the erection in his hand a little tighter, just to see his little brother's response all over again. It was a beautiful case of cause and effect, leaving Edward with the need to fully see Alphonse in all his glory.

In the matter of seconds, Edward had Alphonse naked and exposed on the edge of the brown sturdy desk. Alphonse could feel his arousal dribbling precome down onto the wooden table-top, he was already so stimulated from merely being watched. It was maddening and entirely embarrassing. The blush he wore spread from his chest to the top of his ears.

It really was a stunning sight. All that creamy white skin and long limbs. Alphonse wasn't much shorter then Edward, there was a slight difference but only in the matter of inches. They truly were brothers, from the matching blonde hair to the way their eyes curved, they looked so similar in appearance.

Edward stood there staring, it was making Alphonse skin crawl with uncertainty. He moved to cover his private areas. This is when Edward moved, gripping Al's thin wrist between his miss-matched hands.

"Don't." Ed whisper as if not wanting to disturbed the already fickle ambiance.

"B-but Brother…" Alphonse complain with a fever breaking over his skin. His arousal twitched out into the open air.

"Just, don't." he growled again, placing Al's hands down behind him onto the desk. "Keep them here." It was spoken as a command and Alphonse nodded his head in compliance.

Edward moved his hands back and took a step away from Alphonse. Fear rippled through the younger male at his older brother withdrawal.

"Look at you." Edward spoke, his eyes touching every bit of bared skin before him. "Perfect."

Taking a step back in towards the shivering male perched on the desk, two of Edward long fingers slid behind Al's ear while his thumb rested on the edge of redden mouth.

"Brother…" Alphonse all but whimpered out.

"And how you react to my touch," Edward murmured in a quiet tone as he leaned forward until their faces were only a few inches away. Alphonse couldn't move, barley could breathe. He just stared into darken golden eyes.

"Your breath quickens," Edward added, almost just breathing the words. "Then your pupils dilate," he continued. "With your lips parting, so sweetly," he finished while moving his thumb until it slid across the skin just below Alphonse swollen lower lip. "It's quite a temptation."

"I-I-I…"

Edward leaned in even closer until his face was right next to Alphonse's, their cheeks almost touching, but Ed still did not move his hand away.

Alphonse's arousal strained out into open air. Curving upwards with no shame, trying to seek some kind of attention.

"I was beginning to wonder, if I was the only one living with this curse." Edward was close enough now that Al could feel his brother's breath on the shell of his ear.

Alphonse just sat there, like a puppet with his strings cut. His mind was running too fast and his body not operating right.

A breathy chuckle rumbled from Edward chest as he spoke, "Tell me, Little brother. Do you want this as well?" He asked taking a step away from Al.

Alphonse bit his lip sharply and nodded his head quickly. Trying… wanting urgently for anything to make thing move along quicker.

His honesty was reward with a soft flesh hand wrapping around his hard and straining length. The younger blonde closed his eyes and finally let a healthy moan escape his lips.

"Oh brother, don't stop!"

Edward moved his hand up and down, stroking slowly at first, getting used to the feeling another male in his hand. Alphonse thrust up into that hand unintentionally. All the muscles in his body clenched as he threw his neck back and continued to moan with every downward stroke.

His hip were undulating with the motion of Edward pumping. Ripples of pleasure wrapped around his sex and laced up his spine. Alphonse whimpered as Ed flicked his wrist towards his swollen tip. His fingers dug in the wood as they tried to say in the position his brother had put them.

Alphonse didn't want to risk doing something that would make Edward stop. The jerking of the other males hand on his harden length felt entirely too good. It couldn't stop, not yet… not yet.

His brother was dressed for sleep, his pants missing any buttons. So it took no time to push them down and out of the way.

Alphonse must have missed this because the next thing he knew he was being distracted by Edward long fingers wrapping around  **both**  their cocks. Alphonse sucked in a breath and moaned loudly. His brother hand was wet, tight and skilled and really just perfect altogether. Better than any fantasy Alphonse could ever muster up.

Edward auto-mail hand gripped his nape and pulled him down for a deep open-mouthed kiss. The older blondes other kiss had all been teasing, full of bites and exploration, but now he was shoving his tongue in the younger male's mouth like he wanted to crawl inside and live.

Their dicks slotted together side by side. The shame that should have been there wasn't. Only the basic need to come and claim one another. Alphonse didn't even try to hold back his whines.

"Edward…" he breathed when Edward released of his lips. Moving his hips, thrusting forward into the awaiting hand, Al was quickly losing himself in the rhythm. But it wasn't enough, not nearly enough…

"Al, look at me."

Alphonse opened his eyes, not even realizing he closed them. Edward was delicious and downright sinful in appearance. Pleasure was written on every inch of his face, his eyes a dark yellow and his mouth panting curses. It was a sight to behold.

Al almost complained when Edward let go of their dicks, but soon realized Edward was pulling his black shirt over his head, revealing wide miss-match shoulders - one cold metal the other scared flesh - . Alphonse wanted to lick him whole, run his tongue over his abs and his chest, run his tongue around his nipple and bite on his brother's jagged collarbone.  _'I want it all_.'

Edward shook his hair free from the shirt and fixed his eyes back on the smaller male in front of him. Grasping the younger blondes narrow hips, Edward hoisted him up off the desk till his brother's leg's wrapped around waist.

Turning he took the four steps separating the desk from the bed, and dropped Alphonse down onto the padded mattress.

Alphonse watched the emotion playing across his brother face. First with a tinge of lust imbedded in is gaze but then Edward's blonde brow twisted together in what appeared to be confusion. He cursed quietly under his breathy and told Alphonse he'd be right back.

He left Alphonse there on the bed, his hard cock throbbing to the tune of his rapidly beating heart. The thoughts instantly started whipping through the younger boy's head. He wasn't being distracted any longer, he had time to think. The shame of the situation kicked him hard in the stomach. He was naked, aroused and waiting for his brother to come back to do what… ravage him on his own bed.

"Oh, crap… What am I doing?" The nauseating-green feeling was back in Alphonse's gut. It churned over and over at the thought of what he'd been about to do. What Edward was about to do to him. What he'd been about to  **allow**  his own brother to do. ' _To… to… to… to defile me._ '

"Oh god… I can't do this." He whisper to himself.

Alphonse sat up in his bed, readying himself to stand and lock his door. He stopped mid-way when his eyes locked on his older brother in the archway of Alphonse's bedroom. The sight of Edward standing there, his harden member straining upwards towards firmly toned abs, it was nearly heart-stopping beautiful but It was truly heart stopping what Edward carried in his hands.

A tin-fold wrapper and a bottle of lube. Al's heart  **did**  skip a beat or two.

Desire shot through his system and his 'right' from 'wrong' switch was switched into the 'wrong position' again.

The sheer thought of Edward entering his body made thrills tingle over his spine and down to his untouched hole. It was an arousing thought but also a terrifying one. They had crossed so many lines tonight, should they really cross the last remaining threshold into something more than brothers?

Alphonse dropped back down onto the mattress while his eyes fluttered shut. Fear and lust were both working through the younger blonde body. The bed dipped and Alphonse knew Edward was next to him. The anticipation licked up that backside of Al's throat.

Edward touched his arm, and he nearly jumped out of his skin. His brother sighed wearily.

"Alphonse." Edward stated firmly but also soothingly. "Open your eyes."

And he did, opening them and looking over to his side where Edward was kneeling next to him.

"Do you trust me?" The older blonde asked.

Al nodded his head in agreement, "Y-yes."

The tilt of his brother mouth tipped up, "Then why are you scared?"

It was such a simple question. Why was he afraid?  _'Because this was a perversion. What they were doing was wrong. Brother should not feel and do such things to one another.'_

 _'But then why does it feel so good, just so fucking right.'_ Alphonse battled with himself all the while Edward watched him dutifully. His yellow eyes watching Al's face rapidly morphing emotions displayed openly.

"Because…" Alphonse finally spoke up after some time. "Because this is wrong."

"Why…? Why is  **this**  so wrong, Alphonse?" Edward paused to reach out and touch his brother taut stomach.

"Because society deems it so?" Ed snorted a laugh. "Please Alphonse, how many times have we broken society conducts in the past, huh? How is this any different from those other times?"

Edward hand dance down Alphonse firm stomach. Nibble fingers snaking down to reawaking his deflating member. Al bit his lip to restrain a whimper. 'G _od he was right… Brother is always right.'_

"I love you Alphonse. And nothing will ever get in my way - again - from having you." Edward spoke as he rolled over on top of his brother prone body. They both Shudder at the amount of skin on skin contact.

Edward duct his head down and kissed the arch of Alphonse sensitive neck, he then licked down his throat to his chest to mouth at the skin between Al's rosy nipples. Alphonse muffled a cry in his throat.

Edward's metal fingers ran down his brother bare hip, his hand spread wide and digging into his brother soft skin with a greedy possessive touch. Edward's cold metal hand was cool, like always, so the touch left goose bumps in its wake.

"Ed… no more teasing." Alphonse moaned towards the ceiling. His hands gripping the pillow by his head. "P-please, B-brother."

Edward smiled up Alphonse body with a cat like quality in his eyes. "Hand me one of those pillows, would ya?"

Alphonse did and it was stuffed under his rear-end for easier access. The position left him feeling open and exposed to the other male's keen eyes. The blush was making its way across his skin again. He closed his lashes and tried not to think about his legs spread wide with everything bared to sight.

He flinched as a slick finger trailed down between his cheeks, over and around his hole then up and around behind his sack, pressing down on the small patch of skin there. He couldn't help the needy moan that broke out over his lips. Alphonse had never been touched like this by another human, let alone had he ever allowed himself to explore this way. It was all an unexpected rush of pent up frustration being released.

He moan out again as a crafty finger started rubbing over his tight rim, spreading the lube on it and around it before pressing inwards. Alphonse had always love his brother's hand, the way his fingers were long and dexterous, rough but soft at the same time. But never in his life had Alphonse love them more buried deep inside him.

' _I'd been thinking about this for far too long…'_

Edward didn't settle for long. Playing with Alphonse, moving his finger around, in and out, not too fast, but not overly gentle either. He didn't have to ask for the second digit to be pushed inside of him. He took it with a cry of pleasure.

"Brother!"

Edward leaned over him, pressing one of Alphonse thighs until his knee was rest along his own chest. He was moving his fingers slowly at first with a shallow rhythm, but soon faster as the seconds ticked by.

It didn't technically hurt, Alphonse was turned on enough that it didn't. He knew the pain was coming. For now there was only pleasure. There was enough he was losing himself in it. His mind cleared out, his thoughts slowing down the point where he could only think about the feel of his rapidly beating heart, and the skilful slick fingers stretching him open. He wasn't even aware of the noises falling from his lips, the harsh breaths and pleased groans. Then his quiet sounds were replaced with a loud moan, Edward knowingly twisted his fingers just the right way to make Alphonse's toes curl with pleasure.

"Oh fuck." Alphonse cried out as he arched his spine off the bed, his hands twisting in the sheets by his head.

Alphonse knew he spread his legs wider and also that he was clenching around the fingers, making them slide deeper into him trying to make Edward touch that spot again.

The third finger stung a lot more than the first two. When Al cried out this time it was more from pain then anything. Edward over compensated and grazed his prostate again. The pain ebbed into an ache and then was lost in a sweet endorphin high. Jolt of pleasure ripped through his body and straight into his cock as Edward fingers played him like a finely tuned instrument.

His whole body was wired and excited, gone was the thoughts that this was wrong or perverted. Eager didn't even begin to cover how Alphonse felt. He was starting to feel the urgency, for more, a lot more.

Alphonse felt like he was stretched enough, but what did he really know, he'd never done this before. He wasn't really sure if he asked aloud or if his body was making his thoughts clear, but Ed got the message either way and pulled his fingers out with a wet squelching sound.

When his brother metal hands returned to grip at Al's other thigh he began pressing it back to rest along his chest, Al bit down on his lips. Then there  **it** was, the feel of the thick slippery head of his brother cock pushing into him. _'It hurts.'_

Once the head was inside, Alphonse felt his backside being spread open wide. Both of the younger boy knees were resting on his chest as he was bent in half. Al tilted his hips up trying to make his brother length slip further inside his tight, willing hole.

Alphonse didn't even have to see to know. Didn't have to observe as Edward yellow eyes watched as he slowly slide inside, how the rim stretched around his cock, he instinctual knew what his brother needed. Deeper, deeper, Edward sank until bottoming out, with his hips resting against Al's backside.

Ed's head dropped towards his chest as his breathing was coming out in harsh pants, Alphonse could feel his vehemently beating heart in both his chest and over his stretched hole. He felt full, not uncomfortable so, just full. Then Edward was straightening up on his knees and pulling out slightly. The angle changed with the position, Alphonse moaned from the way his brother dick shifted inside touching that bundle of nerves as it made his vision whiten on the edges.

Ed rolled his hips smoothly forward causing Alphonse to gasp at the sensation.

With that Edward started to move fluently, the slow roll of hips turning into deeper thrusts and Al felt his mind switch completely off.

In the rocking motion Edward let Alphonse's legs down to wrap around his thrusting waist. The movement let Al control the pace somewhat. It also gave access to Alphonse lengthy throat to which Edward barred his face in his brother neck, to bite and suck at the skin he found there.

The movement became harder, even though Ed did not increase his speed. The slick slapping sound of their bodies meeting with such vehemence was drowned out by their voices. Alphonse was loud and he couldn't care that he was, ' _this felt good, better than I could've imagined'._

He was moaning and crying out with Edwards breath harsh and right next to his ear, the sounds coming out of him were urgent, almost desperate.

He didn't even need to prompt his brother to do it, the hand on his hip moved down to grip his dick tightly, stroking him fast. He was dripping, leaking precome, he was close, ' _so close. Just a bit more, just a little more'._

It was wrong but in so many ways it was right. Alphonse loved his brother, more so then any brother should and it was in knowing his twisted fucked-up sort of love was returned, that he actually got off.

He didn't have to hide any longer, he could share everything with Edward and when Alphonse orgasm he hurtled through it riding on that thought. Thrusting up into the willing hand and back down on the dick inside him. Alphonse muscles clenched and his senses whitened on the edges. He sagged down as he spent himself onto his own stomach. The worn-out sounds coming out of his mouth as his brother continued to pump into him should have left him embarrassed but he felt too content to even mind.

A few more hurried strokes and Alphonse knew Edward was close and the moment his brother came he bit down on the length of Al's pale shoulder. Even if the skin did not break, Alphonse knew there would be a mark there tomorrow. Edward hips came to a halt after a last few powerful thrusts and he licked and kissed the bite-mark he left before resting his head next to Alphonse. He laid down on top of his brother. Ed's erection still hard inside him, so Al let out a pleased moan as he basically felt Edward becoming limp inside. He was dirty, covered in sweat, lube and come but he felt absolutely perfect for once.

They both laid there in a locked embraced. Peace and love gathering them together in a bubble of false hopes. They laid there falling asleep wrapped in a blanket of deceit, and only when Alphonse woke would he realize their shared mistake to the fullest.

A rock coated in guilt would come crashing into his castle constructed of glass.

**To be continued...**


	4. Say something.

**Chapter 3: Say Something**.

"B-Brother…"

Edward's heavy-lid eyes cracked open from sleep. Alphonse's breathy voice echoed through his fading dream. The edge of reality trickled in slowly as Ed's lashes blinked through his blurry vision. He felt over-heated, the sheets clung to his sweaty skin. He could feel his loose flowing hair sticking to his face and the back of his neck. The sweat was pooling under the long locks of yellow. It was uncomfortable and in Edward's sleepy mind he couldn't comprehend as to why it was out of the braid he normal slept in.

He was lounging on his back, his automail arm above his head and his flesh hand resting on his bare stomach. Ed groaned through the sticky feeling coating his skin. Moving his limb from the pillow above his head, he ran his mechanical fingers over his face. Even the metal from his hand felt tepid to the touch.

The morning light was peeking through the cracks of the window with the annoying sun arms stretching through the room and lighting it ablaze. With another groan Edward rolled onto his side away from the window. His tired eyes landed on the resting form of his little brother.

"Al…" Edward was instantly awake. Memories of last night finally caught up in his hazy sleep ridden mind…

Alphonse laid out before him, all that creamy, perfect flesh exposed for his own greedy pleasure. Those hazel eyes full of innocence staring so trustingly back into the face of a devil.

 _'Fuck.'_ Edward sat up with that thought coursing through his mind. The pale blankets slipped from his body as it pooled around his naked hips.

 _'W-what have I done?'_  The elder Elric questioned himself. The answer was laying exposed and asleep next him. It left a realization coursing under his skin… ' _I'd fucked my little brother.'_

Edwards - miss matched - hands fell into his lap as he stared down towards them blindly. ' _I hadn't been thinking straight, I was so angry that Al was talking to that dick-bag, I simply lost it. I hadn't been thinking…'_

"Fuck me." Ed whispered under his breath.

Looking over his shoulder, he gazed back towards his sleeping brother. Alphonse was laying on his stomach, the blankets spread across the arch of his lower back. The swell of his ass a perfect mound hidden beneath the fabric. The soft length of his brother milky back laid out before him, he traced the skin greedily with his eyes. Edward followed the lines of Al's body until he came to his brother's arms tucked under the white pillow Alphonse's head was resting on.

Edward chuckled quietly to himself; Al's face was pressed awkwardly into the pillow as he slept.

It stirred a warm, fond emotion in his chest. A memory of the first night they spent together in this new world. It was that night Edward realized everything was actually going to be alright as he watched his brother sleeping next to him.

Amestris had been saved with everyone Edward and Alphonse had known on that side of the portal, locked in an alternate universe with the gate sealed forever shut.

There were times, though, Edward wished his brother would have stayed behind like he'd told him to do. It would have been easier, safer, for Al to stay where he would've had a support group.

In hindsight the plan had been foolproof, but honestly would've never worked. How could Edward be angry at his little brother for wanting to stay with him? ' _If I'd been in Al's shoes, I would've done the same thing.'_  The older blonde couldn't imagine living without Alphonse ever again. Even if their relationship had taken a turn into taboo jurisdiction as of last night.

 _'That's not the entire reason, though, is it, Edward?'_  Ed's inner voice whispered wickedly into his ear.

The voice was true. It wasn't the only reason he couldn't be angry towards Alphonse for disobeying his order.

The first time Edward's eyes landed on Alphonse's soft human face during the last fight under central city, Ed had felt a kick to the pit of his stomach.

_'Al has his body back. It's real. Al's real. Our sacrifice worked. He's alive!'_

Edward could have died from happiness. Within moments Ed knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life getting Alphonse to smile like that again.

If Ed had to decide the exact moment he realized his love for his brother was more than it should be, it would be that instant, the first smile he'd seen on Alphonse's - living, breathing, human - face since they were children.

And then towards the end of the fight; when Ed had made his mind up about closing the portal from the other side. The moment when Edward stood on the burning air-ship and Alphonse with Mustang on the plane. The large gap of air between them. Edward knew he would never see his brothers perfect smile again. Ed swore to himself - right then and there - he would never love again like he loved Alphonse.

Then Al was there beyond the portal on the other side, his head poking out of that similar suit of armor he'd worn for years. Living, breathing, existing and suddenly pressed so tightly into his brother's embrace. They were home because they were together. Everything was perfect, or at least for the moment they thought it to be.

Edward kept his odd attraction covet regretfully to his chest, not wanting to burden Alphonse with something so perverted. They continued life as normal brothers. He never mentioned or let his dark-disgusting feelings get in the way of loving Alphonse fully as his overprotective older brother.

Alphonse will always be his little brother first most. The only family they had were each other and Ed would never destroy what little they both had. They already sacrificed greatly; they couldn't lose one another. This was the mantra that got Edward through the worst of his… taboo cravings.

_'He's your little brother. Your brother.'_

Then suddenly a couple months ago thing between the two males grew cold and distant. Edward was at a loss with understanding what was behind the reason of Alphonse's withdrawal. His little brother had been keeping something from him, this Edward was sure of, but Al wouldn't budge and kept saying everything was alright. No matter how many times Edward insisted, Alphonse would deny anything was wrong.

Something was upsetting Alphonse and it was causing the younger male to retreat from Edward. It hurt. Plain and simple, it was hurtful.

So when Edward found a phone number on his brother's palm; a number from another guy - Alphonse was obviously supposed to call and set a date up - Edward just lost it.

All his pent up anger and frustration came out in an act of desperation, and at the first graze of his lips on Al's baby soft mouth, Edward knew one touch would never be enough.

A sigh blew through the older Elric as he gazed over his shoulder at his sleeping brother. All pale and long limbs. A subtle ache started in his gut as his eyes grazed over his brothers exposed flesh. With shaking hands Edward stroked his hands through Alphonse's loose, dark blond locks, maneuvering them to the side to expose Al's lengthy neck.

Edward inhaled sharply at the sight before him. Alphonse's neck was covered in dark - noticeable - hickeys.

They were large purple splotches and smaller ones running the length of his throat to just under the younger man's ear.

A possessive emotion passed through Edward chest right before he squashed it and then the remorse settled in _._ Everything between them was already so screwed. This would only add more fuel to the already burning fire, ' _I left evidence of our sin on his skin.'_

None of this was  **ever**  supposed to happen.  _'But it was happening…'_

Another frustrated grunt passed through his nose.

Throwing the blankets back, Edward stumbled out of bed, having decided to go for a morning run to settle is racing mind. Everything was so jacked up and Edward only had his lack of willpower to blame.

* * *

It was well past ten o'clock when Alphonse opened his bleary eyes. He was freezing, his body trembling with bouts of shivers. He could feel the chill straight to his bones. There was a deep ache in his back and thighs and the cold was only making it throb worse.

Moaning loudly, Al tried to curl in on himself under the thin blanket. He felt horrible. Everything hurt.

 _'Too early for this…'_  the boy thought trying to bury himself further into the mattress. Grabbing blindly for the extra pillow on the other side of the bed, Alphonse pressed the fluffy fabric into his face.

The heavy scent of his brother caught his senses until he was left gagging on the overpowering sillage. ' _The aroma of sandalwood, sweat and traces of motor oil from brother's automail limbs.'_

The memories of last night rushed to the front of Alphonse's sleepy mind. The unadulterated movement of his brother's body moving over… i-in…into him.

He sat up quickly, hugging the pillow to his panting chest, his fingers digging unnoticeable into the white fabric, hazel eyes blown wide in self horror. His heart beat quickened to a sickening pace, when the realization of what he had done finally sank into his soul.

"OhMyGod."

The blush on Alphonse cheeks reddened as more memories flashed their way into the present. It was too much. He suddenly felt unbelievably ill. His stomach churning with an unwavering sense of disgust as his mouth filled with sour saliva.

Throwing the covers back while ignoring his nudity, Al made a mad dash for the bathroom adjacent to his room. He barely made it to the porcelain toilet before throwing himself to his knees and emptying his already vacant stomach.

Alphonse gagged on the idea of what they had done. He wretched at every memory of his brother's hands sliding over his skin. His stomach twisted and turned in on itself with empty dry-heaves. Alphonse had no more to give. Everything had already been taken from him, but his body demand a higher penance for his committed sin.

His gut churned and curled, his throat gagged and choked, and his soul screamed for redemption. Tears gushed down his face leaving wet streaks painting his burning cheeks.

After an eternity of letting his forehead rest on the cold lip of the toilet Alphonse's stomach settled enough for him to stand up on shaky legs.

His vision swirled as he rose to height. His left hand found support on the wall as he squeezed his wet eyes closed. The hot tears continuously streamed down his face. The feeling of shapeless emotion battled inside the boy's soul.

_'Regret.'_

It was the only word that could signify what Alphonse was experiencing. The picture linked together as the realization settled in like the missing puzzle pieces. Edward and Alphonse would never be the same. Their relationship dynamic changed within the span of one bad… scratch that… corrupt decision. They would never be  **just brothers**  ever again.

It was this thought alone that sent a cold knot of numbness into Alphonse's heart.

"Brother…" Al whispered to no one when a wave of nausea breezed through him like a wind shaking the branches on a flimsy tree. His hand that was not supporting him on the wall gripped at his angry stomach.

His skin was itchy. Dreadfully itchy.

He was ached in places he'd rather not think about.

But he couldn't find an ounce of care within himself.

He was numb and disoriented. He was alone and suddenly the walls were coming in on him. Alphonse gasped for his breath, but his lungs refused to work. Hot tears flooded his hazel eyes as a silent cry of anguish raked through his body.

_'If mother was alive and she found out what we'd done, she would be… mortified.'_

It was a thought best left untouched.

_'Did Brother feel regret as well?'_

As soon as that question was out in the open, the rest of the boy's doubt came tumbling down the mountain heights.

 _'Where is Edward_?'

Now Alphonse was asking himself the right question. Edward hadn't been there when Al had first woken up. The sheets were long since cold by the time the younger boy had awoken. A knot of doubt touched Alphonse's stomach.

_'If brother wasn't there, when had he left?'_

The realization of everything bounced back and forth inside Al chaotically. So many question being asked at the same time. It was overwhelming.

Lost within his thoughts the young man dragged himself into a lukewarm shower. The tepid water washed away the feeling of their sin from his skin.  _'Please— wash away my thoughts…'_ Alphonse thought wrapping his hands around his midsection. 'I don't want to think anymore…'

Al tipped his chin up and let the water flow over his tear soaked face. The feeling of warmth running over his body was soothing and welcoming. It wasn't soon after this that Alphonse realized how dirty he truly was. His skin on his stomach was caked with dry flaky semen, he scrapped at it with his fingernail and was thoroughly disgusted as some of it crusted off.

He reached for his mint scented body wash on the side of the tub. Pouring a copious amount into the palm of his hand, Al began washing.

Alphonse scrubbed until his flesh turned an angry red color and then he scrubbed a little more because that's how gross he felt. He wasn't satisfied until every inch of skin had thoroughly been washed. Then he stood under the spray watching the soothing water disappearing down the metal bath drain. It was hypnotic, the way the water ran off his body and swirled around the grate at the bottom of the white tub. I know it sounds meaningless, but it gave Alphonse something to focus on rather than the constant guilt looping in his chest.

It could have been hours, or merely minutes, but by the times Alphonse climbed out of the shower he was completely numb inside and out. His stomach had stopped violently churning, his gag reflex was relaxed, and the amount of saliva in his mouth was reduced. This didn't mean Al wasn't feeling like utter shit. His lower back ached like nobody's business and so did his throat from all the dry heaving.

Reaching for the white towel hanging on the hook his right, Alphonse dried off quickly before wrapping the white, damp towel around his waist. His long blond hair leaked large droplets of water down his back and arms. Ignoring his hair for the moment, Al moved towards the counter top and sink. He wiped a hand across the mirror, leaving a wet dotted streak in the steam.

The person in mirror was almost unrecognizable. Alphonse took in his grey skin, heavy bags under his eyes, and dry chapped lips, but it was his dull hazel eyes that stared back in a lifeless haze, which made him look away from his reflection. He felt disgusted with himself. He didn't like the person he could see in the mirror.

Al sucked in a wet breath through his mouth. It almost hurt to breathe. He drug a hand through his wet bangs as they fell into his eyes.

 _'Get yourself together, Alphonse.'_  The boy thought, letting his eyes roll back towards the mirror. A purple splotch on the arch of his throat caught his attention. Tipping his head to the side, Alphonse brushed his wet hair off his neck and shoulders.

"Holy…" ' _hell.'_

Dark hickeys decorated his pale skin. Alphonse watched the blush slipping onto his cheeks in the mirror's reflection. He brought a shaking hand up to his neck but at the last moment decided against touching the skin there. Instead the blond clenched his hand into a fist and turned away from the mirror with tears stinging his eyes.

_'Sick; sick; sick.'_

In a blind hurry Alphonse ripped the door open and hurried through it. Unexpectedly he ran face first into a bare, sweaty chest.

"Hell, Alphonse…" Edward grumbled looking down towards his little brother. "Watch where you're going."

Side stepping the taller male without looking up, Alphonse mumbled an apology and made a mad dash towards his bedroom without looking back towards Edward, who was left standing in the hall way.

The door slammed at his back and Al sagged down onto the hard wood behind him. His heart felt like it was going to explode from his chest at any given moment. The shell of numbness he'd carefully constructed around himself in the shower peeled open like an over boiled egg. The guilt was starting to leak through again. Taking a deep even breath, Alphonse tried to compose himself.

The pathetic part, Alphonse realized leaning against the door, was the fact buried beneath all that looping guilt, he still felt aroused in his brothers presence.

Those few seconds of Alphonse pressing into Ed's sweaty chest was all it took for Al's body to respond.

Despite it being so very, very wrong, Alphonse was hard and aching beneath his towel. A crooning sound tickled the back of Al's throat and his hand ducked under the white fabric slung around his hip. His hand tightened around his cock. It was hot and heavy resting in his palm. He moaned again as he rubbed along his swollen gland. Visions of his brother's sweaty body moving over him sparked white trickles up the boy's spine.

Alphonse never allowed himself the pleasure of masturbating to thoughts of his older brother. Before, Al thought it had been wrong, sick, to think of ones family in such a sexual way. Even if they would never know about the act of defilement- and it was still  **that** ; a defilement of the other person's respect.

But now that a distinct line had been crossed between the two brothers, Alphonse stroked his ridged length without an ounce guilt for doing so.

This was something he should have been ashamed of, but the forbidden desire only fueled the boy's emotions. Flashes of pleasure rippled down Alphonse's spine and straight through to the hardness in his palm.

At some point the towel slid down the boy's body as it pooled around Al's bare feet. He ignored it and instead pictured Edward on his knees before him, his arousal disappearing behind his brother's plump lips and into the back side of Ed's throat. Al bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out as the pictures assaulted him.

It was all too much. He bit into his flesh until he could taste metal on his tongue. The throaty moan was begging to escape. Alphonse's hand continued to stroke himself vigorously, the picture of his brother gagging on his cock painted the inside of the boy's eyelids.

 _'Br-brother's just down the hall.'_  His fist gave a tightening squeeze at that thought.  _'…he might hear me.'_  Al's throat stuck and his heart skipped a beat. His blond head knocked back against the door, white hot pleasure rocketing through Alphonse at the thought of Edward hearing him masturbating. It didn't mean Al was going to moan like a whore either.  _'I' did enough of that last night.'_  Al's entrance clenched at the memory of being spread open for Edward and he finally did cry out as he came riding on that mental alone. His knees turned to rubber and as he caved under his weight Al slid down the door.

He sat there with a heaving chest, looking down at the mess he'd made on the floor. White translucent liquid smeared across the hardwood. It made Alphonse chuckle; it was a broken sort of laugh, the kind that could easily turn into a bout of tears if he allowed himself to. The whole situation was fucked up.

Alphonse felt confused. His body was telling him one thing, while his brain told him another. Everything that was deemed right was upside down, while everything wrong was right-side up. It was confusing to say the least. Especially to someone like Alphonse, who was still – even after seven years in his human body - trying to rationalize how emotions work.

The laughter died down as the guilt started to seep in. Al knew family shouldn't feel this way for one another. It was blatantly obvious that it was morally wrong.  _'...but it felt so right…'_  Al thought with a sigh as he stood up onto shaky legs. He bit at his sore lip while looking down at his mess on the floor. He dropped the towel down onto the white fluid caking to the wood.

With another despondent exhale Alphonse set about getting dressed.

* * *

It was about an hour later when there was a knock at his bedroom door.

Alphonse was sitting on his bed reading; he'd been trying to not leave his bedroom for anything. He wasn't ready to confront his brother. Al thought at the time it was the best idea to stay in his room. 'And hide like a coward,' Alphonse thought with a sneer to himself. Now he was second guessing himself.

There was another knock. The butterflies in Al's stomach kicked into overdrive. The fluttering was leading Alphonse to the brink of throwing up again. He knew who was on the other side of that door and he wasn't ready to deal with reality of it yet.

Al ignored the third knock, feigning sleep.

_'Thankfully I'd locked the door.'_

The fourth knock was a lot hard then the first three. It was also followed by the demanding voice of an annoyed older brother.

"Alphonse, I know you're in there!"

Al set his book down in his lap with a dreary sigh.

"What do you want Edward?"

Edward's response sounded muffled through the wooden door. "For you to answer the door when I knock."

Alphonse worried his bottom lip with his teeth. Deciding it would probably be easier if he just open the door for Edward, Al reluctantly stood and strode to the door. He unlatched the lock and returned to his spot of his bed. Al picked up his book, squared his shoulders, and spoke loud enough so his brother could hear him through the wood.

"It's open," He said with a sigh.

When Edward strolled in, Alphonse buried his nose in his textbook. He had decided earlier he'd just ignore everything that happened last night. Play it stupid, so he wouldn't have to be embarrassed in front of his older brother.

Neither man said anything at first, the silence stretching on and beyond.

It was Ed who spoke up first in a soft voice. "Are you hungry? It's about dinner time."

A grunt of acknowledgement, which sounded more like something that normally Edward would respond with, came out of Alphonse as he buried his nose further into his book.

It went on like that for a few minutes; with Edward asking a question and barely getting a response from Alphonse. It wasn't until Edward sat down on the bed and reached a hand out to touch Alphonse's shoulder that the older of the two got a response.

Alphonse leaped off the bed in a blur of motion and was on the opposite side of the room in a blink of eye. Edward sat there on the edge of the bed, dumbfounded looking at the empty space where Alphonse had just been.

Al watched his brothers jaw twitch in agitation. He knew the signs of Edward being pushed too far. What Alphonse wasn't expecting (and he should have been considering how blunt his brother could be) was Edward to come right out and throw their dirty secret into the limelight.

"Fucking hell. Alphonse…" Edwards flesh hand ran through his bangs before speaking again. "We need to talk about this."

Alphonse swallowed thickly as he turned away from Ed to set his textbook on his desk. He tried to keep his cadence even without letting his nerves show in his voice as he feigned ignorance.

"Talk about what, brother?"

There was a burning in Al's cheeks form calling Edward 'brother' but he pushed the thought aside and busied himself with straightening his desk up. 'When had it become so cluttered?' Edward stood from the bed; Alphonse knew this because the squeaking springs of his rundown mattress sounded in the air. Al could feel the heat of his brother at his back even with the few inches separating them.

"About what happened last night?"

Al felt his inside bursting with fireworks. Like his veins were coursing with bubbling champagne. On the outside though, he was playing indifferent.

"Oh," Was Alphonse's answer as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

Edward's hands came to rest on Alphonse shoulders, and the younger of the two flinched away from the touch as if it had burnt. Alphonse moved back towards his bed, his back still facing towards Edward. Tears were threatening to fall but Al willed them away, not wanting Ed to see him break down.

"Alphonse..." Edward whispered Al's name like a prayer. It made Alphonse's inside twist with self-loathing and guilt. But it was what his brother spoke next which broke his solid reserve."…Why won't you let me touch you?"

Al bit his lip so he wouldn't have to answer. His words failed him as they stuck in throat.  _'Because this is wrong… so very wrong.'_

"Al, p-please talk to me." Edward's voice shook with uncertainty. Alphonse could hear it clear as birds singing in spring but he remained quiet with his shoulders slumping downwards in defeat.

There was a pregnant pause filled with the sounds of their heavy breathing.

"Did I hurt you last night, Alphonse?" Edward uttered out.

Al whipped around wide-eyed without thinking.

"No!" he declared almost franticly.

Edward's face was contorted in obvious pain; the sight of it echoed into Alphonse chest.

"Then what is it…" Ed insisted looking into Al's bright innocent eyes. Alphonse couldn't take the emotion he was seeing in Edward's yellow, yellow gaze. His eyes dropped down towards the wooden floor. The guilt was swirling with a chaotic intent.

"Do you regret it?" Edwards asked a moment later.

Alphonse's brain screamed 'yes' but his heart disagreed.

"N-no." he stuttered out towards the floor.

"Then what?" Ed insisted, taking a step in Alphonse's direction.

It must have been the emotion displayed on the younger blonde's face as he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head back and forth. Alphonse was trying to expel all his thoughts out with the rapid motion. Edward must have cleared the distance between them, for in the next moment Edward reached out and cupped Alphonse's cheeks with his miss matched hands.

"Alphonse, please. Talk to me."

The younger boy's glassy eyes locked onto his older brother's, "D-D-Did you create me like this?" Al's words broke as he spoke them.

Edward's eyebrows pinched with confusion, "W-what? What are you talking about Alphonse?"

The one question Al had been dying to ask ever since returning to his human body. It was now out in the open between the brothers.

Had Edward somehow formed these twisted emotions into Alphonse during the Human transmutation? Could this all be lead back to the derivative of Ed's feelings for his little brother? It made sense, Alphonse couldn't remember ever experiencing this way back when his soul was locked away in that suit of armor. The only thing the younger Elric could remember feeling back in those days was a sense of honor and duty to fulfill the journey of finding the philosopher's stone and return their bodies to normal.

Alphonse almost forgot how it actually felt to feel love inside that clunky metal armor. When his body was returned because of Edward's selfless sacrifice, all those emotion he'd been missing for all those years came rushing back.

Al loved his brother, but he never realized maybe Edward was IN love with him.

Edward was left speechless. Alphonse watched the emotions flickering back and forth in his older brother's eyes. Confusion, remorse, love, denial, and then guilt settled in and filled Edward's eyes with a dreadful gleam.

It was an unfriendly look, the kind Alphonse had only ever seen his brother express when they were talking about their father.

Al swallowed around the intensely overwhelming sensation growing in the back of his throat.

"Is that what you think of me?" Ed spoke in an angry growl with the sense of doom gathering quickly. Edward's hands dropped away from Alphonse's face and he turned towards the door, obviously demoralized.

Alphonse tried to stop him but the damage had already been done. When the door slammed shut, Alphonse knew he'd just made everything so much worse.

The front door opened and then slammed closed with Edward leaving the apartment.

Only then did Alphonse allow himself to break down and cry himself into a river of despair.

_'What have I done?'_

**To be continued...**


	5. Keep running.

**Keep running.**

The night went by without any sign of Edwards return. Alphonse sat numbly on the couch in the dark living room waiting for Ed's headlights to illuminate the room with the sign of his arrival, but they never came.

Al thought long and hard through the night. ' _If only I could explain what I meant.'_  He never should've brought up something as sensitive as Alphonse's human transmutation. It was a subject - at least on Edward's account - categorized under the section:  **we don't speak of such things, ever**. It was underlined and in bold print and everything. It was a taboo topic between the brothers and Alphonse never felt right bringing it up.

So he buried all his questions and worries alongside the seal portal of Shamballa all those years ago. The topic was never brought up again. Alphonse's doubts and worries never went away, though. From time to time they would start their scratching along the edges of his mind; like starved rats scraping at the food just out of their reach.

Things he remembered he loved as a child now turned to ash on his tongue. Thing he knew he would've enjoyed before, he now didn't know if he really wanted any of them.

For example; Alphonse's memory of his childhood play's out like distant echoes bouncing off the hillside. The faint trances of remembrances were all the younger Elric had left. The shards of memory's that left lasting impressions from his childhood through the soul bound and into his adulthood. The warm caress of his mother's hand when he was sick. The sound of his brother's laughter calling him outside to play. The feeling of cold water of the lake lapping at his toes. The taste of delicious milk while eating cookies for a summer treat.

He remembers specifically Edward's hatred of dairy, admittedly more so later in life but nonetheless still strongly as a child.

Their Mother knew this, so when she would give the boy's their treat, there was always one rule. You had to finish your milk. Edward would always give Alphonse his glass of milk when mother wasn't looking and Alphonse would accept it because he loved milk so very much. The rule wasn't for the youngest, but instead for the stubborn elder of the two who hate milk and anything dairy.

This memory is where the trouble and worries all began for Alphonse. The slow process of a trickle down effect in his mind.

Alphonse hates the taste of dairy.

He remembers the first time he'd tasted the stuff back when Edward and Al were separated; Edward lost on the other side of the gate and Alphonse still suffering from memory loss at the time. Winry had handed him a large chilled glass of milk, telling him it had been one of his favorite as a child. Alphonse trusted her and took a large gulp of the creamy white fluid. He almost immediately spit it back out comically all over the kitchen floor, coughing and gasping for air. To say the least, Alphonse thought the drink was disgusting… Something that truly revolted his palate. His idea on milk never changed, even after getting his memory's back.

Alphonse didn't start second guessing himself until he began to realize other traits that reminded him of his brother.

Al's speech pattern changed, he began using words and phrases he would have never dared using while locked in the suit of armor because it was immoral. He now found himself swearing and cursing like a drunken sailor; just like Edward in almost every aspect.

There in lied the problem; everything Alphonse was questioning could be explained away by the fact he was considered an adult now. Everything in humans changes when they enter into adulthood. People change with maturity. It was human nature.

But could Alphonse have missed something vital like a missing link lost somewhere in between his extraction of his soul and the bridge to his human transmutation? Could Edward have somehow transferred some of his traits alongside creating a body for Alphonse?

 _'It was possible'_ , Alphonse thought logically fidgeting on the uncomfortable couch.  _'But also, I could be over thinking this… Or Maybe I'm just realizing I'm a sociopath who's trying to find blame in somebody else… Stupid… stupid, stupid.'_

It was well past midnight and yet Edward still hadn't returned. Alphonse thoughts were straying into a dangerous place. Self-blame. A cold knot of dread echoed through the boy's chest at the realization of the time.

 _'Brother will be home soon. I-I just know it.'_  Al tried to reason with the culpable amount of apprehension lingering in the air. It was no use, he still felt sick to his stomach at the vision of Edward's angry eyes painted in his memory before his brother's hasty escape.

A broken sigh past the young blonde's dry lips as he curled into a ball on the cold cushions of the couch. He'd been staring at the empty fireplace for hours with unseeing eyes. His vision gone grayer then the soot stained hearth. The boy's tears had long since dried with a numbing feeling taking over his immense sadness. Alphonse was lost in self-pity and he only had himself to blame.

Well that wasn't entirely true. Alphonse could also lay blame at his brother's doorstep, but wasn't that what gotten him into all this trouble?

 _'How did that old saying go?'_  Alphonse thought pressing his cheek into scratchy fabric. ' _Always find someone else to blame for your failures.'_  Thing was, Alphonse didn't want to blame Edward. He just wanted to be in his brothers comforting embrace.

The youngest Elric squirmed around on the couch, trying to find a comfortable position but failing because it was an impossible feat. Another dreadful sigh escaped Al's mouth. Reluctantly, Alphonse sat up from the lumpy couch and stood onto wobbly legs.

Slowly Al made his way down the dark hallway, his palm running the length of the cool wall at his side for support. He left like his leg could give at any moment. Alphonse was weak and felt entirely pathetic but he couldn't help it. The pitiful emotions had already burrowed into his core. The feeling made a home in his chest and had decided it was contented and wasn't leaving anytime soon.

 _'Sleep'_  echoed in the boy's mind.  _'Sleep will fix everything.'_ It wasn't a lie, but a simple omission of the truth.

He paused in the archway to his room.

Edward's door was partially open. Al's fuzzy brain was startled awake by this notion.  _'Brother always keeps his door closed and locked.'_

Before he could decide it was a bad idea, Alphonse crept over to the ajar door. The door creaked as it opened on its hinges. Edward's room was dark but the presence of his brother was living there. The scent of Ed clung heavily in the air. It assaulted Alphonse as he stepped through the threshold. The feeling of trepidation gripped at his stomach. Edward had a weird pet-peeve about people being in his room. Alphonse knew this but he couldn't help himself. He rolled his eyes dramatically at himself. That was quickly becoming Al's new motto in life: ' _I couldn't help myself._ '

Like a siren calling him to the rocky shores, Edward's bed looked enticingly sweet. Without much of thought Alphonse crossed the remaining distance and fell face first into the ocean of blankets and pillows which smelled of Ed's sweet sillage.

In moments Alphonse was asleep. He descended into sleep, imagining Edward's blankets were his brother's arms wrapped around his tired, wilting frame.

Everything for the moment was motionless, and that was fine by Alphonse.

* * *

The second day went by and Edward still wasn't home. There hadn't even been a single phone call to let Alphonse know his older brother was alright and not off dead somewhere in the gutter. The answering machine blinked dauntingly that there were no new messages left in the night.

By this point Alphonse had moved from being hurt to just being fucking, lividly pissed. Alphonse understood Edward was a grown man and he could leave and come as he pleased, but totally disappearing out of your roommate's life, let alone your only family's? It just wasn't right from any angle. No matter how angry or mad you become, if you storm out of the house at least have the decency to pick up the phone.

There were only so many places Edward could've gone. Work, where Ed could've gone to sleep on his office couch at the construction site. A hotel, which seemed entirely wrong. Maybe a friend's house? Though the only friend Alphonse knew about was… *Alfons Heiderich.

Alphonse came to realize all those years ago when he first reappeared through the gate with Edward, if he wanted to fit into his brother new life here in this strange alchemy-less world, Heiderich was going to be a big part of it.

Apparently, Edward and Heiderich had grown close in the time they lived together under the same roof. How close, Alphonse couldn't be for sure. It'd always been a nagging thought in the back of Al's mind that Edward and Alfons were more then what they appeared to be.

The mere idea that Ed would have ran off to Heiderich because he was hurt by Alphonse sent a black and dark feeling through the boy's stomach,  _'It was the only logical explanation...'_  Al thought mournfully. He looked down towards his hands cupping a steaming mug of tea. He thought about calling over there himself but the legendary Elric pride got the better of him.

 _'If Edward was going to call, he would've done so already.'_  Alphonse's mouth sat in a straight depressing line.

It was Monday morning, and Al had class in a couple hours. Even if he didn't want to go because he felt like utter crap, fifty-percent of his grade alone relied on his participation in class. Alphonse had to go; he couldn't jeopardize his livelihood on something so trivial. He sighed wearily into his white mug while taking a sip.

It may hurt to breath now but it didn't mean Alphonse was going to die from suffocation. If Edward didn't want to come home to him, Al would just have to deal with the fallout. It really wasn't fine, but for the moment Alphonse was okay. He had something to focus his pain into.

 _'In order to keep living I can't let this stifle me. Even if I don't like it, I must endure.'_  Alphonse stood on that thought from the small kitchen table. He had to get ready for his day.

* * *

Alphonse couldn't for the life of him recall the reason why he never got around to cutting his hair. When he was a child he'd always worn it short.

It was probably something to do with the fact Edward mentioned in passing how he thought Alphonse's long hair suited his oval face.  
Or maybe it had been when Alphonse took on the mantle of Fullmetal's signature red jacket while wandering Amertris looking for any sign of his missing brother. Alphonse may not totally get what caused him to keep his long hair in the past but he did understand he was tired of living under such similarities to brother.

Alphonse wasn't doing it to get back at Edward in any way. Or at least he didn't intentionally set out for it to appear that way.

He was doing it for his own twisted urge to separate himself from Edward persona. Al had been living in his brother's shadow for so long, and he was finally ready to emerge as his own person. And if that meant cutting his hair, then so be it. He was ready to be Alphonse Elric, not Edward Elric's little brother. The bothers looked so similar at times, it was hard to tell them apart, with matching long blond hair and sharp angled faces. Alphonse couldn't change his bone structure but he could alter his hair…

"Alphonse. The stylist is ready for you." The brightly haired receptionists called out with a friendly smile. She was sitting behind the desk at the front of the salon which strongly smelled of burnt hair and chemicals.

He stood from the rickety silver waiting chair with clenched fist.  _'It's now or never…'_

* * *

It was embarrassing to say the least, removing the scarf which was hiding all the marks along his neck for the stylist to cut his hair. The hairdresser took one glance at the necklace of hickeys etched on the boy's neck before giving him a knowing look. Al had blushed and thought to himself,  _'you have no idea lady…'_

The finished product was stylish, the hair artist called it the matte side-part style. Apparently it was a classic for men with short sides and a medium length on top.

Alphonse's barley recognized himself in the mirror when it was all over and done with. It'd brought a smile to his lips at the time, right before his eye's caught sight of the horridly bright ringed-marks on his neck. Before anyone else could see the smudges Alphonse wrapped his freshly bare neck with his black and checkered scarf, paid and left for school.

* * *

Alphonse walked into his class with a fresh hair style. It was much shorter, a lot shorter then he'd ever imagine having. His neck felt naked and bare without the weight of a braided plait.

Al took a moment to look around the class room. People were just starting to file in. His eyes scanned the few faces talking among themselves before noticing he was actually looking for someone. He stopped himself immediately and took the first seat on his right. He sunk down into the blue plastic chair. The boy rubbed a hand through the short hairs on the base of his neck for the umpteenth time since getting it cut. It was quickly becoming an addicting habit.

A sharp whistle behind him startled the blond out of his trance. Al turned and dropped his hand from his neck. The feeling of flutters took hold of his stomach at the sight of Reese's smiling face.

"Look at this guy, 'all snazzy with his new due," Reese expressed, taking the chair next to Al's. His bright green eyes never left Alphonse's flustered face.

"Yeah…" Al breathlessly exhaled while his fingers grazed the short hairs on his neck again.

"Well, it looks good." Reese admitted with a crooked grin. "I honestly almost didn't recognize you…" he spoke easily, slouching down in his seat. His eyes swept the room as he did so. The taller blonde's elbow grazed Alphonse's side as he leaned a bit closer to him. It sent a peculiar warmth through Al's system.

"Do you wanna know how I knew it was you?" Reese teased warmly finally looking back to Al with radiant green eyes.

"How?" Alphonse really did wonder, all the while he subconsciously counted the butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

Reese leaned that much closer, Alphonse could smell the ocean clinging to the taller male. It made Al swallow thickly.

"You sit with a stick up your ass."

"— Excuse me?" Alphonse voice rose higher, and cracked comically. It made Reese burst out with a lurid laugh. Al sank into himself at the horrifying pitch of his voice. Everyone in the room was looking towards him. Reese was only making it worse chuckling that warm chesty laugh. It raked chilling shivers down his spine while simultaneously erupting warmth into his stomach. It still didn't override the mortification of the situation. Al glared daggers towards him.

"W-what?" Reese feigned innocence.

"Don't what me… I do not sit with a…" A blush touched Alphonse's face. His words caught on the tip of his tongue as he thought of something more pleasurable happening to his rear end.

"—with a stick up your ass." Reese quipped with a smile on the verge of a grin. Alphonse glared at him again before turning in his seat to stare at the white board at the front of the classroom.

"I only mean, you have perfect posture, Alphonse." Reese explained playfully as he grazed Al's bicep with a passing touch.

"There is nothing wrong with sitting up straight—."

"…So prefect it could be considered atrocious." Reese interrupted with a touch of a laugh in his words.

"Do you ever get uncomfortable? It sure looks like it's uncomfortable…" The other male wondered out loud. Reese's warm hand moved from Al's arm to the gap between the chair and the middle of his back. Alphonse had to bite back a gasp of being surprised. The touch was unexpected.

Instead Alphonse turned slightly in his chair away from the unwarranted touch.

"Don't you ever get tired of asking questions?"

Reese's smile grew until it touched both of his cheeks, two matching dimples on either side of his face.

"No." He answered unabashed.

Alphonse watched Reese's eye flicker down to his scarf and then back up. The tops of Al's ears were already turning red before Reese could even ask the question hanging in the air. The taller blond never got the chance though, the professor decided that moment to enter the class room.

That was one of the things Alphonse respected Reese for most, his work ethic was flawless.

* * *

Two hours later, class was finally over. Alphonse was packing his bag to leave when he felt eyes on his person. Looking to his side Reese was staring at him openly.

"What?" Alphonse questioned, self-consciously touching the edges of his scarf.

Reese's ever present smile slipped onto his mouth. "What are you doing today after class?"

 _'Waiting around for Brother…'_ Al thought with a dark feeling freezing his chest.  _'Always waiting…'_  Al looked down at his messenger bag and mumbled out about having nothing to do. The lie left a bad taste in his mouth as he spoke it.

Reese must not have noticed, "Come to my dorm room, then."

"Y-your dorm?" Alphonse parroted back timidly.

"Yeah, you know. That place where I sleep and live…"

"I-I-I… don't know." Al avowed back sadly, ignoring Reese's playful quip. His mouth was set into a firm line as he swung his backpack onto his shoulder. Mindlessly Alphonse clutched at the scarf around his neck like a security blanket, making sure none of the hideous marking below could be seen by anyone, especially from the male before him.

"Seriously, Al?" Reese gave a hard look to Alphonse over his brows. His sharp eyes boring holes through Alphonse's excuses. It left a feeling of helplessness coming over the younger boy.

"Don't you have work after class?" Alphonse questioned back, tucking his bangs behind his ear as he walked out the double doors leading outside. Irked by this, Alphonse realized what he was doing and dropped his hand. There was no long hair to brush away anymore.

"Nope. My friend Mel needed more hours, so I gave her mine." Reese explained following after Al's hurried footsteps.

"Come on Alphonse. It'll be fun."

Alphonse glanced over and noticed the plain white shirt Reese was wearing made his bright green eyes shimmer with mirth. There was no doubt in Al's mind that it wouldn't be fun. It wasn't that he didn't want to go, he just couldn't... He needed to go home to see if Edward was back yet. No matter the dark mossy feeling growing in his chest at the idea of seeing his brother, he had to go home. No excuse.

"I-I really need to get home."

Alphonse started walking away hurriedly, not caring if he looked strange. A hand on his elbow stopped him in his downwind march.

"Wait a second..." Reese insisted stepping in front of the shorter male. Alphonse realized then how tall Reese really was as he was staring down upon his form. Reese never broke the contact of his hand on the boy's elbow, instead he reshuffled his hold till he had both of Al's arms in his larger grip.

"What's wrong? Are you upset?" Reese asked with more concern in his voice than Alphonse had heard before.

It didn't feel right to lie to Reese, he deserved the truth. Or at least the closest Alphonse could get to the sick-twisted truth. His reluctance must have shown on his face because Reese's brow pinched together in a worried line.

"I got into this huge fight with my brother, I-I-I... need to apologize to him."

Reese was watching Al with a discouraging expression. His blond brow pinching along the middles; it vaguely reminded Al of Edward when he got perturbed with him. A green feeling touched at his stomach and turned it entirely around.

 _'Stop thinking of Edward!'_ He screamed at himself in his mind as he ripped out of Reese hold.

"You wouldn't understand." He snapped out before he could find a care to stop.

Reese look startled by Al's abrupt outburst before the expression melded behind a gentle smile. For some unknown reason, Alphonse jaw hitched with agitation at the feeling Reese was casually brushing off his outburst.

"Explain it to me then." Reese said simply with a lighter, gentler tone.

It took a moment for it to register as he blinked through his confusion, but Alphonse realized through his building anger that Reese wasn't disregarding him. Instead he was trying to help. Once Al rationalized he wasn't being attacked it was like someone had turned his imaginary spigot on, all of his worries and doubts came pouring out in a hurried rush.

He didn't mention things he knew not to talk about, like the taboo topic of his relationship with his brother. Everything else ran out like a rushing waterfall.

Alphonse told Reese about Edward being his only family and best friend. How he felt betrayed by his brother's withdraw from him. He told Reese about the argument yesterday but not what the fight entailed. Alphonse talked through his throat sticking about how Edward had ran from the apartment the night before and how he hadn't returned yet.

"…I-I don't even know where he's at, Reese." Alphonse confessed with tears stinging his eyes. His voice was cracking but he couldn't care. Al had  **finally**  hit the metaphorical wall, he was at his wits end.

"Have you tried calling his cellphone?" Reese questioned.

"He doesn't own one. Neither of us do."

Reese's eyebrows rose skywards at this bit of information.

Alphonse understood. In this day and age everyone owns a cellular phone. Alphonse knew it seemed strange not to own one. But seeing how Edward and Alphonse weren't from this world entirely, the idea of actually having one seemed more peculiar. There were many things in this new life that they both had grown accustom too, but mobile phones were not one of them.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it Alphonse. Edward is a big boy. He'll show up sooner or later," Reese console to the best of his ability.

"You're right…" Alphonse took a steadying breath, as he tried to believe in Reese's reassurance. He ran his fingers through his short bangs before repeating himself. "You're right."

"Of course I am." Reese smiled widely, throwing his arm over Al's narrow shoulders. "I'm always right."

The warm somersault-feeling was back in Alphonse's stomach as he watched Reese smiling so open and carefree. The warmth of the other male's body bled through the ice pulsing through Al's veins. Alphonse realized being this close to the other male he could see the laugh lines around Reese's eyes. They made his already eye-catching face grow in attractiveness. A small gleam of hope started to expand in the younger boy's chest.

_'Maybe I can survive without brother…'_

"Come on." Reese insisted pulling Al towards the student parking lot. "You're coming with me."

Alphonse didn't have time to argue. He was pulled across the blacktop and pushed into a dark blue car. The door closed and Al was left in the silence. Moments later Reese was sliding into the driver side.

Turning sideways in his seat, Alphonse looked over towards Reese. He was still wearing that killer smile. It made Al's heart flutter up into his throat.

"I-I have to go home, Reese." He stumbled through his words. The feeling in his throat stifled any attempt at sounding serious.

The other male made a sound in his chest before he took something out of the center console and tossed it into Alphonse's lap.

"…No. You don't…" Reese said before starting the car and reversing out of the parking space.

Alphonse realized the object in his lap was a phone. He picked it up and looked at the shiny black plastic device Reese had given him. "I-I…"

"Call your house, Alphonse." The other male stated bluntly.

"O-okay?" Al spoke it as a question, not a statement. He didn't really follow…

"If he's home, he'd answers, right?"

Reese had a point. It made sense. Alphonse continued to stare down at the black phone in his hand. He wiped a thumb a crossed the glass screen, the residue off his skin left a dotted streak across it.

"Go on…" Reese lured Al as he coaxed the car to a halt in a line of other cars trying to exit the parking lot.

With a calming breath, that wasn't really all that reassuring, Alphonse pressed the button and punched in his home phone number, then he brought it to his ear.

The boy could feel the sweat starting to coat his skin. He pulled mindlessly at the scarf around his neck. The pit in his stomach grew with every passing second Edward didn't answer. After the sixth-set of ringing, the answering machine picked up. He ended the call before he could hear the full cheesy message Edward and he had set up when they first got the machine.

Alphonse didn't know if he felt relieved Edward hadn't answered or completely saddened Ed wasn't home yet. Either way, he felt suddenly numbed to the core as he handed the phone back to Reese.

"He didn't answer..." Al tried to smile but he knew it was coming out as a barely-there upturn of his lips.

Reese pulled out onto the main street and pointed the car in the opposite way of Alphonse's house. Neither of them said anything until they reached Reese's building. When they parked Alphonse followed him mindlessly through front doors and up the rickety elevator to his floor. All the while he thought to himself about where Edward could be.

 _'…Most likely with Heiderich.'_  The jealous creature lurking inside of him was ranting and screaming. Al didn't like the idea of his brother getting comfort from another. It left a feeling of dread creeping up his spine. He was assaulted with images of Heiderich, with his similar face to Al's, doing anything to make Edward feel better. It made Alphonse see green.

It must have shown on Al's expression because when Reese turned around from unlocking his dorm-room, the older blond had worry etched into his features.

"You need a drink…" he stated with a smooth knowing smile. Reese gripped Al's wrist and pulled him inside, the door slamming closed behind them.

* * *

"No fair!" Alphonse exclaimed at the end of the round. "…You're cheating!

The scrolling red words of  **'Finish him'**  with the equally brutal voice blared from the television.

"Am not." Reese bantered back as he knocked sideways into Alphonse with his shoulder playfully. "I can't help it you suck at video games!" he goaded with a toothy smile.

Reese's character eyes ignited in fire before she kissed her palm and a fiery heart erupted from it. She blew it and it zipped across the screen to land on Alphonse's guy. His dazed character was set ablaze and fell to the floor dead. The screen panned back to Reese's girl.

 **'Sonya wins.'**  Growled the voice from the game.  **'FATALITY'** , echoed closely after.

Alphonse stared disgustingly at the T.V.

"I think I'm done." He revealed setting the control down and rubbing at his straining eyes.

Reese turned towards him with a chuckle and agreed. He rose effortlessly from the carpet in front of the television to flip the console off. Al took a sip off his warm beer to his left and made a horrid face. He normally never drank (he didn't like the taste) but when Reese had offered him one, for some reason he didn't refuse. It did calm him down enough so he could enjoy himself without worry, though. So he didn't put much thought behind it.

Al heard Reese snicker again at his expense.

"…'want a fresher one?" Reese offered walking towards the mini-fridge in the corner of his room.

"I really shouldn't. I need to get going soon."

It was a solid excuse not to drink anymore. Al already felt warm and fuzzy from the two he had already consumed.

"You just got here." Reese threw over his shoulder as he knelt down to dig through the back of his tiny fridge.

Not to make Alphonse sound obsessive but he'd been keeping his eye on the time since he got there. He'd already been at Reese dorm for a couple hours now. Actually it was going on four hours, it was now dark outside. Alphonse said as much as he stood from his sitting position at the foot of the bed.

"It's getting dark…" Al's words faded off when Reese stood from crouching with a new beer in hand.

"Aww, you're no fun." Reese joked, twisting the cap off of his bottle and tossing it towards the trash. It hit the rim of the metal bin and bounce to the floor.

"Yeah, well you're a horrible at making a simple basket…" Alphonse teased picking up one of his empty bottles and tossing it from where he stood into the trash can. It swished in, a perfect throw. Reese frowned, and Alphonse gave him a charming smile.

"What?" Al innocently chirped walking towards his shoes to put them on.

Alphonse heard Reese mumbling under his breath about him being a show off, it made Al smile wider. Reese merely took a gulp of his beer and leaned a hip against the white fridge at his back.

There was silence between them for a moment but the kind that was comfortable because you were in the presence of a friend. Or at least Alphonse felt this way, he didn't know what Reese was feeling. Looking up from tying the laces on his blue converse-sneakers, Al's lingering smile slipped from his lips. Reese was watching him with his sharp eyes. A serious expression over taken his normal happy face.

Al's spine straightened from his bent over position. He felt his hackle rise in defense and a chill raced down his spine. Before he could even open his mouth to ask what happened to evoke such a reaction in the other male. Reese's piercing eyes flickered down to Al's neck.

A cold bolt of realization shot through Alphonse's system.  _'Oh no…'_

His hand automatically shot up to check his scarf covering his neck. His fingers met bare skin.  _'Oh, no. no. no...'_  Alphonse thought frantically, re-wrapping his neck. When he had bent over to tie his tennis shoes, he'd forgotten to guard the checkered scarf to stay in place. The fabric was allowed to slip from his bruised throat.

Alphonse felt mortified. His cheeks burn with shame. He could hear his heart beat swooshing in his ears. Al couldn't bring himself to look up. He knew if he did, he would see Reese's disgust. As if the other male would know the marks had been left by Al's own brother.

_'Sick; sick; sick.'_

"I thought you said there wasn't anyone else, Alphonse." Reese sounded hurt. It was evident in his voice. It made Al flinch in shame.

He had said that. Alphonse sighed wearily. He was tired of having to keep up with his lies. So, god-damn tired…

"I-I'm sorry." Al somehow managed to say despairingly. It was a weak apology but it was the best that he could manage at the moment. He had so much already piled on. Anymore and he was sure he would finally snap.

"You're sorry?" Reese scoffed hurtfully. "Sorry that you lied to me or are you sorry because you were caught?"

"I'm sorry, that I had to fucking drag you into any of this!" Alphonse bellowed standing suddenly, a hot tear slipped down his cheek. "I-I-I have to go. J-just leave me alone…"

Alphonse ran out the dorm, took the stairs down three at a time. He tripped and fell once or twice but it didn't hinder his escape. He needed out. He ran until he hit open air and still that didn't stop him. His chest burned from the strain but he couldn't stop, the cold night made it harder to breath. Al's cheeks were wet but he ignored his tears… He ran until the landmarks became familiar and he realized then, he was in his neighborhood. Alphonse could see his apartment, it wasn't until he turned the corner of the grey building did he slow his pace.

Edward's black pickup truck was sitting in their designated parking spot.

 _'Brother...'_  Alphonse's mind screamed!  _'Brother is home.'_

**_To be continued..._ **


	6. The Perfect Mistake.

Edward's entire body hurt. From his head to his toes he ached and for the life of him, he couldn't remember what caused him the discomfort. His mind dragged through haze and fog that wrapped around his pounding headache. When his eyes opened he immediately regretted it. The light in the room was like a nail into the eye socket.

A loud groan echoed out as he tried to roll over on the lumpy couch he'd been asleep on. Ed's mind process this bit of information slowly but effectively.  _'What the…'_

He bolted up, bemoaning at the pain escalating in the recesses of his brain. The cold metal of his automail hand cradled his forehead. It was a little relief but only minor.

"Good morning, Edward." Came a familiar voice from behind him.

Ed dared to crack one of his blood-shot eyes to look over his shoulder. Alfons Heiderich sat at his kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking what appeared to be a cup of something steaming. The bright morning sun illuminated the entire kitchenette, making the house warm and cheerful.

Edward felt like he was going to be sick.

"How are you feeling?"

"—like a fuckin' truck ran over me." Ed rasped out. His voice sounded like a bag of gravel. The awful taste in his mouth wasn't making anything better either.

Alfons gave an acknowledging laugh before turning a page on his morning paper. "I wouldn't expect anything less, considering how much you  _must_  have drank last night."

 _'Oh, my head.'_ Ed thought at the pitch of his friend's voice piercing through his throbbing skull.

"'What happened?"

"You tell me?" The crumpling of the paper being set down sounded through the air. Even that minor rumpling sound sent discomfort through Ed's head.

' _How much_ _did I fucking drink_ _? My head is about to fall off my shoulders.'_

Ed grumbled something into his hands, it was inaudible. It came out as a muffled garble.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't quite catch that." Alfons voice was overly-cheerful. The pitch irked at Ed's already thinned temper.

No one ever said Edward was a morning person. Especially on a hung over, type of morning.

"I said; how the hell did I get here!" Edward all but snapped out.

It was a mistake. The pain in his brain ramped tremendously. He quickly buried his face back into the chill of his metal hand. The cold helped with the rapid pounding in his head.

There was a sigh and the sound of a chair moving away from the table. Edward didn't dare open his eyes to look, his skull was about to split open. He could hear more movement about the room, cupboards being opened and closed, running water and the sound of something rattling in plastic.

Next thing Ed knew, a cold cloth was being pressed into the base of his neck. It was an instant relief. The sharp pain ripping through his head retreated slightly along the edges.

A mug of black coffee was shoved under his nose. The smell alone was a heavenly sent. Slitting his bleary eyes open, Edward dared to look at the steaming cup.

"Here, drink this and take these." Alfons spoke offering a small smile towards him.

Edward reached out and took the offerings.

"They're Advil. It should relieve some of your pain." The other male advised over his shoulder as he walked back towards the kitchen.

"Thanks." Ed mumbled, swallowing the pills dry and chasing it with a mouth full of hot coffee.

There was silence in the room as the two men nursed their mugs.

It was Alfons who spoke first. "So… do you want to talk about what happened last night?"

Edward could hear the disappointment in his friend deep voice. It started the looping guilt again, the never ending churning. It made him think of his brother face as he walked out the door. About the anger and guilt he felt the rest of the night, thereafter.

"I-I… don't. It… I-I…" the words caught in his dry throat.

It was that moment his stomach decided to rare its ugly head. His mouth filled with sour saliva as the green queasy summersaults took hold. He bolted from the room, down the hall to the bathroom. Edward barley made it to the porcelain bowl before his knees gave out and he was puking into the toilet.

When his body was done expelling the remaining alcohol left in his system, he reached up and fumbled to flush the toilet.

Edward felt like shit, sitting back on his haunches before deciding against it because he was experiencing a serious case of the spins. Instead he fell limply to lean against the cold wall at his back. His stomach protested as it contorted in on itself. He sat there numbly thinking about all the transpired to get him to where he was.

Edward had been so angry the night before when he stormed out the apartment. He didn't care if it hurt Alphonse. He left with the intention of burning his little brother the same way he'd just been scalded.

_*Did you create me like this?*_

Al's words followed Edward out their apartment and through his aimless wandering through the dark night.

_*Did you create me like this?*_

They followed him through the miles he put on his truck, until he realized he was out of gas. He'd parked in some random parking lot and abandoned his truck for the night. Ed couldn't go home. Not with everything that transpired.

_*Did you create me like this?*_

Alphonse's words trailed him through the cold streets, and into some arbitrary bar.

_*Did you create me like this, brother?*_

They stalked Edward through the first glass of amber liquor and straight on through to the bottom of the bottle. At that point, the rest of the night became a mess of black swirls and indiscriminate faces.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise to anyone, though. Alphonse finally blames Edward for everything. It was the truth at hand and it silently slipped a serrated knife into Ed's heart.

"I'm a fucking, idiot." He moaned scrubbing his hands over his face vigorously.  _'—to think, I could hide something like this…_

He needed to face the music. Alphonse wasn't a naïve kid any longer, he deserved the truth. Even if admitting it felt like Edward would be losing a part of himself. In a away it would. He'd given a part of himself to create a body for Alphonse soul. The greatest sacrifice Edward could ever give away.

His life for Al's body.

The best way to describe it was Alphonse's actually body died the day they tried to bring their Mother back from beyond the gate. The only reason his soul survived was Edward's quick thinking to blood bound Al's soul to the suit of armor.

A soul, it'd always been the missing link in a successful human transmutation. After a person passes, it isn't the soul that dies but the body.

 **This** , is what all the alchemists had been missing.

What the Elric boy's had been missing in their first attempt… It's what Edward had only figured out the moment Envy's blade plunged into his heart.

The purest of sacrifice. His life for Al's body.

Another wave of nausea crawled up the back of Edward's throat. It tilted his world and tore him away from his frantic thoughts. He focused on the issues in the present. Like making sure everything made it into the toilet and didn't splash back into his face…

When his stomach actually felt empty and nothing else was going to make an appearance, he dragged himself out of the bathroom. Entering into the living room, his eyes began to ache again. The whole room was lit brightly by the morning sun.

"Fuck, Alfons. Closes the stupid blinds." Ed grumbled dropping himself back onto the brown couch to bury his face into the scratchy fabric.

He could hear a chuckle coming from overhead. If the room hadn't been spinning, he would have snapped at the source. Seeing how the walls and the ceiling had changed places, he weakly complained into the couch cushion without moving his head.

"You should drink more water, Ed." A cool hand reached out and touched Edward's clammy skin. It was like a cool glass of water on a scorching hot summer day. Ed leaned into the touch without recognition. It felt too good not to. Alfons' fingertips traced the skin of his neck to the arch of Edwards shoulder in a friendly downward slide. It was comforting, to say the least. Actually being touched by another in a caring way in such an utter state of degradation.

"You really should take a shower. You smell like a rancid bar." Alfons spoke while moving away from the prone figure on the couch.

And like that the magic was over and the feeling of nausea kicked back into overdrive. Edward sat up from the couch like a zombie rising from a grave. The nasty taste of bile and self-hatred lingered in his mouth.

"Fucking brilliant, Sherlock." Ed bit out sarcastically. The throbbing in his temples intensified with every word. He gritted his teeth through the pain.

"I know, I was the one who dragged you out at three o'clock in the morning."

A glass of water was shoved back into Edward's disgruntle face again. "Here, drink this."

"I don't want it."

"It'll make you feel better."

"Then you drink it." Ed growled out.

At this point Alfons' frustration got the better of him and he slammed the glass to the surface of the coffee table. "Fine." he tufted, and walked out of the room. A moment later the tall blond thought better on it and stormed back into the room, "…This is all about your brother isn't it?"

Edward's eyes narrowed towards Alfons as if to tell him it was none of his business. It was a sharp look, the kind you tend  **not** to ignore when aimed towards you. Alfons pressed on, ignoring all the warning signs of the trepid territory he was treading on to. He knew what he was getting himself into with Edward. He'd lived with the foul tempered man for nearly a year. Heiderich knew the ins and outs of Edwards mood's. This was nothing new, or really even all that surprising.

"It is, isn't it?" Alfons' accusation flung towards Edward's face without sounding all that surprised. If anything he sounded lackadaisical about it. A sigh blew past the tall blond's lips, "It always comes back to  _him."_

It always  **did**  come back to Alphonse Elric, Edward's near and dear little brother.

This wasn't a sudden realization Alfons was having. It didn't slam him the face like a sledgehammer nor did it shock him. He knew Edward's little brother was much,  **much** , more than just a typical little brother, or even just a friend to Ed.

Edward had told Alfons long ago about his inclination towards his younger brother. About his hidden twisted feelings for Alphonse. It didn't disgust Alfons, honestly how could it. He didn't even consider Alphonse to  **actually** be Edward's brother. Sure in spirit they were, but no longer were they bound by lineage of blood. That had all change the night Edward constructed a body for Alphonse's soul.

"What happened this time? Hmmm? Decided to drown your sorrows in a bottom of a bottle?" Alfons knew he was being harsh, and maybe even a little brazen but he was tired of seeing Edward moping around because of the same old tiring dance.  _'I've told him over and over, get up and do something about it. Just tell Alphonse.'_  But Edward would never listen and heed his friends' advice.

"It's none of your fucking business..."

"But it is, you've made it my business last night. When I had to haul your drunk-ass out of the bar... By the way, Edward!" Alfons spoke waving his hands wildly into the air for emphasis. "Major news flash: Alphonse isn't your fucking, brother any longer…"

Edward scoffed into his hands as he buried his face there. "Alfons, we've had this conversation already…"

"I know we have and it's the truth! No matter how to look at it, the derivative of the source always lead back to the same place, _Edward_."

"Alfons, you know nothing of Alchemy…" The words were muffled by Edward's hands.

"Yes I do." Alfons argued while taking the remaining steps towards Edward sitting on the couch. He crouched down in front of the man and gripped the others knees.

"You said it yourself. All alchemy consisted of is science and little bit of magic. I may not understand the magic part of it all, but I  **do**  understand the sciences. Alphonse is not your brother. Even if you don't want to accept it. The blood that runs in his vein no longer runs in yours. In flesh you aren't even related…"

Edward stood suddenly, pushing Alfons away from him. "Fuck- seriously, you know nothing…"

Alfons laughed outwardly catching his balance and standing, "I know enough."

"Fuck you!"

"No, Edward. Fuck you! You have no idea what it's like seeing your best friend killing himself over something so trivial—"

"Trivial—!?" Edward interrupted lividly.

"—Yes, trivial. When did you become such a pious, sanctimonious bull shitter? Do you have any idea what has been given to you on a silver platter?" Alfons spoke through his teeth.

"I have a feeling you're going to enlighten me."

A look of utter disgust came over the taller blonds face. "You have a chance to be with your soul-mate, Edward! Your other half. How many people get to say that in their fucking life time?"

There was a heavy silence after those words. Neither man looked away from one another. For a moment Alfons thought he'd gotten through Edwards thick skull but he soon realized something was gravely wrong. His friend face crumbled inward, an empty expression passed through Ed's eyes. It was a haunting sort of look and when Edward registered he was expressing it outwardly, he turned his vision downwards in shame.

Alfons spoke his name timidly and Edward flinched. The green hands of nausea were touching at Ed's stomach, making everything sway in a mounting wave.

"Are you alright…?"

 _'What a stupid question to ask after being so fucking blunt...'_  The thought ripped through Edward's pounding head. A bitter snort was the final breaking point, it caught in his throat as he tripped over his guilt and the tears started flowing.

"N-no." Edward said with a cracking voice. Alfons watched as the other man threw his hands up into the air as if that would help the problem. It didn't. It only made everything in the blonds head hurt all that more. The hot tears continued to fall down his face as the feeling of impending doom lurked overhead.

"No… I'm not." It sounded like a startling discovery escaping out Edward's mouth, the weariness slamming into him with a sudden force, all the impotent worry and the struggle to keep his true feelings from Alphonse. He could feel the muscles in his hands straining into fist at his sides.

"Christ," Ed whispered, running his fingers through his bangs and breathing hard through his nose. The heat was prickling under his skin, at the back of his eyes, and the tears gathering there were the worst, most humiliating kind, self-pitying. He's not the one who's spent half his life in a suit of armor because of his older brother terrible decision.

Edward was just so tired.

"I'm the fucking problem. T-he-the situation is the fucking problem and now because of me, I'm messing everything up for Alphonse. Then you're sitting there, s-saying he's not even my brother. That I shouldn't feel guilty I fucked him—."

"W-wait, w-wait, wait. Back up there." Alfons interjected Edward's babbling rush of words at the startling new bit of information. "You two had sex?"

A hot and very uncomfortable feeling rushed through Edward upon realizing what he had just said. It was the sort of heat that came from a burst of intense cold. His whole body erupted with it, his veins ran with ice from an artic chill. Edward admitted, actually willingly admitted, aloud to another that he'd had sex with his younger brother, even if that person believed Alphonse wasn't related. The realization was still a revelation of how screwed up his life had turned out.

It left a dry tacky feeling in the back of his throat, or maybe that was the dehydration from throwing up.

"Yes." Edward said simply, voice void of all emotions. The only sign something was astray were the uncharacteristic tears streaming down his cheeks.

"…"

"Your notion not so swallowable now, is it?" Ed said through tears after a moment of deafening silence.

"Edward…" it was the pity Alfons was portraying that pissed Edward off, he wanted nothing to do with it.

"Fuck you…" He said taking a step towards the door. "I don't need your fucking pity, and I sure as hell don't need your double standard way of thinking..."

With that he turned on the balls of his feet and left his best friend standing stunned in the middle of his living room. He hurriedly hopped to put his boots on by the front entry and took off out the front door in a fluid forwards motion.

His name being shouted avidly behind him almost halted his steps but his pride wouldn't have any part of that. The door slammed at his back and the sun blared into his bloodshot eyes.

 _'Good fucking morning, Edward.'_ He thought bitterly swiping the stray tear-tracks from his cheeks.

' _What a lovely way to start a day… Just fucking peachy.'_

* * *

By the time Edward reached his truck, the sun was high in the midday sky. Not a cloud could be seen on this fine Monday afternoon. The sun smiled cheerfully overhead and Edward wanted to murder the fucking annoying ball of gas.

His whole body was covered in sweat. It ran in steady streams down his back. The shirt he was wearing stuck to his flesh like a second skin. Even the normally tepid metal of his automail arm was hot to the touch.

The trek into town from Alfons house had been grueling and tiresome. Considering the man lived in the ass end of nowhere on the outskirts of town. Nothing but dusty plains, and fields of grazing cows for company. The dust off the farmland did nothing for the ache in Ed's skull either.

If anything, though - even if it was considerably annoying - the walk gave Edward time to reflect on everything that lead up to where he stood in the abandoned parking lot his truck was parked in.

Edward had crossed over a fire and brim stone. His soul, his body, and even his fucking mind were tired. All he wanted right now was for a cold shower and a warm bed to fall asleep on. Damn the consequence of having to go home for these necessities. If Alphonse was there, Edward would just ignore him to the best of his ability. He was tired of running and hiding from the truth.

He held a red plastic container of gas to which he purchased when he'd passed a corner store on the way into town. Quickly he set about getting the fuel into his empty trucks tank. When that was finished he threw the jug into the bed of the truck and got into the familiar cab. With a roar from the engine the truck started.

Warm dry air pelted him in the face. Even though it was hot, his flesh was prickled with excretion. The musty air felt glorious against his sticky skin.

After a moment of just sitting still, soaking in the air conditioning Edward put the truck into drive and drove the distance to the brothers' shared apartment.

The amount of anger Ed had been feeling all but dissipated as he neared his home. Yes, he was still hurt by his friend's cold and hot opinion. Alfons knew of Edwards feelings for his little brother; he had all but guessed the reason he'd been so melancholy about being separated from Alphonse. Heiderich had even encouraged Ed's feelings, all but begged him to confess it all to his younger brother once they were reunited again.

This was the reason Alfons' reaction had cut so deeply for Edward. He had never imagined in a thousand years the look of disgust over taking his friends face upon hearing his confession to sleeping with his brother.

For fuck's sake, Alfons didn't even consider Alphonse to be related to Edward. The man even had the audacity to argue about something he knew nothing of.

"Alphonse and I didn't miraculously become unrelated…" He spoke to no one. ' _That's_ _ **not**_ _how it works.'_ Edward thought mostly as an after-thought.

Edward's body was physically exhausted. He needed sleep. Real, sleeping-in-my-own-bed, kind of sleep. He shouldn't be thinking of such things. Nothing positive was going to come out of it. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. It did nothing. The thoughts just kept coming.

There were no logistics behind Alfons' theory. Objectively Edward constructed a new home for Alphonse's soul, which did not change the fact they were related in body and soul. His friend was terribly wrong. When a transplant patient receives a new organ, it doesn't mean the organ coming into their body wasn't their own. It had just come from another home, another body. It was the same idea.

New body. Same soul.

"He's my blood brother. Period." His metal hand slammed down onto the steering wheel for emphasis.

Edward summed it up to the fact Alfons didn't know enough to make such allegations. He was entirely in the wrong. He wasn't the one who studied Alchemy his entire life. Edward knew better, it just didn't work that way.

 _'Did it?'_  a part of Edward questioned. Even though he knew it was incorrect. He still had to question. But even if it was true –which it isn't- there was not a single shred of evidence to prove anything.

Edward couldn't help but play back Alfons' words in his mind, " _All alchemy consisted of is science and little bit of magic..."_

Ed's own words thrown back into his face.

Yes, there was magic involved. It's was the main difference that made up this universe than the one Alphonse an Edward were really from. Back home, in Amestris, alchemy was a very real thing. Magic and science melded into a harmony. The perfect equation.

In this world there was only science, where everything is based off cold hard evidence, while magic was made up of illusions and mirages.

And in this specific circumstance, there was none. Not a single kernel of legitimate proof. Alfons' idea was all based off an -entirely biased- hypothesis.

On that thought, Edward pressed his boot into the gas pedal, accelerating his speed. He didn't want to think about this anymore. All Ed wanted was a shower and a long, needed nap.

Fuck the consequences of going home.

* * *

It was about twenty minutes before Edward pulled into his apartment parking lot.

The trepidation of going into the apartment lit up his spine like cold hands gripping his spine. The fact of actually seeing his younger brother came into a bright, fuck-you, kind of reality.

' _shit…'_ he thought quickly carding his hands through his bangs.

"Stop being such a girl." Ed scolded himself after a moment of sitting and staring at the path which lead to the entrance of the building.

Unbuckling, he exited his truck with a slam of the heavy door. A feelings of uneasiness coursing right under his skin. Shrugging it off, he made his way up into the apartment building. The same mantra circled the blonde's head.

 _Ignore Al, take shower, and fall into bed_. It was simple. He just had to follow through with it once he got there.

Edward knew he was playing the coward, something he  **was not**  used to doing. Tucking tail and hiding wasn't in his repertory, but he was left stranded in unfamiliar territory and already treading thin ice as it was.

Nothing ever was easy about Edward's personal life. To be quite frank, nothing ever came easy for Edward in his entire life. Surviving had been a constant theme in his childhood and right up into his teenage years. So, why would his adult years be any different?

He took the stairs in an endeavor to try and stall the moment of crossing the threshold of their home. Edward didn't want to meet Alphonse's disappointed stare because he'd never come home last night. Nor did Ed even attempt to call to let Al know he was alright after abandoning him.

A culpable feeling hit him hard in the gut. ' _Al was probably worried sick…'_  his feet faltered on the stairs. ' _Fucking-shit, I never called…'_  The pit of guilt cultivated in his stomach.

_'I'm such a douche-bag. Shit...'_

A freshly renewed fire was lit under Edward as he raced up the rest of the stairs. When he got to their front door, he reached for the handle and turned expecting it to be open. It was locked. Alphonse wasn't home.

It suddenly struck Ed, it was Monday. Alphonse had class until at least two in the afternoon. A deep sense of disappointment rushed through him. Shrugging through it he pulled his keys out of his front pocket and unlocked the door and let himself in.

The house was dark. All the front windows blinds were pulled shut. It sent a murky emotion into the depth of his stomach. The guilt from last night, reawakened. Edward couldn't do this to himself. It wasn't fair. Alphonse wasn't even home to scold him. He should be relishing in this time of calm before the raving storm because once Al got home, all bets were off. Edward knew he'd be receiving an earful.

With another tiring sigh passing his lips he kicked off his boots and made his way down the darkened hall way. Flicking lights as he went, he made his way into the front bathroom.

A much needed shower was in store. Edward could feel all the alcohol he'd consumed the night before purging through his pores. All the sweating he worked up in that mile hike into town left his skin with a foul stank.

His skin was sticky, his head itched and he was unbelievably tired.

Edward quickly got undressed, pulling his shirt over his head with his metal arm while simultaneously flicking the button of his pants undone with his flesh hand. Once undressed he went about getting the shower started and set at the right temperature, which was lukewarm to wash the heat away from his flesh.

He bathed quickly and efficiently, only turning the water off and stepping out once he felt entirely clean and thoroughly cooled off.

Edward didn't linger in the bathroom, instead he moved through the house with a white towel slung low on his narrow hips. His auto-mail foot made hollow sounds as it cuffed on the wooden floor in the hallway.

He paused in the hallway. ' _My door is cracked…'_ Ed observed as he pushed it open with the flat of his palm. The hinges squeaked loud to Edward's ears in the otherwise deathly-quiet apartment. The first thing he realized upon entering his room, his bed was made, like really made. All flat sheets and corners of the comforter tucked in primp and proper in all the right place.

' _The pillows are even fluffed…'_ Ed thought pensively.

 **This**  was not how he left his bed. Edward never made his bed… if anything Ed would throw the sheet and dark red blanket carelessly across the mattress and call it a day.

It could only mean one thing, Alphonse had been in here when Edward had been gone.

A cold feeling fluttered into his stomach.

 _'Had Al come in here?'_ He question himself… Well it was obvious, Edward's bed didn't make itself. He huffed as he flopped face first into the mattress, letting out a disgruntle groan as he allowed his body to sink into the comfort of his own bed. It was heavenly but it became apparent as to why Alphonse came into his room.

 _'Al slept in my bed…'_  Edward could smell his brother's sweet scent of peach lingering on his pillow case. He groaned again as he was assaulted with a pang of lust shooting straight through his dick. The stifling guilt wasn't far behind though, as it clouded his chest.

"Shit…" Edward muttered rolling over onto his back. He was mostly blaming himself for everything. ' _Because everything is my fault…'_ Ed argued with himself. "Fuck…" the expletive left his mouth as his hands raked through his bangs agitatedly, pulling them always from his face.

_*Did you create me like this?*_

Alphonse's words scraped through his mind like a shovel on gravel, loud and noisey. The kind of sound that you knew if you had to listen to it too long, you might just go crazy.

_*Did you create me like this, brother…?*_

"Fucking hell-"Edward sat up promptly, screaming at his brother's voice in his head to just stop.

"I did it…" He confessed ardently. "I fucking did it." He spoke to no one but the air in front of him.

Edward needed to hear what he feared to even think, let alone speak it aloud. He needed the confirmation he'd done the most despicable thing a person… a brother could condone.

It was a heinous crime. A sin that could never be taken back.

An unfaithful tear slid unwantedly down his cheek. Even more followed closely.

"I did it." Ed cried as he gripped the freshly made bed cloth.

The bed his brother made for him. A bout of guilt settled into his chest; he'd left Alphonse alone and probably worrying over him. Al hadn't known where Edward was all night and the fact Alphonse sought refuge in Ed's bed sent a warm feeling through his belly but guilt and anxiety still lingered right below the surface of shallow water.

"I-I-I'm sorry Alphonse." He cried into his hand. "I was weak… and I thought I'd never see you again…"

How wrong Edward was though, he had seen his little brother again. Defeating all the odds stacked against them that stated they would never cross paths again.

A whole other universe couldn't keep them apart, they fought till they stood side by side again.

How could Edward know,  **that his one mistake** , his greatest sacrifice would be thrown back in his face like a cruel joke?

The moment Envy's blade plunged into Ed's heart, all Edward could think of was how he wanted Alphonse to be happy. To be alive again, to be perfectly whole again. How Al deserves to be anything other than living in a metal suit of armor, because he was just too good of a person…

There in lied Edward's biggest error. Believing Alphonse to be perfect in nature, he constructed Al the equivalent to what Edward believed he was, an equally unadulterated body.

 _'_ _A home to house a beautiful soul.'_  This thought ripped through Edward's subconscious, leaving him choking on his own guilt thickly in his throat.

Edward never meant to build, to form Alphonse into something he was sexually attracted to, though. Not intentionally.

It made him sick to even to think such thoughts, but that's what he'd done. Melded and molded poor Alphonse's soul into something that was flawlessly gorgeous and quite frankly everything Edward ever wanted in a significant other.

"Gah, everything is so fucked up." There was a burning in his chest, as if a blush was spreading on pale skin. Edward was so angry at himself. So very angry. How could he do something like that, to his own brother none-the-less?

This wasn't what caused him the most stress, though. It was in the circumstance he'd acted upon his desires. Bent and seduced his younger brother into sharing this wicked damnation.

Edward had never been a holy man. Never believed in anything that resembled a God. He knew he'd committed sins in the eyes of the church, countless sins throughout the years. Never once had he felt remorse or guilt from his action because he knew there wasn't a God to pass judgment. No god-like being sitting in the clouds and smiting people down below for their wicked ways. No, there was a much more cynical approach to life.

A single Gate to the great infinite beyond.

Ed knew though, if there had been a God and there was such a thing as an actual sin, Edward knew he'd be rotting in hell for his thoughts and actions upon his little brother. Like a black mark smudged into his skin, Ed knew what he had done.

The saddest part of it all, buried beneath his remorse and culpability lied a man which held no regrets, a man who was head-over-heels in love, and a person who didn't have any precautions about who knew about it. This man held no shame and defiantly didn't consider himself Alphonse's brother but an entity who wanted to claim and be claimed by the one he held so high in redeem.

Edward was terrified of this aspect of himself. This was the part of him, the deepest part of his desire that wanted Alphonse and didn't care how he upheld his wants and needs. To seduce and prey on an innocent.

"I am a monster." Edward cringed into himself.

Bleary yellow eyes stared blankly into the bed in front of him. Time moved in an agonizing pace, like the grain of sands slipping through an hourglass. Edward felt each tick of the clock's hands inching towards the time Alphonse would be home.

He needed to confess everything to Al.  _'I should've done it a long time ago.'_

_*"You said it yourself. All alchemy consisted of is science and little bit of magic. I may not understand the magic part of it all, but I_ _**do** _ _understand the sciences. Alphonse is not your brother. Even if you don't want to accept it. The blood that runs in his_ _veins_ _no longer runs in yours. In flesh you aren't even related…"*_

Alfons' words hummed in the back of Ed's mind. Stuck there to remind him, he need to confess  **everything.**  All scrapes of information –even the info that wasn't totally reliable- Alphonse deserved to know everything!

With a plan of action, Ed's mind settled down somewhat. The heavy guilt resting on his shoulders already felt elevated. As did the cobwebs woven through his chest. Edward was determine to right this wrong. He just had to wait till Alphonse got home…

* * *

To be continued…


	7. Failing the Hypothesis

 

Alphonse rushed into the apartment building forgoing the elevator, instead taking the stairs two at a time. The same mantra played like war beats in his head, ' _Brother… Brother was home.'_ He couldn't get to their apartment quick enough, the seconds played out like a Penrose paradox. The never ending staircase of one foot in front of the other. Al's vision was tunneled onto one thought, and one thought alone, ' _Brother. He's home.'_

By the time he reached their floor and actually stood in front of the burnt red door, Alphonse gave pause, his hand on the door knob. The apprehension from earlier in the day slotted into place. It was the first time the words, ' _Brother's home'_ actually registered fully in his brain.

If Edward was home, Alphonse was going have to face him alone. The great ball of apprehension gripped the back of his throat in uncertainty. Staring at the door in front of himself, the golden 73 hanging above the peephole taunted him in its cruelty.

Cheeks red, and with heaving breathing, Al looked down towards his hands. The scarf from around his throat had at some point slipped off, he'd gripped it tightly in his left hand in his desperate dash home.

' _This is ridiculous…'_ Al thought with an unfriendly exhale escaped his throat. He grasped the door knob with his free hand and entered into the apartment.

It was dark and eerily quiet, that was the first things Alphonse realized. The second thing he realized upon entering, after tripping over a pair of black boots, Edward  **was**  home. The agitation Al was already experiencing multiplied significantly.

Alphonse growled under his breath as he kicked at the haphazardly placed boots.

"Edward!" he called out with more agitation in his voice then there should have been. The sound echoed off the entry's thin walls. There was no reply though. Just the quite nonexistent hum of the air-condition blowing through the vents above.

A scowl deepened along Alphonse's brow. He was tired from the run over, sweaty and sore to add to the growing list of complaints. Now Al was annoyed, okay, he'd been annoyed before but now it was taken to a higher point in the Richter Scale.

Time and time again, Alphonse had asked Edward to  **not**  leave his boots out in the walkway where someone was bound to trip and hurt themselves, but once again the younger male was stumbling over the clunky boots.

Toeing off his own shoes, Alphonse picked up his  **and**  Edward's before placing them, his scarf, and coat in the closet next to the front door. ' _Where they belonged!'_

Making his way deeper into the house, Alphonse turned the corner into the hallway to only find the light left on. Another fit of irritation irked inside the younger man.

' _What a waste…'_ He thought stomping down the narrow hall, flicking the light switch to an  _off_ position. The light from the bathroom illuminated the hallway in soft yellow ambience. Alphonse mouth twisted sideways in added annoyance.

"Edward," He sighed exasperated, stepping over and sliding his hand through the crack in the door. The switch was right next to the bathroom door. Fiddling with it for a moment, the light flickered out.

He couldn't help himself, he ground his teeth in frustration towards his brother. Alphonse knew he was being immature, that his anger was starting to burn a hole right through his chest. Normally these type of trivial things would be looked over without a second glance, (but considering that Alphonse's day started off the in the worst kind of way and had steadily gotten poorer and poorer as day progressed), Alphonse was struggling with the urge not to strangle his older sibling.

He was without a doubt exhausted and probably angrier than he logically should've been. At least he could admit that much to himself, instead of acting on his thoughts and whims.

Al's left hand found the nape of his neck, his finger grazing at the short hairs he found there before letting his palm drift up through the back of his head and out of his hair. A sigh fell his lips as his eyes landed on the soft light slithering out from under Edwards closed bedroom door.

His agitation ebbed away at the sight, instead it was replace with the gripping form of anxiety. The kind that made your stomach burn from anticipation of something bad to come.

The same questioned circled Alphonse's brain, ' _Where had Brother gone last night?'_

With a pang of longing echoing in his chest, Al turned away from his brother's door and entered through his own.

 _'_ _It hurts'._  The feeling in his heart. Covertly, Alphonse knew where his brother had gone last night. Al just didn't want admit it allowed.

The thought of someone else, someone who looked virtually identical to his person, comforting Edward sent a dark and twisted emotion through his limbs. To the point of where Alphonse wanted to lash out at the nearest object. To throw, to scream, to break something under his hands because he didn't want to admit to himself Edward had run straight into someone else's arms.

"Fuck!" The boy exclaimed, his stomach tightening with a murky twist.

Alphonse was mentally drained from all his reeling emotions, so very exhausted. The quickening pace in his chest, to the tightening pain in his gut, he just wanted it all to be done.

There was a serious disconnection between Al's head and heart too. Something entirely fucked up about the entire situation. Where his head would screamed at the top of their lungs; ' _Sick; sick; sick; you're so fucking sick'._ Any time Alphonse's mind strayed to the memory of his brother's fingers sliding inside of him, and the pressure he remembered feeling at the base of his spine in that stolen moment where he was stretched open and wide. But Alphonse's heart… his heart sang from those memories. Gushed in tandem to the pounding that turned him inside out, made him forget long enough to let go and just feel...

There was a rapid knock on the door. Alphonse's heart leapt from his throat in an awkward squeak, jumping without really meaning to. A rush of heat ran over his chest from his heated thoughts,  _'get a hold of yourself…'_

There was another lighter knock, followed by Edwards tightly pitched voice, "Al?"

Something twisted inside the young male at hearing his older sibling's voice. He could feel the sweat running down his spine. Alphonse swallowed and replied, "Y-yes..?" He cursed the hitch in his voice.

Edward sighed, sounding tired even through the wood. "May I come in?"

Alphonse paused. There was guilt bubbling below the surface of the anxiety coursing under his skin. He swallowed, his mouth gone dry and tacky. "Y-yeah. The door's open."

Edward paused in the entryway of the room as he entered. Whatever he'd been about to say died on his lips as an inhale caught in his throat. His metal hand still lingering on the golden knob.

Ed's yellow eyes grazed Alphonse's, such a tired and sad expression conveyed there.

Alphonse heart had soared momentarily at seeing his brother's handsome face. It wasn't shortly after that he realized he couldn't breathe from the older man's intense stare. Al was panicking inwardly, while simultaneously wondering if his complexion paled, because he suddenly felt ill. Al's lips twitched in an undoubtedly unconvincing awkward smile.

"Alphonse…" Edward spoke stepping further into the room. "What have you done to your hair?"

' _My hair?'_  Al thought, momentarily forgetting about his rash decision to cut his hair off. A hand shot up to the back of his neck and he was rapidly reminded when his fingers brushed freshly faded hair.

' _Oh, my hair…'_

Alphonse felt his stomach drop, and his gaze flicked to the floor. A nervous laugh bubbling in his throat, "I-I-I, cut it."

"I can see that…" Edward growled taking another step into the room. The guilt slapped Alphonse in the face, almost like he was betraying Edward somehow by lopping his hair off. Alphonse somehow managed to swallow, his throat scratching together like rough sheets of sand paper as he dropped his hand back into his lap.

Another nervous huffing-laugh (more breath than anything) escaped the younger blonde, "you don't like it?" he spoke timidly looking through his lashes at his older brother before looking back down demurely.

For reasons unknown, Alphonse craved Edwards's approval. As if Edwards's acceptance would make all his guilt and anxiety go away. He knew it was a retrograde notion, but at this point everything was already flipped topsie-turvie. His heart and head were in a state of disrepair, Al didn't know which one to listen to. To care, or not to care; wanting something so badly, while knowing he was never meant to own such things. It was a tiring whirlwind of thought and emotions and Alphonse just wanted it to all stop and go away.

Edward's flesh hand swept through the front of his brother's short combed-over bang. The hot touch of flesh on flesh startled Al; he hadn't heard Edward closing the gap between them, hadn't expected to be touched so freely.

Heaving breathing filled the air between them, Al's eye's snapped open and upwards to stare at his brother. Chills danced down the boy's spine at the simple platonic touch. Or that's what Alphonse thought it was, a platonic brotherly caress, but then again everything was so screwed up, Al couldn't distinguish between the two. An amicable touch from a caress that meant something more… carnal.

"I never said that…" Ed confessed with an edge of a smile crooking his mouth upwards as he traced the curve of Alphonse's new hair with the flick of his long index finger. The smirk was gone faster than the hand retreating from Al's hair. Edward stepped away, Alphonse watched the expression slithering across his brother's face.

An intense warmth, guilt, and then an overwhelming sadness took hold in the depth of the yellow gaze of his eyes as they landed on Alphonse's bruised neck. The pressure from it all nearly crushed Al's heart where he sat.

"Brother…?"

Edward visibly flinched at the word. Alphonse watched the anger bleeding onto Edward as a child scribbles into a coloring book, quickly and with no sense of direction.

"Don't fucking call me that!" Edward snapped out suddenly taking a step away in retreat.

It was Alphonse's turn to cringe, he could feel his eyebrows turning downwards in hurt confusion. Somewhere he found his voice as he meekly spurted, "B-but, I've always called you Brother…"

"—well fucking quit it, it's childish!"

Alphonse bit his lip, muffling a cry that was daring to escape. He was hurt but mostly Al was confused. He also was making a conscious effort to let go of the resurfacing anger he could feel rushing forward. To remain the objective one in the spiraling conversation.

Alphonse blinked rapidly, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. "But, I am your brother, Edward!"

It was the wrong thing to say apparently, Alphonse realized this a moment too late. Edward's face fell, the winds out of his sails, his emotion bled out of him in a rapid motion. Ed's cold yellow eyes stared holes through him, Al felt transparent in the wake of that gaze. It was a haunting stare, and Alphonse could feel the pull to reach out and comfort.

"…I need to tell you something Alphonse."

The younger males' heart skipped a beat at those seven words. The quake, the dip of his brother's voice as he spoke Al's name. Alphonse could merely hold his breath as Edward's confession hit him like a massive tidal wave sweeping his feet from underneath him.

Edward spoke of things that Alphonse thought he'd never hear the truth about.

The fight with Envy, about what happened exactly after Edward woke up from his restoration. How Edward sacrificed himself to the gate, his own body to create a perfect _untouched_ body for Alphonse. What Edward hadn't known at the time, the gate took Edward's memories, his twisted, pervert thoughts of Alphonse and turned Al into the perfect sexual attraction for Edward pleasure.

"—don't you get it Alphonse, I'm a fucking monster. I did this to you."

"…Edward." It came out as an admission of how Alphonse was feeling. Breathless and confused. Without thinking, Alphonse was standing on shaking legs, reaching out for his brother.

Edward jerked away rapidly, "Don't." he snapped out with a wild look in his eyes. "Just don't."

"Edward, please…" Alphonse all but cried, the expression on his brother face was agonizing for him. He wanted to comfort Ed, do something to wipe that horrid look of degradation off Edward's handsome face.

Edward shook his head and backed away even further, almost standing in the archway of the door frame. It looked like he was preparing to run and escape what was transpiring before him. Alphonse watched Edward's spine stiffen and his chest expand on an inhale.

"There's more," Ed confessed squaring his shoulders and looking towards Al with such determination in his eyes.

"Okay?" Alphonse brow furrowed along the middle.

Edward swallowed audibly before continuing, "There's a hypothesis that… t-that we aren't related," he paused to gauge Alphonse's reaction.

The boy's face whitened along the edges. "Come again…"

Edward continued, his words falling out his mouth faster than before. "That somehow, in the transmutation of your soul and the body created for… That I, fucking hell—, that I somehow changed your DNA structure…" Edward closed his eyes and his fists tightened at his sides, "…from my own… So we could… so that…" he was fumbling for words at this point.

Alphonse heard the roaring of his heart in his ears. ' _Not even related…'_ Those words kept replaying in his mind.

Edward was still talking, words falling out of his mouth in a hurried rush of explanation. It wasn't making it through to Alphonse's head anymore.

The same phrase kept repeating in his mind. ' _Not even related.'_ It was like the boy was walking through a cloud of fog, the only thing he could hear or even comprehend was the fact his heart had begun beating louder in his ear, on the back of his tongue.

 _'_ _I don't understand…'_ How could they not be brothers? They'd both been born from the same mother and father. That automatically made them related by blood. Didn't it?

"Alphonse, don't look at me like that…"

Edward's words were like a splash of cold water on his flaming face. They woke him up from the trance he'd been locked in. It was like opening fresh eyes after being asleep for a long time. Alphonse blinked and everything restarted in his brain, his mouth remembered how to speak.

"I don't understand…"

"You don't have too,  _he's_  wrong." Edward spoke as if Alphonse knew who  _he_  was.

"Wait a second, who's he?"

Edward blinked blankly towards Alphonse before answering as if he'd grown a second head, "Heiderich."

That was the point when Alphonse's anger returned. Like a boiling inferno, his stomach churned with it.

"So, that's where you went last night?!" Al threw the accusation into his brother's flinching face.

It didn't take long for Edward to recover, "Where else was I supposed to go!?" Edward sprang back with anger lining his voice as well.

A look of disgust came over Alphonse, "Home! You could've come home!"

When had this turned into a shouting match? Both brothers didn't know anything other than what their anger and malcontent would allow them to see. They both raged with the fury only an Elric relative could master. But there in lied the problem, was Alphonse an Elric any longer?

"No!" Edward snorted in agitation as he took steps back into Al's room.

"No, I couldn't come home, Alphonse. Not with everything that's been said between us still hot and loaded." He took another step towards Alphonse, a deadly heat behind his intentions. Alphonse realize a little too late how angry Edward really was. A fact he'd pay dearly for. Still Alphonse couldn't back down, he had his pride to live with. He held his ground as Edward skated closer.

"You are my brother, Alphonse! End of the fucking story…"

Edward was close enough that Alphonse could feel the heat coming off other man in spades. Al could still sense the anger alive and passionate inside him though. He didn't want Edward near him, let alone touching him.

"There's no such thing, Alphonse." Edward went on after a moment of heavy silence. "Heiderich theory is utter bullshit!" Edward's growl reached out for Alphonse's hands, "it cannot happen. It's scientifically fact driven. It's all false."

Al ripped backwards in disbelief, away from Ed's touch. He couldn't believe what he was hearing from his brother, of course it could happen. ' _Hadn't he learned anything from the gate, anything was possible…_ _ **Anything!**_ _'_

 _"_ After everything we've seen, experienced? You really believe that?" Alphonse growled out incredulity.

Edward's resolve was rapidly crumbling but he couldn't give up, would never give up on Alphonse.

"There's no proof, no scientific fact that we aren't brothers, Al!" Edward all but shouted, aware that whatever barriers they'd maintained between them were eroding like castles of sands on the shore, wave after wave breaking it down faster than busy hands could rebuild.

A sharp, dark expression took hold Alphonse's normally gentle hazel gaze. It sent shivers up Edward's spine.

"Proving a negative is a missus of both the terms "science" and "fact",  _Brother_ …"

Alphonse mocked Edward, using emphases on the last word he spoke. It sent a hot cord of lust rocketing through Edward. It disgusted him.

 _'_ _If we aren't brothers, then what are we?'_ It was a dark question and Edward knew his response.

Quicker than Alphonse was expecting, Edward crowded him against the closet's door. Ed's hot breath catching on the arch of the younger blond's throat.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Alphonse bellowed, pressing his palm to Edward shoulders, preparing to push him away. Edward was ready for it, planting his feet the older man grasped Alphonse's flailing hands and pinned them above the boys head.

"Sanctimonious bastard!" Alphonse snarled, thrashing wildly against Edward's firm hold, but Ed wasn't letting go. The metal of his automail hand was biting in painfully around Al's thin wrists. He would never let Alphonse go, even if the world was crumbling down around them Edward would continue to maintain his grasp on his _…_

 _'_ _No, Alphonse didn't consider himself my brother_.' Edward thought darkly.

Alphonse yelped out as Edward's painful grip chaffed into his wrist.

It sent a twisted pleasure through the older blonde upon hearing such a lewd sound coming from the male in front of him. Letting go of the boy's wrist with his flesh hand, it slithered down to the arch of Alphonse's lower back.

An angry cry flew out Al's mouth as he felt his rear end being grasped powerfully, Edward hoisted the smaller males frame unwillingly up the wooden door. Once there, Ed wedged his knee between Alphonse own, kicking them apart so he could fit there. Edward's hardening crotch rubbed against the writhing man pinned against the wall.

Alphonse bit his lip red in his attempt to deny any cries of pleasure but Edward knew different, could feel the evidence of Alphonse's spoils nestled against his hip.

"You can't deny this, Alphonse." Edward taunted, his voice gone deep with lust, "…this thing we have between us." He smiled as he heard the smaller male whine in his throat, the boy's back arched off the door, trying to escape. It was futile, Edward had Alphonse right where he wanted him. Pinned and gasping beneath him.

"Not like how you denied your heritage, your lineage..." He added cruelly because he could, because he was so fucking angry at the man writhing against him. "If we aren't brothers, this shouldn't be a problem."

It drew a gasp out of Alphonse, and the fight was renewed in him like a freshly hooked fish on a fisherman's line. He bucked wildly, making Edward overcompensate and leaned his lower body heavily against the younger male's as Ed's hand left Al's bottom and gripped both the boy's wrist in a punishing hold.

"Get the  _fuck_  off me." The younger blond bellowed, throwing his head back and then forward in an attempt to head-butt and knock Edward off. It didn't work. Edward was trained to fight, his body responded instinctually moving out of the way just in time.

Edward ground his teeth together in agitation. Quicker than Alphonse could realize he was being ripped away from the wall and thrown over the bed like a child, face down in the blanket. He tried to sit up, but the back of his hair was gripped in a tight hold and cheek was pressed down awkwardly to the starchy top-cover.

"Brother," The shorter blond cried. An angry growl erupting from behind him. The hand in Al's hair tighten, tears of squalor gathered in boy's eyes.

"I told you to  **not** to call me that…"

Alphonse could hear the sound of a belt being undone, the wind displacement as leather was whipped out of the belt loops. His wrist collected with warm, cold hands behind his back. Smooth leather was looped around them, securing them and biting into his flesh.

A bolt of unexpected heat gathered low in his crotch, wrapping around his spine and left things throbbing in tandem with his want.

He and Edward both knew that the fight was over, the game was won. Alphonse was bound and trapped.

"Fuck," Al groaned breathlessly as Edward hauled him up onto his knees. Manhandling him until Alphonse's chest was pressed to the bed and his ass hung lewdly into the air. Behind the shameful lust coursing through him, Alphonse could admit he was terrified, bottom lip quivering he was scared. Edward had never treated him with such force; he was always ever so careful as if not to bruise Alphonse's flesh.

Rough fingers dug into the boy's thin waist. The metal fingers hurting worse than the fleshier pliable ones, Alphonse took heed as another whine echoed in his chest. Alphonse shut his eyes and those flesh fingers played over the waist of his pants. Metal fingers were smoothing out along the other side of the band, running down to feel the hard contour of Al's erection tenting the front.

The young blond buried his face in the cover, burning with a humiliation that was terrifyingly new to him. Even though Edward had already touched him like this before, it still was a new sort of embarrassment, because he definitely shouldn't be aching with want from this rough treatment.

Pain radiated from his wrist, the blood was being cut off. The dull thud from behind his back made him want to whine in discomfort. Edward leaned over and tugged sharply at Alphonse bound wrists as Al's ass began to sag toward the bed. It was a painful reminder of who was bound and who was in control, it was obviously not Alphonse...

Alphonse buried his face back down in the blanket again, and was thankful his whine was muffled by the fabric. Edward's hot mouth encircled his ear in a wet heat as fingers popped the button on Alphonse jeans. Al found himself breathing heavily as some of the pressure was relieve off his trapped erection. He wanted Edward to stop, this was getting out of hand.

"P-please …" Alphonse's admission of a halfhearted complaint failed on his tongue, a hand ducked under the waist band of his boxers and Al yelped before moaning fervently. Edward grasped the younger man's cock in a tight squeeze.

"Don't worry, Alphonse..." Edward's voice was smooth and cool as liquid. The words hot and pressing, branding against the back of Al's neck.

"…this isn't wrong anymore." Edward's hand worked the younger's length in slow even strokes, enough to make Alphonse whimper low in his throat. "Considering now we aren't even brothers…"

With his metal hand Edward began pulling and tugging until Al's pants and boxer rested about mid-thigh. Edward ground his hips against Alphonse's bare ass and delighted in the defiant growl from Al's throat.

"Or so you think…"

"No!" Alphonse's argument started and ended with a whine with a startling lack of conviction. Another moan tripped on his tongue, Edward's hand pumped deliciously over his blushing cock.

"No," it wasn't a question, Edward wasn't expecting an answer. Instead it was spoke with the intent of ridicule, everything grew still.

Edward grabbed the belt binding Al's wrist and pulled back, making Alphonse sit up with his back resting against Ed's front. Ed pulled Alphonse's face around as far as he could considering their current position. His metal thumb dipping into Al's mouth, and Alphonse allowed it. Letting the appendage slip on the inner wet-flesh, as one of Ed's hands held his jaw steady, the other slithered back onto Al's weeping erection.

His mouth hung open and Edward took advantage, sliding his automail index between Al's lips. The taste of tangy metal slid across his tongue, a shot of lust followed wrapping around his spine and into his stomach. The haze was rapidly growing around Alphonse's head, making it harder and harder to resists, to remember there were reason why what they were doing was considered terribly wrong, and perverted.

Alphonse couldn't even bite the finger in his mouth if he wanted too, it would break is teeth and honestly somewhere -deep and carnal- inside, Al was getting off on the taste of cold metal slipping on his tongue.

There was a long, guttural growl from behind him, Al's heart leapt in debauched pleasure. Edward roughly shoved him back down and parted Alphonse's legs as far as they would go still trapped in pant legs.

A long cold finger circled his entrance before sliding in and began working in and out, quickly and without any mercy. No drawn out dance of a lovers caress. Edward seemed keen on doing this fast, and mostly dry. The second finger circled his rim, it was that particular thought that ripped Alphonse out of his pleasure induced pliancy. He wrenched away from the intruding finger.

"Wait!" he screeched, the hot burning feeling already taking ahold his nerve endings where he was barley stretched.

"P-p-please," It took a second to make his mouth work, licking his lips to wet them, "in the end table, there's lube."

At this point Alphonse's face was burning from mortifying heat. Was he really helping Edward do this to him?

 _The game was already won, Alphonse._ He chastised himself. Edward's fingers slipped from him and disappeared from behind Al for a moment. The sounds of the drawer being ripped open and shuffled through. Alphonse knew when Edward returned, his pants and boxer were ripped away from his body before being shuffled back into position.

His legs were spread wider, he could hear the scrape of the lid and then two slick fingers slid –resistance free- back into him. Quickly they were joined by three; and Alphonse was a puddle of quivering nerves. Face pressed into scratchy fabric, he moaned out with every curve of those twisting fingers.

There was a whoosh of fabric, the fingers inside him pulled out and Edwards's blunt cock was probing, pushing in, and demanding to find entrance. Though, slow and meticulous, Edward was also relentlessly pressing forward through the fierce resistance. Alphonse's eyes screwed shut and his mind went white from the intense rush.

A long drawn out moan from above echoed off the walls around them, Alphonse could feel his heart in his throat as Edward settled. The other man's –still- clothed stomach pressing against the swell of Al's stretched ass, completely inside him.

All thoughts escaped him as Edward pushed in,  _'Yes; yes; yes…'_ Echoed in the recesses of his mind. Or had Alphonse said it out loud because Ed laughed breathlessly rocking forwards making the boy hiccup.

After that Edward started moving ardently, hips undulating to a pounding pace. It was hard, rough but seemingly pleasurable. It was surprising how much Alphonse felt wanted, needed in that moment. He was so, so happy to be coveted completely, finally.

Bleating cry's clear-cut on every exhale, it was almost too much. Hands on Alphonse hip pushed and pulled the boy where he was needed, stroking that spot hidden deep within him that made Al's vision whiten on the edges. He was floating, freewheeling, nothing mattered except the wet pulse in his stretched hole and his hard dick slapping his under-belly.

Alphonse suddenly wished for his hands to be free, wanting to reach down and stroke his swollen prick to the same pace he was being pounded into. The thought sent a burst of determination into the younger male. Twisting and pulling at the chafing belt wrapped around his wrist, he tried to release the hold on his prickling hands.

With a frustrated growl that ended in a moan, Alphonse found some remembrance of words.

"Ed-Edward…" he cried "P-please…" any other words failed him, yanking at the bonds again. Edward must have gotten the picture because in the next second, Alphonse hands were released, they fell helplessly to his sides, the blood rushing back into his bruised limbs. He felt the pin pricks in his fingertips but ignored them. Edward's pace never faltered, if anything he hiked Al's hips up higher for a better, deeper angle.

Alphonse braced himself with his left hand, gathering the blanket into his palm for purchase. His right hand slipped under his body and started jacking his flush cock in time to his brother's powerful thrusts.

It was just  _so, fucking, good…_  It almost hurt. Mouth drooling, hip undulating, Alphonse was a ruined mess of carnal pleasure.

Something that good could only last for moments, Alphonse's back began to arch. Grunting, panting, moaning,  _and_  so _close. So, fucking close._ Edward's hand wrapped around Alphonse's body and covered the boy's rapidly moving hand. Now his body was shuddering and jerking, the piston like thrusting now devolving into erratic bucking and lurches from Edward. The sweat poured down both their skins, Alphonse could feel it gathering on his face, his neck and back.

A second later he was coming without a thought, an instinctual response, it came out of nowhere.

' _Fuck, fuck, fuck—.'_ Rushed through his mind as he completely whited out as the rush followed through his limbs. He went limp into a pool of sugar, his muscles dough, his mind mush.

Alphonse was vaguely aware of his brother finishing, hands tightening on his hips before letting go. Everything was fading, blacking out in his peripherals. He was so tired, just wanting to rest for a moment. The world swam in black spots, with a tight hot feeling taking over his lungs. Al felt pained throughout his body momentarily, but the world dipped dramatically, and then everything just stopped.

Alphonse passed out.

**To be contiuned...**

The only relevant test of the validity of a hypothesis is comparison of prediction with experience. - **Milton Friedman**


	8. Lost and Broken.

One of the first things Alphonse came to understand about his new body after his human transmutation; it now needed sustenance to survive.

It was a weird thought for Alphonse, considering food for the longest time had been out of his reach. It was a subject that Al didn't have a single inclination towards, it practically fell into the area of 'taboo' for him. Any and all thoughts of consumption had always turned to ash on his nonexistent tongue.

It was only  **after**  his human transformation that he realized how  **important** eating was to a normal, living, breathing human being.

Sure, there had been plenty of times when he was still trapped inside the clunky armor that Alphonse had dreamed about the things he'd eat after his body was revived. That list grew and morphed as the years progressed with Alphonse  **still** locked inside the metal suit.

It was one of the many reason Alphonse indulged his brother with rich treats of pastry's and sweets on their voyages looking for the red stone. Selfishly, Alphonse wanted to observe Edward's enjoyment for something that was sinfully delicious but Al couldn't have. Alphonse lived vicariously through Ed for many years.

By the third year of existing inside the armor Alphonse had virtually forgotten how anything tasted, or even how butter cooked bread smelt fresh out of the oven. Soon enough Al forgot how the sun felt on his skin, or water trickling over his shoulders on a hot summer day.  _The feeling of Mother's embrace..._  His human senses were stripped till he was almost barren of his humanity.

It all changed the day his brother sacrificed his life for Alphonse. The moment Al was revived and all the dust settled from the aftermath, he took a moment to look around and realized the Elric brothers accomplished the impossible. Alphonse's body, his humanity was his to own again! Ergo, so were his other humans needs and hunger was one of the many things he was thankful to have back!

Granny had always said the Elric boys could eat anyone out of house and home, and Alphonse proved that upon his awakening. It was like reemerging from the water after being under for too long; the first breathe of air is always the sweetest.

Alphonse eyes were large and his stomach greater, he wanted to try everything in eye sight.

 _Ice cream;_  
pickles;  
pie;  
cookies;  
sandwiches;  
cake;  
beef-stroganoff; (even though he didn't like it.)  
Granny's stew;

Anything and everything needed to be tried at least once.

_Steak and potato;_   
_Chicken and rice;  
Fish and chips;_

_Lollipops;_  
taffy;  
chocolate;  
donuts!

The list was endless.

There was one thing held in esteem above all the rest. Even though Alphonse first experience with it ended terribly, it still was, till this very day, his favorite food. Strangely enough it was a piece of fruit. Mind you it was not just any type but a tropical fruit and like most tropical fruits; pineapples are extremely circuitry and shouldn't be eaten in large doses. Otherwise as most know, you'll end up with a tongue that feels like you've been licking gravel nonstop with a mouth full of cotton. It's uncomfortable to say the least.

No one told this to poor Alphonse, forgoing and eating the whole yellow fruit in one sitting. At the time Al had no willpower over food, it was thrilling in its own way! Not being able to eat and suddenly a whole smorgasbord appeared and you could eat anything and everything… And from the first bite of tangy yellow flesh, Alphonse had been hooked. By the time Winry and Gran discovered him in the backyard covered in sticky juice, it had already been too late. Alphonse's mouth and tongue were already red-raw sore and he was starting to complain about it.

Alphonse learned that day some things in life are better left severed in smaller doses.

It should've been a lesson he came to understand all those years ago. Not to take something for granted just because it seems harmless. Apparently he was a glutton for punishment, because Alphonse craved for some (or any) kind of attention from his brother. Be it good, or even bad... Al was yearning for the interaction.

The week since their unmentionable moment in Alphonse's bedroom passed in a blink of a misty eye. The bruises lining Al's wrist healed, the marks on his neck faded but the wounds made upon his soul wouldn't heal.

Edward’s withdrawal had seen to that.

He was ignoring Alphonse like the black plague. Avoiding all eye contact and disappearing off to god-knows-where in the middle of the night. It was all driving Alphonse up the walls with worry, and don't even mention the guilt; it was trifling to the boy. Alphonse wasn't even technically angry with Edward for what happened. Just in the fact Ed was now avoiding him and that's what hurt the worst. The distance between them, the gorge that kept growing larger and larger every day the brother's didn't speak. They needed to talk, and they needed to do it soon. Alphonse knew this, understood a confrontation was the only way out of this mess and it should be sooner rather than later.

Alphonse couldn't accomplish anything if Edward was never home, and honestly, it felt like Ed was planning it out this way. Leaving the apartment fifteen minutes before his brother returned from school or where ever he's been.

It was maddening, the dance Edward was taking to avoid Alphonse. It was no mere quiescence, not with the amount of effort it took Edward to steer clear of him entirely. Their apartment wasn't big enough, there had to be a carefully thought through plan to avoid someone in such close corridors. The amount of distance Edward was giving Alphonse was noticeable and it hurt the youngest Elric to no end.

This morning was no different, as Alphonse’s bedroom door opened he heard the front door slam shut. The mere sound of the air displacement as the door closed sent Alphonse spiraling into a deeper depression.

 _‘Another morning spent alone,’_  the boy thought bitterly, trudging into the kitchen for his morning cup of tea. It was the only thing he'd been able to stomach as of late. The thought of food was something Al would rather not have to think about... His gut was already churning from the left over aroma of Edward's fried eggs and bacon still lingering in the kitchen. Grimacing Al opened the only window in the small kitchen, trying to get rid of the nauseating smell. This is when his eye's landed on a single pineapple sitting on the counter.

Alphonse stared at the fruit, not understand how it came to sit perched next to the fridge. He hadn't bought it,  _I haven't been to the grocery store in ages... How did this get here? It wasn't like Edward went to the store and got it, he doesn't even like pineapple... only I do..._

Amidst his thoughts Alphonse reached out to touch the green leaves sprouting out the top of the spiky fruit. His fingers grazed the rubbery leaves as he mindlessly grabbed one and pulled. It slipped out effortlessly, deeming it was ripened enough to eat. Alphonse looked down at the leaf in his hand as he clicked his tongue,  _did Brother get this for me? **Was**  he thinking about me...? Because I thought he wasn't. He's been avoiding me..._

Shaking his head, Alphonse moved away from the fruit and tossed the leaf into the garbage on the other side of the fridge before moving about to finishing making his tea. In the back of his mind he couldn't stop thinking about the pineapple on the counter-top behind him and what the implication of it sitting there meant.

_Brother, are you thinking of me?_

* * *

 

He was still thinking about the fruit as he walked into class a couple hours later. Taking a seat in the back, Al's mind was so wrapped up in his own business that he didn't notice who he was sitting down next to.

It could have been the fact Alphonse wasn't realizing his surroundings, or Reese dyed his hair a dramatic shade of black. One of the two reason, but Al was absorbed in his own world. Reese noticed Alphonse sitting down though, watching the boy entering the room and making his way over towards the back of the class.

"Hey..."

The voice to Al's right startled him out of his pensive state... Turning his head he noticed a dark haired individual staring at him from three seats over. It took a moment for the face to click in Alphonse's mind, but when it did he felt his cheeks darken in a blush... The bright green eyes clued him into who it was.

 _"Reese,_ oh! H-hi. I didn't notice you." Al stuttered looking down at his hands in his lap.

The last time they spoke everything had been left at an awkward moment. Reese basically called Alphonse out for being a liar and Al had cried like a mad person before tucking tail and running.

 _Because running always solves the problem..._ Al thought cringing inwardly at the memory.

Alphonse heard Reese give a breathy laugh, "Yeah. I changed my hair. A play right out of your playbook."

The sound of clothes brushing on plastic and the displacement of air signified Reese standing and moving the three spaces over towards Alphonse. Al sat ridged in his blue chair, not having the courage to look up from his hands.

There was silence stretching between them as Reese settled in, before the other man sighed deeply.

"Look Alphonse," Reese’s hand landed on Alphonse's knee. He was trying to get Al to look upwards. It worked as Alphonse’s eyes widened and darted towards Reese's open face. The other man smiled, showing off his perfectly straight teeth. A flutter of unwonted longing touched at Al's stomach, before he let his eyes drift off into the distance, over the other man's shoulder.

Reese let go of Al's thigh while continuing to speak, "I know we didn't leave off on the best terms... and I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have pried... It wasn't my place to do so..."

Al's eyes whipped back to Reese face, he was still smiling that gut wrenching grin. The one that made Alphonse’s knees weak and his heart ache in his chest. He didn't know what to say... Al's mouth was dry with confusion... It didn't stop him from opening his mouth like an idiot and something moronic falling out.

"I-I..."

The professor walked into the class and Al's mouth snapped shut. Turning his attention to the front of the room. He was still at a loss for words.  _Saved by the teacher..._ Alphonse thought with luck coursing in his veins. He knew he had to reply, Reese was still watching him, waiting for him to confirm his apologies...

"Can we talk after class?" Al questioned quietly. Class was starting, they didn't have enough time to talk about things at the moment. He received another smile and a nod from Reese before the man turned to his own notebook and started listening to lecture.

Forty-five minutes later, class was over. Everyone was packing their notes and papers into their bags. Alphonse realized he was going to have to talk to Reese. Butterfly's erupted in his stomach. He still didn't know how to approach the topic of how they left things off. Al knew he'd acted a fool towards Reese's prying about the ring of hickeys on his neck.  _How could I tell him, when I can't even tell him who they're from... let alone tell him how I got them from my brother. Sick; sick; sick..._

The backpack in Al's hands slipped from his fingers at his rapidly spinning thoughts... The content spewing everywhere. Papers and notebooks. Textbooks and pens went flying, scattering to the ground.

"Fuck!" Al exclaimed dropping to his knees to gather his belongings.

A chuckle overhead drew Alphonse’s attention upwards. Bright green eyes stared towards him.

"So the prodigal son, does curse!" Reese joked playfully as he smiled, kneeling down to lend a helping hand.

"What does that even mean?" Al snorted picking up his notebook and shoving it in his bag.

"It means; I didn't think you could actually swear." Another cocky smile.

"Everyone curses from time to time-."

"-You didn't let me finish..." Reese interrupted slyly, "It also means; I think you're cute when you do so..."

Alphonse stopped mid motion picking up a pen, a mantra of ' _Oh shit'_ ripping through his mind.

"Reese, I..." Still looking towards the blue pen sitting on the ground. He didn't get a chance to finish.

"I know, I know... You're off limits. I get it. Doesn't mean I can stop trying..." The edge of a notebook nudged into Alphonse hands, Al followed the line up towards Reese face.  _He looks so different with darker hair..._ Al thought mindlessly.  _Not so much like brother..._

Alphonse could feel the heat gathering in his cheeks from that thought...  _What the fuck is wrong with me._ Ripping the book out of Reese's hand, Al shoved it into his bag and stood.

"Thanks for your help. I have to-"

"Get coffee with me?"

The abrupt question stopped Alphonse in his steps, an 'I can't...' on the tip of his tongue.

Reese laughed, showing his white teeth in a cat like grin. "Not like that, Al. Just a cup of coffee between friends..."

Alphonse felt confused,  _isn't he supposed to still be angry with me?_

"Aren't you angry with me still?"

"Nope." Reese gave a deep sigh and squared Alphonse with a look, "Listen, friends argue. Don't let it get you down. We've squashed, right?"

The smaller male nodded, still not totally convinced.

"Then we are good." Swinging an arm around Alphonse’s slim shoulders the two boys left campus walking three blocks to the nearest coffee shop.

* * *

 

It just happened the closest coffee shop was connected to the local bookshop. After getting their coffees, the two men wandered the aisle. They chit-chatted for a few minutes pointing out favorite's books and genre they both liked to read. When they happened to stumble into the fantasy section and by some weird occurrence it was both their favorite. They started talking about novels they'd read, Reese pointed out Lord of the Rings and the debates were on.

"...If you're going there, Reese. You're saying, *Balrog are shrouded in a living supernatural darkness that spread around him like wings? Tolkien was just talking about their actual shadows on the ground.

"That's absolute rubbish, Balrog so have wings! Tolkien describes the Balrog as casting a dark shadow that 'reached out like two vast wings', but then in the next paragraph he plainly states, 'its wings were spread from wall to wall.' Balrogs'  **have** wings, not supernatural shadows, but  **actual** wings!"

"...then why didn't it fly away as it fell with Gandalf?"

"Who's saying it didn't! It never showed it! Besides that's movie verse."

Alphonse laughed into the brim of his coffee cup. Licking his lips of the sugar, he placed the cup back to the table. "You're taking what Tolkien said way too literal. When he referred to the Balrog 'wings' he was talking about a metaphor of the Balrog's shadow it's casting in the passage and how large it appeared."

"No! He's referring to the Balrog's flesh-and-blood wings blocking the passage!"

Chuckling again Alphonse shook his head in disagreement. In their heated discussion the two men had migrated over towards the area designated for cafe patrons. They had been sitting and discussing Lord of The Rings for quite a while now. Al's cheeks were beginning to ache from smiling from Reese's wild antics of explaining things.

Al could (at the least) admit to himself Reese was a lot of fun to be with. The other man was helping Alphonse to forget about his worries and fears. There was never a pause in the conversation and if there was, it was never awkward and stagnate. The two of them had a lot in common. It was startling how  **much**  they both shared. The more they talked, the more they discovered like interests and the pool of similarities manifest in size.

A copy of Tolkien's book laid between them on its spine as it rested on the table. Without noticing their heads drew closer to one another as they both looked the pages over. Alphonse only realized this as he turned his face to look at Reese's smiling mouth. The close distance between their faces sucked the air right out of Alphonse's chest. He coughed awkwardly as he turned his head away, trying to cover the sound of him choking on his own breath. Reese didn't miss Al's wandering look, a knowing smirk gracing his lips.

"You alright...?" Reese asked reaching over and patting Al's back.

Alphonse nodded his head and coughed a couple more times trying to clear his voice.

"Yes, sorry, I'm fine..." he said giving a reassuring lift of his mouth.

"Good... I wouldn't want you dying before I could prove you wrong..."

Alphonse scoffed while laughing, "Balrog  **do not**  have wings!"

The rich laughter coming out of Reese’s chest sent a warm burst of joy through Alphonse's stomach. It was an emotion Al hadn't been experiences a lot of as of late. Not with Edward ignoring him, there hadn't been a lot of joy of any kind in Al's life in the pass couple months. Stony silence and crippling guilt was what Alphonse’s home life consisted of. The bright emotion ricocheting inside his body brought everything in perspective to the young blond.

It was like walking into a pitch black room and suddenly a bright light blinded you. It would take a second of being in the light for your eyes to adjust, but once they did you could see everything much clearer than from before. Alphonse realized he  **could**  have feelings for Reese,  **if** he allowed himself too. He technically hadn't fallen for the other man but he was certain, if left to flourish Al could definitely trip and land in love.

He must have appeared somber, lost in thoughts because Reese asked if Alphonse was alright. Mustering a smile Alphonse confirmed he was fine, just tired from lack of sleep. A yawn escaping Alphonse confirmed his words.

"You should head home, if you're tired..." Reese assured leaning back into his chair, a look of worry etched into his brow line.

Another jolt of joy rippled through Al as he watched Reese, the black hair really did suit the taller male. It amplified the intensity of his green eyes like an optical illusion.

"I assure you, I am fine. Besides; I am... enjoying myself..." Alphonse admitted reluctantly, the words feeling thick in his mouth as he spoke them. He didn't want the newly dyed brunette to get the wrong impression. It was nice having a friend to joke about with.

" _Laughter, a solution to any problem,"_ the words echoed in his mind, it was something Alphonse's mother had always said to him as a child and how true it was. Laughter could solve almost anything.

Reese looked as if he wanted to say something but then aborted the thought... "Well, I'm glad. I enjoy spending time with you as well..."

A blush was threatening to break out over the apples of Al's cheeks but he beat it back into submission. Instead he rallied a small smile and turned to look off in the distance. Reese's warm hand landed on Alphonse’s thigh; it drew his attention back to the green-eyed male. A warm expression took hold in Reese's gaze and that knee knocking smile graced his handsome face again. "I'm here for you Alphonse. Whatever you need, I'll listen..."

Alphonse’s words stuck in his throat at Reese's admission. He honestly felt breathless... Instead of words, Alphonse found himself biting his bottom lip while smiling and nodding his head around it.

 _It felt good to hear..._  Alphonse had felt so alone these past couple weeks, what with Edward’s withdraw and the fact Alphonse really didn't have another friend in this world. All his family and friends were trapped in an alternate reality, a place Alphonse could never return to. It was a thought he didn't let himself think too often about, but lately he couldn't help but wonder how his life would have ended up if he never followed his brother through that fated portal.

Reese words made Alphonse feel marginally better, if not more.

"Thank you, Reese..." Placing his hand over Reese's still lingering on Al's leg, the smaller male leaned forward. "I truly mean it. Thank you."

* * *

 

It was a couple hours later when both men left the bookshop with belly's full of warm liquid, that Alphonse felt renewed somehow. He was finally smiling without having to force it. His soul felt light as a feather, instead of tied down from crippling guilt. Alphonse pondered,  _was this how I'm supposed to feel?_

Reese walked Alphonse half way home before they separated. Alphonse was made to promise to call later and honestly he was going to. Reese was shaping up to be a good friend. Al saw no need to hide his friendship from Edward.  _Besides brother is flat out ignoring_  me anyways, what Edward didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

It wasn't until he entered the apartment that his good mood Reese had so carefully helped construct tumbled within itself.

Everything appeared to be normal in the front entryway, until Alphonse spotted the three brown cardboard boxes sitting next to the door. Upon further investigation Al discovered they were filled with Edward’s belongings. Well mostly clothes, shirts and jeans alike pilled haphazardly into the boxes.  _It almost looked like Ed packed in a rush..._  Alphonse mused, there were shirt arms hanging over the sides.

Alphonse heart was in his stomach when he realized what the boxes meant...  _Was brother leaving? He couldn't be... wouldn't do that to me..._ Al's world began to spin at his rapid thoughts. Kicking into gear he tore through the entry way and into the hall way. Edward by chance was coming out his room; a red duffle bag strewn over his right shoulder.

Their eyes met and Alphonse gasped. The words were out of his mouth faster than he could reel them in.

"What are you doing?"

Edward looked away towards the ground, guilty from obviously being caught red handed in the act of something cruel. He didn't answer right away, dragging his flesh hand through his bangs and sighing exasperated.

"Edward-d…?" Al's voice cracked and wavered on the end. He was holding back tears which were threatening to fall. He kept repeating to himself,  _I will not cry, I will not cry. I will not allow him to make me cry! …_ but the tight feeling in the back of his throat was daring the emotions to flow.

"...it's for the best... Alphonse." Edward spoke shifting his weight to his metal leg.

"What is...?" Al asked with false hope. Somewhere down deep, Alphonse already knew what Edward meant.

Edward blinked his yellow eyes before finally looking directly at Al with a hollow look in the pit of them. And in a lackluster voice he reiterated, "It's for the best that I leave... at least, for little while."

He added the end in as a second thought,  _for my benefit.._. Ed was obviously trying to soften the blow. It hadn't worked, Alphonse could feel the walls surrounding him coming down around his head. The air completely left his lungs like a direct punch to the stomach, Alphonse couldn't breathe.

"I-I, don't understand..." he implored after a moment. A numbness was taking hold of his body, freezing the panic emotion bubbling below the surface. "Why- why are you doing this?" He was hyperventilating... could feel his body breaking out in a cold sweat.

"Alphonse." Edward sighed running his hand through his hair again. He closed his eyes and then opened his mouth before abandoning the thought and snapping it closed. His eyes fluttered open a second later, filled with a solid resolve.

"- Because I am..."

Edward took a step forward, and then he took another passing Alphonse frozen in the hallway... He brushed past him. Al's inner world was tumbling in this stasis moment he was trapped in. He watched his brother walking past him but couldn't make his body move. He was stuck as the pain of actually being abandoned took hold and formed into a vivid anger.

Anger was something he could deal with, it gave him a focal point to find traction on. Moving quicker than his brother, Al turned the corner into the living room like a live-wire.

"Coward!" he bellowed as he entered hot on Ed's heels.

"Excuse me?" Edward turned, his eyes darkening at Al's remark.

"You heard me! You fucking narcissistic coward!"

Edward took a step towards Alphonse, his blond brow furrowing fiercely in the middle. "Narcissistic? I am not a narcissist, Alphonse. I am  **not**  doing this for myself..."

"Then who!? Who are you doing it for, because I don't fucking want this...?"

"It's for the best-" Ed, countered with a needling exhale, before being interrupted.

"-Don't say that. Edward. Please!" Alphonse sobbed. The tears finally escaping down his cheeks. He was losing this fight, Edward was going to leave him. It was a terrifying thought... Alphonse didn't want this, he wanted his brother!

"Alphonse we can't keep doing this to each other, This relationship, this- this- this, fucked up situation we are in; it's toxic for the both of us..." he growled irritably rubbing at his eyes as he spoke.

"But you said we aren't even brothers anymore...  **Why**?!" Al reached out for his brother arm, "Why can't we be together then...?

Edward jerked backwards, ripping out of Alphonse’s touch... A sharp pang of pain surged through Alphonse heart. It must have shown on his face because Edward was immediately visibly regretful.

"Al, don't be like this..."

The anger surged through Al at being brushed off so easily... It showed in his voice as he spoke, "don't be like what.  _Brother_..." he wiped at his cheeks agitated by the tears tracing his skin. "Like someone hurt because they are being abandoned? Or like the whore I played as you pinned and raped me…?"

Alphonse knew his words were cruel and impudent, but he wanted Edward to feel the amount of pain he'd lain at Al's doorstep. That moment a week ago in Al's room had been consensual on both parts, but Alphonse knew his brother didn't see it that way. He knew this because Edward had been ignoring him since that single disastrous moment and now Ed was impulsively leaving... it was all adding up in Al's head, a cruel equation solved and he was using the information as a sword aimed for his brothers' vital points.

And it stuck true.

Edward's face fell, his shoulders slumped and his eyes twisted into two pits of yellow agony. Alphonse was instantaneously ashamed.

"... I can't do this..." Edward faltered before quickly moving out the room.

"w-w-wait..." but Ed was already out the apartment, the door swung back on its hinges slamming into the wall.

Alphonse was left standing there, numbed, regretful and watching where Edward had escaped. The look of hurt etched on his brother's face haunted Al as he stood in the entryway alone.

The three boxes next to the door taunted him. With a livid growl they came tumbling down with a sturdy swipe of Al's arm. Ed's clothes and belongings arched into the air, landing forgotten on the floor. Al's knees gave out at the same moment, and he fell amongst the abandon clothes.

Lost, broken and oh, so regretful.

**To be continued...**

**_If you start to miss me. Remember; I wasn't the one to walk away._ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: told from Edward's POV
> 
> Balrogs- "Scourges of fire… demons of terror" They were Maiar, originally of the same order of Saruman and Gandalf, but they were seduced by Melkor, who corrupted them to his service in the days of his splendor before the creation of Arda. During the Music of the Airnur, the Aunulindale, Melkor (Morgoth) began introducing themes of his own design into the Theme of lluvatar, causing great discord in the music. Balrogs were among those spirits near Melkor who attuned their own music to Melkor's theme rather than lluvatar's. Therefore, they not only existed before the creation of the world, they are part in its corruption.  
> 2\. Blarogs, do they have wings or not debate- This actually is one of the number one debate 'nerds' have while conversing. Do Balrogs have wings? It might seem a simple question, but (as so often with Tolkien's works) the more we examine it, the harder it is to answer. It's a question, too, that divides Tokien's more avid readers into two distinct camps; those who believe in Balrogs wings, and those who deny their existence.


	9. Blightful Plight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay lets have a real talk here.
> 
> I wrote this chapter, and then rewrote it and then rewrote it again. All because I didn't feel a connection with what I was writing. Reason being, I couldn't keep Edward in character. I had to delve into the unknown territory with him. Mind you, this is a very scary feeling. I write fanfiction for a reason, I like taking my favorite character (while keeping them true to the original mold) and forming them into a plot I see fit. Sometime the plot the writer is weaving needs to break a character from its original molding and build it into something they can use. That's what I did. Honestly, I don't think I strayed too far from Edward's personality. Considering
> 
> circumstances and occurrences tend to change people over time, and there has been a great amount of time since the ending of the anime for Edward to have grown and changed. And as my beta reader pointed out "Even throughout the series the way Ed reacted to things changed based on his more recent experiences". *shrug*
> 
> I guess you'll have to be the judge.
> 
> Don't be too harsh, my fragile ego couldn't stand for much.

The cupboard slammed shut with a firm shove. The sound resonated through the quite kitchen. There wasn't any food in the house. The cabinets empty, only crumbs left in the back far corner. The fridge, empty (expect for the expired milk). The pantry, bare of anything. There was no food. Edward's stomach echoed noisily in the other soundless room.

It was one of  _those_  types of mornings. No sleep from the prior night because of thoughts unwonted. No food, come the morning. Nothing but emptiness left to fill the tireless void.

Edward sighed, the weary sound escaped his mouth before he could reel it back. He realized he'd been doing a lot of that lately and he needed to quit it. Exhaling again, he moved out the kitchen to get his boots and coat from the front closet.

It couldn't be helped, someone had to do the grocery shopping. Obviously it wasn't going to be Alphonse…

_Al…_

A dull ache settle into his chest at the mention of his younger brother. The memory of seeing Alphonse pale, lifeless body under his own flashed before his eyes. It was something Edward has been trying to erase from his mind, to no prevail. That same memory kept playing over and over, night after night. Edward was plagued with its very presences. There was a sense of disgust which he carried at all times now. Edward couldn't look into Alphonse's eyes since that disturbing night. He could barely meet his own gaze in the mirror.

Even though it all occurred almost over a week ago, the time only added unneeded fuel to Edward's bonfire of guilt blazing out of control. Each day spreading further with additional damage done, waiting for  **something**  to happen. For Alphonse to lash out with some kind of retaliation but nothing ever came from it… Nothing but silence.

Ed was adamantly avoiding his younger brother. Every morning and night like a horrid dance, waiting and waiting for Alphonse to come home or leave. Edward was sick of the situation. They both were behaving childish, with Ed's tucking tail and running away from the problems at hand. And Alphonse for not seeking his brother out. They both were at fault.

No matter how Edward rationalized it, though, he still couldn't bring himself to confront Al over it. It was a heavy paradox of attraction and repulsion, the bittersweet pangs of nostalgia of something beautiful but knowing it needed to be smothered and killed…

With a heavy sigh, Ed slipped his coat on his shoulders and his heavy black boots onto his feet. Making sure he had his wallet, he set off out the front door.

The sun wasn't even cresting over the horizon, everything was painted in a pale shade of blue. Pulling the collar of his jacket up higher around his ears, Edward made quick strides to get to his truck. Once the engine was warmed up, he pulled out of the parking lot and headed off in the direction of the store, his stomach and heart complaining the entire way for two completely different reasons.

* * *

 

It was a relatively quick trip to the store; Edward made it home before the sun was too high in the sky. It was still chilled outside, considering it was only six thirty in the morning and the middle of November. He pulled into his parking space, grabbing the few sacks he had from the tail bed of his truck, and made his way into the building.

Edward was hoping with beyond optimism Alphonse wasn't awake yet.

_He shouldn't be, since his class didn't start till ten._

Even though he knew Al wouldn't be, Edward still couldn't help the knot of anxiety rising in his chest at the thought of actually having to talking to his younger brother.

He was in the kitchen in no time, setting the bags from the store on the counter top. His stomach gave another noisy complaint.

"Yeah… yeah. I know." Edward grumbled under his breath setting out the stuff he needed to cook his breakfast and putting away the rest in the cupboards. He gave pause to the pineapple he pulled out of the paper sack. Edward stared down at the fruit in his hands. He didn't know what came over him to buy it; he didn't even like pineapples.

 _Too fucking sour…_  He thought palming the revolting spikey fruit.

The only conclusion Edward could come back with; Alphonse loved pineapples. Even though Edward hadn't been around the apartment lately, it didn't exclude him from being able to see or notice things. He wasn't a complete idiot. Al barely ate anything. The weight loss was obvious to any who knew what Alphonse looked out his clothes. He was thinning, and it alarmed Edward. He felt helpless to aid his younger brother. Ed knew Alphonse needed him, he just couldn't bring himself to help.

It was egocentric and completely selfish way to think, but Edward was terrified of the outcome otherwise. He fucking  **loved**  Alphonse too much. And there in lied the problem. Edward was  **in love**  with his brother. He wanted to suck, to fuck him so badly but that was only the tip of the iceberg, Edward wanted so much more from Alphonse. He wanted to hold him. To caress his soft skin. To support Al in his time of need. Edwards's anxiety and sense of judgment saw to that's demise. He couldn't bring himself to be selfish with Alphonse any more. Edward needed to be prideful. Respect what he  **could**  have with Al; a brotherly relationship and right now that wasn't even in the cards.

With  **another**  great sigh, Edward set the pineapple down next to the fridge where Alphonse would see it when he came into the kitchen to make his morning tea. Turning his back, he went about making his breakfast.

It wasn't until after his shower and morning routine, did Edward hear Alphonse shuffling about his room. With a fire lit under his ass, Edward made a mad dash to the front door. _Jacket; boots; keys; wallet_ , and he was out the front door before he could hear his brother's door opening.

 _That was a close call…_  he could feel his heart palpating in his chest erratically.

Today was going to be a long one, Edward could already feel the weight of the day and it was still only morning. He felt heavy with grief, remorse, but most importantly guilt. The guilt outweighed all of Edward's other sins.

It was one of the first time in Ed's life he was thankful for his job at the construction site. At least the manual labor would take his mind off Alphonse. He would have to figure out what to do after he got off work.

For now he'd focus his thoughts elsewhere.

* * *

 

The end of the day came flying around faster than it should've and everything (all the guilt and self-loathing) came rushing back. Having skipped lunch, forgoing it all together to keep working, Edward was -now- regretting it, his stomach demanded food, and his heart was filled with guilt. Two things that didn't mix very well together.

His favorite burger place was only four blocks over from the construction site.  _Seven blocks from Alphonse's school,_ Ed's brain added on as an afterthought. He felt himself frowning as he parked and opened the truck's door to get out.  _Stop thinking of him, the sooner you_ _do_ _, the better you'd both be off. He's your brother, damn it— It_  was a feat easier said than accomplished.

The scary thing was, Edward couldn't stop his thoughts from straying to Alphonse. About how much he wanted to caress his soft skin, to lick the places which never saw the light of day. The smooth spans of Al's inner thighs, like heaven to stroke. Edward knew his brother had never been touched, pure in every sense of the words.  _Well, he was before I forced myself on him…_

His thoughts made his stomach roll with remorse. Edward had stolen something precious from Al, and Ed couldn't help but think himself was a monster for doing so.

_How much have I already stolen from him?_

_Hollow armor… I locked him in the armor… Blood sealed his soul… So much stolen… life._

_Al's life._

_His childhood. Stolen._

_His virginity. Stolen._

_I'm a monster._

_A fucking tyrant._

It wasn't until after he ordered his food and paid for it, when Edward realized Alphonse had gotten out of school an hour ago. _Al could be somewhere around here. Shit—_

His appetite disappeared at his circling thoughts. Leaving the restaurant the urgency to get off the streets was built up by Edward's sense of utter dismay. He was hyperventilating, he could feel his nerves making him shake slightly, his flesh palm dampened by perspiration. He wiped it off onto his dirty blue jeans before fumbling with the key's to open the trucks door.

 _Get a grip on yourself, Edward._ He scolded himself as he tried to fit the key into the hole, but seemed to keep missing the slot.

_Hollow armor… I locked him in the armor…_

"For fuck sake…"

The key finally slipped in, turning it and the door swung open. Climbing inside, he felt a false sense of relief, dropping his forehead to the sterling wheel. The guilt was eroding a hole in Edward's stomach.

_Blood sealed his soul… So much stolen…_

Edward had the strength to endure all kinds of physical pain… proven that fact time and time again. His body littered with nasty scars from painful past offences, but the weakness to carry these hidden feelings along in his heart… and the paper-thin link between them was almost too much for one person to atone for alone.

_Al's life._

_His childhood. Stolen._

_His virginity. Stolen._

_Monster._

Alphonse was always there for Edward. Even when he was locked inside that damned metal suit.

_Hollow armor… I locked him in the armor…_

Edward blamed himself for everything, all the mistakes in the failed journey to bring their mother back, the travels to find the red stone to restore Al's body. Even Envy's death, he was their brother as well, damn it. And Edward had killed him without a second thought, for Alphonse.

 _It was all for Alphonse… It's always_ _ **for**_ _Alphonse._ Everything Edward had belonged to his younger brother. Not just logically; for everything Edward had to atone for in Alphonse's eyes because sensibly it was the only choice to be made. Edward belonged to Alphonse, heart, body and soul.

_Alphonse, the purest. Alphonse, the strongest. Alphonse, the good Elric brother... The one who should have had everything he never had… His childhood, his mother, his life, his virginity…_

Alphonse is so fucking, noble. His purity shines so bright it's blinding. His strength and goodness… His earnest forward-looking, whole hearted attitude in everything he did. Alphonse is the epitome of a good person and Edward plainly, was not.

 _Just how many times has Alphonse saved my life?_ Edward thought as his stomach gripped with uncertainty.  _Too many to count…_

Edward's thoughts were running circles. It was making him dizzy boarding the metaphorical carousel of horrid thoughts and images.

_How did we get here…?_

The answer was simple from the beginning. From the first moment Edward saw Alphonse's newly transformed body. That fucking beautiful, ear splitting smile on Al's angelic face. It was that moment everything became distorted with the desire to claim Alphonse.  _If only I realized sooner; but I'm already in too deep… that doesn't mean I have to drag Alphonse along with me in my pit of despair…_

They say the heart and body are two different things entirely. Whoever  _they_  are, they are complete idiots. They know nothing. It was a blatant lie; when the heart is touched by someone held dear, the body wants to be touched as well. When the body is repeatedly touched, the heart wants to be touched even more, craving it like a drug injected into a vein.

Edward felt a heavy ache to his bones to hold Alphonse in his arms but he knew he couldn't, shouldn't.

 _I don't deserve it, not when I-I-I…_ a knot gathered in his throat.

Ed couldn't even allow himself to think about it. The moment a week ago, when Edward finally grew past the resistance of the symbolic rubber band holding him in place, snapping and pinning Al to the bed. Taking him against his own will… Hands bound behind Al's back, held in place by Edward's own belt as the elder Elric took what he wanted from the younger.

Edward felt bile gathering in that back of his mouth. He was utterly disgusted with himself. Not only with his action but in the fact he'd reveled in Alphonse's weakness. Seeing his brother with frustrated tears in his eyes did something for Edward's deepest, darkest of desires. In all honesty, Edward's sexual life had always been a tad on the rougher side, but never had it strayed into a wicked side of the spectrum. He should never have found as much pleasure in dominating Alphonse as he did. It disgusted the sane part of his conscience but on the different side of the same coin, he rejoiced in the fact he left obvious marks of ownership on Al's soft (human) flesh.

He was so pathetic. Lusting after his own brother.  _I'm disgusting… I'm the one hurting Alphonse. It's me. Alphonse is too innocent, too pure… So innocent and too pure for me…_ Edward's mind was spinning out of control, his breathing erratic as his forehead continued to rest against the metal wheel. Both hands holding, white-knuckled onto it.

_I've stolen everything from him._

_Monster._

_Monster._

_Devil._

_Just like, Hohenheim…_

A happy familiar laugh broke through Edward's circling thoughts.

Lifting his head up from the steering wheel, Edward's eyes scanned the surrounding parking lot for the owner of the laugh. There weren't that many cars parked around, a white Honda and black SUV sat to Edward's left; they were both empty though.

Edward heard the laugh again, this time clearly coming from his right. He looked towards the sidewalk and his eyes caught blond hair off in the distance. Edward's stomach dropped when he realized it was Alphonse, it twisted and fluttered when the full force of Al's radiant smile crashed into him.

 _It's been a while since I've seen him smile like that…_ He shook his head at that thought. A frown taking its place when Edward realized what Alphonse was smiling at. Rather more like whom he was smiling towards. A dark haired individual walking besides Al, talking adamantly about something came into view.

A flood gate of warmth erupted inside Edward at his brother's wholehearted expression.  _I remember when I used to make him smile like that…_ Back when they were only brothers. Guilt slapped him in the face solid and recklessly.  _This is my own fault… I caused this rift between us. We never should've… Monster._

"Fuck." He swore out loud. He was abruptly angry with himself. Hot fury mounted in his chest. It only worsened as he watched the dark hair male swipe something off Alphonse chin. Whatever the other male said, made Al's cheeks flare in a blush.

 _He looks so happy… and normal._  Edward hated it. Hated the fact it wasn't him Alphonse was looking at like that. Edward was so fucking angry at himself, at the prick touching Al, at the very situation. The one thing he wasn't angry at was Alphonse.

The tightening hands of guilt constricted on Edwards's throat. He was having a hard time breathing. The amount of anger he felt gathering left him gagging on the taste. Ed couldn't do this to himself anymore, couldn't damage Alphonse any longer. He had to get out of here. Out of his apartment. There was no way he could continue to hinder Alphonse in a normal life.  _Even if that ordinary life doesn't consists of me…_

With a wounded heart, and heavy burden, Edward hurried home to pack his belongings. He had to get out before Alphonse returned home. The older male didn't know what he'd do if Al returned in the middle of his escape. He didn't have the strength to argue. Rushing, Edward packed pants and shirts (still on hangers) in the boxes, not really caring how things fit inside the brown cardboard box. With quick work, Edward had all his clothes and things he would need, packed and stacked by the front door.

Ed flicked his bedroom light off, in the same motion swinging his red duffle bag over his shoulder. A sullen nostalgic feeling touching his heart as he turned to meet angry hazel eyes staring towards him from the end of the hallway.

Alphonse stood there wide eyed. He gasped, "What are you doing?"

Edward's heart thudded into the pit of his churning stomach. An overwhelming sense of guilt started circling through him again. The eldest Elric had to look away from the heat in Al's focused eyes. Alphonse said his name and Edward could hear his younger brother ever persistent question wavering towards the end. Edward knew Alphonse had seen the boxes by the front door, knew Alphonse had come to the conclusion of what Ed was attempting to accomplish.

The taller blond spoke the first words that came into his raddled mind, "… it's for the best, Alphonse."

"What is?" Anyone could hear the hope rising in Al's voice. It was honestly heart-breaking knowing Edward was about to walk away from him.

Edward felt himself plunging face first into an empty hollowness. He knew it was for the best but it still didn't mean he wanted to hurt Alphonse in the process.  _It's for the best, you've already stolen everything's from him. Let Al have a normal life._ Ed restated this to himself internally for the hundredth time. Trying to work the courage up to actually push passed Alphonse, and walk out the front door.

Blinking his burning eyes, Edward looked directly at Al, not wanting to misconstrue what he was about to say. "It's for the best that I leave…" The words sounded dry and empty, something Edward didn't actually believe in. He didn't. Ed did not want to leave but he knew he had to. "At least, for a little while."

The lost look on Alphonse's face made Edward's chest clench. He wanted to reach out and collect Alphonse into his arms. Tell his little brother everything was going to be alright, that he would never leave but it wasn't the truth. Edward was about to make good on his promise, and walk away.

There was a pause. Edward thought marginally Alphonse understood where he was coming from. Of course that wasn't the case.

"I-I, don't, understand. Why are you doing this?"

Edward sighed Alphonse's name heavily, he was having a hard time explaining himself. His yellow eyes slid closed as his hand brushed his bangs out of his tepid face. So many of Edward's natural brotherly instincts were telling him to stop hurting Alphonse. He couldn't listen to them, he had to ignore and prevail. Edward needed out of this before something happened he would regret later.  _Before I ruin him entirely…_

_Monster._

"- Because I am..."

Edward took a step forward on stiff legs, and then he took another passing Alphonse frozen in the hallway... He brushed past him. His heart tightening with every footstep. Al was visibly shaking and there was nothing Edward could do to help him.

A sparse moment passed, Edward was tunnel-visioned on the front door. He needed out,  **now**!

"Coward!" Alphonse's voice shook with fury as he slung his insult towards his brothers back.

"Excuse me?"

Edward was taken aback by the amount of anger lining his brother's voice. It didn't even sound like Alphonse.

"You heard me! You fucking narcissistic coward!"

Edward found himself taking an unintentional step towards Alphonse, his face creased in a dark frown. "Narcissistic? I am not a narcissist, Alphonse. I am  **not**  doing this for myself..."

_When had this turned into a shouting match?_

"Then who!? Who are you doing it for, because I don't fucking want this...?"

"It's for the best-" Ed, countered with a needling exhale, before being interrupted again.

Alphonse voice pitched in a whine, "-Don't say that. Edward. Please!"

Edward watched the lone tear skating down Al's pale cheeks. The guilt gripped at Ed's throat, making it tight and harder to breath. "Alphonse we can't keep doing this to each other, this relationship, this- this- this, fucked up situation we are in; it's toxic for the both of us..." he growled irritably rubbing at his eyes as he spoke.

"But you said we aren't even brothers anymore...  **Why**?!" Al reached out for his brother arm, "Why can't we be together then...?

Edward whipped backwards as if he was burnt at the mention of that horrid day. The pang of betrayal was fresh in Alphonse eyes. It made Edward immediately regretful.

"Al, don't be like this..."

The anger bleeding into Alphonse was startling to recognize in his younger brother. It scared him how easily Alphonse could go from being visibly hurt to be deathly angry in the matter of seconds. Edward watch mortified as Alphonse wiped indignantly at the tears on his cheeks as he spoke.

"Don't be like what,  _Brother_...?" He spit the words out like acid with intent to harm. "Like someone hurt because they are being abandon? Or like the whore I played as you pinned and raped me…?"

Something fragile cracked inside of Edward at hearing Al's loaded words. It was like pouring salt into an already festering wound. Everything Edward feared came tumbling out of his brothers sneering mouth. Ed suddenly felt very ill, all the color drained from his skin. The tears that were threatening to fall prickled his lashes but wouldn't spill.

"... I can't do this..." The words stung him, even though they came from his own lips, they hurt. He was finally admitting defeat. Without much of a thought he quickly moved out the room, forgetting his boxes of clothes. He didn't even hear Alphonse calling out for him to wait… he was out the door and down the hallway in seconds.

The world was numb to him. Everything felt like it was moving in slow-motion, underwater. He couldn't breathe, every time he tried it would catch in his lungs. The stinging in his eyes never left but only worsened. Logically Edward knew he was having a panic attack, his chest was tight with every breath burning his lungs. Irrationally, he wanted the ground to swallow him alive.

He'd never seen such cold hatred in his brother's eyes before. It terrified Edward. The words leaving Al's mouth were filled with poison and left a bitter after taste. That wasn't the Alphonse Edward had known and loved his entire life. That was someone hurting and being manipulated by their hate.

Ed didn't have an inclination as to where he was going, only that he was driving away from the one he loved and cared for the most in the entire world and it fucking hurt. When his truck pulled up in front of a familiar house, he got out and climbed the steps to his friend's house. He felt like a ghost in his own body, a puppet conducted on thinning strings. With numbed fingers he rang the doorbell.

Alphonse's words echoing loudly in his head as he stood there,  _"-like the whore I played as you pinned and raped me…?"_

There was a pause before the door was opened. Alfons's answered with a wide happy smile on his face. Ed's stomach twisted in a repugnant reminder. The two men, Alphonse and Heiderich, looked so god-damn like the same person. The knife in Edward's heart twisted a little more upon his realization. Of course he knew there was similarity's, but never had he noticed how many there were held between them. It was like looking his brother in the face. The dark angry storm brewing in Alphonse's eye's flashed in Edward's head. It turned his stomach, knotting and churning like the rolling sea.  _"-raped me…?"_

"Edward!" Alfons started with a smile, before the edges faded quickly upon seeing Edward's distraught appearance. "—what's wrong…? Are you okay? What happened?" Heiderich tripped over his questions, answering each with another query.

Edward felt his already damaged heart snap before shattering completely upon hearing the amount of concern in his friend's deep voice.

_I don't deserve it…_

"I-I-, "Ed tried to answer but the words stuck in his throat. The constricting pain irradiating through him saw to that. Instead he swallowed the rapidly gathering saliva in his mouth. Fighting the tidal waves of self-loathing and agony was proving too much for Edward's delicate state of mine. The hot prickling along his lashes returned but this time actual tears found their way onto his cheeks.

Heiderich's brow bunched together in concern, this was very unlike his friend to behave this way. Reaching out towards Edward, Alfons's thoughts swirled with distress as he gathered the slightly smaller male to his chest. Edward basically crumbled into his friends welcoming arms.

And for the first time, in a long time, Edward actually let himself be held as he cried to the sound of his breaking heart.

_To be continued..._

* * *

_No.  
I beg of you._

_For I've already sinned by far too much.  
_ _Merely looking at you, touching your skin with only my eyes.  
Your face behind my closed lashes, trying to engrave your memory.  
Every freckle, every blemish, creases, lines or scars.  
I've sinned by far.  
_ _My thoughts of you,  
_ _circling within my brain,_  
are not of innocent notions  
but powerful in our intimate devotions.

 _Please I beg of you...  
Take me backwards in slow motion.  
So, I might get to relive the moments.  
This time without emotion.  
To erase the blight upon _ _our plight_  
into new separate life's...

_I beg of you, no more._


	10. ΓΑΩ (part one)

The light of the early morning was creeping through the cracks of the window, the rich orange arms stretching out into an amber arch along the white walls. Alphonse sat in the center of his room, legs folded over one another and his palms resting on his thighs. His head hung to his chest, in quiet contemplation.

It's been five weeks since Edward moved out of their apartment and abandoned Alphonse to the wolves. Five weeks, and only a handful of awkward phone conversation passed between the brothers. (Edward still paid the rent on the apartment, so technically he still lived there. His room was still exactly how he'd left it. Except he didn't actually resides in the shared apartment any longer.) Edward was residing with Alfons Heiderich, or so Ed had said over an uncomfortable discussion they had weeks ago.

Alphonse was just trying to exist with the ache in heart. That didn't go to say he didn't feel broken and lost without his brother's constant presence by his side. It was a weird feeling not seeing Edward's face at least once throughout the day. Let alone, not see each other for nearly an entire month.

The few times they had actually talked over the phone, Alphonse could feel the pit of remorse growing in his chest. The sweet sound of Ed's voice trailing through like a caress whispering through the line.

Alphonse dreadfully missed Edward.

It was a horrible slow recovery, trying to purge something from his system Alphonse didn't even want gone in the first place.

With a great sigh, Al stood from his seated position. The sun was higher in the sky now, painting everything in his small room with its morning shine.

_The best time of day to practice what I'd been taught all those years ago by Teacher…_

The Stance itself is done with your knee's bent; the toes and the heels in the same parallel line. While bending your knees, you roll your feet outwards with your toes griping the ground as you slide forward, slowly. It was a balance of breathing and contracting your muscles. Moving your arms in a graceful line and keeping everything centered.

_Inhale._

_Contraction_ _of muscles._

_Exhale._

_Move._

_Step._

_Inhale._

_Contract._

_Punch._

_Exhale_.

The same repetitive movement, back and forth through his room.

Alphonse's mind went completely blank as he lived in the motions of his hands and feet moving as one.

His thoughts haunted him in sleep, preventing him from any rest. Tossing and turning, all because the house felt empty. Hollowed from within; deprived of Edward's presence. The lack of sleep drove Al to the edge of his irritability, something Alphonse wasn't notorious for.

When he woke at night, Al found himself searching for the sounds of his brother in the house, but there weren't any; just crippling silence in its place. It was such an unconscious motion, such an innate desire to have his brother in the same living space as him.

_Sleeping alone, in a house by yourself is offsetting_ , it was not something Alphonse was used to experiencing. Though, Al cursed himself every time he found himself craving for the sound of Edward, his brother's warmth, his arm about Al's waist. Every dream, (every thought) was plagued by Edward. Either nightmares of being left behind and abandoned, leaving him in cold sweats and clutching the sheets. Or they woke him, hot with a burning desire for his brother's rougher touches.

It was the latter dreams that made Alphonse the angriest with himself.

His mind nor his body wanted a reminder of what he could not have. However, his flesh craved his brother in the most depraved of ways. Craved his touch, craved his sex. Craved for anything to  **not** be ignored.

Alphonse was repulsed by himself, every time his body betrayed his mind, every time he was awoken aroused by phantom memories of his brothers mouth on his. He wanted to cry out in frustration.

Alphonse's irritation, his anger is what drove him onward. It was simpler to dwell upon his hatred for his traitorous lover than to think upon the loss of his brother.

_Even if they are one in the same._  Dropping his hands from where they had been gliding through the air, Al's shoulders gave a great heave as a sigh slid from his lips.

Yet again, His thoughts strayed towards Edward. He was getting tired, so very tired of the same unwonted line of thinking. Alphonse wished there was some kind of pill he could take, to erase it all from his head. Alas there wasn't anything of the equivalence

Shaking his hands out by his side, he rose them again and positioned his body in a ready stance, clearing his mind as he did so. His arms and legs started the meditative dance again.

_Inhale._

_Contraction_ _of muscles._

_Exhale._

_Move._

_Step._

_Inhale._

_Contract._

_Punch._

_Exhale_.

This, the repetitive movements of his body timed with his breathing was the only rest his mind gained as of late. The only moment his thoughts cleared of the trifling matter of a broken heart. It didn't matter how much his eyes burnt from lack of sleep, the moment his head hit the pillow at bed time, Al's mind would start to stray. It left his stomach feeling sick and his chest empty, haunted by the mistakes of the what-ifs and could've-beens. The only reprieve he was able to find was in a meditation of sorts.

And even though he tried to stave it off, there was always this lurking, deep, dwelling accusation towards his brother. That this pragmatic problem was entirely his fault. That somehow in Alphonse's human transformation something had gone astray and all the evidenced crumbled into Edward mismatched hands.

It wounded Alphonse to his core to even think such things, but how could he not? All the bloody evidence was there and it angered him beyond any means. For fuck-sake, Edward had all but confessed he was the cause of Alphonse's confused feelings towards his brother.

Plainly, he was haunted by the face of Edward, almost overpoweringly so. He barely slept, his mind plagued with thoughts not wanted. Meditating helped little, Al's thoughts too rapid and unrelenting. He just wanted rest from this guilty onslaught.

_This isn't working…_  Alphonse thought hotly, dropping his hands once again. Like so many time before, Al couldn't get his mind clear enough to focus completely. With an irritated growl, he exited his room after grabbing a spare change of clean clothes. His bare feet slapped the hardwood floor noisily as he entered the bathroom.

_I might as well get ready for the day, class is at ten._

In under no time, Alphonse showered and changed into his pressed clothes. Brushed his teeth and combed his hair and still the amounting agitation pooling in his chest spread like a sick disease. Everything Alphonse did was coated in a thin sheen of anger. It was tiring to say the least… tiring because he wasn't used to experiencing such heady emotion none stop.

Exiting the bathroom, a plume of steam followed him out.

The sounds of glass clinking together in Edwards's bedroom made its way to Alphonse's ears. It drew his blond brow downwards in confusion. His heart picked up speed slightly with thoughts circling that it was his brother in the other room. Setting off down the hallway, the floor creaked under foot, alerting the next room of his presence. The wooden door opened on its hinges, and there stood Alfons Heiderich. An elusive smile on his mouth. Alphonse's stomach dropped to his feet.

"Hello Alphonse. I just came b—"

"What are you doing here?" It came out harsh with an edge of a bite without much thought put behind it.

Alfons didn't skip a beat, smiling wider and shuffling the box in his hands for better leverage. "Edward needed some things, and I offered to pick them up in my spare time."

Alphonse brought his arms up to cross them over his chest, "That doesn't explain why you invited yourself in…"

"Edward gave me his key, said to just let myself in…"

"Why didn't he come himself?"

"Oh- well…" The other man's smile wavered as he stuttered, "He's been really busy with work. You should understand. The contractor just added on three new jobs…"

Alphonse's bitter agitation bled through his posture, his expression. "Then get whatever you need and go… I have to leave soon."

With that he turned to walk down the hallway to his bedroom. Except Heiderich called out for him to wait. Al could feel his blood beginning to boil, gritting his teeth against replying with something nasty, he glanced back.  _What the fuck does he want…?_

"What?" he basically growled through slated eyes.

Alfons shuffled the box in his grasp, until it was cocked on his hip under one arm. At the same time he reached around to his pants back pocket, pulling a white envelope from the depths. "Ed wanted me to give this to you…"

Al stared at the folded paper warily, before reaching out and taking it. "What is in it?"

Heiderich shrugged, exiting Ed's doorway. "How should I know?" With that said, the blond man made his way down the hallway and out of the apartment.

Alphonse was left standing there, holding the white envelope.  _I really dislike that man…_ Al thought darkly, gripping the paper into a fist. Walking into his room, he threw himself onto his freshly made bed. Ripping the seal on the envelope, he pulled out the contents. A neatly scrawled check was present, Edward's looped signature resided at the bottom. Setting that aside, there also was a crisply folded paper. Opening it up, a hundred dollar bill fluttered to Al's sheets. Letting it rest where it laid, Al read the short note written on the white paper.

_Hey…_

_Here's rent. Please drop it off at the front office. I also added in an extra hundred for your living expenses. If you need more, please don't be afraid to ask._

_I love you Al._

_I'll call you later._

_E._

The letter was crumbled into a ball faster than Alphonse realized he'd done it. Edward made Al's anger run cold in fury.

_The nerve of that man…_

Alphonse was furious enough to spit. Obviously Edward didn't quite grasp the concept he was the one to walk out on his younger brother. Alphonse didn't want Ed's money, and he definitely didn't expect any handouts.

_Edward could take his money and his 'I love you's' and shove them up where the sun doesn't shine._

Getting off his bed, Al glanced over at the red-faced digital clock sitting on his desk.

**9:32 AM**

It was time to leave for class, being a twenty minute walk to the campus from the apartment. Alphonse knew the trek over would help even out his temperament, or so he hoped. He wasn't looking forward spending the next two hours trapped in a stuffy classroom but understood it was needed. His finals were drawing near. Every moment spent in class helped with his grades and chances of graduating.

_Didn't mean I have to enjoy it…_ With a deep sigh, Alphonse slipped on his sneakers and pulled his navy-blue hoodie over his head. Grabbing his backpack, he tossed it onto his shoulder and exited his apartment, locking the door behind him. On the way out of the building Alphonse slipped the check through the front office mail slot before exiting the building.

Alphonse realized he was going have to look for a job. His pride alone wouldn't allow him to live off Edward any longer. Al needed out the apartment, and a place he could call his own. He needed to become independent, a scary thought to have, but none the less, something that needed to be done.

Alphonse wasn't the lost little boy, trapped in a metal suit any longer. He didn't need his older brother to care for him. He was a grown adult, and it was about time he started acting like one. Getting a job would be the first step towards the right direction.

He just didn't understand why that particular thought caused his stomach to roll with uncertainty. Heaving **another**  great sigh, Al picked up his pace. Trying his best to keep such thoughts at bay for the time being.

Something easier said than actually accomplished.

* * *

It wasn't until after class let out, and Alphonse was walking through the crowded quad, that he realized he didn't want to go home to the empty apartment. He hated to admit it, but he was terribly lonely.

Wednesday class was always particularly long and tedious. The professor was old and stuffy and not very creative with the way he lectured. Alphonse always found himself nodding off into his calculator and text book… It also didn't hurt matters, Reese wasn't in that specific class.

Alphonse and Reese had been spending a lot of time together since Edward basically moved out. Al was trying to surround himself with something (more like someone) who helped ease the bitter ache in his heart. Reese abetted Alphonse tremendously. The other male was like a soothing balm to a severe burn. He was the only person who could still managed to make Al smile these days.

Speaking of the devil, Reese came out of nowhere.

"There you are!" His warm hands landing on Alphonse shoulders from behind, making Al jump a mile in his own skin from the unexpected touched to his back.

Alphonse yelped, his voice cracking on the end. A hand held over his heart (which at that particular moment was) trying to escape out of his chest. Reese chuckled, letting go on Al's shoulder as he stepped around in front of the shorter male.

"Didn't mean to scare you…" A cocky smile splayed on his lips.

_Liar…_ Alphonse thought darkly as he visibly rolled his eyes with blithe ease. "Like I believe that…"

Reese smiled wider, the cute dimples appearing in the depths of his cheeks. Alphonse noticed and his stomach twisted in a flurry. "You know me all too well…" Reese bantered sarcastically. "What are you doing today?" Reese asked a second later. Not even giving Alphonse enough time to respond before continuing. "—because, I just got invited to a party. And you're coming with me."

Alphonse gazed at the his brunette friend skeptically, "I really don't think tha—"

"Come on… you big ol' stuffy pants." Reese chided with a gleam of humor in his green, green eyes. He took a step forward into Alphonse's personal space and ran his long finger through Al's blond hair. "Let your hair down once in a while, Al. Live a little bit…"

Alphonse's breath hitched in his throat at the playful contact. He knew Reese was just teasing him, but the touch felt pleasant and something Alphonse was craving strongly. It been too long since he'd last been touched.

Reese muttered something under his breath, which Alphonse didn't catch outright.

"What?" he asked.

"What?" Reese replied tipping his head to the side in a question as his nimble hands dropped away. A devious smile touching his lips all the while.

"What…?" Now Alphonse was smiling subtly. Reese always had a way to bring one out of him.

"What?" Reese smile lengthened giving Alphonse a slightly bewildered stare.

Alphonse snorted, "What are we even talking about?"

"Fuck if I know…" Reese confessed before clapping his hand as he got an epiphany. "The party! We were talking about the party and how you are coming with me."

"Reese, I don't know."

"Oh, seriously Alphonse. Come on. You've been staying home every night playing video games and watching old Kung-fu movies. Let's go out together and do something fun! For god-sake we're college students. We're supposed to get drunk and go to parties…"

_Reese did make a solid argument_. And on top of everything Alphonse didn't want to be alone tonight. It was all adding up to something Al was realizing he (might) actually want to do.

"O-okay. I don't see why not."

Reese's face broke out in a happy smile, as he rushed forward and picked up Alphonse by the waist. A mantra of, "thank you, thank you." Lilting from his mouth. Then he proceeded to shake Alphonse like a salt-and-pepper shaker up and down. People in the quad were beginning to stare, it only made Alphonse laugh louder and harder. By the time Reese let go of Alphonse, his cheeks hurt from smiling so broadly.

And for the first time in a long time, Alphonse essentially felt happy.

* * *

Reese and Al eventually decided to meet up at the dorms, around six-thirty and then walk the three blocks to the house party together. Reese said a group of his friends were joining them once they got there. Alphonse didn't know how he felt about this. He hadn't met anyone from Reese's life (as of yet). Honestly, it felt a bit off kilter. Almost too soon, and quite frankly was practically being forced upon Al.

Alphonse couldn't help but feel Reese was counting this as a date between them. When that was the farthest thing from Al's mind. He wasn't even ready to begin thinking about such things. His heart still felt like it had gone a cycle in a blender, ripped to a sunder and left bloody from the carnal aftermath. Reese hadn't the slightest clue, though. Only thinking Alphonse grief was over the argument he had with his older brother. Not at the fact he'd been wounded by his lover, therefor slighted by his brother because they were one in the same.

The closer they got to the party the antsier Alphonse became. Reese noticed Al's constant fidgeting, his hand on Alphonse elbow slowed their movement as they stilled under a flickering light of the street-post.

"Are you alright?" The other male asked, the worry present in his voice.

Alphonse sighed, turning his body towards Reese, "No… wait yes… no…  _fuck!"_ Alphonse paused running his hands through his short hair and licking his lips before continuing. _"_ Yes. Yes, there's something." He bit his bottom lip to stop his running mouth…  _real smooth…_ he scolded himself internally.

Reese's brow slotted together as he looked at Alphonse with a perplex expression. "Okay… I know you're worried about meeting—."

Alphonse scoffed interrupting. "That's not it!" he hurried to finish, stuttering over the phrasing of his words. "I j-just… It's just…"

Reese's expression melded into a sweet smile, "Spit it out, already." He playfully taunted, taking a step closer to Alphonse. His eye's a merry color of green. Alphonse could feel his cheeks flaming in embarrassment as he tried to look at anything but Reese standing so near.

"Thisisn'tadateisit?" The words came out so fast they were barely comprehensible.

Reese's smile grew, his dimples appearing in the shadow of the pale street-light.

"What was that? Are you even speaking English?"

Alphonse could feel his blush spreading over his chest and arms. His ears were on fire, his cheeks burnt and suddenly his mouth was very dry. Somehow he found it in himself to repeat the question he just asked none too eloquently.

"This isn't a date, is it?" he asked fiddling with the hem of his right sleeve.

Reese's smile flickered on the edges before turning into a knowing smirk. A gleam of something impish in his gaze.

"Do you want it to be?" Reese asked, slipping his hands into his front pockets of his sweater.

Alphonse paused. Not expecting the other male to answer his question with another question. He cautiously tried to read Reese, trying to find some sort of clue as how the other man expected him to answer. In the end Alphonse answered honestly.

"No."

Reese's dusty mouth twisted upwards, he took the remaining step into Alphonse personal space. Al remained where he stood with his back ram-rod straight and chin jutted forward, yet he still couldn't meet Reese's eyes. His heart was beating so loudly in his ears, Al swore Reese could hear it as well.

Alphonse didn't notice Reese extracting his hands from the depths of his hoodie's front pocket. Sly, he let his long dexterous fingers ghost along Alphonse's freshly shaven jaw. The shudder that rippled up Al's spine was instantaneous, and an instinctive reaction. Alphonse could feel the blush on his cheeks darkening, as his eye's widened comically, finally looking up towards Reese's.

He hadn't meant to react, and by no mean was it an excuse, but Alphonse body was deprived of human contact. Completely starved for some sort of physical touch. It was like drinking in an oasis after walking endlessly in the desert. That simple touch set off a chain reaction in his body. As soon as he realized what his body was doing he was correcting himself and pulling out of the touch.

Warning bells sounding loudly in his head.  _This is wrong…_

"Stop—. "

Reese's hand gripped his chin to halt Al's retreat. A deer caught in the headlights, Alphonse couldn't look away from the intensely lit gleam held in Reese's green eyes. Reese's knowing smile returned to his mouth, as he titled Alphonse's jaw upwards towards his face.

"You're going to like me Alphonse Elric," He spoke close enough to feel the heat of his words. "—and I'm going to let you pretend for a little while longer, you don't already." He purred, letting his thumb snake over Al's bottom lip. Before he let go of Alphonse completely, turning and walking down the street as if nothing just happened...

He got a few paces, when he gathered he wasn't being followed. Glancing back over his shoulder to where Alphonse still stood. Locked in a dazed state.

"Alphonse, you coming?"

For how smart Alphonse claimed to be, his brain couldn't wrap around what he just heard. It was from the left field, totally unexpected. Sure Reese was a flirt, (he flirts with everyone) but it was all in good fun,  _wasn't it?_

Alphonse swallowed, turning wide eyes towards Reese a little ways up the street. He didn't know how to feel about what just happened. His body was telling him,  _more; touch me more_. But his heart cried out;  _treason, Reese is not Edward._

"Come on…" Reese laughed, walking back the few paces and grasping Al's wrist in his much larger hand. "We're going to be late."

Alphonse snapped out of his shock induced haze, "Y-yes. Sorry. Yes I'm coming."

The rest the way to the party was spent in quiet. At some point Reese's hand let go of Alphonse's wrist and slithered back into the dwelling of his own hoodie. Al could still feel the heat of the other male's touch on his flesh. He knew he was being silly, but a part of him wanted to reach out and lace his fingers with Reese's. To walk hand in hand, like a normal couple would do. But the other part of him, the part that actually had a handle on reality, knew Reese and Alphonse weren't anything of such. They definitely weren't in a relationship, and could probably never essentially reach such a point logically.

Alphonse couldn't even bring himself to allow the notion to take hold. His heart still belong to his brother. No matter how burnt Alphonse became, he couldn't stop holding a blazing torch for Edward.

It was something he was working on, trying to forget the past (like he knew he should) but he couldn't allow himself the pleasure. Alphonse wasn't ready to move on, yet. He was still hoping Edward would change his mind. That perhaps Edward would realize his mistake and return to Alphonse with open and waiting arms.

The youngest Elric knew he was kidding himself, holding his breath. He knew firsthand how stubborn his brother could be. Knew Edward's pride was legendary, and when his mind was set on something, Ed would move mountains to see it through. This didn't mean he couldn't hold onto the small string of hope left floating between the two brothers. If there was still a beacon of light, a glare of optimism left Alphonse was going to clutch it till the very (bitter) end.

Something Alphonse wasn't consciously nor entirely aware of. His subconscious had already decided for him.

* * *

The house the party was at was anything but small…

In all honestly it was beyond huge… Alphonse had said as much as they walked through the crowded streets leading up to the house. Apparently it was a fraternity house (Alpha Gamma Omega) throwing the party. Alphonse thought idly looking around the teeming front lawn,  _I thought these types of party only happen in movies…_ Oh, how he was wrong in so many ways…

There were people every which way you looked. Some stood off to the sides like wall flowers, talking quietly amongst themselves. While others were being loud, grouped together as they horsed around the large lawn. To say the least— it was a culture shock for Alphonse, never had he attended a 'kegger' before. The only other parties he'd ever went to were back home in Amestris for Eliza's fifth and sixth birthday and those in comparison were childish in nature.

Alphonse was a tad overwhelmed with the amount of noise and people littered out and around the large white house, and they hadn't even made it up the front sidewalk. Alphonse was never comfortable in large groups of people. It had something to do with all the skin to skin contact, or in general the touching all together.

Reese's hand at Al's lower back helped to steer him through the thick of people, and for that Alphonse was thankful for. Reese's name could be heard being called through the dense population of the people lingering around the wrap-around porch near the front entrance. Alphonse couldn't figure out where from though…

"Reese!" A girl with long curly blonde hair pushed through the crowd, a smile on her face as she recognized Reese from the distance.

"I thought you'd never get here…" the girl said enthusiastically wrapping her arms around the taller male's neck. Reese's hand fell from Al's back as he returned the hold loosely.

Alphonse found himself standing off towards the side awkwardly as they embraced. Not really knowing what to do, or how to act…

"Yeah. I know." Reese related pulling away from the hug. "I had to go pick up Al."

"Oh. He's here? He actually came?" she asked excitedly standing up on the tips of her toes, glancing over Reese's much taller shoulder towards Alphonse. Her black eyes landed on him, and Al gave a stroppy smile and wave.

"Hi. Nice to meet you."

"Oh. My. God. Reese!" She bellowed, ignoring Alphonse's attempt at a greeting, while pushing Reese out of the way to get to Al. "…you never said anything about him being incredibly adorable!"

Alphonse could tell this girl was a talkative person normally. Add a few drinks in her and she was the type who became loquaciously loud. He didn't even know her name, and he could read her body language easily. She was a loose, free-loving woman. Al gave another awkward smile, her carefree words making his cheeks flare with heat. Side glancing Reese, the other man's expression vaguely resembled mortification; an emotion Alphonse had never witness on the taller male before.

"That's because, Wendy, I knew how you'd react…" said Reese sternly, his cheeks tinted in a light rosy color.

"As if…" Wendy uttered, rolling her eyes and looking towards Alphonse. Her finger coyly playing with the buttons on Al's shirt as she did. "You just didn't want to say because you were afraid I'd swoop in on your territory."

Al's chest erupted in a heat-wall of embarrassment, "I-uh…" lamely fell from his mouth, taking a step back his spine came into contact with the wall of the porch. Wendy never let go, only following Alphonse's into his personal space. She was someone he didn't know very well, Alphonse was never comfortable with people he didn't know touching him.

Reese, like a knight in shining-fucking-armor swooped to rescue him by lacing his finger within Al's, and pulling the shorter male next to his side.

"Enough Wendy! Go find someone else to play with…"

She pouted, jutting her bottom lip out like an over grown child while crossing her arms over her large chest. "Seriously, you are no fun, Reese." Turning her attention back to Alphonse she winked and told him she'll be seeing him later before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Reese let out a large breath of air as he ran his free hand through the back of his hair, "Sorry about her…"

Alphonse laughed nervously, taking his hand back from within the other man's grasp. "It's quite alright…"

Reese didn't try to hold on, his own hands slipping back into his hoodies pocket. "No, seriously Al. I'm sorry. She's an ex-girlfriend who likes to rile up anyone she sees me talking to." The other man explained with another sigh falling from his lips.

"Reese, it's okay. She's gone. I'm fine. Everything is okay."

The taller male didn't totally looked convinced Alphonse wasn't uncomfortable. Alphonse smirked, bringing both hands to his friend shoulders, making the other man look directly towards him. "Let it go. A little flirting never hurt anyone…"

Reese smiled reluctantly. The corner of his mouth turning upwards in a subtle grin, "You're right," He sighed closing his eyes shortly before reopening them and leaning his forehead forward until it rested along Alphonse's. "You're always right Al…"

Alphonse snorted a soft ironic laugh at the other male's statement. "No… No I'm not." His heart kicked up into his throat at the close proximity of Reese presence.

"Yeah," the other male laughed breathlessly, "yeah you are." Reese expressed, bringing both of his hands up to cup Al's reddening cheeks. His lengthy thumb gliding over Alphonse's heated skin. The cold metal of the other man's silver rings on his thumbs sent a chill racing up Al's spine. Reese pulled his head away, backing off slightly to gaze down towards his friend's rosy face.

Alphonse felt mortified that he wasn't trying to maneuver out of the other male's light hold. As if by some strange magnetic pull, he couldn't force himself to move away. Alphonse's hands by their own accord, slid down Reese shoulders onto the other's biceps in an unintentional sign of affection.

There was a pause and for a single moment, Alphonse thought Reese was going to lean down and clear the space separating their lips. The anticipation was there twisting Al's stomach in a chaotic mess. He could count the flaps of the butterfly's lining his gut.

The kiss never came though. Instead—

"I can't blame her though," Reese sighed, his breath falling over the shorter male's overheated face. "You  **are**  absolutely adorable." With another blistering swipe of Reese's thumb, he let go of a very confused Alphonse and took a step away.

"Come on, let's go find out where they are keeping the all the alcohol."

* * *

The house was pulsating with activities. The volume was almost unbearable with everyone talking over one another and the blaring music coming from the front living room. (Or what you could call a living room. The room consisted of a single patchy couch pushed off into the corner and a DJ table set up in the center. People stood around the speakers, writhing and thrusting against one another to the beat of it all.)

Alphonse had to push through the crowd of people to follow after Reese into the kitchen. When they entered, they were greeted by a loud roar of laughter. Alphonse couldn't believe his eyes… A grown man was being assisted, held over a keg of beer with the connected clear plastic tub being feed into his mouth as he guzzled the liquid down his throat upside-down. Never in Al's life had he witness something so bizarrely idiotic.

_Someone could get hurt…_  Alphonse realized abruptly looking around the room at everyone watching, that was the point. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, including the individual inhaling the alcohol like a mad person. His feet were let down, and the tube out of his mouth. Alphonse watched as the larger man, face twisted before he let out a large belch. Making the whole room erupt in cheers and laughter.

Alphonse stood there stupefied.  _Why had I agreed to come…?_

Reese's warm hand lacing with his own quickly reminded Al as to why he'd ever even consider coming to a fraternity party in the first place.  _Oh, yeah. That's right…_

The taller male looked back at Al, his brow pulling downwards in concern. Alphonse had been frowning when he glanced towards him.

Alphonse watched Reese open his mouth to say something, but his name being called over shoulder stopped his words in their track. Reese turned and was collided into by a large green blurb. Alphonse had to let go of Reese's hand as the taller male was grappled into a bear hug.

"Holy fuck man, you came!"

Reese's laughter rang out as he was picked up and spun in a circle by the man hugging him.

"Jesus, Melderic. I just saw you early today." Reese finally said as he was set back onto his own two feet.

"I know man, I'm stoked you actually came though. You never come to our parties!"

Alphonse was eyeing their interaction from the sidelines. Not wanting to interfere. Melderic was a tall man, even taller than Reese. Large deltoids and matching biceps. He obviously worked out  **a lot**  to keep his physique in that good of shape, or he could've been one of those freaks who had zero percent body fat, no matter what they did or ate. Melderic's hair was pale in color, almost the shade of spun white gold. He was attractive, but in sort of the way of being too masculine for Alphonse's own taste.

Alphonse realized Melderic ambiguously reminded him of Major Armstrong. The thought brought a smile to his face, drawing the attention of the other two males. Al's smile stuttered along the edges as he resurfaced from his reverie.

"—and who is this?" Melderic questioned, his eyes flickering with marry mirth.

Reese smiled brightly turning towards Al, "Alphonse Elric. I'd like you to meet my very best friend, Melderic Evans."

**To be continued….**


	11. Devil's Juice

_Alphonse realized Melderic ambiguously reminded him of Major Armstrong. The thought brought a smile to his face, drawing the attention of the other two males. Al's smile stuttered along the edges as he resurfaced from his reverie._

_"—_ _and who is this?" Melderic questioned, his eyes flickering with marry mirth._

_Reese smiled brightly turning towards Al, "Alphonse Elric. I'd like you to meet my very best friend, Melderic Evans."_

* * *

Alphonse stood there awkwardly trying to figure out what he should do with his hands. Meldric's smile stretched along his face as he observed Al's fidgeting. The much larger male gave no inclination towards Alphonse as he swooped forwards and grappled Al into a hug. The air rushed out of Alphonse's lungs from the constricting hold, an unintentional squeak of discomfort falling from his mouth along the way.

As fast as the hug was initiated, Melderic let go of the dazed blond with a hardy laugh. Ox like hands slapped playfully along Al's shoulders, making him stumble from the harsh impact.

"I feel like I already know you, Alphonse." Melderic stated, his voice booming with enthusiasm.

 **This**  peaked Alphonse's curiosity.

"How do you mean?" He inclined, tilting his head with his honestly genuine question.

Reese made a noise in his chest— it sounded to Alphonse like it hurt. A mixture of a cough and a sneeze combined together.

"He only means…" Reese tried to interrupt, but Mel would have no part in it.

"I mean what I said," The bulky blond grumbled while adjacently glaring towards Reese as he continued. "…considering how much Reese talks about you. I physically feel I should already know you…"

Reese mumbled something under his breath which sounded a lot like, "Oh god. Just kill me now," before his entire face manifested into a dusty-blush. Alphonse couldn't help but find the humor in the situation as he chuckled.

"Whelp, now that I've been totally mortified…. Where can I find the alcohol? Oh, next to the sink…" Reese spoke speedily, clearly uncomfortable and never truly looking towards Alphonse. "I'll just be over there… Getting drunk."

Alphonse found himself hiding his grin behind his hand as he watched the two men playful banter from the side lines.

"Reese's Pieces, don't be that way…" Melderic leered sweetly as Reese began walking away. Alphonse couldn't help but laugh at the term of endearment. It was too funny. Reese replied  _subtly_  by flipping Melderic off over his shoulder as he retreated further into the crowded kitchen.

Alphonse could tell the two men were really close to one another.  _Two-peas in a_ _pod,_ he thought, as he realized he was left standing with the towering male. He grew gravely nervous at this realization.

"This guy…" Mel said nonchalantly waving his hand in Reese's direction before turning his attention fully onto Al. "He didn't even offer to get you something…"

"I-I-it's alright. I don't drink, really..."

Melderic barked a laugh at this. "You don't—? You don't drink?" His face fell thoughtful as he realized Alphonse wasn't joking around. "Seriously, you don't drink?"

Alphonse wrung his hands as he replied. "N-no. I've never really enjoy the taste of alcohol."

Melderic's expression twisted into something which looked confused but painful at Alphonse's declaration of sobriety.

"Then why are you at a fraternity party, other than not to drink?" The larger male was waving that thought off before he could finish speaking it, "You know what? Never mind. It doesn't matter! I'm going to show you something, dear boy, which will change your mind forever."

Melderic didn't give Alphonse a chance to react. The much larger male threw his bulky arm over Al's shoulder, drawing the petite male into Melderic's side.

"Have you ever tried *Jungle juice before?"

* * *

Forty-minutes later Alphonse sat mindlessly munching on the alcohol coated grapes inside his red plastic cup. They were mushy from sitting in a tub of fermenting 'punch'. Al was pleasantly surprised when Melderic served him the first cup of the juice concoction. He could hardly taste the alcohol residing inside. Mel reassured him there  **was**  liquor in it, but Alphonse could barely believe him. The drink was consequently sweet and held no bitter taste. It was pleasant to the palate.

Alphonse was on his fifth cup, and he was beginning to feel the familiar numbed tingles starting in his lips, signifying he was rapidly approaching being considerably drunk.

 _I should probably stop…_ Al thought almost as an afterthought. Popping another mushy fruit into his mouth, his tongue saturated by a dose of camouflage liquor. It was almost addicting, the delicious after taste of overtly sweet booze and fruit.

Alphonse had stolen away into the backyard, away from the roar of the party. He found a nice quiet spot, next to a tall tree, set further back in the yard. It was dark, it was calm, and Al could feel the liquor coursing through his veins. For the first in the longest of time Alphonse could remember, he felt relaxed and at ease.

The young man couldn't for the life himself, pinpoint where Reese was at this particular moment, having left him inside, where he and his friends played beer pong.

 _Reese's group of friends… Something else entirely…_ Alphonse thought reaching inside the plastic cup to eat another soppy grape, only to realize the cup was empty of fruit. The remaining liquor-infused-juice lingered towards the bottom. With a detached shrug, Alphonse chugged the rest of the liquid.

The juice was sweet, but the hints of hard-liquor resided heavily within that last sip. The thicken fluid burnt somewhat going down Alphonse's throat, making him shiver from the after-taste. Al always hated the taste of alcohol. It was the everlasting bitter flavor lingering on his tongue which always got him. The repugnant tang in the back of his mouth, and with every swallow he could taste it anew.

 _Disgusting, I need a glass of water._ He thought skimming his hand over his flush-drunken face.

Alphonse realized standing from his seated position was not going to be an easy feat; considering his legs felt wobbly towards his knees. Somehow he managed to push himself off the ground to a kneeling position before swaying backwards and falling on his ass in the wet grass. An uncontrollable laugh bubbled forwards at the predicament Alphonse found himself in.

This is where Reese found him, laying sprawled out on the moist lawn of the backyard, under millions of twinkling stars, laughing hysterically to himself.

"There you are…"

Alphonse opened his eyes as he looked upwards towards the chuckle-mingled voice. Reese was standing above his head, upside down to the position Alphonse was laying in. This fact, to Alphonse's drunken hazy mind, only made the younger male laugh louder, as he rolled to his side clutching his stomach from his drunken chortles.

"You're u-u-upside down…" Al wheezed, trying to collect himself but was failing miserably.

Unbeknownst to the lunatic rolling around in the wet grass, Reese found Alphonse to be dreadfully adorable in his drunken state. Flushed cheeks, wet shirt and mused hair… Reese smiled towards Al as he sat down in the mushy lawn.

"What are you drinking? I've had almost an entire case of beer and you're drunker than me." Reese questioned easily as he bent to his knees and picked up Alphonse abandoned cup to give it a whiff. He pulled it away from his face sharply. A plastered smile stretching on his face as he did.

"Jungle juice? Who gave you Jungle juice? That shit is strong."

Having calmed down from his fits of giggles, Alphonse rolled onto his back again. Al was finding it hard to sit up, so he decided to lounge on the wet ground until his head stopped spinning.

"Mel, gave it to me."

Reese scoffed, "Of course he did."

Alphonse snorted. "-said it would put hair on my chest."

"Did he also mention, the raging hangover you'll be experiencing tomorrow? This shit is 190 proof Everclear, Al."

Alphonse deadpanned Reese as the other male leaned slightly over Al's reclined person. Reese's pale eyebrow raised, disappearing beneath his dark hair. Alphonse couldn't help it, (he blames the alcohol) he started laughing again.

"You are drunk, my friend."

He is, without a doubt in his mind… Drunk.

 _Yes, entirely drunk._ He thought, a lazy smile pulling on the boy's flustered cheeks.

"Yes I am. –Entirely." Alphonse replied proudly. The lopsided smile never leaving his face as he spoke with a drunken lull to his cadence. Raising his arms above his head, he arched his back off the ground in a cat like stretch before groaning his truthful reply, "It feels so, good."

"Alphonse." Reese mumbles lowly, unexpectedly a lot closer than Alphonse's drunk mind previously assumed. His heat of his breath was close enough to feel and it made Alphonse flutter his hazy eyes open.  _When had he gotten so close…?_  Alphonse questioned through the intoxicated cloud hanging about his head, his blond eyebrows swooping downwards in confusion. His heart palpitated loudly in his burning ears. His arms were still above his head, in a subdued position with Reese's lengthy limbs bracketing Alphonse into the sodden earth.

"Reese?" Al's question sounded a whole lot more clear-headed than he felt. His lungs, though, wouldn't work at the proximity of his friends face.

 _So close…_ filtered through Alphonse's mind, his vision slipping down towards Reese's parted mouth and then back up. Alphonse watched Reese's (too) green eyes darken before he was pressing forwards in a demanding kiss. It wasn't a timid caress, it was anything but that. It left Alphonse completely confused and utterly turned on in his drunk stupor. Reese stuck his tongue into his mouth. It was uncoordinated, it was sloppy with saliva and friction, teeth bumping together and Reese's tongue warm, against the roof of Al's mouth.

Reese tasted of beers and a faint tang of mint. It should've been a revolting flavor, but Alphonse was moaning and wrapping his numbed arms around Reese's neck.  _Almost like a ghost moving in a dream._

The world grew dim around the edges and narrowed down to their blurred feelings. Alphonse could feel, Reese's tongue ring (he didn't even know he had) toying with his own slick muscle in his mouth. It came as a startling surprise, one that left his mind reeling.

 _This is a mistake._  Alphonse's consciousness echoed. He knew logically this wasn't right, but his subconscious (the mind which was driving the show) couldn't find a care in the world. Alphonse's blood coursed like carbonation, bubbling under his skin and he  **didn't** care anymore, he wanted more. He felt so needy from want, practically drunk on all the feeling coursing through him.

Their lips split apart with a wet sound, and Alphonse was sucking air into his lungs with a greedy vengeance. One of Reese's hands, damp from the moist ground, tangled in Alphonse's short hair, pulling his mouth back to be claimed once again.

The drunk male was lost to it all; pinned to the ground by Reese's heavy body. He wasn't sure how long the kiss lasts, his mind gone in a haze of pleasure and sloshed-vacancy. But somewhere deep inside himself, Al knew he shouldn't be doing this. Biting and sucking at Reese's mouth with such veneration; as if he were a saint coming to wash away Alphonse's many sins with his tongue alone. Owing to the fact Alphonse should want it. To clean the slate, to forgive and forget his past offences. To atone by his brother's wishes to live separate lives.

Shouldn't Alphonse try to forget? _Wasn't that what Edward wanted?_

Reese's hand high up on his thigh startled Al out of darkening thoughts. Reese's hand slide even further upwards until it brushing against the prominent bump of Al's erection. Alphonse's guilty thoughts flew out the window as he desperately tried to keep from making a sound, when all he wanted to do was press up into Reese's giving palm.

"Fuck Al," Reese says hotly against Alphonse's parted mouth. "You're so hard."

Warning bells echoes inside Alphonse's head. A tight ball of tension made itself known in his stomach.  _This is wrong… This is all wrong._ His insides said with urgency.  _You're using him…_

Alphonse eyes ripped open, his vision blurry with unshed tears. Reese was licking and sucking patterns at Al's neck, palming him with slight strokes through his jeans. He couldn't help the involuntary moan at the feeling of Reese's tongue along the outer shell of his ear. A jolt of sensitivity rocked through the smaller male as Reese licked along the helix-arch before finding the lobe and giving a sharp tug. Alphonse let out an embarrassing ragged moan, skin flushed from arousal and the jungle juice he'd consume readily.

A hand at Alphonse's belt sent his heart into a pounding pace. The warning bells were back, louder this time. Screaming in his head, ' _Stop! Not right. All wrong…'_ But he couldn't find his voice, instead he fisted the grass next to his head. The waxy-wet feeling, sticking to his fingers distracted him long enough for Reese to open his pants and reveal his erection to the night's air.

Alphonse didn't understand how this had escalated so quickly. He wrenched his eyes closed trying to ignore his surroundings as his head swam in a drunk haze.

With no warning given, Reese slithered down Al's shivering body and swirled his wet tongue around the tip of his organ, and then into the boy's moisten slit. It was like a punch to the stomach, all the air left Alphonse in one fell-swoop as his head knocked backwards. His hands tightened in the grass, ripping and uprooting chunks in his fist.

Reese chuckled darkly, his voice rumbling with it, "Alphonse…" His hot mouth never leaving the soft expanse of Al's throbbing flesh. "Open your eyes."

The alarm was sounding again. Near deafening.  _The voice is wrong… wrong. All wrong. It's not right._ Alphonse's mind shrieked as he shook his head in a universal no motion, while squeezing his eyes close tighter.

Reese's warm hand precipitously gripped Alphonse's erection in a loosen grip. Al bit his bottom lips to stop the whimper from whaling out of his mouth. His bleary eyes slithered open on their own accord and his intoxicated cognizance had to take a couple seconds to reboot to realize, Reese's dark green eyes were watching him hungrily.

 _Wrong._ Al's mind yelled.  _This is all wrong… it's not… not… supposed be happening._

Even through the woozy daze, Alphonse knew Reese held honest feelings for him. And by allowing Reese to continue on in this act, when Al only could muster small-fleeting feelings for the other male, it was entirely wrong. Alphonse understood he was using Reese for his own pleasure, and it was fucking disgusting, nevertheless he couldn't bring himself to tell Reese to stop.

"You're beautiful like this." Reese admitted breathlessly. His greedy eyes taking in what he could of the boy spread out before him.

* * *

 

 _"_ _Look at you." Edward spoke, his eyes touching every bit Alphonse's bare skin before him. "Perfect."_

* * *

 

The memory flashed before his eyes, back from the time when his brother shared his intimate touches for the very first time.

The fragmented flash left a burning in his cheeks, and a pit of arousal growing wildly in his stomach. With his eyes clenched shut, he could almost pretend  **it**   **was**  his brother before him looking and wrenching such passion from him.

A moan fell from his lips as the fever broke out over his flesh. His arousal twitched inside Reese's tightening grasp.

"So fucking pretty…" Reese mumbled hotly, hand moving up and down, stroking slowly at first before picking pace up at the sounds of Al's mewing breaths. Alphonse thrust up into Reese's hand unintentionally. All the muscles in his stomach quivering with every downward stroke. He was subsequently more sensitive because of his drunken state.

The growing eagerness budding within the smaller males belly expanded as Reese's hot mouth came into play again; stroking his aroused flesh in time to his lapping and suction. The dark-haired male went back and forth, deep strokes, again and again, with that wickedly talented pierced tongue laving at the sensitive underside. Alphonse cried out when he realized Reese wasn't even stopping to breathe.

Alphonse had an epiphany as he came; gripping tightly to the grass by his sides. An insight of self-realization of how selfish he was being with everyone in his life. He was disgusted with himself, having cause the one person he loved the most in world to run away from him. To only try and bury those feelings of abandonment in another man's arms. He was revolted because he had turn into everything he loathed.

A selfish, self-centered, manipulative, person.

Alphonse didn't know how he managed it, but all of a sudden he was standing, looking down towards a very confused Reese.

"Al?" Reese called, the worry lining his voice keenly and Alphonse simply couldn't stand it. He looks away, tucking himself unceremoniously back into his pants.

He could feel tears wanting to flow, making his throat sticky with uncertainty.

"Alphonse?" Reese questioned again but Al merely flinched and turned to leave like the coward he was turning out to be.

"I-I-I hav'ta go." He slurred, tongue thick in his mouth.

A hand around his wrist stops him, "Alphonse wait. Let me—"

Al felt something sharp inside of himself snap as he ripped his hand away. "No, just don't." He looked frantic, chest heaving with excretion. "Just… Just leave me alone."

He didn't know how he managed it, but he made his way out of the backyard and down to the end of the street. He felt like crying, ranting or punching something. He was so angry with himself.  _Why did I let Reese… fuck!_ Alphonse ranted in his head, gripping his hair with both his hands and crying out his frustration. Glancing back up the street, where the house party was still roaring, Alphonse realized he needed to get out of there. Reese was bound to come looking for him.

He needed to go home. Away from this screwed up mess of a day, in which he only had himself to blame.

* * *

Every step he took Alphonse felt lead weights tied to his feet dragging him down. His entire world swam in a dizzy whirlwind from all the alcohol in his bloodstream. Yet, somehow he managed to make his way to his apartment building. It had been no easy feat, having to stop half way to throw-up the entirety of his stomach on the side of the road.

To say the least, Alphonse felt like utter shit. He was so very tired. Exhausted enough (in his drunken stupor) to sit down on the red painted steps leading up into the equally redbrick building.

 _Just a moment… I need just a moment._  Unperceived to the clearly intoxicated male, Alphonse's hazy hazel eyes fluttered shut as his body slump sideways on the uncomfortable stairs.

In matter of seconds Alphonse passed out cold on the staircase, drunk off the devil's juice.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to throw ample hatred towards Reese. I know Edward does (and so do I). :P


	12. Repository of Affections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raw Chapter! I lost my beta reader. Please forgive all my typos and mistakes. Sorry for the wait. I meant to post this chapter to ao3, like 5 days ago!!!! Oppps.

"Brother…"

Al's voice carries through the apartment, and into Edward's bedroom door. The tender sound of it reminds Ed, Al's soul is no longer trapped in the metal suit of armor. Alphonse voice is clear and sweet _, the way it should have always sound_.

He is wholly human again. Flesh and blood, alive.

"Brother. Where are you?"

A smile touches the edges of Edward's mouth as he shuffles a pile of papers in his hands. "In here, Al."

Alphonse's cheery face appears around the corner. "There you are." He replies entering into the room. "Lunch is getting cold."

Glancing up from the stack of blue-prints sitting on the desk in front of him, Edward's eyes falls on his younger brother's happy face. His brain stutters slightly; Al's happy face evoking a sense of warmth inside his stomach.

His brother is alive;  **alive!**

Edward doesn't believe in God. It isn't scientific to trust in a higher power such as a ' _god'_  or a ' _miracle'_. The one thing Ed  **did** trust in, the gate and its logic. He witness time and again, the supremacy of the gates judgement. There is no  _god_  but only the freewill and drive of man. The equivalence exchange. To give up something in equal parts, to obtain something of identical standers.

_Alphonse. Here in the flesh and blood. I would give up everything thing for him to experience the world through human eyes._

"Ed" Alphonse says, his smile faltering around the edges. "A-are you alright, brother?"

Ed observes Alphonse's hands falling away from the door frame. Watches his younger brother's delicate eye-brows furrowing together with obvious concern. The elder blond tracks the movement before nodding and letting out a large sigh. "Yeah… I'm fine. I'll be there in a few minutes. I need to finish getting these papers into order." He assures looking down towards his desk.

Alphonse chuckles and shakes of his head, long golden hair shifting around his face.

"Always so busy." He says through a smile, taking the remainder of steps into the room. His voice warm and pleasantly light. It starts a fever in Edward's heart. Igniting his brain with forbidden thoughts for something he shouldn't be thinking of…

_Alphonse, you're so fucking pretty. Why are you so perfect? Too fucking perfect. I want you…_

Big round doe eyes; the color of a maple leaf in the spring time. Skin so soft and fair, it edges on the lines of explicit. Innocence in the exact amount. Alphonse Elric, the closest thing to human perfection. Edward knows his feelings for his younger brother aren't normal… that his emotion no longer linger in the normal (or moral) spectrum of family-ties, but delves into the darker end of incestuous behavior…

Hands on Ed's shoulders startle him out of his decent into darker thoughts. Uncharacteristically the touch makes him jump as he bumps the underside of the desk with his knees. A pencil rolls off and clatters to the hardwood floor.

"Jumpy." Alphonse teases easily and Edward curses at himself for letting his mind wander. He could feel the warmth gathering in his cheeks. An awkward laugh follows as he licks his bottom lip. Ed's emotion are out of control. He's thankful Al couldn't see his face.

"It's my arm." Edward lies. Rolling his auto-mail shoulder for emphases. "It's been bothering me all week."

He moves his metal limb in hopes of knocking his younger siblings tempting hands away. It doesn't work. Alphonse long fingers began a tantalizing massage, working at the stiff muscles gathered in Ed's neck and shoulders.

It feels too fucking good. Inadvertently, Edward lets out a groan, which makes Al chuckle lightly. Alphonse fingers perform like magic to his tired muscles. It's exactly what he needs, at the moment he needed it most.

_Alphonse…_

The minute's pass and time fades into oblivion. Nothing matters but the pleasant motion of Al's soft hands on Ed's tense flesh.

With all the extra hours he's putting in at the construction site, Edward's joints burn from exhaustion.

Alphonse thumb dips into a sensitive area where lifeless metal meets scared, puffy flesh. Edward recoils and lets out a sharp hiss of discomfort.

-"I'm sorry. Have I hurt you, brother?"- Alphonse says over shoulder with his voice full of obvious concern.

Edward's stomach clenches in alarm.  _Al's voice… it sounds… hollow? Like Al's inside something metallic. Like he was in an empty room… Or suit of armor…_

Edward feels his breath catching painfully at the abrupt realization…

 _No… no. It couldn't be. I saved him… I gave Alphonse his Human body back. This isn't right._ He argues with himself.

Cold, scratchy leather-gloved hands slides over the thin material of Edward shirt. They are rough, large and void of life. Edward knows these hands. They took care of him, cleaned his wounds when he had bleed. Fed him food when he was sick… Defended him in the onslaught of vast enemies.

Yes, Edward knows these hands extremely well. They were his brother's for many years. They had been Alphonse prison for so long.

"A-Al?"

-"Yes, brother?"- Alphonse replies with the eerily empty voice. It sends nauseating chills racing up Ed's spine.  _This isn't happening._ He thinks with the sickening sensation leaching his soul. His eyes snap close with the elevation of his heart.

The large cold hands stops their movement, falling from Edward's shoulders. Familiar footsteps clunk along the wooden floor. Every footfall driving the teeth of fear deeper into Ed's flesh.

-"Brother?"-

Edward sat motionless, his breathing uneven from all the emotion bouncing chaotically inside him. He is so confused. So - fucking - confused. The same mantra playing endlessly, masking out the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears.  _How… How could this be real? It can't be. I saved him… I saved Alphonse!_

The elder blond knows he is shaking; feeling the vibrations trembling through his bones but he couldn't bring himself to stop.

Alphonse unnerving laughter interrupts Edward's inner stewing. The erroneous sound drawing yellow eyes open and upward.

Alphonse sweet smiling face is gone, instead stood a seven foot metal suit of armor leering over his form. The metallic face plate void of all emotion, just as Edward remembers it being.  _Large and lifeless. A dark cage for my brother's bright and beautiful soul._

Edward brain couldn't wrap around it. It made absolutely no sense.

"N-no. No. This isn't, fucking, right…"Edward trails off, helpless, hopeless, achingly confused. His face open like a book on its spine with authentic horror. He abruptly stands from his chair, the sound of it scratching along the floor. Ed's brother's hulking form looming over him formidably.

"H-how has this…" His voice broke with heartache. "Al, what happened?"

Alphonse's metal head tips to the side in a questionable way. The face plate depicting no emotion.

"You." Alphonse answers back with no inflection in his empty voice.

It's like a sledge hammer to the chest.

"A-al…"

"-You did this to me brother…-" Alphonse assures as he reaches up to touch his steel face. -"Don't you remember, Edward?"-

"Alphonse…"Ed breathes out and it catches in his throat. It hurts. The sound is overtly wet as he chokes on his own saliva. "H-how?" He swallows the metallic flavor on his tongue. His fist tightening by his sides.

Alphonse laughs boldly. The sound of it ringing into the air like a sharp slap to the face.

"-—with your actions. Your selfish actions.-" Al states.

"-Do you think I wanted  **you**  to save  **me**  this way? To blood seal my soul in metal armor. To feel nothing but hollowness for years and years to come.-" He reiterates with his voice rising in pitch. Al steps forwards, his agitation showing in his posture.

-"I never wanted to live life this way… Trapped inside this… this-", He pauses in his rant, his large hands touching at his breast place. -"…this twisted body."-

Alphonse depthless eyes stare down towards Edward with a flame of white hate burning brightly. Edward felt the sagacious kernel of fear blossoming in his chest. The guilt is there too, but only as a reminder to never forget what he has done.

_The sacrifice to save my younger brother… my life… my alchemy…_

It's like he's choking, his lung burning from trying to breath. Every word from Al's mouth like a river flowing into Ed's lungs. All Edward's foulest nightmare came tumbling from Alphonse with no disregard.

Ed is left without any words… drowning from the onslaught of the truth.

It's all his fault. It had been his idea all those years ago, to try and bring their dead mother back with Alchemy. It's his fault for failing and almost killing his baby brother in the processes. It's his burden to carry and his alone. He is the one failing Alphonse, in so many - fucking - ways.

"I-I-I didn't mean to…" he pleads, his voice cracking from the emotions coursing through him. "It was an accident. I didn't mean to. I am sorry..."

A silent sob shook his shoulders, looking within himself in hopes of finding some kind of answer but he is still found lacking... "I'm sorry… so sorry… I didn't want… I didn't mean… I wasn't…" but he couldn't finish. None of the excuses held water. He couldn't undo what had been done. Nothing could. And even now he couldn't justify the means.

"-It's too late for  _'I'm sorry'_ brother.'-" Alphonse cautions. "-Too late…-" he repeats as if an afterthought, taking a step away from his elder brother.

Edward watches through bleary eyes as Alphonse lift his helmet off his shoulders. The suit lies vacant as it always has. Empty except for the bright red blood seal, near the collar of the armor. The mark (marred in Ed's own bloody scrawl) keeping Alphonse tied to the realm of the living. The last stich effort to keep his brother soul  _alive_.

"Al… What are you doing?"

Alphonse disembodied voice echoes through the room. "-Rectifying an immoral mistake.-"

There's no time to stop Alphonse's next movement. He reaches up and smudges the blood circle with his large thumb. Breaking the binding holding his soul.

The suit groaned from the stress, before gravity causes it to cave in upon itself and it falls to the floor in a massive heap…

"ALPHONSE!"

* * *

"…Ed…"

"Ed..."

"Edward. Wake up!"

Warm hands on his sweaty face awoke Edward up from his fretful sleep. Panic surges through his body. The cobwebs of the dream still hanging around his head. Sand in a time-glass, slipping through his fingers…

_Alphonse is dead._

His heart aches, still unable to catch his breath. The sweat clinging to his skin in a sickening layer.

"Al-phonse…" he cries out.

"It's alright." Warm arms encircle him, bringing his face towards a comforting chest. "It's alight. I have you."

Edward clutches to the warm body in front of him as if his life depends on it.  _Alphonses… it must be Alphonse._ His mind rationalizes. The fading dream still lingers around his head like smoke drifting from a candle. He isn't entirely aware of his surrounding, only the feeling of elation for his brother life. _He is okay… He's alive._

Edward surges forward. Sealing his mouth to the male sitting before him. Al makes a startling sound in the back of his throat with the dip of a wet tongue between his parted lips.

_He is alive. He is warm. He is whole. He is mine… mine!_

Alphonse immediately breaks the kiss, turning his head to the side with an angry cry of Edward's name. Embarrassment outlines Al's voice as he swiftly stands, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

This is when reality clicked into place and he acknowledges that it is; one, morning time. Two, he is painfully aroused. Three, that is **not**  his younger brother; and four, He'd kissed his best friend, Alfons Heiderich!

_Fuck…_

"Shit… I'm sorry, Alfons. I didn't…" Ed stops, cupping his metal hand to his sweaty forehead; at a serious loss for words. Edwards mind is still reeling from the vivid dream.

Alfons titters casually, "I get it. My mistake for approaching, when obviously you were not of sound mind…" He jokes through a breathy laugh. He is still wiping at his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt.

Edward groans in mortification, burying his face further into his hands. "I didn't mean too. I was dreaming of…"

Alfons interrupts, "…I know who you were dreaming of, Edward…" his voice immersed in empathy. "There's no need to explain."

Ed chances a glance at his friend, his blue eyes are brimming with a similar emotion.  _Sympathy._  It made his gut churn with the familiar sensation of guilt, and humiliation, balled into one giant knot of irritation.

Five weeks have come and gone since that fated day in Alphonse's and Edward's apartment. Five weeks of not seeing his younger brother's face. Five (agonizing, helpless) weeks of resisting temptation to go home. It didn't help matter that Heiderich looks so god-damn like Alphonse. It's truly uncanny, but mostly, it hurt as a fatal reminder of what Edward could never have.

Edward felt like groaning again. He really didn't want to think of his all his problems. Instead he did what he'd normal would do; rebound and compartmentalize.

"What time is it?"

Heiderich fixes Edward with a knowingly glare, but for once he didn't question his friends obvious deflection.

"It's about seven. Do you work today?" he replies moving towards the bedroom door. His bare feet scuffling along the hardwood.

"No. But I have to drop off the blue-prints at the site at ten." Edward says with an ensuing sigh following closely.

Edward has been working non-stop lately. Trying to keep his mind off the whole Alphonse situation… It's helping - well kind of - all the strenuous labor till his fingers bled. The down fall of working so hard, he constantly feels tired. His bones ache from it all.

The construction teams are erecting new residential homing. House after house were being built under a precise dead-line. It's grueling work, but it keeps his mind off things it shouldn't be wandering to. Working through the day, to sleep at night. Worn and exhausted; so his head could actually shut off and find some sort of semblance of rest.

Today was Edward's first day off in almost five weeks. He didn't know if he should be thankful for the rest, or pissed off for all the free time to think.

"Well, that's good to hear. You've been working yourself too hard." Alfons favors the other male with a half-smile.

Edward feels his stomach twist. He's a coward. Alfons knows the  _only_  reason why he's been working all these long hours.

_Alphosne…_

"Y-yeah." Edward mutters, rubbing the back of his neck with his flesh hand. "The foreman kind of demanded it."

Alfons chuckles and leans against door-frame, "I could imagine."

"…and the contractor just added on another three jobs."

"Damn." Heiderich shakes his head in disbelief, "I can't believe that. How many houses is that now? Twenty five in the past five weeks?"

"Yup. And they  **all**  need be finished by the end of the month." Ed answers, irritation bleeding into his tone.

Alfons hums his reply, "Well, if there's anything you need me to do, I'm here." He says pushing off the door-frame, preparing to make his leave.

"Actually," Edward expresses reluctantly, looking towards the sheets covering his legs. "—there is something."

Heiderich pauses to arch his eyebrow as if saying,  _'of course there is…'_

"Is there anyway, I might talk you into going to my apartment and collecting a few of my things for me?"

Alfons snorts crossly. "You still haven't gone? I thought you said last week, you were going when you ran out of clean clothes."

"…about that." Edward admits begrudgingly, rubbing along his neck again. "I never went…" he finally confesses looking into his friends eyes.

"Edward!" Alfons protests, with a frown befalling his mouth. He sighs deeply before continuing in a softer pitch, "You're going have to talk to him eventually."

Edward felt anger gripping his stomach with hot hands. "Don't you think I already know?"

Silence echoes into the room as the two men stare at each other. Without a doubt in his mind, Edward knows he's exhausted and probably angrier than he rationally should be. He recognizes he is being ridiculous. With a shake of his head, Edward buries his face into his hands.

"I'm sorry… that was uncalled for." He groans, rubbing his eyes harshly, before dropping his hands to the sheets covering his lap.

"Yeah it was." He could hear the disappointment in his friend's deep voice, "but you're lucky, I understand."

Edward raises his face from his chest and all he finds is a forgiving smile resting on Heiderich's mouth and kind, blue-eyes starting back.

"I'll go on one condition."

"…and that would be?"

"Your honest to god-word, you'll go see your brother... And soon!"

Edward scoffs, "…Heiderich…."

"Seriously, Edward, this is getting ridiculous. You're both consenting adults. Go. Talk to him. What bad could come from it?"

"Almost everything." Edward growls throwing his hands out to his sides.

"So could sitting here and ignoring him…"

Those words hit home like rising water over shimmering sand. It wipes the slate clean, clearing Ed's anger and making him finally able to see… his hands flop to the red blanket with a mute sound.

He misses his younger brother something fierce. Ed misses his smile. His laugh. The way Alphonse would greet him in the morning with a soft, sweet smile and even softer eyes as he handed Edward his first cup of coffee… ' _How did you sleep, brother?'_ Edward misses his brother's voice. To hear him throughout the day. The jokes they would share. The intellectual conversation they would have at night before bed. The sugary caresses of ' _I love you, brother.'_ Even if it was meant with platonic affection.

Edward misses Alphonse.

He is weary of tucking tail and hiding. Heiderich is right. It's high time he gathers his courage to confront his younger sibling. If only to tell him so—.

"I'll think about it, that's all I could offer…" Edward insists and Alfons relents with a weary exhalation.

"Make a list, and leave it in my room. I'm going to go take a shower." Heiderich says over his shoulder, before disappearing around the corner.

Edward is left in silence, alone in a sea of white sheets and only a burning face to keep him afloat.

 _I kissed Heiderich._ Shame circles his body in mounting waves.  _I kissed my best friend, because I thought it was my brother… I-I am so, fucked-up!_

Licking the back of his teeth, Edward closes his eyes, trying to calm his beating heart.  _This is so fucked up…_

With a disheartening sigh he drags himself from bed.  _First things first. I need a cup of coffee… and a_ _ **long**_ _fucking cold shower…_

* * *

It was nearing dusk by the time Edward finishes at the construction site. Even though the Foreman had told him  **specifically**  to take a couple days off, he is immediately pulled into fixing and helping people with random projects for a majority of the day.

Six hours later, the cool breeze from the trucks window blows through his hair as he turns onto a familiar street. A road he has voyaged a hundred times over. He's a couple blocks from Alphonse's and his neighborhood. The construction site isn't very far from the apartment. It's one of the main reasons Edward wanted to move into it in the first place.

All he has to do is turn left at the next street-light and head down the length of the road and home would be waiting.

Alphonse would be there.

Before he could comprehend what his body was doing, he was pulling into the apartment parking lot. It took a lot longer for Edward to gather his nerve and exit the truck though. When he did finally managed to step out, the hands of reality clasps his spine in an unrelenting hold.

The mere thought of seeing Alphonse set his heart into a fickle pattern. He is scared. Honestly, terrified. It isn't the thought of actually seeing Alphonse which petrified Edward, it's in the fact he didn't know if he could control himself. What he had done to Alphonse… tied him up and forced him to submit. Edward felt the part of a monster. Even though he knows in his heart of hearts, he hadn't raped Alphonse. He still done something unforgiveable— He took Alphonse choice of freedom away…

There are steps you take, with your partner, when deciding to play rough in the bedroom. Specific steps, to keep everyone safe. Steps Edward knows, but threw out the window the moment his mouth first laid siege on Alphonse innocents. —and therein lies the problem, Edward now knows what Alphonse tastes like. The heady taste of his brother tongue. The velvet texture of the roof of his mouth. Ed didn't know if he could resist dipping into the oasis of his younger brother. It's one of the main reasons Edward cut contact with Alphonse so abruptly.

Ed didn't know if he could control his urges. The emotions ricochets inside the eldest Elric just too powerful to snub overnight. It's tiring trying to contain his feelings. Keeping it from becoming an issues, from over taking the rest of his life. It was tiring working around it— living around it. Even before Alphonse knew of his elder brother's filthy feelings, Ed had been working and living around these urges every day of his life. To keep it all contained. Away from his younger brother.

But there is nothing left to hide. Everything lays exposed. Alphonse knows. Edward knows.

So he stored it away in a neat little boxes in his mind. A disgusting problem he have to deal with internally. _Out sight out of mind._  The problem would still be there, festering and rotting away. But this technique helps Ed finally to breathe, it gives him the ability to think again. To focus on figuring a way out to explain to Al they could never be more than just brothers.

Instead, his mind kept drifting to memories of Alphonse soft lips, and the sounds he makes when Edward twists his arm up his back and pins him to the bed. It's a live rocket in his blood stream, he feels the heat, the persistent of it on his cheeks.

 _Incest._  Edward didn't linger on the phrase, and neither did Alphonse. Honestly, nothing has really changed, even when everything has changed. It's confusing, and he really misses his younger brother.

It's necessary to ignore his innermost wants and needs for something exceeding practical.

Edward made another box. _Another_ , compartmentalization.

His mind continues to debate as he makes the journey inside and up the stairs. By the time he reaches their apartment door, Edward's insides are in a mess. The butterflies soaring crazily inside his stomach.

 _What am I even doing here…?_ Ed thinks frowning at the red apartment door.  _Heiderich had already brought some of my stuff to the house… So why am I even here?_ He questions again feeling his scowl deepening as he runs his flesh hand over the back of his neck.

 _Because you miss him… You miss your brother…_  Those words slither in the back of his mind like snakes sliding on their bellies.

It's the blatant truth. Edward misses Alphonse. Five long weeks without Al only proves to Ed how weak he truly is. He wants his younger brother, but he knows it's required to let go of his desire to actually have Alphonse back.

With a solid resolve, Edward brings his metal knuckles to the door.

_I can do this…_

Moments pass and Ed couldn't hear any movements from inside. So he knocks again and still he hears nothing…

 _Is Al asleep already?_ Edward questions himself, digging in his pocket for his silver pocket watch. It's only six in the evening.

Edward knocks again, a bit louder this time.

Only silence echoes back.

A spout of agitation licks up his neck. His blond-brow bunching together into a harsh frown. Edward stares at the door knob, debating if he should just twist it to see if it was unlocked.  _I still technically live here…_ he reassures himself as he twist the handle— it is  _locked_ **.**

Alphonse is not home…

Ed exhales heavily… Heiderich still has his apartment key. Edward agitation morphs into something darker; swirling red on a blank page.

He is locked out.

 _This was a stupid idea, anyways…_  Edward muses raking his hand over his face, beginning to walk away before he remembers. There was supposed to be a spare key hidden under the mat.

Flipping the edge of the 'welcome' mat with the toe of his black boots, a silver key lays hidden and tucked under. Shaking his head, Edward lets himself into the apartment. Its dark inside, and a musky odor clings to the air of a room being closed off all day.

"Alphonse?" he calls out into the stillness. It replies in the same courtesy—nothing.

_Al really isn't home._

A wave of disappointment washes over him, Edward flips the kitchen light on. The room is illuminated in a soft yellow light. With a sigh falling from him, he makes his way down the hallway, flipping light switches as he passes them. He pauses at the threshold of Alphonse's room.

 _Where is he?_ Edward thinks looking into his brother's room. He brushes his fingers along the wall till he finds the plastic switch. The hum of the ceiling fan picks up as the light flickers on.

Alphonse room is in perfect order, besides the stray textbooks littering his bed. The sweet smell of peaches lingers in the air as Ed makes his way further inside. School papers scatter across the desk. Pens of multiple colors, books and folders disturbing the normal harmony of Al's clean room.

 _It was almost finales week for Al,_ Edward realizes with his metal hand still loitering on the open text book on the desk.  _Today is Wednesday. Alphonse has class on Wednesday… He's probably out studying._

With a resolve, Edward turns from the desk before pausing… his eye catching on something stuck between the pages of the largest textbook. Ed reaches to slip the card of paper out from its hiding place.

It is a picture. Alphonse smiling face, bright and radiant. He's sitting next to a taller male with hair blacker than coal. Their arms are thrown casually around reach other's necks, as the taller male reaches out to take the picture with his other hand. He recognizes the background in the picture, they are in Al's room. Sitting on Alphonse's bed.

They looked happy with eyes creasing with mirth. It brings a sick feeling to a bubbling roar in Edward's stomach. It's jealousy, thick and covered in green molasses.

_Reese…_

Edward has to set the photo down before he tears it into a million pieces.

A feeling of disgust swells inside of himself. Wasn't this what he wanted? Alphonse happy, in a normal relationship?

"Fuck…" he growls turning from the desk, forcing himself to walk out of Al's room and into his own. He needs to cool down before Alphonse gets home. To tame the ghost wandering in his head.

He needs to own up. To man up, and not to succumb to his inner rage or desire.

But how does one control the intangible?

* * *

Ten in the evening rolls around, and still Edward has not heard from Alphonse. He is steadily becoming worried.

Ed is pacing the length of the livening room. Hoping with beyond optimism Al will walk through the front door any moment. Seconds bleed into moments, and moments into another hour. By eleven o'clock Edward is grabbing a coat from the front closet and is heading out to search for Alphonse.

A soft knock at the door stops him in his tracks. Nearly tearing the hinges off the door, Edward rips it open.

The girl who lives in apartment 76 (two doors down) stands awkward fiddling with the hem of her sweater. She is a little bird thing, not very large with sandy blonde hair and grey eyes.

"Hi." She greets with a stroppy smile. "I live down the hall…"

"—I know." Edward interrupts her. A frown finding a way onto his face, "I'm in a hurry…."

"Oh, I-uh-I, I didn't mean to disturb you." She says in a rush, staring at the ground and bouncing from foot to foot. "b-but you see…" she confess finally looking up to meet Ed's eyes. "You're b-boyfriend is down stairs and the land-lady is about to call the cops..."

The word boyfriend catches his attention. Mouthing the word in confusion, "I don't have a boyfriend…" he growls. Finding his irritation growing by the second.

"Oh," she says eyes wide. "W-well I mean the guy you live with…" she tries to explain, "The one with blond hair and a kind smile…"

"Alphonse."

A look of clarity flashes through her eyes, "Yeah. That's the one.

"He's really drunk… You should hurry. Like I said, the Land-lady is screaming about calling the cops because he won't budge..."

 _Fuck…_  Edward's down the stairs faster then she can finish speaking. A mantra of,  _shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._ Playing through his head. When he hit the bottom steps, he could hear people bickering in front of the building. The first thing he realizes upon walking outside is Alphonse tipped precariously on the lip of the first stair. His skin pasty and dirty, and appearing absolutely wasted…

Edward is by his side in seconds. He looks worse up close and definitely smells of alcohol and vomit.

_Where did you go—?_

"Al…" he whispers soothingly, touching along the younger males wet cheeks. Alphonse made an undignified sound and turns his face into Ed's warm palm. His blood shot eyes crack open and a crooked sort of dazed smile touches his mouth…

"Bro'her…" he slurs.

"Yeah…" Edward breaths out a sigh of relief.  _He alright…_ "You big knucklehead, let's get you inside."

"I-I—"Al pauses licking at his dry lips. "I-I don't t'hink I can…"

"You gotta Al…" Edward demands, putting his hands under his brother's armpits and heaving him to his legs.

Alphonse sways, his limbs barley supporting his weight. Edward hooks Al's limp arm over his shoulder as he braces most of other male's weight against his body. The Land-lady is still screaming about evicting them. Edward merely waves her off and starts up the stairs. Alphonse teeters and sways, unbalanced and uncoordinated. Edward helps him with every step till they reach the top of the stairs. Alphonse lets out, 'I don't feel so well…' and scrambles with uncooperative limbs inside the apartment to the bathroom.

Edward sighs,  _how much did he drink?_ He wonders making his way inside, closing and locking the door.

Edward could hear Alphonse heaving in the bathroom, a sprout of sympathy blooming in his chest. He follows the pitiful groans into the bathroom.

Alphonse is hugging the toilet when he enters the room. The smell of vomit hanging in the air, it turns his stomach sour. Poor Al is lying face first on the lip of the porcelain toilet.  _It has to smell god-awful from that level._

"Come on buddy." Ed mumbles heaving Al's limp body from the floor to rest on the closed toilet seat.

Al is disgusting. Dirt and a soot lining his cheeks and nose. His blond hair mused and clumped with sweat. The white button-up shirt he is wearing is covered in stains of gods-knows-what.

 _Are those grass stains?_ Edward thinks pulling the ruined shirt off his brother's narrow shoulders. Alphonse complains groggily, his face coming to rest on Edward's abs. Ed's belly erupts in thousands of butterflies. He swallows thickly.

"Come on, Al…" he tries nudging the younger male shoulders. "You're are filthy. You need shower."

Alphonse merely moans his complaint, nuzzling further into his brother stomach. Edward sighs, running his fingers through Al's short hair.

 _Alphonse… where did you go tonight?_ The question is on the tip of his tongue. But Edward knows better than to question a drunk person. You'll never get a straight answer. All his questions would have to wait till morning. Instead he reaches over into the tub and starts the tap.

"Come on…" he mindlessly talks as he squats in front of the Alphonse to slip off his shoes and socks. Alphonse head drops to Ed's shoulder, inhaling and moaning out on an exhale.

"You s'mell good…" Alphonse mumbles into the flesh of Edward's neck. His words hiccuping in his throat as he speaks. His limbs like limp noodles at his sides.

It makes Edward chuckle lightly in his chest.

"Well you reek…" he smirks wrestling Al's long legs out of his tight jeans. It takes some effort because Alphonse is no help at all, but finally Ed gets them off and deposits alongside the ruined shirt on the floor.

With quick work he ready's the tub, filling it with warm water. All the while balancing Alphonse's weight on his hip. When the bathtub is full, he heaves Al to his feet and the younger man instantly sags against him.

A drunk giggle fills the small bathroom. Alphonse slumps into his brother's arms, giggling, and then says, trying to whisper but inadequately failing, "I did some'hing I shouldn't have…"

Edward shakes his head, "You're so drunk."

"I don't remember…" Al says, pouting, "Maybe? _Hey_! Probably!"

Another fit of giggles follow as Al pushes his face into the crook of Edward's neck. He licks his lips, and accidentally brushes his brother's skin. It directs heat up Ed's spine. His grip on Alphonse's bare hip tightens marginally before loosening almost all together.

The silence stretching before them is stifling, Al isn't laughing any more.

"I 'id some'hing I shouldn't have…" He repeats… sadness leaking into his garbled-drunk voice.

Edward sighs, moving his brother face from his shoulder. "In the morning." Ed says softly, making eye contact with Al's bloodshot eyes. "You can tell me in the morning. For now, into the tub with you…"

Alphonse obeys, dropping his boxer-briefs before getting into the warm water. With wobbly limbs he sinks into the bath until his shoulders disappears under the surface.

"I'll be back in five minutes to help you out…" Edward says shakily. Trying desperately not to look at his brother nude form.

A wet hand on his wrist stops Edward from turning to leave. "Don't…" Alphonse cries, tightening his grasp. A sad look in the depth of his eyes. "P-please don't leave..."

"Alphonse…" Edward says exasperatedly. A tight feeling locking his throat of replying further. He is frowning, something he knows he is doing but couldn't stop. Swallowing nosily, Edward descends to the wet floor. His brother's hand still gripping his wrist. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here Al."

"B-but you left before…" he cries sitting forward, unstable in his movement. The water sloshing over the brim of the tub.

With his metal hand to support Al's unsteady shoulders, "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Edward consoles the smaller, intoxicated male.

Alphonse whines, shifting forward. The surface of the water rippling with his movements. "Please…" he all but whispers with the rest of his words dying off into open air.

Edward sighs, shaking his head in disbelief.  _He's so drunk._ Ed thinks, reaching for Alphonse's peach scented body-wash sitting on the edge of the tub. "I have you…" Ed mummers beginning to wash his brothers back. "I won't let you go…"

Removing mind from body, Edward continues to wash his brother's grime slick body. The water turning grey by the time he's finishes rinsing Al's blond hair clean.

The silence echo's heavily in the room, the only sounds is sloshing water and heavy breathing. Al is leaning forward, his arms clutching his knees drawn up under his chin. His maple leaf eyes staring mindless at the dirty water swirling around him. Still entirely too drunk for Ed's liking.

"I let someone suck me off…" Alphonse's voice is startling clear when it cuts through the silence. His eyes never leave the lapping water around his bent legs. Edward's hand froze on edge of the tub, still soaking wet and dripping with sudsy water.

Five little words. Five drunken words. Five - fucking - words and Ed's heart shatters into ruins.

A sad smile makes its way onto his face, though. It doesn't reach his eyes, Alphonse isn't looking so it doesn't matter.

"I-is that so…?" he says, but it's hell to even try to speak. His hands ball into fist with the effort to bite back his mounting rage. Trying so, - fucking - hard to be a supportive bother, the role he's supposed to be playing.

There's no response. Just the quiet inhales of someone asleep. Edward realizes quickly Alphonse passed out, face pressing awkwardly into his knees. Drool escaping out his mouth…

A broken sound crawls its way out of the eldest Elric throat. This feeling of desperation is bottomless, and Edward sought to drown in it. To hide from this weakness because he is the one who must endure. Only him. No matter how much he wants to give into his grief though, he knows he cannot.  _No, not yet._ He reminds himself sternly.

This… This, trivial moment in a young man's life, is exactly what Ed always wanted for Alphonse… For his brother to live life with normal experiences, normal affairs… A life without oddities.

So why did it hurt so much to hear?

He tries amply to remind himself of all these things, to compartmentalize them into a box, lock it with a key and throw it away… but he couldn't. It hurt too much to rationalize and tuck it away.

It's a gaping wound, a scar torn open all over again.

Edward couldn't stop from painting the painful thoughts to the back of his eyes; like appalling pictures of a graphic porno.

_Raven hair, slipping through Al's fingers. A moan befalling Alphonse parted lips with the decent of the warm mouth devouring his pretty dick. Al's hips stuttering helplessly against the pull of the warm, wet tongue._

Alphonse so devastatingly beautiful, flushed and breathless.

Edward's minds plays it over and over.  _Alphonse moaning sweet little sounds, back arching as he spills into the other's eager mouth._ It's torture knowing how sweet Alphonse is after an orgasm.

_Did they cuddle after? Did Alphonse reciprocate the actions? Fuck!_

Ed feels his blood turning green from tacky envy.

This feeling… This is what life is about. Rage. Fear. Desire… Love. To stop feeling emotions, to stop wanting to feel them… That is the equivalent to giving up being alive… To stop breathing…

**_Death_ ** _._

And at this very moment, Ed wishes for a clean death in lieu of the fact his heart is over flowing. So much anger. Horror. Lust and above all else, love.

So, much fucking love! All he could feel for Alphonse is love.

It was pathological at best, like a disease with no cure. It's his greatest weakness. This unfathomable amount of love he feels for Alphonse. Even now, knowing Alphonse sought pleasure in another's arms, Edward could feel the unwavering love for his younger brother. A need for the younger male to be happy.

Fuck, the fact Ed feels like he was dying a crippling, solitary death. He still - fucking - loves Alphonse and wants him happy.

It's a steel knife in his windpipe. He can't breathe. Drunk off the love, and high off his hate. It goes in circles. Round and round. Pathetic notions running through his brain. Hitting the nail on its head and driving it inwards.

Edward couldn't break yet, couldn't allow a moment of weakness to escape the harden shell he has constructed around himself. He needs to be strong. He needs to keep it together long enough to get Alphonse out of the bathtub and tucked into his own bed. Then, and only then, would he allow his control to snap.

It's an elder brother duty to keep their younger siblings safe.

With shaky hands on slippery, wet, naked skin, Edward heaves his sleeping brother out of the tub and into his arms. Water runs down his front, but he heeds it no mind. Instead focusing on carrying Al to his bed, a towel wrapped haphazardly around his body for warmth. Alphonse shuffles and groans but stays asleep.

Edward steps into his younger brother's room. The light from the hallway bleeding into the dark room, illuminating it enough to lead Ed to the bed. Alphonse's textbooks still litter the surface. Ed shifts Al's weight in his arms and awkwardly knocks them to the floor with his sock foot. They make a loud clatter as they hit the ground. Al complains mutely again, before settling and letting out a light snore.

With a shake of his head, Edward set the smaller male onto the mattress and tucks him into the sheets and goose down comforter. He whines before settling into the soft blankets and pillows surrounding him.

Edward's stomach flutters, stumbles on the extent of love rushing through him watching Al's sleeping face. The fact he could actually see Alphonse safe at home… It makes Edward feel, a feeling torn between happiness and the sensation of longing – a yearning for something so precious, so desired and yet so very far out of reach.

Suddenly the walls of the room seems too close, constricting around Edward. The air seems thick and alien. He needs to leave. Needs out.

They would have to talk about everything in the morning.  _It would all look different in the morning light,_  Edward tries to reassure himself.

With a final forbearing glance at Alphonse sleeping form, Edward turns from his younger brother and walks out the room.

Edward's bedroom door closes with a mute thud moments later.

And if you listen closely to the other side of the wood, you could hear the sound of a strong, proud man breaking under the weight of all the compartmentalized boxes. His knees weary from the over bearing amount of information. Box by box they tumbled and fell. Cracking open on their sides, spilling every memory and emotions…

Love.

Betrayal.

Demons.

Incest.

Addiction.

Love for his brother.

Love for his flesh.

Love for his blood.

Guilt.

A forbidden notion of love held in a metal fist, clutched to his chest.

Pain.

A love which he could never solely own.

Alphonse.

Regret.

So, much - fucking - regret.

* * *

_"_ _You did this to me brother… "_

_"_ _It's too late for 'I'm sorry' brother."_

_"_ _Do you think I wanted_ _**you** _ _to save_ _**me** _ _this way?"_

_"-like the whore I played as you pinned and raped me…?"_

_"_ _You fucking narcissistic coward!"_

_Monster._

_Monster._

_"_ _I let someone suck me off…"_

_Jealous-Devil._

_"_ _I love you brother…"_

_"…Don't fucking touch me!"_

_"Sanctimonious bastard!"_

_"_ _I love you Edward…"_

_"_ _I love you…"_

_"…_ _Brother…"_

To be continued…


	13. Amber Shades of Shame

The morning light slithers through the drawn curtains, waking the sleeping figure in the rumpled sheets.

Waking is something Alphonse has never taken granted of. Awakening means he's really alive. Awakening means he actually fell asleep, and wasn't trapped inside the metal armor anymore.

It also means he is human, capable of feeling extremely hungover from a long night of drinking.

Al's eyes throb as he blinks blearily awake.  _Oh, damn… everything aches._  Even his bones throb in pain. Alphonse is vaguely aware he is nude beneath the blankets covering his lower half. He's also aware he's on his stomach, in his own bed. Of course, his mind is having trouble catching up, being occupied by the intense throbbing taking place in his skull.

He couldn't for the life of himself remember what happened last night… his hand twitches next to his head as he tries to recall how he'd gotten home the previous night. Groaning, he closes his eyes as the room begins to twist and spin. The overly loud sound sends pain racing up his spine, making his blood throb as it rushes into his head.

Alphonse's stomach twists. ' _Oh hell…'_

Rolling clumsily off the bed, he manages to get his feet under him as he darts out the door. He staggers in the hallway, slamming his shoulder into the cold wall. The room tilts nauseatingly. Hectically he stumbles into the bathroom right as his stomach decides to empty its content. He barely manages to make it to the toilet.

Green flavored nausea washes over him as he silently swears to  _'never drink again'_. His stomach rolls and his head continues to throb. He aches all over his body and while kneeling on chilly tile floor is a necessary evil, it wasn't helping anything. His neck throbs in pain from the awkward angle he's holding it at; muscles stiff from tension. Alphonse is cold, but he couldn't break away from the death-grip on the toilet to do anything but to hold on and feel miserable.

 _'_ _I'm dying…'_  He thinks, closing his eyes with a raggedy breath heaving his shoulders. Nothing comes up, though. Swallowing, Alphonse grimaces at the vile taste of bile coating his mouth.

His mind reels, ' _how did I get home last night?'_

He remembers being at the party with Reese. He remember being handed a cup full of sweet flavored liquor. He remembers going outside to stare at the stars, but this is where his memory starts to fizzle out…

Alphonse stomach rolls and his head continues to throb the more he thinks about it. It's like swimming through a cloudy pool with too much chlorine in it; he couldn't see in front of him, but he knew there was something there, lurking in the depths of the water that he needs to remember.

His memories are faded, he wants to remember but he just… couldn't. All he's receiving are fragment shards.

**_[Warming laughs, and green eyes… the taste of beer and a faint tang of mint on his tongue.]_ **

The last one confuses Alphonse, he doesn't even like the taste of beer…

**_[His shirt cold and damp from the grass beneath his back… wandering hands up his inner thigh…]_ **

It brought heat to Al's cheeks... making him shiver in its wake.

Forcing his memory back, Alphonse dimly remembers talking with Reese on the grass; under a sky of millions twinkling stars. He remembers falling backwards and laughing at something. And then… then…

**_[Reese's hand slides further up Alphonse's thigh until it's brushing against the prominent bump of Al's erection._ **

**_"Fuck Al," Reese says hotly against Alphonse's parted mouth. "You're so hard."]_ **

Alphonse feels every muscle clench in his stomach as he retches violently into the toilet again.

Memory after memory assault's him through his misery…

**_["So fucking pretty…" Reese mumbled hotly, hand moving up and down Al's cock, stroking slowly at first before picking pace up at the sounds of Al's mewing breaths.]_ **

Alphonse stomach churns and stirs upon itself as the memories continue to flow…

**_[Reese slithers down Al's shivering body and swirls his wet tongue around the tip of his organ, and then into the boy's moisten slit. It's like a punch to the stomach, all the air leaves Alphonse in one fell-swoop as his head knocks backwards. His hands tightening in the grass, ripping and uprooting chunks in his fist._ **

**_Reese's dark chuckle, his voice rumbling with it, "Alphonse…" His hot mouth never leaving the soft expanse of Al's throbbing flesh. "Open your eyes."]_ **

Alphonse remembers listening to the other male's demands and opening his eyes, remembers seeing his wet dick, slipping past Reese pink, pink mouth… his lips stretching the width as Alphonse watches himself sinking further into his friend's hot, wet opening. Watching like an outsider; a stranger from his own body.

 _'_ _Shit… shit. I-I did that…'_

Al's stomach lurches again, but there isn't anything else inside his stomach to give. His shoulders staggers in uncontrolled dry heaves. Hot tears gathering along his lashes… and then finally down the boy's cheeks.

 _'I,m dying',_ he thinks again, trying desperately to breathe through his nose.

With his forehead resting on the lip of the porcelain, Alphonse focuses on merely breathing… In his nose and out his mouth. He does this for a length of time, until he can manage to stand. Rising on shaky legs, he flushes his disgrace down the toilet and makes ready to take a shower.

Except… the bathtub is full of ' _murky,_   _dirty water'…?_  Alphonse gives pause as he wonders, ' _how in the hell is the bathtub full?'_

The water is cold when he reaches down to unplug the ceramic tub. He observes the foggy water disappearing down the drain, all the while trying to remember… to see through the alcohol induced memories.

**_[The scent of home, a warm, familiar body pressing into his for support. "You smell good…" he hears himself say, even if the words are a bit slurred._ **

**_A deep chuckle is the only reply as mismatch hands - one cold, lifeless metal and the other warm, living flesh - begin to undress him. Alphonses knows he is safe. In the caring hands of family… The word 'home' repetitively echoing through his mind in reassurance…_ **

**_Brother is finally home.]_ **

Alphonse balks at the memory… ' _Ed… Edward was here? When… when did he leave?'_

His heart hastens at such a thought. ' _Is he still here? Did he leave? Was he ever, really here'_ , Alphonse thinks with his thoughts edging into the lines of uncertainty. He couldn't be sure… his memory is already so fuzzy. He couldn't trust it. He needs to find out for sure…

Hurrying through the shower with rapid thoughts firing, Alphonse emerges fresh and clean and actually feeling closer to being a functioning person. He just felt more… dignified, to say the least.

He brushes his teeth before exiting the bathroom with a towel loosely around his narrow hips.

The sounds of pots and pans clanking together in the kitchen echoes through the apartment. The sounds makes him wince; pain still ricocheting in his addled brain. Alphonse heart drops into his stomach upon realizing Edward is, in- fact, still in the apartment.

 _'_ _He… he's really here.'_  Al thinks, with a light feather-feeling touching his stomach… It didn't last long, the green flavor nausea quickly overtook anything fleeting or light as it settles in the back of the boy's throat.

**_["So fucking pretty…" Reese mumbles hotly…]_ **

Guilt slams into Alphonse. His face aflame; cheeks more than likely red in amber Shades of shame. Alphonse cringes from the memory of Reese going down on him. For some unknown reason Al feels as if he's cheated on his brother… feels it to the very fiber of his soul. The sick nauseating feeling he felt earlier is nothing compared to the guilt cultivating inside him now.

Alphonse listens to the sound of his brother movements in the other room, the dull sound of his automail foot cuffing along the wooden floor. And Al is left wondering yet again, ' _how did I get home last night? How does my brother play into this scenario?'_

No answer came, only blank spaces in his memory. Alphonse purses his lips in agitation. It's such a simple question. Why couldn't he find the answer? Why?

Turning away from the sounds of his brother, Al enters his room and closes the door behind himself. Moving stiffly Alphonse pads towards his dresser to get a plain white t-shirt and boxers from the first drawer, before retrieving his black sweat pants from the drawer under. He dries himself and dresses himself accordingly.

There's a chill lingering in the air, goosebumps prickling his damp skin. Thinking better of it, Al grabs his favorite army-green pullover sweater from his closest. There are slits in the wrist for his thumbs to fit into and the hood is deep like a cave; it helps to cover his sensitive eyes from the light.

He steps into the hallway feeling full of anxiety. The weight of it like a black cloud hanging over head. Alphonse can hear the raspy rumble of Edward's voice.

 _'He's on the phone…'_  Al realizes.

His curiosity peaks, he creeps ever closer and stops at the end of the hallway to listen.

"…I know that, but it wasn't like that…" Edward says with a tired sigh escaping a second later. Alphonse could almost see Edward running his flesh hand over his face as he leans against the kitchen table with both his elbows. He knows his brother… knows Ed mannerism like the back of his own hand.

Edward must be listen to whatever the other person is saying on the line, because he's quiet for a length of time. Another large sigh follows, and Al hears fabric rustling.

"It's not like I could've left him alone. Fuck Heiderich, he was so fucking, drunk. I've never seen my brother like that…"

There was a pause, another sigh and Al feels his stomach clench as he realizes who Edward is talking to, and what (well more like whom) they are talking about.

_'When had Heiderich become Ed's touchstone in all matters of ethics…?'_

"Yeah, I know. I will. It won't be until later, though."

"I don't know. He's up. I heard the shower running a few minutes ago…"

"No, I haven't, but I'm going too… H-he… He has the right to know."

A rock settles in Alphonse's stomach. The counterweight to his guilt. Anger. It's abrupt and like wild fire spreading in a dry field.

They are speaking of him as if he is merely a child. Of course, technically, he is only hearing one side of the conversation, but it's enough to clue him into the gist of thing.

 _'Ed only sees me a kid… I'm not a child… I'm not.'_ Alphonse thinks with a sense of realization settling in. He is standing in the shadows eavesdropping on his elder siblings' conversation. This is indeed; childish…

_'Damn.'_

Bracing himself with more courage than he truly possets. He steps around the corner and into kitchen. Alphonse isn't ready for the brightly lit room, every window and curtain is open, with the sun shining through. He winces and slinks further into the depth of his hood.

Edward is sitting at the dining-table with his elbows resting on the wooden table top. Just as Alphonse pictured a moment ago in his mind. Al can feel the weight of his brother's eyes on him as he rounds the corner and enters kitchenette without much of a greetings.

"I gotta go, Alfons," Edward says moments later. "Yeah… He is. I have to go. Yeah, yeah. Bye."

Alphonse opens the fridge as he hears the phone being set down on the receiver.

Getting the carton of orange juice out, Al closes the door with a bump of his hip and turns to get a mug out of the cupboard.

"How are you feeling?" Edward says from the entryway of the kitchen.

Alphonse feels his jaw clench, reaching for a cup he turns his back to his brother. "I'm fine," ' _asshole.'_ Al thinks stretching to get his fingers on the lip of his favorite blue mug on the tallest shelf.

 _'_ _Who put it up here?'_  He wonders agitatedly.

Edward's warm hand on the small of Alphonse back startles him slightly. The scent of sandalwood and metal wafts into the smaller males scenes, halting his thought process momentarily. The elder Elric reaches over Alphonse, his longer arms capable of further range. Edward sets the blue-flecked mug down on the counter-top before moving away.

"You should take something for your headache." Ed says candidly walking out of the room.

Alphonse couldn't breathe, his heart in his throat prevents it. Swallowing thickly, he tries to calm his racing pulse. With shaking hands he pours himself a small amount of juice and actually listens to his brother. He opens the medicine cabinet and gets two ibuprofen.

Taking several quiet, calming breaths, Al pops the pills into his mouth and swallows them down with a swig of juice. A number of emotions war inside his chest, but irritation pushes its way rapidly to the forefront.

 _'_ _Who does Edward think he is?'_  He reasons, slamming his cup to the counter.  _Screw this…_  He is going to find out… Following after Edward, Alphonse enters into the living room.

"Why are you here, really?" Alphonse asks directly, pushing his hoodie off his head as he enters the darker room.

Edward sighs a long drawn out sound, still not looking directly towards Alphonse.

Al watches as Ed sets his jaw the way he does when he's about to do something or say something difficult. "I came by last night to talk."

"You did?"

Edward nods and flexes his jaw, "but you weren't here." He concedes, finally looking Alphonse in the eyes. There's a pause as they both just stare at each other from across the room. Hazel eyes to Edward's golden hues.

The corner of Ed's lips twitch but not in any sort of amusing way. More like he is biting back a growl. "I let myself in, with the spare key under the mat.

"It was then, I realized it's almost finales week for you. You were probably out studying. I didn't grasp you'd be out getting shit face as an alternative…" Edward all but barks accusingly.

"Brother… I…" Al murmurs, all of his anger leaking out him at the sound of his brother's upset voice. He brings his arms around himself, eyes low; looking at his feet not at Edward, and he knows it's wrong, but he can't really return the other males gaze right now. He feels so lowly because Edward is right…

 _'_ _Of course he's right…'_  Al acknowledges with silent guilt swirling inside his chest.

"I thought - fuck Al - I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere."

Alphonse winces while feeling utterly ashamed of his choices. The worst part of it all he couldn't even tell Edward about much of last night. He couldn't remember half of it, and the half he does remember, he doesn't want to share with his elder sibling.

He feels mortified about the whole thing with Reese.

"Who were you with last night? Where did you go?"

The younger male fidgets where he stands, bouncing from foot to foot. A dark blush riding the peaks of ears and cheeks.

"Reese… we went to a party. I-I…"

Edward inhales sharply, interrupting as he takes another step forward. "— and where was Reese at the end of the night, Alphonse?"

The smaller male's eyebrows strum together in confusion as his blush spreads across his neck, to his chest… "I-I-I don't know."

**_["Alphonse?" Reese questioned again but Al merely flinches and turns to leave._ **

**_"I-I-I hav'ta go." He hears himself slurs, tongue thick in his mouth._ **

**_A hand around his wrist stops him, "Alphonse wait. Let me—"_ **

**_Al feels something sharp inside of himself snap as he rips his hand away. "No, just don't." He looks frantic, chest heaving with excretion. "Just… Just leave me alone."]_ **

The memory trickles into Al's mind like water running down the wall. The abrupt rush of it leaves him feeling angry and even more disoriented in its wake.

"I-I left him at the party…" He manages to say with a shake of his head. One of his hands rubbing along his forehead. "I-I really, don't even know…" He flounders at what to say, how to answer. He doesn't even have the response for himself.

Alphonse is so **very**  confused.

Apparently it placates Edward, his gaze softening as he watches his brother struggle to remember the night before.

"I found you passed out on the stairwell outside the apartment." The elder Elric admits astutely while taking another few steps forward, almost standing directly in front of Al; close enough to touch.

"The land lady was trying to get you to move…" Edward speaks with humor rumbling thinly in his voice. It lures Alphonse's eyes upwards with the comforting, soothing sound.

His brother is watching him. Eye's stationary on his face, intense and so, fucking, golden and bottomless, and Alphonse find himself wanting to drown in them.

"I don't remember much of the night," He admits reluctantly. "…but I-I honestly didn't think you'd be here waiting for me." Al adds with a pleading look towards his brother to understand.

The silence stretches between them as they stand so near to each other for the first times in weeks but yet, so very, far from one another. The tension builds with a tangible quality in the air with it spanning the gorge between the two brothers.

Edward clears his throat and the spell breaks, "…I was at the construction site." He admits, "Thought I'd come by—"

"—so we can talk?" Alphonse ask with his head tipping with his question. His typically gentle voice betraying the slight hints of distress.

Edward chuckles nervously, his flesh hand finding the back of his neck as he rubs it. "Yeah… about that."

The elder male precipitously looks very uncomfortable. Alphonse could see it with the telling signs of Edward's clenching his jaw… The way Ed squirms within his own skin, with the way his brother wouldn't hold eye contact with him; his golden eyes fleeting away to look off in the distance.

Alphonse knows...

He's nervous. ' _Whatever Brother's about to admit, it's not going to be good…_ ' Alphonse thinks with a daunting flutter racing through his veins, settling in the pit of his stomach. It didn't help anything. Not Alphonse anxiety, nor the growing fear for this situation and its invariable outcome. No, it didn't help matters, not at all. Alphonse could feel his panic beginning to mount…

Edward let out a large breath with his hands falling to his sides. He turns to walk away, before he aborts the movement seconds later. He just stands there in the middle of the living room for a moment, his blond head bowing to his chest and his fist clenching tightly together at his sides.

With another sigh, Ed starts to talk with his back facing Al, "I care for you Alphonse," he expresses with candor imprinting in his smooth voice.

"I know that, brother." Alphonse says incredulously.

Edward winces visibly. His profile slightly-perceptible from where Alphonse stood by the hallway. Ed favors Al with a small, sad smile before turning completely away. His gold eyes never leaving the ground.

Al stares at him, shock and panic sticking him to the floor like glue. He looks at his brother's long blond braid running the length of the other male's muscular back and feels his heart wanting to escape out of his throat.

 _'_ _Brother…'_

"… I care for you… Edward clarifies unsteadily. "More— more than an older brother should, Alphonse." He pauses to breathe audibly out his nose before continuing. "I worry about you. I worry to the point… I feel this heavy weight in the pit of my stomach all the time. - Fuck - Whenever you're sad I feel it… and I would do anything to make you happy… to-to make your life normal. And I realize this… this thing between us, isn't normal. I realize I-I shouldn't… should not want you—."He confesses throwing his hands out to the sides and pacing a few steps away.

"You're my brother god damn-it!" Edward cries, finally turning towards Alphonse with eyes burning with shameful sadness.

"You a-are my brother…" He adds with a cracking whisper…

Alphonse feels the moment his heart shatters in tens-of-thousands of pieces. Edward eyes brim with such overwhelming sadness. The younger Elric could only manage to keep listening… absorbing every word his elder brother is revealing; his eyes wide with shock, fear, and sadness, so much -fucking- sadness.

"—we can't…" Ed starts again, his large, golden eyes piercing through Al's heart.

"It's depraved and it's disgusting..."

It's startling how swiftly Alphonse is overwhelmed with anger at his brother's choices in words. Edward is making decisions about Alphonse's life without consulting him to begin with. Shouldn't the youngest Elric get a say in any of this? This is not a choice Edward should be making alone! This is also about Alphonse, and his feelings matter…  _Didn't they?_

Obviously they didn't… otherwise Edward would have included him on this ground breaking decision. Instead Al is treated as a child; sent to bed without any dinner…

 _'_ _I am, so, fucking over this…'_

Trying to focus through his swelling rage, it's unmanageable as it gathers speed and comes spewing out of Alphonse's mouth like poison.

"That's really great, Edward." The young blond spits out. He crosses his arms over his chest with his spine rigidly straight, cutting himself off completely in his anger.

"Go ahead and mount your fucking, high horse so, you can tell me how morally wrong I am, or how this will break our family apart, or that the entire idea makes you uncomfortable. Go ahead… I don't care."

Edward is taken back from Alphonse outburst. Golden eyes widen with shock. "Alphonse… w-wha… Where is this coming from? I don't think you—"

I've heard enough… "Just - fucking - stop it!" He yells, his anger bleeding into his words.

"Al… I just… I don't want you to hate me." Ed says sounding so, very destroyed.

Alphonse couldn't help but let out a breathy bitter-laugh. "Yet, you obviously don't want me to love you either," Al retorts looking guiltless, so pure and free of ulterior motives. His eyes gleaming with unshed tears.

He hurts, his heart aches, his feelings are hurt, his head is throbbing and he just wants this fucking conversation to be over already. He obviously isn't good enough for his brother…

 _'_ _Disgusting and depraved…'_

Edward is left utterly speechless. The way he is looking at Alphonse is making Al's skin all tingly and tight and he hates it. Hates it even now, angrier than he's ever been at his older brother, that he still desires Edward to the fullest extent of the meaning.

The taller male takes a step forward, making his younger brother take one back… Edward's eyes widen as he watches Alphonse's retreating form.

"Alphonse… This isn't… That's not fair."

The other male laughs, an unpleasant sounding laugh. "…and you leaving for five weeks is?"

"There's different, and you know it…" Edward says, starting to sound annoyed as well.

"Just because you deem it… doesn't make it so, brother." Al retorts hotly. "Have you ever stopped to question, what I want…" he all but cries out as he shoves forward into his brother's personal space. "If you're so – fucking – worried about me, why can't you see how unhappy I am," he ask sounding broken, as he reaches out to fist his brother's black shirt between his fingers.

"—Because I am, Edward. So very, very unhappy." Alphonse admits with hot, angry tears streaking his cheeks wet.

Alphonse wants things, things he knows he should be ashamed of, but couldn't find the will to care. It's utterly frustrating having what you want within your grasp but denied at every twist and turn. That type of frustration wasn't what he needed right now, because it easily fed the rage simmering inside him.

He wants to punch his brother, bring him the same pain churning inside his own stomach. But in the same breath he wants to kiss his brother, to revel in the sweet warmth of the other male's tongue against his own. It's a confusing set of emotions, and yet… Alphonse didn't know which way to turn.

He closes his eyes and lets his confusion wash over him.

Al wants Ed, but at the same time he needs to get away. If he could uncurl his hands from his brother's shirt, he might have hit him. Or pull him closer. He needs to stop this. He wants it to go on and on. He needs to flip them and be the one in control for once. He wants to surrender to his brother strong powerful current, pulling him down and under.

He needs… he wants…

…His brother.

And with that thought circling his mind he surges forward, sealing his mouth to the elder blonds. It is a chaste press of lips to lips, a simple motion setting off fireworks behind the smaller males eyes. Pulling back, he looks at Edward's perplexed face, and he can't help it he leans forward and kisses him again, mouth open, tongue tracing over Ed's lips, catching on his teeth, and he's drowning in it, the sensation after so long without it. The feeling is overwhelming as Edward's mouth begins to respond, and Al needs it more, _closer, now._

Edward reaction is almost immediately, it's startling how quickly Alphonse finds himself shoved up against the nearest wall with his heart racing as Ed deepens their kiss. The younger male could almost taste the adrenaline on his brother's wet tongue, could feel the frantic beating of his heart as he presses ever closer; his knee wedging between Al's thighs. A salty taste lingers between the kiss from the tears cascading down his cheeks, but they both ignore it to press forward wanting to feel more.

The sensation is almost intense enough to blot out the guilt.

Almost.

They should stop this. They  **really**  should stop this. But Alphonse can't bring himself to speak up. It feels far too good, far better than it should perhaps. Maybe that's the reason it did, though? The forbidden notion held within an iron fist of will; but even iron has its weaknesses.

And the intense fire rips through Alphonse, melting his iron-clad will away.

Edward lips descend on Al's neck, nipping, teasing, and Alphonse burns brightly. The heat he feels like embers, radiant brighter in his stomach; scorching his flesh where Edwards is sucking patterns into.

Al settles his hands against the base of Edward's skull, arching into the taller male's rough touches and kisses. His blood roars in his ears; caught up in the moment, he only just realizes Edward's hardness against his hip and Al finds himself groaning, head tipping against the wall in complacency.

Alphonse has thought a lot of dark thoughts these past couple weeks since Edward's been out of his life— from his brother motives, his own choices, and everything in between. The harsh words thrown in bitter strife.

None of it matters. Not the arguments. Not the hurt feelings. Nor the feelings of abandonment. None of it but the hot press of Edward's tongue against Alphonse's skin and the indent of his hard dick against his own; here and now.

Like the shock of unabashed desire (and whatever is spiraling out of control between the two of them…) it sparks a strange, jittery feeling in Al's stomach. A restless, reckless feeling— like he's about to jump from a great heights.

Edward's hands grip Al's left thigh, hiking it up and spreading it for a better angle to press and grind together.

Alphonse is drowning in the feeling of the taller male, the feeling of his tongue sliding against his flesh, the blistering heat that seems to be radiating from the other males skin.

It's almost too much, too sudden.

Reaching up he removes his brother's hair tie, threading his fingers through the golden hair to grasp something… to push ever closer. –and Edward is so close like this, wrapped over and around him, blond hair everywhere. He can't control the quivering of his body, nor the quiet gasp which escape loosely into the air at the friction of their cocks slotting together through layers of clothes. So instead he muffles his cries against Edward shoulder as the rocking continues.

"Shit…" Edward mutters against Al's neck. "Shit, fuck… Please… Please let me…"

Alphonse can't decipher the needy words escaping from his brother's mouth … All he knows is Edward is letting his unsteady leg down and is sliding down his body in the same motion, to kneel at Alphonse's feet…

 _'_ _w-what… is he… Oh fuck—'_

Ed's direct intentions knocks Al's breathe away as his older brother cups his aching arousal, squeezing lightly through the fabric of his black sweat pants. Alphonse head tips backwards and he lets out a throaty moan. His hips arching helplessly into the warming touch. He dimly registers Edward's metal hand pushing and shoving the pants roughly out of the way. –and then Ed's flesh hand is closing around his aching length, and beginning to stroke at a passionate pace; Al's hips rock instinctively up into the touch. Small sputtering sounds tumbling from his lip as all of his pent up frustration comes rushing to the surface.

Edward nuzzles his cheek and nose in the dip of Al's bare hip, breathing in Alphonse's scent.

The younger Elric knees wobble and momentarily he thinks he's about to fall if he doesn't hold on to something, and then there is no time to think at all with Edward running the flat of his tongue from root to tip, then he took the length into his mouth with a hard, hungry suck.

Alphonse's world fades out to white hot static.

"Ed-ward!" he gasps, all the breath leaving him at once. His hands find their way in his brother's hair again, tightening as his hips thrusts forward marginally.

Alphonse didn't understand how things escalated so quickly, he felt like a blade of grass shaking in the winds; helps, needy and pliable to the slightest caress.

Edward pulls his head back, and then quickly forward again; bobbing as he begins to suck and twist. It's almost too much. Alphonse mouth falls open in a silent 'O' as he is completely consumed in wet, hot heat of his brothers' throat. The feeling of it all just, felt too amazing to last longer than a few sparse moments, and oh god, it wasn't going to last – he could already feel pleasure curling at the base of his spine.

Alphonse realizes this moment… this unexpected action of his brother giving him head in the hallway of their apartment is completely incomparable to what Al had shared with Reese the night before. Yes, what his friend did to him had felt good, (in its own way) but it felt nothing like the velvety suction of Edward unbelievably hot mouth wrapped around his dick.

Tipping his head down away from the wall, Alphonse watches as he thrust forward, disappearing past his brothers pink, wet lips.

–and fuck it's sexy to watch. Ed's cheeks flush and hollow; Alphonse is powerless to run a thumb over Edward's pronounced cheek bones. The movement causes Edward's bright eyes to open and look upwards. Al gasps, all the breath leaving him at once, like someone just punched him the stomach.

Edward's eyes are dark, pupils dilated, tears clinging to his long-blond lashes, and Alphonse remembers exactly what 'desire' feels like.

Alphonse fights to keep his eyes open at the pleasure circling in his body. Edward's sure and hot mouth is unrelenting, his tongue smacking along the underside and then slithering down and then back up.

It's torturous… like a sweet-torturous-release…

And then suddenly the heat is gone, and replaced by cold air…

"W-ait…" Al whines but the sound of a knock on the front door freezes the complaint almost simultaneously.

Edward recovers a lot quicker than Al as he rocks back on his heels to stand.

Alphonse erection slaps wetly to his belly… the moment lost to sound of the doorbell ringing into the apartment.

"Alphonse… I know you're in there…" A gruff voice says from the other side of the door.

Alphonse feels his stomach drop into his feet upon realizing who's standing outside his apartment.

 _'_ _Reese.'_

"I-I… uh. I'll be right there…" Al stutters, pulling his pants back up with shame cultivating in his stomach.

 _'_ _Well this is awkward…'_

Edward wipes at his mouth with the back of his flesh hand. He wouldn't even look towards Al as he walks out of the room, down the hall… without so much a single word uttered or even a backwards glance. Alphonse is left alone with guilt and only a throbbing erection to keep him standing on wobbly legs.

Another loud knock fills the air. With a heavy exhale, Al pads over to answer the door. Staying slightly behind it to hide the obvious hard-on he's still sporting in his black sweatpants, he opens the door.

Reese is standing with his hands shoved into his jean pockets, a worried look etched onto his handsome face.

"How are you feeling?"

Alphonse could feel the heat engulfing his cheeks. The last time he'd seen Reese, his dick had been down his friend's throat. And to make matters worse, his brother had just been doing the same thing to him seconds earlier… his dick still felt wet from his brother's lingering saliva.

Al knew his face is lit brightly like a cherry tomato.

 _'_ _I'm a fucking slut…'_

"I'm fine…" he manages to stammer out, his eyes never wavering from the ground.

"Are you hungover? You look a little flushed…" Reese asks, stepping forward to touch Alphonse's cheek.

Al jerks back before the other males hand could touch him. "I'm fine." Al reiterates with sharpness. "What are you doing here?"

Reese sighs, tucking his hand back into his pocket. "Look Alphonse, about last night…"

The acid in Al's stomach churns violently. ' _Brother could be listening…'_  He thinks abruptly, stopping Reese before he could reveal too much… "Don't—"

"Alphonse…"

"No, seriously Reese. It's fine. Just drop it."

Reese exhales, running his long fingers through his black hair. "Yeah… okay. If that's how you want to play this…"

Alphonse's guilt multiplies upon hearing his friends defeated voice. It wasn't like he's trying to purposely hurt Reese, Alphonse just has a lot resting on his plate at the moment.

And last night had been a huge (drunken) mistake.

 _'_ _I should've never let it get so out of hand.'_

"I-I never meant for it…" Alphonse tries to explain, but he couldn't find the words to finish his sentence. He didn't want to hurt Reese, he's such a good guy… The taller male has been such a good friend these past couple weeks, and Alphonse really didn't want to hurt him.

Obviously though, it's inevitable and Alphonse realizes it's already occurring.

Reese; the guy who is always happy with a brilliant smile illuminating his face, wasn't the man standing before Alphonse here and now. Reese's joy has all but gone, the light not present in his jolly green eyes.

It makes Alphonse sick to know he is the cause for this ghost like appearance in his normally care-free friend.

"I'm sorry…" He says without really thinking and hates it when Reese flinches at his poorly chosen words.

Reese huffs a laugh, a broken little thing, and rolls his lackluster eyes up towards Alphonse's face.

"I should be the one apologizing." He pauses and swallows thickly, "considering I was the one who took advantage of you…"

It's Al's turn to flinch, "No, Reese…that's not true. I could have stopped you."

"Doesn't matter. You were drunk and I should have never touched you."

Time stands still momentarily with Reese's words lingering between them. Seconds later the brunette shakes his head as if to dislodge a thought before a gentle smile finds its way onto his mouth. It didn't touch his eyes, but at least he's trying.

Alphonse continues to stand stock-still, the guilt making it nearly impossible to move or answer.

"I'm just glad you got home safely—."

Alphonse was about to respond when he hears Ed's voice from behind him.

"—with no obvious help from you." Edward growls angrily. Gripping the door, he forcefully opens it all the way, making Alphonse stumble away from it into the wall.

Al's heart lurches in his chest. ' _This isn't good',_ He thinks, recovering from being shoved away. Edward is already out the door and stepping into Reese's space by the time Al finds his balance again.

 _'_ _Shit… shit… not good. Not good!_ '

Edward's intent is crystal clear. His mismatch fists clenching into tight knots of white knuckle fury.

Al knows personally the type of damage Edward can dish out when angered. Knows the fierceness held behind his brothers punches and kicks. It never ends pretty, instead with blood on the ground and broken bones.

Which isn't a plausible option.

There's a slight shift in Reese' body language, as if an internal switch has been flipped from offensive to defensive.

"Who's this, Al?" Reese questions not taking his eyes off the taller scowling blond in front of him.

Alphonse opens his mouth to respond but doesn't get a chance to say anything as he is cut off by Edward again, "I don't see why, it's any of your business who I am." Ed shoves Reese's broad chest making the other male stumble backwards slightly.

A wicked leer finds its way onto Reese face as he pushes forward, this time getting into Edward's face.

"Stop it. The both of you…" Alphonse yells, darting between Ed and his intended target.

Edward tries to sidestep him, but Al spins to match his brother's fluid moves, making Ed slams into Alphonse's chest. Grabbing Edward's arms quickly to prevent any further movements, Al hangs on as his brother tries to shake him loose.

"Go Reese." Al speaks over his shoulder, trying with all his might to hold his brother back, who at the moment is trying to lurch forward to get in front of Reese again.

"I'm fine…" he reassures still struggling with Edward.

"I'm not leaving you here with—"

Edward lunges forward again, only to be shoved back by Al's hands on his shoulders.

"—you better think, long and hard about what you're about to say," Edward snarls pointedly towards Reese.

"Edward, stop it. Just stop…" Alphonse repeat himself, this time with steel backing his words, he continues to stand between Reese and a severe pummeling.

Turning his attention back towards his friend he tells him to leave again, pleading with him that he'll be fine. Reese doesn't look like he really believes Alphonse; but what choice did he have… it's completely out of his hands.

Reese turns and walks way but not before saying he expects a thorough explanation tomorrow.

And then he is gone.

Alphonse's heart couldn't take the stress of his blood pressure sky-rocketing through the roof. He feels sick from the emotional rollercoaster he has called his morning. Trying not to let his emotions over-rule him, Al forces himself to calm down before turning around to face his seething brother.

Their eyes lock, angry gold to furious hazel. "I can't fucking believe you," he derides, sweeping past Edward into the apartment.

"— and I can't believe what I was just hearing." Edward argues, following his younger brother into the house hot on his trail.

"Oh, piss off…"

Edward reaches out, snagging Alphonse's slim bicep between his metal hands, stopping the slighter male from retreating further.

"Did he take advantages of you, Alphonse?" He asks with solemnity to his voice.

 _'_ _So he did hear Reese… shit_.' Al thinks, his cheeks erupting into dark shades of amber. He couldn't manages to level his eyes with his brother's.

"N-no, he d-didn't… I-I… w-we…" he flounders.

Edward's expression hardens as he starts for the entryway, "Oh, I'll fucking kill him…"

Alphonse dashes for the door right as Edward is opening it, and it slams shut from the force of Al's shoulder coming to rest against it.

"It wasn't like that…." The younger male breaths out pleading for his brother to understand, "it was consensual. I s-swear… on— o-on mother's grave, Edward."

Edward growls out his frustration as he stalks away from the door. His mismatch fists clenching at his sides with the amount of ire circling inside.

Alphonse realizes it is exactly how Edward's has always looked right before a fight; the steely rage hardening his brother demeanor. It terrifies the younger Elric, knowing Edward's legendary anger is completely honed towards him.

He knows he needs to defuse the situation before things deteriorate any further…

"Look," Alphonse sighs with his hands running through his damp hair, "I messed up. Okay? I got really drunk last night (to the point I blacked out and can't remember most of it) and I did some things I'm ashamed of and regret fully."

Al closes his eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath to thwart his growing anger towards his elder sibling.

"— But how dare you treat my friend in such a matter," he says opening his hardened hazel eyes. "Reese has been here, helping  **me** , supporting  **me** …" he pauses trying to collect himself before continuing. "I don't see how you get off acting that way— when you've been out of my life for five weeks Edward!"

Edward scoffs indignantly, "because I'm your older brother… That's why!" Like it is a legitimate answer.

Anger swirls in Alphonse like ink in water, rapidly and almost out of control.

"Oh, you're acting like my brother again, "He says contemptuously while folding his arms across his chest. Shutting himself off completely. "Does that mean you're going to leave again? Or is that code for 'let me fuck you some more?'" Al sneers unpleasantly towards the taller male, "From sucking my cock, back to over protective sibling. How do you keep the lines from blurring, brother?"

"Fucking-hell, Alphonse, I wish I'd never touched you in the first place; I hate myself for it…" Edward growls out, taking a step forward.

"—you should!" Al interrupts Edward's confession with his arms spreading wide with his words. "But yet here you are, showing up looking for more handouts and table scraps…"

"…fuck you!"

"No, fuck you."

Alphonse expects his brother to lash out, but what he did not expect is for Edward's swift left hook to connect with his jaw. His inner ears rings from the force held behind the punch. The taste of his own blood fills his mouth as pain blooms behind his teeth. He finds himself flung against the hallway wall; bottom lip split, a mouth full of blood, but the blinding anger is what evokes him into action.

Pushing off the wall, Al delivers a swift back hand to Edward's face, following it by lunging forward to take his brother to the ground. He only forgot one small thing; Edward could be damn near unmovable when he is angry.

As Alphonse came barreling towards him, Edward recovers quickly from the slap; planting his feet into the floor and snaking his long metal arm out like lighting, catching Alphonse off guard. Unable to resist the force of his brother's automail strength, Al is swept and yanked off his feet. His back slams down to the floor, with no chance to roll away as Edwards heavy frame comes down on top of him.

The wind is knocked from Alphonse's lungs but he focuses through it, like teacher had taught him all those years ago. Trying to dig his heels into the floor and maneuver his body to slide or flip his brother away. Edward straddles him, his knees pressing into Al's hips hard enough the younger Elric couldn't move an inch.

Al tries to punch Ed, but the angle is awkward and his brother is way too fucking fast—catching Alphonse's wrist in his hands and pressing them both to the floor overhead. It brings their faces scant inches from one another, but not close enough for Al to find the leverage to try for a head-butt.

Alphonse is thoroughly pinned, and they both know it.

"How dare you…" Alphonses snarls through his bleeding and swollen lips.

The emotion in Edward's eyes is dark and predatory. "You've done this to yourself…" he hisses, his white teeth flashing in the dim light of the hallway. And in the same fluid motion, Edward's mouth covers Alphonse's in a bruising kiss.

Alphonse freezes completely immobile, taken back by the force in his brother's heated embrace. The taste of copper fills their mouths as Edward deeps the kiss, licking into the depths of Alphonse mouth to swirl their tongues together.

The kiss is demanding and burning the younger Elric to his core, his body betrays him and he finds himself moaning into his brother's mouth. His mind blank and he lost himself into the inertia of all his jumbled up emotions and feelings pin-balling hectically inside his body all at once.

Then it all stops abruptly, leaving Alphonse cold and confused (yet again) when Edward breaks the kiss all too soon.

"No," Ed whispers before repeating himself louder and pulls away, "I-I can't do this," his voice cracks and he scrambles to his feet.

Al is seriously confused now, "wait," Alphonse manages to sit up and grab his brother before he gets too far.

 _'_ _No, no, no not again. He can't leave me. Not again.'_

"Ed, you can't do this-,"  _to me again,_ the last part spoken with a silently implication. "P-please!"

 _'_ _He can't leave me. He won't leave me… not again.'_

Edward's skin is white as a sheet. His eyes wide and dilated, beautiful golden locks cascading around his shoulders wildly and he's shaking his head 'no' over and over. He wrenches his hand out of Alphonse grasp and backs away, edging towards the door. "I can't do this… I-I-I can't be near you, Alphonse. I-it's not safe."

"Brother… don't leave me." Al, sobs watching Edward taking another step away, almost towards the door now. He flinches outwardly and turns completely from Alphonse gaze, shame displayed in the dip of his shoulders and head.

"I have to, Al." Edward says with his hands balling into tight fights at his sides, his voice broken and cracked. "U-until I conquer this demon residing inside me. I-I think its best—"he pauses, nearly choking on the words leaving his mouth, "I think, it is best if we live separate lives."

There's no time for Alphonse to reply, Edward is stepping forward and opening the door. Al scrambles forward, "Brother, I don't want this." He cries, making Edward pause at the threshold of their shared apartment.

"I know you don't." Ed says softly, his back still facing Alphonse as he visibly shook with restraint to keep himself at bay. "But it's what you need. We are brothers, Alphonse. Nothing more, nothing less, and until I-I can trust myself around you; we can't see each other."

Glancing over his shoulder, Edward manages a fragmented smile that barely lights his eyes, it nearly tears Alphonse heart out of his chest right then and there.

"I'll call you sometime tomorrow…" Edward says with his hands on the door frame. "I-I… I love you Alphonse." he whispers, and Alphonse couldn't help the shiver at the unambiguous emotion in his brother's softly spoken words.

Edward walks out the door without so much as glimpse backwards. The sound of the door closing behind his brother's retreating form is like someone punching Al in the stomach.

"I love you too, Edward."  _I always will…_

A sickening green wave crashes over Alphonses with a single tear slipping silently down his cheeks.

It's all too much.

The guilt.

The want.

The need.

The nausea.

His love for his brother.

His guilt for basically ruining his friendship with Reese.

It's all turning out to be too much to handle for Alphonse's confused mind.

 _'_ _I must be disturbed… something broken inside me… I'm sick, sick… sick… I just want… want… my family back.'_

A broken sob escapes Alphonse when he realizes he has nowhere to turn for comfort. His legs wobble and he slides to the floor with this recognition. Everything settles over him chaotically all at once…

His support nets, the people who were supposed to be there for him to catch him when he falls, essentially combusted into flames and now he found himself alone, standing in a world of soot with no family, nor friends.

 _'_ _I am utterly and terrifyingly alone.'_  And it's this thought which spirals him into an uncontrollable hysteria of unimaginable regrets.

_**To be continued…** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, I let time get away from me on this one. So, very, sorry about the late update. Life is hectic around my house. *throws herself to the floor and begs humbly for your forgiveness.*
> 
> I'm not very happy with this chapter, It didn't turn out the way I was hoping. I really hope I didn't slaughter the timing and flow. The people who have already read it told me, I have nothing to worry about but of course, I still worry.
> 
> Please enjoy, and don't throw too much hate towards me. :P


	14. Always and Forever

Edward's forehead rests on his steering wheel, his breathing heavy as he tries to calm his shaking nerves. A yawning chasm growing by the second in his chest.

It had been a huge mistake. One huge - dreadful - mistake coming here. Edward knew the minute arriving at their apartment how apparent the mistake truly was, and of course, he didn't heed to his inner voice. No, instead he dove head first into shallow waters…

From the moment his lips touched Alphonse's, Edward had been lost in the inertia of the moment. His angry cries still lingering in his ears, **_'You're my brother!'_** before their mouths meld together.

His chest hurts when he thinks of it. How sweet the feeling of his brother pressed against him after so long. His sweet, sweet cries muffled in Ed's neck and hair as he mouths at Al's neck. The taste of Alphonse on his tongue. —He didn't even remember how he ended up on his knees in front of his brother, nor how Alphonse's cock got into his mouth. Only that he wanted... needed to feel his younger brother quivering beneath his fingers tips.

Then… then...

That knock.

That dastardly knock ruined the fragile constructed moment. Turning all the heady emotion into something disgustingly sour, and soon after Edward's self-restraint came slithering back into view, making him pull away from his trembling sibling.

_'_ _It was a mistake… a tasteless mistake.'_ Ed thinks with his stomach churning from guilt. _'I should have never come here… I am weak… powerless.'_

_'_ _Monster…'_

_'_ _Defiler…'_

And to make matter worse, when he hears Alphonse talking to… to… Reese moments later. Edward feels the exact instant the little, green-beast called jealousy, taking over his body. In that frozen span of time, standing in the shadow of the hallway, listening to their conversation like a creepy stalker; Edward wants to rip into Reese. Even though Edward knows firsthand about the previous night, about Reese being the one to comforting Al, _'doting on him… loving him.'_

Edward hates him for it. Disdains Reese's easy going smile. Reese's voice as he talks to Alphonse, reassuring him that it's all Reese's fault (the only thing Edward agrees with). He hates him for having the audacity to touch Alphonse, let alone in such an intimate fashion. And when he hears Reese admitting to have taken advantage of Alphonse, Edward see red. His vision blurred and before he realizes his body is moving and he's rushing Reese.

Looking back on it in hindsight; it wasn't the best choice of action. Only making matters worse.

Edward's flesh hand throbs in annoyance, his skin on his knuckles split open and raw. He sighs as he inspects the damage, _'I shouldn't have punch Al.'_ He thinks, flexing his hand, as he watches bruises blooming under his skin like storm clouds gathering.

_'_ _He just made me so, fucking, angry…'_ he thinks with his teeth bared in a hiss as he moves his fingers. _'It couldn't be nearly as painful as Alphonse bottom lip though. Edward cringes at his thoughts. I hit him really hard. '_

He really didn't mean to punch his younger brother. He'd just been so angry, Alphonse words hit home and had a fallout effect.

**_["…yet, here you are, showing up and looking for more handouts and table scraps…"]_ **

The words didn't even sound anything like Alphonse. But by then, everything had already spun completely out of control. Neither one of the Elric brothers happen to sound like themselves, nor were they acting befitting to character.

_'_ _Inexcusable, no justification. I should've have never… ever hit him in anger. Should have never came here in the first place… Everything is so fucked… he's my little brother.'_

"Fuck…" Ed exclaims with a punch to the center of his steering wheel when the urge took over… and again when the searing-pain in his hand isn't enough to mask the agony in his heart. Everything is broken. The entirety of Edward's world is shattered and torn to shreds.

"Fuck, fuck. Fuck!" he bellows, punctuating each word with a fist to his steering wheel. His hand by now is bleeding profusely, a mess of scraped skin and frustrating bruises. He sat back with shaking hands to exhale an unsteady lungful. The realization he needs to calm down is ever present, only it's intolerably hard to find his center. Still he fights to steady himself.

_'_ _I need to leave…'_ he imperatively contemplates. _'The sooner the better.'_

A large piece of himself wants to rush back into the apartment. To throw himself to his knees and beg for forgiveness; to wrap himself around Alphonse and never let anyone else touch what belongs to him.

Morally speaking, he really shouldn't. Logistically he could never.

It's his selfishness speaking again. He disregards it, taking another deep, settling breath.

The itch is current though, the longing to throw everything to the winds, to let his desires and demons control his life. To be greedy and lustful with his wants; his love for his younger brother. He feels it in his legs, bouncing to the beat of his homecoming.

_'_ _I need to leave before I do something I know I would regret…'_

He is not going to think about Alphonse, and his endearing smile and bright eyes, and the yawning ache he feels every time he thinks about Al sweet kisses.

_'_ _Just drive away…'_

_'_ _Drive away.'_

Turning the key in the ignition his truck roars to life, but he can't bring himself to shift into drive and pull away. Instead he remains parked, white knuckling the steering wheel and staring ahead into nothing.

"Drive away…" Edward growls at himself, his eyes feeling hot and prickly… _'Leave before more damage can be committed.'_

_'_ _Monster…'_

_'_ _Freak…'_

Edward must be disturbed, something wrong and twisted inside to not want to leave. Despite all the damage that had already been done, he wanted to stay and; _'do what? Cause more harm. '_

Closing his eyes, Edward could feel the phantom press of Alphonse's mouth against his own. He could— could feel the subtle touch of a kiss to his brother's lips, could feel the tease of Al's lips until they open, until he could slip his tongue inside and tangle with Alphonse's lithe, wet muscle. To just breathe him in. To just exist in a sparse moment solely belonging to them.

He could… could almost imagine—

"No." he sobs out, trying to catch his run away mind. This line of thinking is detrimental, and Edward needs to nip it in the butt.

Shifting the gears into drive, he pulls away from the curb without so much a single glance back. His heart aching, and bleeding the entire time.

* * *

 

Unbeknownst to Edward, a pair of wretched hazel-eyes watches him leave through the third story window.

* * *

 

Arriving at Alfons's house took no time at all. By the time Edward enters the door, his anger has barely dissipated. His flesh hand throbs to the beat of his heart, it only adds ire on top of his already terrible mood.

Alfons is in the kitchen. The loud clanking of pots and pans gives him away.

"Is that you, Edward?" He calls out when he hears the front door open and close.

"Y-yeah… It's me." He grouses with an exhalation following, kicking his boots off haphazardly, he shrugs out of his coat before hanging it up in the closet.

"How did it go?" Heiderich asks, coming around the corner from the kitchen, a terrycloth towel hanging from his hands.

Edward shrugs insouciantly, heading for the staircase. He is planning on using the upstairs bathroom to wash his hand and treat the wound without his friend seeing it.

"Ed~ward…"He goads when he receives no answer, "tell me— Shit. Edward? Your hand is bleeding…

Of course Alfons notices something is wrong, his keen eyes ever present.

"It's nothing…" He tries for indifference but only fails and hiss when he realizes his left cheek – fucking – hurts as well.

"Why is your hand bleeding? You've also have bruising on your cheek. What happened? Are you alright?"

Edward didn't even realize (until just a second ago) his face is also wounded. _'Al's back hand must have hurt worse than I recognize. '_

"I got into it with Alphonse." He says as if it's a palpable explanation.

Alfons blinks owlishly and carefully looks away. "Come into the kitchen. Let me clean you up…" he insists, turning and walking back through the arches into the other room.

Edward exhales, there's no reason to try and argue with the taller male; Ed knows his friend would never let it go without an explanation. Begrudgingly, he makes his way into the large kitchen. Alfons must be baking. Pie pans and pie crusts litter the counter-tops. The sweet aroma of cooked cherries filters through the room. It makes Edward mouth water; _'Alfons's pies are the best.'_

_'_ _He only cooks when he's worried or stressed, though.'_ Edward reminds himself astutely _. 'This is somehow my fault…'_ He ponders with guilt cultivating in his stomach as he wanders into the kitchen. Heiderich ambles over seconds later, first-aid kit in hand and a frown still on his face.

"Go wash your hands," Heiderich orders Edward before he turns his attention to the white box on the table.

Edward listens, but not before giving his friend a hard, knowing glance. _'_ _He's obviously upset…'_

Once his hands are clean, and most of the dry blood washed away, Edward returns to the table. Alfons has all the supplies laid out on the surface. Ed see's the bright orange bottle of antiseptic and cringes, knowing this is going to fucking suck.

Alfons is already sitting, another chair is angled towards his with direct intentions for Edward to join him. He glances over shoulder when he hears the water tap shut off and Ed's irregular gait.

"Sit."

And Edward does.

"Give me your hand." Alfons says evenly, looking down towards the table.

Agitation blooms in Ed's chest. "I don't understand why I can't do it myself…" he grumbles, all the while reluctantly raising his flesh hand to the table top.

Alfons glances pointedly over his brow, already starting to assess the damage to Edward's knuckles. "Because we both know, you would've just washed your hands and skipped the antiseptic all together…"

"That shit fucking burns…"

Alfons rolls his eyes indifferently. "As it should. It cleans bacteria and keeps infection away— it shouldn't feel good." Heiderich states tersely while dabbing the - dreaded - antiseptic over the raw skin with a soaked cotton ball.

"Well if it did feel good," Ed pauses to hiss as the burn seeps into his redden knuckles, "I might actually want to use it."

"Delusions… Delusions of grandeur." Alfons lilts, his lips lifting on the edges slightly. Setting down the bloody cotton ball, he reaches for the spool of gauze.

The silence echoes through the room as Edward's hand is coiled in clean bandages. The air light is with the scent of cherry pie cooking in the oven.

"I'm not going to ask what happened…" Alfons says moments later, taping the edges of gauze into place. Edward feels the beginning of humiliation gurgling in his stomach.

"It's not my place to pry nor is it to question…"

Their eyes catch on one another, curious gold on the saddest of blue.

"Is Alphonse alright?"

Edward's world tilts sideways.

"Excuse me?" Edward questions with the fall of his stomach.

"I-it's just…" Alfons hectically bumbles over his words, hand fidgeting putting things away in the first aid kit. "With the amount of damage on your knuckles… I noticed… I just thought…. It c-couldn't have been made by one punch."

Edward opens his mouth before snapping it closed in disbelief. _'Is he asking if I…'_ "Are you insinuating I beat Alphonse and then left him? Rest assure that is not what happened."

A look of utter bewilderment crosses Alfons's face. "No… God no— nothing like that! You would never— I know that…"

Heiderich rubs a hand over his face. "Look, all I'm asking is if you think he's alright? Presumably, he's the one you hit?"

Edward nods, letting his eyes fall to the floor. His cheeks flush with shame, "I only hit him once. The rest of the damage was self-inflicted."

Alfons eyes flicks to Ed's bandaged hand and then to his face, "How about your cheek? Did he—?" Heiderich voice trailed off, gesturing towards Ed's wound on his cheekbone.

"Yeah," Edward's metal hand found his injured cheek. He touches the purple flecked flesh causing a pain breath to escape him. "He definitely gave as much as he got."

"Hmm." Alfons hums before gathering himself to stand. "Do you want me to take a look at it?"

"No. It's just a bruise." Edward replies, absently caressing his injured cheek.

"Well, at least let me get you an ice-pack; otherwise it's going to swell." Heiderich concedes, making his way over towards the refrigerator in the corner of the room.

"I said I'm fine, Alfons." Ed groused doping his hands into his lap.

Opening the freezer, Alfons pulls out a frozen bag of peas, before wrapping it in a terry-cloth rag from the drawer. "And I said, you aren't." Heiderich demands pressing the ice-pack into his injured friend's cheek, before walking away to wash his hands at the sink. Edward grunts at the punitive treatment, but begrudgingly holds the damp cloth to his bruising wound.

Edward recognizes there is a slight section of himself to which he actually wants his face to swell and throb in pain. _'A befitting punishment,'_ he thinks, dragging the damp cloth along his wounded flesh. An annoying pulsation of pain follows in the wake of the cold compress. _'Suitable.'_ He thinks again, tracking his friend's movement in the small kitchen. _'I can only imagine how Alphonse is feeling… I hit him with no regards of my strength. I made him bleed...'_ The metallic taste of it still resides on Edward's tongue. A stolen kiss, to which should never have come to pass.

_'…_ _Disgusting…'_

_'…_ _Monster…'_

A shrill ringing interrupts Edward's backsliding reverie. Edward recognizes almost instantaneously it as a timer for Alfons's baking pies, and his friend silences the noise with a press of a button. The aroma of baked cherries wafts into the air as Heiderich pulls the pie out of the piping oven and places it on a cooling rack next to the stove.

It smells mouthwatering delicious.

In the same motion Heiderich places another uncooked pie into the oven and starts the timer again. Edward watches his friend. _'How many has he already made?_ ' Ed wonders silently with guilt gathering in his stomach as he began counting the pies on the counter-tops.

"What's with the pies?"

Alfons stiffens at Edward's inquiry, his hands pausing in their action of rolling raw pie crust into a flat, circle. "What do you mean?" he replies, thinly resuming his aborted action with vigor.

Edward sighs worryingly while setting the melting bag of peas to the table top. "Don't play coy… Why are you baking?"

"I don't understand what you mean—"

"—Alfons, the only time you bake is when you're seriously stressed out." Edward retorts, pushing away from the table and walking towards the counter the other male is standing at. "Seriously; what gives?"

Heiderich wouldn't look up, wouldn't make eye contact; he just continues on with his task. Seconds later he let out a large exhalation, and sets the rolling-pin aside.

"I told you I wouldn't pry." Alfons admits as he gingerly picks up the rolled-pie crust to place it into an empty pie pan. "So, I'm not going too."

"All this…" Edward motions around kitchen with his metal hands, indicating to all the baked pies littering the counter tops. "…is about my problems with my sibling, isn't it?" Edward deduces with ease.

Alfons scarcely constructed visage crumbles like the pie crust in his hands as his anger manifest itself. "Is it such a hard thing to believe?" He yells with an expletive falling out his mouth at the ruined mess before him. The taller blond throws it into the trash with a little more force than needed. He presses his hands into the counter top and allows his head to fall towards his chest. Taking a deep breath, he visibly calms himself.

"I said I wouldn't ask… I-I-I said I wouldn't pry…" Heiderich admits finally raising his sky-blue eyes to level them with Edward's, "but I need to tell you something."

Edward feels his blood pressure mounting dramatically. "Well… out with it."

Alfons cringes subtly and closes his eyes as he begins to talk. "Do you remember when I went to your house a couple days ago?"

Ed's blond eyebrows strum together in confusion, "Of course I do."

"Well when I was there, Alphonse was in the shower, he didn't know I was in the house."

"Ok~ay…" Edward responses while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"When he wasn't in his room, I kind of went in and stole his hairbrush…" Alfons admits with a cringe.

"Why would you—"

"— I needed it for a DNA test."

"Excuse me?" Ed blinks expressionlessly towards Heiderich.

"I have a friend who works in a genealogical lab downtown, she owed me a favor for feeding her cat when she was out of town." Alfons's words jumble together as he hurriedly spits them out, "That point is mute… what I mean to say is, I asked her to run a DNA test* for me."

"Why would you need—"

"—on you and Alphonse…"

Ice cold comprehension washes over Edward. "Y-you did what?" he scoffs indignantly.

"The results came in today…"

The stony hands of reality grip Edward's stomach and his eyes darken, cheeks flush as though he's holding in his building rage. "Alfons—."

The other male is looking at Ed with such vivid hope shining in his blue, blue eyes. "Edward." Alfons says moving away from the counter to stand in front of his friend. He looks down before flicking his eyes to Ed's reddening face, "You and Alphonse aren't related. Not a single one of you chromosome match."

Edward is at a disbelief. _'It can't be true…'_ He thinks as he rocks rearward into the counters at his back. "I-I-I— that can't… I don't understand." _'That makes no sense.'_ "I have memories of Alphonse childhood and mine. Of my mother holding Al as a tiny baby… her baby… my brother… That can't— cannot be right?"

"What ever happened on the opposite side of the gate, changed Alphonse structurally. It's the only conclusion."

A massive tidal wave of frustration so unlike anything Edward has every felt washes over him, consumes him and seemingly drowns him under the sudden amount of information.

"Let me see it. I need to see the results with my own eyes." Determination surges forward. Knowledge; the key to understanding. Edward needs to see it for himself.

Alfons nods mutely, moving towards a manila envelope (Edward hadn't noticed before) resting on the table. Retrieving it, he hands it over to his friend.

"This is everything, I know." He confesses in a quiet rasp.

Edward rips it out of Heiderich hands.

A stack of papers stapled together resided inside. The pages are full of medical terminology to which Edward couldn't even attempt to decipher through. It was the last page that held the report.

**_'_ ** **_Even though siblings share half their DNA, they can share any number of markers in a DNA test._ ** **_They might match up at all of them or only some._ ** **_More likely, they will match up at some number in between._ **

**_Because these tests look at so few markers, by chance, one sibling might end up sharing only some DNA at the markers tested._ ** **_Or they might not share any DNA at all._ **

**_In the case you provided for us Mr. Heiderich, Subject A and Subject B have no known markers matched._ **

**_'_ ** **_0% DNA matched'_ **

Edward's heart drops to the floor as he reads the last sentence. A solid stone weighed in his stomach.

**_0% DNA matched_ **

**_Zero percent._ **

**_Zero._ **

**_0%._ **

Al and Ed are not related, at least not by blood; or so said this piece of paper.

He couldn't manage to wrap his brain around it. The logic behind it, let alone the realistic factors are broken and flawed at the very least. In no way should this… this… mistake have ever occurred, nor could it exist in all reality... The science held no grounds factually. It all made no sense. _'How could someone be related to one another in a single moment, and then not, in the next?'_

Edward has memories of Alphonse growing alongside him as children. Playing, and bickering like young sibling do occasionally. Memories of playing in father's study and reading old Alchemy texts aloud when Alphonse was too young to read yet. Or later years, when Al would read quietly sitting next to Edward studying in another book.

Of times spent out playing in the yard as mother did the laundry…

Or night spent huddled together under linen sheets, to hide from the raging storms shaking their bedroom window.

So many things, so many memories, so much time… _'Is it a lie? My whole life but a sham? Could the gate really hold that much power?'_

"Edward you need to breathe…"

Heiderich's blurry face came into view, making Edward realize he'd sat down at the kitchen table without noticing.

"I-I-I…" he shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs of improbability from his mind. His hands were still clutching at the genetic report in his hands, shaking from the strain of his grip. Uncurling his fingers he lays the crinkle sheets down onto the surface of the table.

"This isn't… plausible, Alfons." He confesses with confusion clearly in his voice. He raises his eyes from the papers on the table, beseeching his friend for answer he couldn't manage to find himself. "Is my whole life a falsehood?"

Alfons makes a discordant noise in his throat as he kneels down in front his defeated friend. "No, Edward. No. Your life is so much more than that…" he avows with sincerity held in every word. "You gave up something exceedingly important for a chance for Alphonse to live a normal life; for him to start anew. And maybe, just maybe… for your bravery you are being paid in full, for atonement of your selfless sacrifice."

"Th-that's not how it works…"

"Maybe it does…" Heiderich shrugs, dropping his eyes from Edward shining yellow glare before standing and walking away, "The evidence in right before you. How can you deny it?"

Anger swirls into vivid color, "Why do you even care?" Edward shouts out, though he looks slightly shamefaced even as he says it. When Heiderich merely stares at him, Ed sighs and closes his burning eyes.

"I-I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." Raking his hands over his face, Edward drops his head to the surface of the table. Edward hears Alfons moving through the room, but can't bring himself to look towards his friend.

"I know it doesn't feel like it now," Heiderich says seconds later, fiddling with a pie pan on the countertops, "this is going to get better."

"I highly doubt that" Edward grumbles with his face still buried in his arms on the table.

"—just think when you tell Alphonse."

Ed stomach twist at friend's words. _'I haven't even thought of that... Al can't know…'_ He acts upon first instinct and he replies, "I'm not going to."

"What- Why—? He has a right to know, Edward. This involves him as much as it does you."

_'_ _Because I do not deserve him,'_ Edward thinks, lifting his head from his arms. Alfons is staring at him, eyes not blinking as he looks at Ed, puzzled. Something deep within Edward curls up wire-tight and tense. "Because it's fucking wrong—."

"Edward…" Alfons complains before sighing and dropping his chin to his chest in defeat; palms flattened on the counter-top. "—you know what, fine. Be miserable. See how that works out for you…" he announces in a harsh voice, throwing the dish towel in his hands to the sink before walking towards the door.

"He's my brother—"

"No! No he isn't!" Heiderich shouts raising his voice in frustration. "In every sense of the word, he isn't any longer." He demands, taking a step back towards Edward. "You are no longer bound by blood." He implores with such sadness in his eyes and voice, "Why can you see this?"

_'_ _It's too good to be true…'_ "Because it can't be true." The thought didn't even feel complete, but the words for a further explanation escapes him.

"How many times can you deny something, before it becomes the truth Edward?"

Edward's rips his eyes away from Alfons's with an actual physical tearing sensation, swinging down to fix them guiltily on the cold table. His eyes land on the manila envelope.

"Promise me." Ed pleads with his eyes pressing shut. A moment later he opens them looking up towards his irate friend. "Promise me, you won't tell him. He mustn't know."

Something along the lines of disgust and understanding passes behind Alfons's blue gaze. His face softens along the edges as lets out a weary exhale, "Fine I won't; but honestly Edward, how long can you live with yourself, knowing what you know?"

He already knew the answer to such a loaded question. He didn't even have to go looking very far for the outcome. It clung to the very precipice of his consciousness. He wouldn't survive for very long, he would shrivel and die on the inside. He would say nothing to only become a darker shade of jade in his empty world.

The one thing he knew though, without a shadow of doubt, he would persevere. Not for himself; namely for Alphonse, because he deserves so much better in life than his fucked up (not) brother. . .

Edward would endure for Alphonse.

Always and forever.

**To be continued. . .**


	15. Severed Ties

The rest of the day moves in a grey haze. The empty feeling lingers all around the apartment, but alas, a sort of constricting sensation as well; like the wall and ceiling pressing inwards. It's confusing, and Alphonse finds himself wrapped in his brother's bed sheets, simply breathing in the fading scent of Edward's skin.

His bottom lip has long since stopped bleeding; nonetheless the pain is ever present. A throbbing reminder of his brother's abandonment. Alphonse couldn't bring himself to look in the mirror. Not wanting to see the damage molting his flesh in shades of purple and blues. Merely having cleaned his face with a damp cloth and then crawled into Edward bed.

 _'At least,'_ Alphonse thinks wrapping the sheet in tighter around his shoulders _, 'Ed didn't hit me with his metal fist...'_

Therein lied the silver lining to this horrible disaster. Edward could have inflicted tremendous harm by using his metal limb, instead the blond had lashed out with his flesh hand.

 _'It must mean he's still thinking about my wellbeing . . . even in his blinding anger.'_ It's a comforting thought; one to which Alphonse clings to and holds coveted to his chest as the night descends like grains of sands in a time glass. Sleep evades the young man, his face throbbing to the beat of his pulse. The pain stubbornly keeps him awake.

Eventually the ache of his busted mouth becomes too much to grit and bare, and Al gathers himself from his brother's bed (with the sheets still wrapped around his head and shoulders) and stumbles into the kitchen to look for some kind of relief.  
It has long since revolved into darkness outside, leaving the apartment clouded in shadows. He mindfully trudges through the hallway as not to stub his toe in the darkness.

With four Ibuprofen and a sandwich bag full of ice for his mouth, Al heads into the living room. Flicking the television on low, he drops down onto the brown leather sofa with the ice baggy draped across the bottom half of his face. It's instant relief from the stinging pain. Maneuvering onto his side, he gathers the blanket around himself like a protective cocoon and holds the cold baggy to the bottom lip.

Late night television has never been Alphonse's favorite activity. Honestly, watching TV altogether was never his forte, but it's something to listen to in the otherwise quite apartment. The stillness is near deafening, and draws in the walls around Alphonse. It's suffocating and the quiet hum of people talking on the infomercials is pleasant. Almost like someone in the room with him having a private conversation.

It's late and Al's eyes burn and his brain wants to shut down. He just wants to forget about the day, and all the problems along with it. . .

Before he even knows, his eyes are drooping shut and the world is bleeding out.  
This is how he finds himself in the morning. The TV flickering mutedly, his neck in an awful kink and an empty bag of water busted open, soaking his head, neck and chest in tepid water. The couch feels slippery and the sheets tacky, and his mouth throbbing to high-hell.

All in all― it's a miserable feeling.

His alarm clock is screeching from his room. The shrilling sound filling the apartment, signaling it's time to rise and get ready for his eight o'clock class.

 _'Oh, ugh… I feel like crap…'_ Alphonse thinks sitting up with a groan as the damp sheet falls around his lap. Rubbing the heels of his palms into his burning eyes, the screeching sound of the alarm clock grows louder and even more obnoxious by the second.

"Alright, alright I hear you…" Al bemoans, rolling his shoulders as he tries to stretch his sore muscles loose. With another groan falling from his mouth, Alphonse flings the sheet from his body and clumsily rolls off the couch to stand.

His riven lip complains painfully. He needs to take something (and soon) for the pain, but he could already tell his mouth wasn't nearly as swollen as the night before. _'―but hell, it still hurts.'_

Stepping into his room, the screeching alarm clock is even louder. With a press of a button, the sound ceases to a stop and silence ensues.

**_["…best if we live separate lives."]_ **

Edward's voice echo's through Alphonse with the silence following him in the room. The sadness wells up almost frenziedly in his chest, making his heart ache just as much as the physical pain of his smarting mouth. The memory alone of watching Edward walk away is excruciating enough, but it's the words that struck true for the young male.

Alphonse remembers the wretchedness brimming in his brother expression as he turned away from him. Red rimmed lashes and tears catching in his brother's normally hardened golden stare. It hurts. But mostly it's heartbreaking to watch; knowing Edward is deliberately keeping himself at bay.

Alphonse's insides run cold with the memory, plummeting his heart into his stomach.

Al truly, and madly, irrevocably loves his older brother, and there's nothing he can do to make the madness of his love stop. The worst part, a section of himself, wants nothing more to hold onto that love and explore it for all its worth. But he simply can't; Edward has finally pushed him away entirely and turned his back on him, and that's the reason it hurts Alphonses the worst. He wasn't wanted enough in the end, his love wasn't enough to fight for in the end. Edward had simply given up everything . . .

With a shake of his head, Alphonse banishes the thought from his brain. He needs to get ready for class. It starts in an hour. Detrimental thoughts were not proactive, let alone not helping the matter at hand.

It was going have to be put on the backburner.

 _'_ _Finals are in a week,'_ he reminds himself astutely. He needs to focus his attention into important matters.

His education would have to take the front runner in his life. He has no time for idle worries of things that would never come to pass. Edward walked away, and he wasn't coming back. It's past time for Alphonse to move forward. Even if the thought of doing so, hurt worse than any metaphysical wound committed against him.

Alphonse has reached a point of no backward glances. Edward has lain the stone for a path Al would now have to walk down alone. It may have not been his decision, but invariably it has become his outcome.

* * *

Alphonse knew confronting Reese would be difficult, but the moment they make eye contact across the quad at school, Al realize abruptly how difficult explaining himself is going to be. His stomach twists and turns at the heat simmering in those green eyes gazing on his bruised face.

"What happened?" Reese's voice hardens as he approaches and takes in the purple bruises flecking Alphonse's mouth. "D-Did that guy do this to you?" he asks raising his hand to touch Alphonse's split lip, before thinking better of it and lets his fists fall to his sides like heavy weights.

Alphonse couldn't help his flinching. His eyes falling to the ground. "Yes. He's―"

Reese angrily interrupts, both of his large hands coming to rest on Alphonse narrow shoulders. "―you should've let me deal with him."

Alphonse breaths out Reese's name with a shake of his head. "That w-would have just escalated the situation quicker. If you let me explain―"

"―and you getting hurt in the process didn't?" Reese demands, his hands leaving Al's shoulders to cup his thin neck with warming palms, his lengthy thumbs brushing along the smaller male's jaw.

"There was nothing you could do."

"Yes, there was. I-I could've…"

"―what, defended my honor to my own brother?" Alphonse lets out an ill-disposed laugh. He takes a step back, making Reese hands fall from his body. "I don't need a knight-in-shining-armor, Reese. I can defend myself. I've been doing it for years…"

Reese face twist into what appears to be confusion. "W-wait. Back it up there. Your brother?"

Alphonse blond brows strum together. "Yes. Who did you think it was?"

"Y-your boyfriend?" Reese says it like it is the obvious answer.

Alphonse felt manic laughter bubbling in his chest. The irony in that statement alone. _'If only Reese knew…'_ he thinks letting the small caustic smile tug on the corner of his mouth but then thinks better of it as the scab pulls tight, and itches from the strain.

"I already told you, I hold no ties to anyone." _'At least not any longer… that is.'_ Al mind adds on silently with the lie tasting sour on his tongue.

Reese shakes his head and huffs a breath, "I k-know, I just thought―"

"―what? That I was lying to you?" Alphonse speaks suddenly sounding irate.

"No! No, that's not it Alphonse." The taller male pauses to rub the back of his neck while looking off in the distance. "I j-just thought…" His hand drops back to his side and his eyes raise to look back towards Alphonse. "Honestly; I don't know what I thought. All I know is I was worried… am worried for you."

Alphonse anger bleeds from him as he reads the genuine concern in his taller friend's eyes. _'I don't deserve this kindness.'_

Somehow Al finds the will to smile slightly through the weight sitting on his chest. "There's no need. I'm fine."

"… but he hit you, Alphonse."

"And I hit him." Alphonse hisses, his anger gaining momentum again. Taking a deep breath he tries to calm himself down before speaking again. "My brother and I are both at fault here. We let our argument get out of hand. We both said things that are unkind and should have been left unsaid. Frankly, I don't want to talk about it anymore. He's moving out and we are going to live separate life's, and everything will be better from now on.

"So, can we please stop talking about him…?"

Reese face softens as he exhales Alphonse's name with a wet-sigh, "Sounds like you practiced that in the mirror."

"I might have…" Alphonse eludes with a small humorless laugh. Turning around he begins to walk away, at the third step he turns and looks over his shoulder towards his taller friend and asks if he's coming.

Reese smiles widely as it stretches the length of his face. His bright green eyes vivid in the sun light.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming." He announces and jogs to catch up with Alphonse. He weaves his fingers into Alphonse's with no preamble, and smiles affectionately as Alphonse looks towards their joint hands and then up into his friend's brilliant face. He squeezes lightly, accepting the hold before they both continue to walk, hand in hand towards Alphonse's apartment.

It just… it just felt good to be wanted.

* * *

Time flies by in a blink of an eye and before Alphonse knows it, finals are upon them. By the end of the long, and tiring week of never ending testing, Al feels as if he has accomplished something major in his life. With optimism backing him firmly. He knows he's aced all his final projects.

For the first time in the longest time Alphonse feels alive (and dare he say, happy?)

That is until a conversation over the phone with his brother unfolds Edward is moving his things out of their apartment and permanently into Heiderich house by the end of the weekend.

It's the conclusion of the Elric brother living together and it hurts Alphonse, deeply to think of his brother living somewhere without him.

'I am not wanted…'

The night Edward moves out it is utterly heart breaking and totally awkward.

Heiderich comes with Edward and Ed barley speaks to Alphonse, let alone tries to maintain eye contact. It's like they were both strangers to one another, and Edward does everything in his power to ignore the obvious elephant in the room.

Alphonse is overcome with relief when Reese shows up at his door unannounced, with cartons of Al's favorite Chinese food from the hole-in-the-wall restaurant from down the road.

They sit at the kitchen table playing Magic the Gathering while eating, as Ed and Alfons move and clean Edward's bedroom of belongings. The air is full of tension, and sideways glances, everyone dancing around on eggshells and it's disgustingly awful. By the time Edward leaves, Alphonse has drawn within himself to abide the tears which wants to flow freely.

It marks the first night Reese spends the night.

Nothing happens between them; at least nothing sexual. Reese merely senses Alphonse's sorrow, and gathers him in his arms and holds the smaller male till they both fall asleep watching a Bruce Lee movie.

Alphonse never cried and dreams of happier times of his life.

* * *

The process is repeated almost every night for weeks, because it feels right and soon after, Alphonse realizes he's in a sort of semblance of a relationship with Reese. An unspoken promise held fragile between each other.

It wasn't till the fourth week marker of them spending as much free time together as possible that Reese tries to kiss Alphonse. It's innocent, chaste, and all together not undesirable.

It simply feels good to be wanted and not utterly rejected.

Complete and final.

Edward didn't want Alphonse, doesn't even want to be his brother.

He's gone. He's not Alphonse's, never really was to begin with.

And Al is completely unprepared for how numb it leaves him feeling.  
Reese helps and if feels good to be to be sought after, at least by someone, if not by Edward.

* * *

Of course this changes the moment, Reese's and Alphonse relationship dives head first into something more than simple, sweet kisses…

* * *

Teeth drag across Alphonse's pout, coarse and thrilling, before a gentle whisper of lips soothe the sting away, teasing subtle gasp from Al's throat. Alphonse feels almost lightheaded. He reaches out to steady himself, to anchor himself to the taller male's shoulders, drawing him in. A knee press between his legs, giving him a bit of support but also giving him the stimulation where he needs it most. The thigh moves gently, rubbing him exactly the right way to draw heated sounds of pleasure from his lips. The silver stud flicking against Al's tongue adds an extra layer of electricity to the kiss, the fire burning even hotter, and Alphonse chases Reese pierced tongue, feeling it periodically clacking against his teeth.

He thinks he might fall if he doesn't hold on, though they are already mostly on the floor of the living room. Having been playing a heated game of *Mario Kart 8 together before things escalated quickly with deft touches and playful shoves. For a moment Alphonse is worried Reese will try and flip him over and he tenses, but Reese merely keeps kissing him and rutting against him fully clothed.

And it just feels good to be wanted…

Breaking away from the insistent lips of the other male, Alphonse turns his face, gasping in cool air. Reese's mouth follows to the arch of Al's creamy neck, sucking patterns into the flesh and drawing needy cries from the male beneath him.

"Listen to you," Reese groans. He pants, out of breath already. "Y-you want this?"

There is no shame. No restraint, circling Alphonse. Just the gratifying feelings of being wanted.

It's truly exhilarating.

Reese lips descend from his neck, nipping and teasing as he goes. Alphonse arousal is fierce, and throbbing behind the zipper of his pants; the heat he feels is like embers, growing brighter in his stomach with every touch of Reese talented hands and lips. Nimble fingers unbutton the white shirt he's wearing as the taller males hot mouth moves southwards mapping the skin of his chest and stomach as he goes.

"Tell me Alphonse…" Reese murmurs into the flesh of Al's belly, wisps of fiery breath leaving trails of goosebumps in its wake.

"I want to touch you?" he asks in a question, fingers trailing the length of Al's pants as they skim the waist band, teasing with the gentle touch.

Alphonse tips his head down to look at Reese; knowing his cheeks are flushed and eyes bright with want.

"M-must y-you ask, every time?"

Alphonse feels Reese smile more than he actually sees it. Feels the chuckle against his skin, and gasp as Reese's sucks the skin of his exposed hip bone for his cheeky response.

"You know the answer to that question, sweet heart." Reese slyly husks as he tugs the zipper of Al's jeans down. Fingers playing with the slit of his boxers. "Well Alphonse…?" he purrs staring up the length of his boyfriend's body, not moving further until he receives an answer form the slighter male beneath him.

 _'God, his hair is ruined, and his mouth looks completely fucked… I can't look any better…'_ Alphonse thinks while biting his bottom lip and pushing the side of his burning face into the plush carpet, knowing from past experiences with Reese, the taller male would not continue until he has Alphonse expletive consent. With a heart caged in his chest like a sparrow trying to escape, Al nods his consensus. Reese's smile spreads on his plump lips with his hand dipping into Alphonse briefs to grasp the base of Al's cock.

Alphonse is overcome, his entire body engulfed in fire, the flames licking outwards from his crotch and into his stomach. Alphonse's hands finds their way into Reese's already ruined hair, letting them scratch his scalp. Reese groans, his fingers flexing around the engorged length in his hand.

Reese leans his head back down, continuing his trek, passing over Alphonse's abs, a studded tongue tracing the line in the center, past the divot of his belly button, delving down a thin swatch of blond hair, like a sign pointing towards a favorite treat.

Alphonse breath comes out in a swift pants, a gasp leaves his parted, wet lips when Reese's mouth engulfs the head of his erect penis, and the sensation spreads through his stomach and the rest of his body as Reese begins to work him amply through his pleasure.

Al wants to close his eyes, feels that would be the respectable thing to do, but he cannot bring himself to stop watching the pleasing sight of himself sinking into Reese, pink, swollen mouth. Can't stop listening the wet sounds of Reese's lips and throat are making as he's pulled out and then sucked back into the velvety warmth. And that tongue, that fucking wickedly, pierced tongue dipping into his slit…

Their relationship is still such a revelation to Alphonse. _'It just feels so… so good to be wanted for being me…'_

His chest feels both tight and loose, like his insides are floating but trapped in the cage of his ribs. He feels his heart beating faster and harder with Reese's movements, and it only increases with ever wet-stroke of his flesh.

That is until, a wandering hand dips around his waist and a dry finger drags across his puckered entrance. It's like the cold hands of reality grips Alphonse's spine, and sends a jolt of panic surging through his system.

 _'_ _No…'_

"S-stop!" He cries out, lurching himself away from Reese's touches and into the wall at his back. "I-I-I can't…" Alphonse manages to blurt out through anxiety clawing his insides raw. A mantra of, _'wrong, wrong, wrong,'_ playing in the back of Al's head.

Reese features twist into confusion, his green eyes widen with shock with a slight affronted gleam in them as if he done something terribly wrong. That is until he takes in Al's quaking form and his wide, scared eyes and he just knows; this isn't his fault. Alphonse is dealing with an inner demon.

"Al. Sweet heart," He expresses with only concern lining his smooth voice. The mood is entirely gone now as he gathers the shivering boy into his arms. Tucking his head under his chin and just merely rocking him. "It's alright I have you…"

After a few moments of merely rocking together and soft hands stroking Al's back; Alphonse feels the chaos calming down inside himself and he can manage to breathe again.

Lifting his head from Reese's shoulder, he feels an amber blush coming over his cheeks. Somehow in the pandemonium of his nervous breakdown, Reese has accomplished moving Alphonse to straddle his lap. It's a little disorienting to realize how out of control he's is not to notice being maneuvered in such a way.

"I-I am so sorry." He groans in embarrassment, not looking towards Reese. "I don't know what came over me."

"Alphonse, you don't have to―"

"Yes, I do. I am mortified." He blurts out, finally looking Reese in his green-grassy eyes.

"Well you shouldn't be." He smiles gathering Alphonse hands into his larger ones to bring them in for a warming kiss. "I understand…" Alphonse face grows hotter at the sweet touch of Reese's mouth on his fingers. It such an innocent movement, with so much emotion backing it. It fills Al's heart with such warmth.

_'–it feels so good to be wanted.'_

* * *

It's not until the fifth week after Edward moves out that Alphonse sees his brother, it's only for a brief moment through the apartment window. Heiderich had dropped off a manila envelope full of personal information of Alphonse's, (birth certificate, social security card, medical insurance) as Edward apparently waits in the car for his friend.

When Heiderich finally leaves, Alphonse moved towards the window and through the large gap separating them, Edward and Al made eye contact.

Alphonse heart sunk lowly towards his toes with something aching deep in his chest. Unexpectedly he couldn't breathe and his legs felt strange and he found himself sinking to the floor, just sitting there and trying to breath, not hyperventilate, but even that was too much for him. He ended up laying down next to the window, wet lashes and not able to catch his breath.

It turns ugly rather quickly.

Rapid thoughts of degradation.

_'Brother doesn't even want to see me…'_

_'I'm not good enough…'_

_'Not wanted…'_

_'Whore…'_

_'Slut…'_

Alphonse is completely unprepared for how fucking devastating his thoughts are and how much they tear through him. Leaving a hollowness in the center of his being.

He tries to tell himself this time… this time, will be last time he'd cry over Edward, but he knows deep down in the center of all his sorrow, pooling into one giant cesspool of agony, this time wouldn't be the last time.

Anything but far from it.

* * *

A month rolls by without anything eventful happening, except for Alphonse getting a job at the local pharmacy. His days are spent spilt working during the afternoons and hanging out with Reese in the evenings.

Little by little, the pain of Edward leaving starts to dissipate. The feeling of betrayal isn't totally gone. More along the lines of a scar beginning to fade from time and distance. The house feels a little less empty, the nights are little less painful, and his days are beginning to have color and vibrancy again. He feels as if he could smile without leaving his chest feeling empty and hollow. Truly laugh without feeling gaunt with depression.

It's freeing knowing he's finally committing to move on.

There is no guilt in his new relationship― which is wonderfully freeing.

There is no shame, or feelings of being not good enough.

There is just Reese, and his kind smiles and soft touches. Words of commitment and pledges of fidelity. And its awe inspiring to Alphonse, never knowing the true touch of a lover, except for what he'd felt at his brother hands.

And he now realizes his time with Edward was never real in the first place. -Or that's what he likes to tell himself to get through the pain.-

It's hard not to compare the two.

―Reese to Edward.―

―Edward to Reese.―

They are like two opposite sides of the same coin. There is no comparing them, with Edward's harden exposure and Reese kind and soft ways he goes about everything. It's nearly impossible; but it doesn't mean Alphonse never does.

He tries not to do unnecessary harmful things as such; thinking back on the separation only drudges up preventable pain.

Besides, Reese is moving his stuff over into Alphonse's apartment from his dorm and surly it's unprecedented to think about such things on the day of such importance. It may seem like they are rushing into things; only being in a real relationship for a month or two but Reese needs a place to go and it's only logical.

Reese is graduating this year and moving onto his residence at the local hospital, and his dorm lease is up. He's in need of a place to stay for a while.

And Alphonse, well, he lives in a two bedroom apartment with a vacant room. Technically, it wouldn't hurt to have someone else helping with paying rent.

Since Edward's desertion Alphonse realizes how hard it is to makes ends-meet working on a crappy-low waged job and living alone while having to pay for everything out of your own pocket. Alphonse couldn't wait to graduate, and he could apply for an internship at the pharmaceutical labs.

It's a fanatical distance future, he still had another year of college to get through. The drug store clerk position is just going have to be good enough to abide him for a little longer―.

"Alphonse?" A voice startles him out of his reverie. He berates himself for letting his mind wander at work as he stocks the shelves of Aspirin. He turns to look over his shoulder and Mr. Goldenberg, the older gentleman who runs the store is standing behind him.

Putting down the white box of pills he'd been holding, Alphonse turns to face his employer.

"Yes, Mr. Goldenberg?" he says with a cheery smile.

Mr. Goldenberg is a tall man, he towers of Alphonse but his stature was anything but non-threaten. He is a very kind older man. Round glasses framed his jovial face.

"I just wanted to take a moment to talk with you. I was just in my office and realized you still haven't turned in your social security card. I was wondering, if you could be a dear, and bring it in the next time you come in for a shift. I need to send it out to HR department."

"Oh, I hadn't realized I hadn't brought it. I'm sorry Mr. Goldenberg. I open tomorrow, so I'll bring it then."

"Alright my boy. That sounds just fine." he declares with a smile, hidden by his white, woolly mustache before retreating off the isle Alphonse's working on.

With a deep sigh, Alphonse continues unloading the box of supplies to the correct locations. In less than an hour his shift ends, and he couldn't wait to get home to see if Reese had already started to bring his stuff over from his dorm room.

* * *

Walking into his apartment, Alphonse knew instantly Reese had already started moving in. Boxes and boxes of stuff litters the living room.

"Al, is that you?" Reese's voice calls out from the back of the apartment.

"Yeah…" Al hollers back, taking off his jacket and hanging it in the closest, before kicking off his sneakers and making his way towards the hallway. Reese came around the corner before he could even reach his destination and Alphonse is swept into a passionate, sweet kiss.

It makes a giggle escape Al at Reese's insisting mouth… he turns his cheeks and laughs as Reese attacks his neck in little nips and bites.

"S-stop… I stink from working all day." Alphonse playfully complains, trying faintly to push his boyfriend's wandering hands. To no prevail, Reese continues with his assault, before blowing a raspberry to the arch of the shorter male's neck.

"You're no fun!" Reese jests, pulling away from Alphonse's half attempts to get way.

"No, I'm just a mess and would like to clean up before I am assaulted by the likes of you." Al chides with no real scorn in his voice as he swats softly at Reese's shoulder. He leans up on the balls of his feet to plant a chaste kiss on the taller male lips.

Making his way down the hallway, he calls over his shoulder as to how Reese unpacking is going.

Reese replies, "bo~ring, but things seems to be making a triumph return now that you're home."

This makes Alphonse laugh as he enters his room and closes his bedroom door to undress. Pulling off his white uniform shirt, he sets about his room to prepare for a bath, when he abruptly remembers he supposed to get his social security card ready to bring into work tomorrow.

The manila envelope Heiderich brought over with all Alphonses important information sits forgotten on his desk. Deftly he grabs the folder, and opens it. Flipping through all the information, Alphonse locates the blue card, tucked in the back of the papers. He's about to close the folder when something catches his eye. A single white piece of paper in the very back folded in half, with his name scrawled on it in bold-red ink.

**_Alphonse_ **

Taking a moment he just stares at it. Cautiously, he reaches for it and unfolds it and begins to read.

_'Even though siblings share half their DNA, they can share any number of markers in a DNA test. They might match up at all of them or only some. More likely, they will match up at some number in between._

_Because these test look at so few markers, by chance, one sibling might end up sharing only some DNA at the markers tested. Or they might not share any DNA at all. Meaning they aren't blood related._

_In the case you provided for us Mr. Heiderich, Subject A and Subject B have no known markers matched.'_

_'0% DNA match'_

Alphonse blinks at the paper, not truly understand what he just read, or understanding how it found its way into the envelope in the first place.

A knock at his bedroom door interrupts his thoughts. "Al…" Reese's voice echoes through the wood.

Alphonse hurriedly folds the paper back and shoves it into the manila folder and places it back on his desk. "Y-yeah?" he replies with a tremble to his voice.

Reese must not hear it because he doesn't ask, instead he says, "What do you want to do for dinner? I'm famished."

Alphonse swallows the lump gathering in his throat. "I-I uh… I don't know… you choose tonight." He finally manages to mumble out, still staring at the folder on his desk. His stomach is tied in knots, he suddenly isn't hungry.

"Okay, I'll go pick up some Thia food. I'll be back in a little bit." He volunteers through the closed door, and Alphonse is overcome with relief the door is firmly closed. He knew the panic he is feeling is etched all over his face.

"O-okay. See you in a few."

Alphonse could hear Reese feet retreating from his bedroom, down the hallway and out the front door.

He waits a few beats before he tore back into the folder to rereads the words on the single piece of paper.

_'In the case you provided for us Mr. Heiderich, Subject A and Subject B have no known markers matched.'_

_'0% DNA matched.'_

Those words sends chills racing down his spine. _'What does this mean?'_ Alphonse questions silently, _'what in the hell did this mean?'_


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cut you off but you're still here  
> You're like a whisper in my ear  
> You start soft but you're getting louder  
> -One Ok Rock, Bedroom Warfare.

**6 A.M  
** **(Day One: Retrograde Spinning.)**

The reality of Alphonse's departure from Edward's world slowly but steadily sinks in.

Edward knows he'd been the one to make the decision to move out of the apartment he shared with Alphonse. He made that decision knowing it's in Alphonse's best interest.

Edward hadn't understood at the time, how bad the separation would cut him. And it did, it sliced him bone deep, leaving him in a bloody mess. It hurt. It hurt – fucking – terribly. Life without Alphonse's bright smile to fill in the darkness of day-to-day monotony…

–The alarm clock on Edward's nightstand blares to life. The easy talking of early morning radio filters into the dim bedroom. Despite all of this, Ed's already awake laying in bed staring blankly up towards the white ceiling tiles with unseeing eyes.

A vast and empty sea circles from every side of his life. Wave after wave of panic, insecurity, and shame lap at the rickety raft of lucidity. The only thing keeping him a float on an ocean of garbage.

A begrudging sigh falls moments later with the rumpled blond sitting up and slapping blindly at his radio-clock. He silences it on the third try. The white sheets pool around his body as he peers down towards his mismatched hands resting in his lap.

The house creaks in the early morning hours. The smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen down stairs. Every sign of the day starting anew, and Edward finds himself struggling to manifest the drive to get out of bed.

He is lacking energy.

A restless night of tossing and turning. He couldn't still his mind long enough to fall asleep.

(It's an endless cycle.

Worrying, and longing. Anger to Sadness. Apathetic, too conscientious, and back to worrying again.

Endless.)

Looking around his new room, boxes stack upon boxes litter the floor. His minuscule life thrown into a couple cardboard boxes. Edward cannot bring himself to unpack. It would mean the beginning of the end of his life with Alphonse. And it hurt too much to drive the final nail into the coffin.

Throwing the covers from his bare legs, Edward swings them sluggishly off the bed. His metal knee groans and grinds against itself.

_'It's time for maintenance…'_ He thinks looking towards his limb. The auto-mail shines in the low light of dim room. He runs his fingers over the large scar connecting to the cold lifeless metal along his thigh. _'It's an ugly transition from life to element…'_

A hard knock on Ed's door stops his downward thoughts.

"Ed, you up yet?" Alfons speaks through the wood separating them.

"Y-yeah… I'll be down in a few." Ed grouses out, the sleep still hanging from his words.

"Coffee's on the stove." Alfons acknowledges through the door, "I'm going into work early." There's a pause before he continues, "I'll be back later tonight."

There's underlying concern in Alfons' voice, Edward can clearly hear it. He will not acknowledge it, merely grumbles his reply and listens to his friend's foot step fade away down the hallway.

Edward has been living like a ghost ever since leaving his old apartment. Floating inattentively throughout his days and restless nights.

A mindless drone set on autopilot.

It's slowly killing him.

> ~~_'Subject A and Subject B have no known markers matched.'_ ~~
> 
> ~~_'0% DNA matched.'_ ~~

Thinking about the genetic test results sends chills racing down his spine. A fleeting shot of adrenaline, awakening emotions lying dormant from constant numbness.

Alphonse and Edward are no longer related. There is no correlation between them. It should make everything that much easier to move on with. It should be a revelation. A simple action of getting on with life.

Truly, it complicates everything further.

Edward's feeling towards his brother are considered no longer _'taboo'_ or _'incestuous.'_

It's merely classified as _'love.'_

Edward has been looking at everything he could find on the subject; arguments about the morality, social taboo, the need to dominate one sibling over the other, inequalities in the power struggle and he simply could not find anything to which supports the choices they had made together.

Even now, knowing they aren't related; a fluttering sort of hope beings to sprout. Edward knowingly crushes it before the feeling could sprout wings. _'It's never going to happen…'_ he reminds himself sternly, pushing the feeling away with the numbness settling back it.

It's easier this way. Not feeling anything.

"It's time for oil maintenance…" he says out loud to no one, standing to gather the supplies for the job. Forcing his mind to stop thinking about his problems.

These are the times he misses Winry the most. Her kind smile and rough words. _'She would know how to get everything back on track…'_

...but she wasn't here.

She was worlds and a dimension away. It's irrelevant to think of her and a home Edward given up permanently. It's like his missing limbs taken from him. A sacrifice for the better good. Or better yet, the longing he felt for his younger brother love and attention. A defilement of Al's trust and faith.

Yes, a sacrifice. The only kind to cleanse the slate. To let Alphonse go, to grow into what Ed has always known Al to be capable of.

_'It's easier this way…'_

_'It's for the best…'_

_'It's never going to happen…'_

_'It should have never happened...'_

_'Give up.'_

_'Let go.'_

_'Move. on...'_

* * *

**6:30 pm**   
**(Day 29: One step forward.)**

Life moves forward. Day after day it rolls onward. Even when Edward doesn't want time to move; it does.

The pain of letting Alphonse go fades in tiny increments. Slowly it lessens into background static of daily life. The pain is still there. Yes, the wound is still healing, but Edward is no longer bleeding out from his aching heart. Stitch after stitch, he's healing.

The ache of missing his brother will never cease, though. This he knows with every fiber of his being.

The Elric siblings occasionally talk over the phone. Stiff conversation of mundane life, (things they would already know, if they still lived together.) It's the only real joy Ed allows himself to have. Even knowing it's a sad and pathetic, taking joy from their shared barely-there, dialogue. Two grown men dancing around the only real conversation they both wanted to have.

Edward will never lay that shame at Alphonse's front door again.

It's the bottom line.

Al and Ed hold no blood ties, and that was something Edward would go to his grave with. Alphonse did not need the unnecessarily information. It would only have complicated this further.

Heiderich is a great help, always trying to ease the memory of Alphonse. Constantly finding things for them to do together, to take Edward's mind off the subject.

It's helpful, but it couldn't help prevent the hollowness growing in Ed's stomach. Edward loves Alphonse more than anything in this world. It's like he's dying a hundred times trying to rid himself of these emotions. It's sickening, and Edward needs to quit this mopey-shit-routine.

The urge to kick himself in his own ass surges rapidly up.

Edward feels like a penny rolling up the walls. His thoughts breaking gravity to sneak back into his mind. It's tiring trying to keep his troubles from his thoughts.

An irrational, back-and-forth argument with himself.

"I need to stop this…" he mumbled out sternly to himself. _'It's getting ridiculous.'_

He desperately needs to occupy his mind elsewhere. Into less tepid waters.

Edward decides to unpack his room from the cardboard boxes he's been living out of. The finalization of his previous life. It's hard, not surprisingly so, not to think of his life with Alphonse while unpacking. When all the evidence of their shared life rest in his hands.

When he opens the box full of papers and files, he starts sorting through it, and it's nearly impossible to not think of Alphonse. Not with his all his personal information in his hands.

"Damn…" _'He's going to need these things; I can't keep them.'_

It means they're gonna need to meet face to face. And this thought sends trouble sinking into Ed's core. Just the mere implication of seeing Alphonse makes him instantly hot, like heat simmering under skin. He can't bring himself to go, so near the actual break.

It's still too soon.

The feelings of lust and platonic-love are still too blurred. Two colors swirling together to make a new shade of amber betrayal.

A light knock interrupts his racing thoughts, Heiderich appears around the ajar door. "Hey, I just thought of something…" he starts to say until he takes in Edward and the black clouds rolling above his head.

"…I-is everything alright?" Alfons queries, glancing down towards the papers in his friend's hands and then back towards Ed's disgruntled expression.

"Yes." Ed growls out, before his frown deepens and he slams the papers down onto his desk and stalks off. "No… Fuck! No, I'm not alright!" He snarls, running his hands over his face with aggravated force, before dropping them to his sides.

Alfons steps into the room, worry evident on his face. He'd been under the notion Edward was feeling better, firm in his decision to move out of his apartment and expurgate Alphonse from his life.

"Okay…" Alfons murmers, making his way over to where his friend is standing. "Why don't you explain to me what's going on," He says with a gleam in his eyes, "Maybe with a little less cursing."

Edward's face scrunches into a scowl as he gestures towards his desk. "Those -fucking- papers need to go to Alphonse." He grumbles out and flops down onto his unmade bed.

Alfons tracks what Ed is talking about. Moving towards the table, the taller male picks up the scattered papers. Reading them over, Heiderich arches a skeptical eyebrow, "That's all?"

Edward surges to his feet, "I can't see him yet, Heiderich." Ed blurts out, his anger and fear evident on his face and in his voice. "I-I'm not ready…"

Alfons finds himself sighing and dropping the stack of papers back to the desk. "I thought you said Alphonse and yourself were back on speaking terms."

Edward looks disgruntled for a moment, slipping his hands into the front pockets of his pants. "We are," He admits whilst adding, "-But only over the phone and bi-weekly at the most. And nothing ever of true standing."

Heiderich has a face-to-palm moment, "Are you seriously telling me..." Alfons pauses mid sentence, deciding not to throw anymore fuel on the already burning fire, "You know what? It doesn't matter," He says bringing his hands up between them as if surrendering his thoughts.

"The only thing that does matter, is the fact Alphonse definitely needs his personal information." Gathering up all the papers on Edward's desk, Alfons flippantly turns his head to gaze at his friend from over his shoulder. "I'll drop them off to Alphonse-" he says easily, turning towards Edward with papers in hand.

"You will?" the question escapes Ed's mouth.

"- but you're coming with me."

Edward dead pans his friend with a flat glare. "No."

"Look, you don't have to go up into the apartment with me." Alfons says with an underlining humor in his words. "Stay in the car. Read a book. Listen to sad post-love songs. Or don't. It really doesn't matter, but you are coming with me," Alfons affirms with a devil-may-care attitude.

Edward's scowl deepens, "What you up to?"

Alfons merely smiles wider, and shrugged with indifference. "Nothing," He eludes, making his way out of Ed's bedroom.

"Heiderich." Ed calls out towards his friend, who is already escaping down the hallway. "Alfons… stop. Come back here. I'm not finished..."

The taller man is no where to be seen by the time Ed reaches his open bedroom door. With a begrudging sigh, Ed returns to the center of his room, cluttered with half filled boxes and belongings strewn around different surfaces.

With another long sigh, Edward sets back to work, organizing his untidy life.

* * *

(Unbeknownst to a certain blond haired, yellow eyed male, an unquestionably important piece of paper has gone missing from his desk.

The results of the Elric brother's DNA test.)

* * *

**10:30 pm**   
**(Day 50: Two steps forward.)**

Edward could still see Alphonse's haunted expression staring at him through the apartment window. The memory is strong, and it twists Ed's stomach into knots.

Staring down into his ale sitting on the bar in front of him, Edward knows his dark thoughts are detrimental to his happiness. He seemly can't bring them to halt.

From one glance, one -single- glance across a large gulf of space, Edward knew without a doubt, he'd broken Alphonse's vibrant spirit…

_'I ruined him.'_

"You look like you're pondering some serious thoughts, mon ami." A warm French accent lilted from Edwards left. Glancing towards the sound, Edward is greeted by a blonde with a bright smile. She's a tiny little thing, not even coming to Ed's shoulder as he sits on the rickety bar stool as she stands.

Clenching his jaw with a grunt coming as an uninviting deterrent. He wraps his metal hand around the cold glass, rising it to his lips he pulls the dark, rich liquid into his mouth.

"The name's Addie." she announces, switching the folded up twenty dollar bill she has in her right hand to her left, before she's reaching out in greetings.

Edward stares at the dainty appendage offered to him; her thin fingers with dark lacquer nails. Finally, he reaches out with his flesh hand, and gives her a tight squeeze.

"Edward." He murmurs, pulling his hand out of her surprisingly strong hold.

A small smile tugs along her face as she takes the stool next to his. "So, Edward. What do you do for a living?" She asks, strumming the bar-top with her thumbs.

Either subconsciously or not, this woman's trying to make small talk with Ed. It's obviously transparent. Edwards eyes track her movements. A silver band wraps around one of her thumbs, offsetting the tempo of her tapping.

"Construction," he answers, throwing caution to the wind and taking another large gulp before speaking. "And yourself?"

Addie smiles and tucks her head down demurely, her long blonde hair slips over her shoulder with her subtle movement. "I'm still in college. I work a crappy-low-wage job at a retail store. Nothing too special." She hums as she leans towards the bar, trying to flag down the barkeep.

"What are you studying?" The question is out before Edward realizes what he's doing.

Addie looks over her shoulder towards him giving him a hard stare before finally answering, "I'm majoring in Chemistry, but I'm thinking of switching over to Botany," She explains as the bartender finally comes to fill a large glass of lite beer.

"The compounds of plants has always intrigued me. Did you know the term 'botany' comes from the Ancient Greek word _'βοτάνη'_ meaning _'pasture'_ , _'grass'_ , or _'fodder'_? _'βοτάνη'_ is in turn derived from boskein, meaning; to _'feed'_ or _'to graze'_.

Edward furls his brows at the abruptly given information. "I do now," he sarcastically states, with a hidden innuendo of playfulness, to which honestly surprises him. He doesn't let it show on his face, instead lifts his glass to his mouth, finishing off the last of his beer.

A look of mortification washes over Addie's face. "Oh god, I'm rambling aren't I?" She rushes to say, a light red blush dusting her cheeks and ears. "I'm sorry, m-my friends are always telling me, I give out way too much information to people I first meet. Kinda involuntary… I guess." She shrugs while looking down into her drink.

Ed is taken aback by the randomness of this strange encounter with this oddly enduring woman. A smile tugs on the corner of his lips. Daring to disperse into something more.

"The Sun, it's just a mass of hydrogen… Get too close to it and all you do is burn."

Her ears perk as she speaks, "Icarus. The boy who flew too close to the sun." Shaking her head, a little laugh escapes her, "A tragic theme of failure. I get the feeling you're making fun of me," She chortled while rising her glass to her lips for a sip.

The contagious smile spreads into a smirk, and before Edward realizes he's letting out quiet chuckle. "If the _'wings'_ fit..." he gibes, shrugging indifferently towards the blonde woman.

Addie scoffs ever, so, playfully, and their conversation continues well into the night.

* * *

By last call, Edward knows Addie's full name (Madeline A. Lefebvre), where her family originates from (France), Both her parent's names (Sherri and Frank Lefebvre), her two dog's names and breed (Winston and Murrie who are both Shih Tzus),The girls favorite colors, (It's a draw between green and yellow), her hobbies, (botany and reading), and of course what she is studying to become, (a chemist).

Walking out the building together, there aren't many people left in the parking lot. Most of them having left earlier in the night. Only the drunk and desperate linger at the closing bar.

Surprisingly, Edward isn't drunk. Tired, but not drunk. The late night air is cold and nipping through his thin jacket. Tucking his hands into his pocket, the cold metal of his truck keys touches his flesh hand.

"Well, Edward," Addie's chirps while jutting her hand out to be shook, "...It's been lovely speaking with you."

Edward looks at the girl's petite hand hovering in the air between them, before following the arm towards the owners face. Her brown eyes shining bright with hope. Taking his hand out of his pocket, he squeezed hers softly in his metal grip.

"Likewise," he replies, dropping his hold from her own and back into his jacket pocket.

He starts to head in the direction of his truck, but is stopped by Addie's fair hand.

"Edward," she murmurs in a small voice, her fingers uncurling from Ed's coat. He turns his attention towards her. She seems uncomfortable, squirming under Edward's stare.

"I-I just..." Addie stutters, clearing her throat before continuing, "D-do you… I-I mean to say is… merde, Je lâche tout cela " She frowns, a little disgruntled, but in a total adorable way as she slips into quick French.

"Let me start over," she breaths out, shaking her head slightly with an annoyed smile spilling onto her face. "Could I, by chance, get your phone number?"

Edward's brow dips in confusion. "I-I, sure. Sure I guess, that would be fine."

Addie's smile spreads over her mouth and into her eyes. She breathes out heavily again, and a plum of hot air rushes into the night sky. "Awesome," she announces, slipping her cell phone from her jacket pocket. Her fingers hover over the screen, and her expecting eyes turn back towards Ed.

"Well… aren't you going to get your cellphone out?"

"I don't have one." Edward states flatly.

Her eyes turn round like saucers, "W-wait what? You don't have a cellular phone?"

"Is that going to be a problem?"

"N-no. It's just surprising. Most people this day and age own some sort of portable device, I was just assuming..."

"...I guess I'm not most people."

"It would appear so." Addie says with an easy smile. "You do have a house phone, right?"

Edward huffs a laugh, "yeah. Yeah I do. Do you still want it?"

She smiles, and the light from her phone screen illuminates her straight white teeth. "If you still don't mind."

Edward rattles off the number as she taps it into her phone. Placing it back into her pocket, she draws out a pen.

"Let me see your arm?" She questions clicking the pen open and steps into Ed's personal space. Edward could smell the cherry's scent of her shampoo and alcohol on her breath as Addie wiggles closer to tug his hand from his jacket pocket. Luckily, it's isn't his metal arm she grabs, but his flesh one. Pushing up the sleeve of his jacket, her cold fingers sets goose bumps racing up and down his limbs. With precision, she writes her name and number onto his skin, with a simple heart floating next to the letters of her name.

"There," she says looking upwards into his eyes. "Now you have my number as well."

"Yeah..." he mumbles, looking down towards the bright blue ink etched into his forearm, before tugging down the sleeve of his coat.

Addie laughs, clear and sharp as she tucks her blonde hair behind her left ear. "Well, thank you Edward. It been a pleasure getting to know you."

"Same to you." Edward's surprised by his words, and the fact is, deep down, he truly is happy he'd got to know this oddly endearing woman.

Addie smiles and starts to head in the opposite direction of the parking lot. "I'll give you a call sometime soon." she hollers over her shoulder as she reaches the bar's door.

Edward smirks, and gives his head a sharp nod, then she's gone and he's left standing under a flickering street light. Shoving both hands into his jacket pockets, Ed head towards his pick up truck.

Hope is a strong feeling. It's a powerful aspiration.

And at this point, all he could do was hold on and hope for the best. Hope for Alphonse's well being, hope they could overcome what their relationship had turned into. Hope to surmount these feelings of incestuous inclination.

Edward never has been particularity good with hope. Somehow, someway, it always finds a way to screw him over in the end.

* * *

**Days 85: A moments breath.**

Another week passes without much of a change. Then another week comes and goes, this time with a phone call from Addie. They schedule a meet up, this time not at a bar. They end up going to the cinema and catching a burger after. It's a nice. Mundane. Everything Edward needs in his life. Normalcy.

Life moves along. Day in and day out, Edward trudges forward, wading through the universe's scraps being tossed at him.

His friendship with Alfons, and the sudden occurrence of Addie in his life, is truly and honestly what keeps Edward going. Of course he still speaks with Alphonse over the telephone, but not nearly as often as he truly wants. They keep it to one call, per-week.

It's the only life line Edward has into Alphonse's existence. It's merely a glimpse into his brother's world, that he dearly misses being a part of.

This is how he discovers Reese has moved into Alphonse's apartment. Into Edward's old room.

To say he isn't livid would be like cutting his own hand off, and saying he could still punch someone in the face.

Edward is exhaustively infuriated.

The moment he hears those six, little-vile words, "Reese is moving in with me..." Ed wants to rip into that snot nose, weasel of a man. There is something about Reese that has always rubbed Edward the wrong way. He's never been able to put his finger on a reason, but Ed's gut instinct screams something is direly not consistent about Reese.

There's nothing Edward can do. Alphonse has made his decision. So Ed is forced to sit on his idle hands, watching as a snake slips belly first into his home, into his (rightful) place, into Alphonse's world.

It's heart breaking. And there is nothing Edward could do.

He's truly and utterly powerless to stop it.

* * *

**11:30 P.M**   
**Day 112: Two giant steps back.**

Alphonse abruptly stops calling Edward.

It starts with less frequent calls. Short brisk conversation of nothing important.

Then Alphonse's stops calling all together.

Edward tries multiple times to reach out to Al, but every time he's left to talk to the answering machine.

_'Hi this is Alphonse, and Reese! Were not home...'_

Edward scrapes his memory, trying to figure out why Alphonse would be actively ignoring him. But he comes back with empty hands. There is no obvious reason for Al's retreat.

Eventually, as time passes Ed reluctantly gives up. Chalking it up to Al's recently discovered happiness; and not to the fact Alphonse is lividly pissed at Edward for some unknown reason.

No matter how hard Ed struggles though, there is a large part of him that longs to just sit and listen to his brother speak. To feel his warm body next to his own, to kiss him and tell him stupid jokes. There's something vacillated in his heart, something which goes back and forth between wanting to be cautious and just wanting Alphonse for himself.

At the very least he misses listening to him breathe. Existing in the same room, or merely being with him across the phone lines. It feels like a slap to the face, being shut completely out of the younger Elric's life entirely.

_'A suiting punishment for the pain I've wrought.'_ Edward thinks sullenly.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Addie announces, interrupting the quietness of the truck as Edward thoughts dip into the dark curves of his mind.

Honest curiosity floods her root-beer colored eyes.

Edward glances over at her, checking her mouth for a smile he could hear in her voice. It's there, a subtle wise-to smirk lifting the edges of her lips.

Returning his attention back to driving, "Just thinking..." he says, maneuvering the truck into an empty parking space and shutting the engine off.

Addie hums thoughtfully in her throat, "Thinking of what?" she questions tactfully, resting her head against the truck's headrest to look fully at Ed's profile.

Edward's silence rewards him with a sigh from the woman sitting next to him.

"Y-you...always," Addie pauses, tasting her words before speaking them. Rising her head from the cushion before continuing, "You always look..." Edward's attention slips towards Addie, causing her to pause again, a sweet smile spreads from her lips and into her kind brown eyes. "You always look so sad, when your _'Just thinking.'_ "

She leans a little forward, unbuckling her seat belt along the way. "You know, Edward, you can always talk to me…" She whispers, looking over her brow as she speaks lowly. Her delicate hand reaches across the empty space between them and traces the edges of Ed's bare hand resting on the steering column.

It was meant to be a reassuring gesture. Edward feels only guilt climbing up the back of his throat. Somewhere in Edward he knows he's using Addie as a crutch to dull the exasperating emotion he still harping over for Alphonse.

It's not a kind thing to do, leading on this perfectly respectable person, who genuinely feels something for him. It's so fucking obvious that it wounds him, but he can't bring himself to stop. He couldn't. He needs the reassurance of someone actually wanting him. Craves the normalcy of a simple relationship. Something, anything proving he isn't corrupt and wrong.

Edward lets Addie's thin finger slip through his, sliding their palms together. He gives hers a tight squeeze. "I know," He reassures, even feeling the way he does. "I-I'm okay..." he barefacedly lies.

Addie's lips purse, the only outer sign of irritation.

_'How much longer can she take of this? When will she walk away?'_

Taking her hand out of Edward's, she lifts it and caresses his cheek in an affectionate way. "When you're ready," She says, looking directly into Ed's eyes, "I'm here waiting."

_Guilt._

_Guilt. Guilt._

_Guilt. Guilt. Guilt._

Edward's remorse piles into a mountain. Higher, higher, higher, up it goes…

He nods even when his insides curl with self loathing. "Come on, Alfons has to be waiting for us by now," He deflects, getting out of the truck before Addie has the chance to answer.

They walk hand and hand into the club, even as an awkwardness surrounds them. Edward feels it in the air with every breath. It's awful.

They manage to track down Heiderich, and his date Rosé Thomas. A petite olive skinned, brunette. Rosé and Alfons work together, but in separate departments at the labs. All of Heiderich's friends are gathering to celebrate Alfons's twenty-sixth birthday. It's meant to be a joyous occasion. Ed doesn't feel like celebrating, but for his best friend, he'd do anything.

"Edward!" Alfons calls out, his long arm darting high above his head as a beacon. He's sitting off towards the back of the room with a crowd of people surrounding him. The table is far enough away from the dance floor and speakers so they could still mingle and chat among one another.

"Oh, there they are," Addie says, dropping Ed's hand to crowd in closer towards him. She threads her arm between Edward's metal one, and holds on. Edward's stomach clenches with anxiety. She smells like cherry pie. Ed shuffles away slightly. Addie doesn't seem to notice, or she doesn't show it if she does. Ed isn't sure which is more unsettling.

Making their way over towards the group of people, the uncertainty of the situation beginning to take hold. Ed grows even more restless. Addie squeezes tighter into Edward's arms as they approach.

Alfons greets them, "You've finally made it," He slurs, sauntering up with a wide smile on his rosy cheeks. "I was s-sc-sceptical for a lil' bit. Thought, you's guys might've ditched out."

Edward knows his friend is little more than drunk already. Considering Addie and himself were an hour late. Alfons took it upon himself to becoming inebriated in the time it took them to arrive.

_'It's his birthday, let him go wild…'_ Edward thinks with a fleeting smile.

"You, my friend, are drunk." Ed clarifies with Alfons swaying somewhat towards them. Reaching out with both hands, Ed helps the drunken man to stand upright by holding his shoulders. Slowly he turns the blond around, "Lets get you back to the table," he chuckles, steering Alfons to the large round table in the corner.

"B-but Ed~die," Alfons crows sweetly, twisting into Ed's hold.

Edward's jaw hitches in agitation upon hearing that dreaded fucking abbreviation of his name.

_It's his birthday._  
It's his birthday.  
Mantras through Ed's mind. It's the only thing saving his dear, dear friend.

"...Y-you still needs drinks." Alfons drawls, with his tongue too large for his mouth, before stopping abruptly. "Hey, wheres my drin~nk gone?"

Addie snickers off towards Ed's right side. And Edward has to admit Heiderich is ridiculously comical when he is under the influence.

"Alright- Let's go big guy."

"No, w-wait…" Alfons whines pitifully, swaying to his own drunken current. "You needs alcohol. I need s-some too."

A small smile tugs on Ed's lips. "Nope. To the table with you." He huffs a laugh, looking towards Addie for help to get the drunk man back towards the table.

"...and I'll go get you and you?" he tilts his chin towards Addie, "-Something from the bar?"

"Gin and tonic, please," Addie answers over her shoulder as she helps Alfons towards the table by tucking herself up against his side with Heiderich's long arm across her narrow shoulders. Alfons acts like he just realized Addie is there.

With a shake of his head, Edward moves through the crowded club towards the bar. It's like swimming in a mass of bodies, everyone's rubbing elbows together.

By the time Ed actually makes it to the bar, he's already breaking into a sweat, and it's only the start of the fight. Edward now has to flag down the bartender, which was easier said than actually accomplished. Every patron was competing for the bar keep's eye. The bigger the spender, the higher chance of getting your order taken and mind you; a pretty face always up the ante.

With his order being filled, Edward turns his attention back towards the crowd of people filling the room. The pulsing sound of music flowing through the space is deafening. The dance floor is filled with writhing masses of bodies as if they moved together as one unity. It's mesmerizing to watch the natural flow of motion.

Moving his eyes away from the dancing, Ed scans the edges of the dance floor, where people stand off to the side lingering. Some waiting for a chance to catch someone's eyes, some moving off to the side to become more intimate with their partner.

Edward has never been one for public shows of affection. Something about revealing that part of himself to the world makes him feel uncomfortable. This also includes other people displays.

Off in the distance, Ed's eyes lock on to a tall man practically fucking a petite girl up against a wall. The only thing saving everyone from a full show was that they both still had clothing on.

The lighting from the dance floor left cutout silhouette of light cascading through the room. Everything was dimmed and back lit inside the club. Ed couldn't make out faces, only body shapes from this distance. He's sure the guy in the far corner seemed familiar. Watching for a moment longer, Ed is certain he knows this guy. He just can't place his face.

It's in the moment the taller brunette breaks away from the female, does the identity of said male clicks inside Edward mind.

"Reese..."

Edward is moving before he realizes what he's doing. On auto pilot he rips through the crowd with awkward shoves.

_'I'm going to fucking kill him!'_

Ed's metal hand wretches the man off the woman by the back of his head, while he flings him towards the floor. Reese cries out words Ed cannot hear with the poison swirling in his ears. His flesh fist collides with Reese's chiseled jaw with a satisfying crunch. The tall man falls back onto his ass, but the hold of Ed's fist in his hair prevents him from going far. With another draw of his fist, he brings it down directly in the center of Reese smug fucking face.

Blood erupts from the mans busted nose, "My nose!" The man exclaims, muffled through his hands cupping his face.

"Serves you right, you fucking dick."

Edward feels sick off the rage circling inside. He's breathing heavily and his chest hurts, and he can't believe this utter bullshit.

It's like a light turns on in Reese's head as to whom Edward is, "Look, I don't want any trouble," He says thickly, the blood from his broken nose trickles down into his mouth, painting his white teeth pink. Raising his hands up in a defensive matter Reese continues, "This isn't what this appears to be, Edward. I was only-"

Edward interrupts, taking a step forward as Reese cowards backwards, "Bullshit… I saw exactly what you were doing..."

Ed feels disgust wash over him. To think this person was intimate with Alphonse. That this greedy slim bag has touched Alphonse in a lover's grasp. Alphonse obviously doesn't know any of this is going on… That this monster could bring home a STD… that he could, in the long term be slowly killing Al…

Edward see's red and he attacks again.

By the time the police arrive Reese has a sprained wrist, his face is littered in bruises and cuts, and his nose is most definitely broken as well. They are both booked at the precinct and then placed in separate holding cells for the time being.

Hours inch by, and by the time Edward makes bail, the sun is cresting on the horizon.

It's Addie who greets him in the waiting room of the jail house. And it's guilt cultivating in Ed's stomach upon seeing her.

She looks tired, dark circles hang under her eyes. Her face is creased in dark red sleep-lines as if she been sleeping up awkwardly against a wall. She gives a subtle smile upon seeing Edward.

"I am so sorry, Addie."

She quiets him with her thin fingers raising in the air, "There's no need for apologizes," She says in her light accent, stepping forward to cup Ed's cheeks, "Are you alright?" She questions, letting her delicate thumb stroke over a bruise on his cheek, where Reese had gotten in a lucky shot.

"Yeah." Ed reply, touching her thin wrist with his metal hand. "Mostly just embarrassed."

His chest hurts, his everything hurts. But he couldn't tell her such. Instead he laces her fingers with his own and exits the police station with his head held high and promises of paying Addie back for bailing him out.

The air outside is sharp and clear with the morning breeze. The sky is riding the cusp of darkness, morphing into early light.

Sitting on the bottom steps of the police station is a lone blond figure wearing a blue hoodie staring off into the distance.

"Alphonse?"

The younger Elric turns upon hearing his name being spoke. His eyes the color of maple leafs in Autumn, his expression is hazy as they first take in Edward standing before him, and then they follow the line of Ed's metal hand towards Addie hand still tangled with the older Elric.

Pulling his fingers from Addie's, Edward shifts her to the side of him. Alphonse's face changes, his eyes taking on a darker color. He's trembling, the hurt evident on his face. It's blatant, the anger, the hurt in his stare, it makes Ed's eyes water.

_'There is such hatred in those lovely eyes. It's measureless.'_

"Al..." Ed croaks out feeling like the worlds worst brother.

It provokes Alphonse into action. In the matter of seconds Edward finds his back against the wall, with Al's freezing hands fisting his shirt. He could break away, he knew he could, he just couldn't make himself move.

He deserves this. Alphonse's blatant anger is all Ed's fault.

"Y-you bastard." Alphonse says weakly. Tears prickling in his voice. "I-I can't believe you..." he cries, bringing Edward forwards to merely slam him back into the wall.

"Why?!" he bellows towards Ed. "Reese has done nothing to you!" Al continues, shaking as each word falls from him mouth. "He was there when I needed… He was there when you weren't" Al adds, much quieter with a hitch in his voice.

Something inside Ed chest clenches, and his throat feels constricted, like he can't swallow or breathe. It's the truth Alphonse is speaking and it fucking hurt to hear it.

"I-I know." Edward whispers, lowering his chin in shame.

"What did you just say?"

"I said, I know! Alright?!"

Alphonse laughs, and it full of cyanide. "You know what, you're some piece of work… Do know that as well, Edward?"

Ed squeezes his eyes shut trying to chase the feeling away… He nods his head.

Al laughs again.

Edward knows he has to tell Alphonse the truth. Not only that his new boyfriend is cheating on him, but the fact they are no longer related. It's becoming harder to breathe by every second. The truth harder to speak by every minute.

"Did Reese tell you what happened?"

Edward didn't want to play the villain, to destroy Alphonse newly found happiness. Reese is the true monster behind this whole thing, and if it took him being the villain in this story to reveal the real anomaly than so be it…

Alphonse eyes narrows, his fist tightening in Edward black shirt. "He did… at the hospital, where he was being fitted for a splint. You attacked him unprovoked at his job. And thanks to you now, Reese has been fired."

"-Attacked unprovoked!" Ed exclaims, knocking his brother's hands from his shirt. "You think..." He pauses to collect himself. "You think I intentionally walked into his job to attack him? To get him fired maliciously?"

Alphonse looks bewildered towards Ed, as if this is the only answer to which makes sense. "Yes."

His chest hurts and he can't believe how much it hurts. Walking off a few paces he sighs, running his fingers through his hair before turning back around.

"He's cheating on you Alphonse." He says deftly, "I saw him with my own eyes."

There's a moment of silence after the words have been spoken. There's no taking them back now. Alphonse whole face melds into a burning red color. The empty air is filled with Al's tight breathing.

It's almost physical, the pain he feels for Alphonse as he watches his brother's heart shatter and break into a million pieces. Ed clutches his hands so tight, the metal fist groans under the pressure.

They both stare at each other, hazel eyes to gold.

Alphonse and Edward share many memories, most of them good; some even better. They also share many sad and hurtful times. The kind of memories to which hurt the worst to think about. Those are the memories Ed has been healing from, they don't hurt as much as they used to. They've gotten flimsier, worn through with age like rice paper from time. Not gone, not transparent, but thin enough to let in the light.

The pain of breaking things off with the one he loves the most, couldn't compare to seeing that person you love hurting because of something someone else did to them.

There is nothing Edward could do to make this pain for Alphonse go away… –and it fucking sucks.

The worse part; he'd been the one to bring the truth to the light.

The feeling of dread winds itself snugly around his heart, settling in his chest like weaving vines around a tree. He just wants to take Alphonse into his arms and tell him everything will be alright, but it's a lie, and it cannot be afforded.

"I-I don't believe you." He states in a small voice, a single tear escapes down his cheek. Angrily he bats it away with the back of his hand.

"Al...Listen..."

"No. I'm done listening. I'm done waiting. I'm..." He lets out a long, wet, sigh, "I'm just done."

"Alphonse. Please."

"Why-Why should I? After everything you've done. Why?"

"-Because, I…"

"No. You don't get to explain yourself anymore." Alphonse shouts, shoving Edward away from him.

Edward doesn't know what is happening, doesn't understand how this ordeal had spun so out of control but he's beginning to panic as he can't get any air into his lungs.

He is suffocating.

"Al, please. L-lets talk this through..." Ed could hear the wobble in his words. He's on the verge of begging.

Alphonse merely shakes his head no, turning his back towards Ed.

Desperation gnaws on Edward bones. _'How could he walk away, pretending all is well… That his boyfriend isn't cheating. That... That… What he shares with Reese is nothing compared to what I feel for Alphonse… I love… I feel…_

_'How could he pretend that...'_

"You can't pretend he's not cheating on you Alphonse." Ed bellows down the street, the sound of it bouncing off the building walls in the early morning light.

Alphonse stops. Then slowly he turns around as his jaw works like he's biting down on something.

Edward has never seen such vicious heat in his brother's eyes before. In quick even strides Alphonse surges back up into Edward face. Ed is fully intending to be some sort of physical retaliation; he's surprised when there is none.

Instead Al stops right in front of Ed with a look of pure hurt etched into his haunted expression.

"You stay away from me," Alphonse growls, looking over across Edward's shoulder to where Addie stands. "And I'll stay away from yours." Al voice quakes as he says it, his hazel eyes sliding back to Edward one last time as a warning before turning and walking away.

It's meant as a threat, but Edward knows Alphonse. The threat is idly at best. It still twists Ed's insides hearing Al speaking with such dark undertones.

"E-Edward." Addie questions in a meek voice, and the reality of the fact she'd witness everything hits Edward right in the chest.

He has a lot of explaining to do. At this very moment though, he couldn't even begin to explain. His throat is stuck together. His heart clutches in a tight fist. His stomach churns like the roaring sea.

He feels like if you wet a finger and traced the edges of the crystal goblet, the glass will make a sound; a haunting hollow sound.

He feels like the mournful sound watching his brother walk away.

Empty. Hollow. Haunted.

He is the epitome of the word, 's _hatter'_

**_To be continued..._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is awkward. Time really got away from me on this one. In my defense, I have been really ill. My doctor finally figured what was going on in my body, and I should be on the road to recover very soon! (here's hoping!) I listen to a lot of Nine In Nails during this process. Hurt. Something I'll Never Have. Only. And Les Friction; Torture. And, One Ok Rock; Take Off. Bedroom Warfare. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate every single one of you.

**Author's Note:**

> To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring ourselves.  
> -Federico Garcia Lorca


End file.
